Chapter 19
I woke up the next morning with a realization. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to stick up for myself instead of letting people, or guys in my case, walk all over me. I wiggled myself out of Ryan's grip without waking him and threw some clothes on. I ran over to my house and got in my car. I was going to get even. He was not going to do that to me and get away with me, no. I wasn't going to let it happen. Not this time.
I took a deep breath parking my car in the parking lot of the hotel. I got into the elevator to take it to the top floor. He's standing in front of me with an evil grin. I return the same one. I reach down and grab his balls and twist them in my hand.
"If you ever, ever, touch me again I will take a scalpel to your balls and cut them off so I suggest you leave me alone, got it?" I asked. He was screaming. I was smiling. "Yeah, yeah." He tried pushing away.
"Good, bye Oliver." I shot him a smile before turning around and leaving just like I had came. I felt better. Liberated.
Next stop, Seth Cohen's. I guess it was my determination that had me knocking loudly on Seth's bedroom door. He appeared in front of me with only his boxers on.
"Put a robe or shirt on or something." I turn my head away. Seeing him like that made me sick. I wasn't going to let all of that get to me anymore, though. No, I was going to end all of it right now. "Alright, what do you want?" He appeared again. "Sit." I walked past him and pointed to his bed.
"Uhm, okay." He looked a little confused but he sat down anyway. "You are going to give me an explanation. Right now. I don't want you telling me you don't know I want you to give me the full explanation as to why me? Why hit me and not Summer? Did you hate me that much? Did I do something wrong to make you angry?" I had been wanting to ask Seth this for months. He just sat there though. Not saying anything just rubbing the top of his head.
"No, silence is not an explanation. I'm not leaving until you tell me why!" I stomped my foot like a little child. "You were there. I could let my anger out on you…" He shrugged. No. That wasn't enough. I wanted more. "Keep going." I urged with my hand.
"To be honest, Taylor it wasn't something you did. It was all me. I was going through this dark time in my life. I mean with my mom and the drugs. Then my dad on my case about college and everything it just all got to me. You were an easy target I guess. I regret doing it, I really do but I can't take it back. I wish I could but I can't. I don't know how I got so lucky for Summer to be with me. I mean, after everything I did to you and you two are best friends now. I just…I thought she'd leave me the second she heard about what I did to you. I promised I'd never hit her though and I haven't and I won't. I know none of it was fair to you, Taylor. I don't know what else to tell you." He didn't look me in the eyes when he spoke. When he did look up at me I saw truth. I took a deep breath and nodded.
"I'm never going to forget what you did, Seth. All of the slaps and kicks. All of the times you forced me to have sex. Not to mention the time you made me have a miscarriage. None of that is going to ever go away from my mind. It sucks, you know? I can't fully be with someone that I could truly be happy with because of you…but I'm going to forgive you because I can't hold grudges. Don't think I'll ever trust you though. Ever." I said before walking towards his door. "I'm sorry for everything." I heard him say before I was fully out of his room. I felt better. I felt almost whole again.
Now all I had to do was talk to my mother. Oh, then I needed to talk to Ryan. I had a feeling through all of this the talk with my mother was going to be the worst of the four.
"Taylor, what are you doing here?" My mother had the deer in headlights look when I walked through the front door of my house. "I needed to talk to you, mother." I stood up straight until I noticed her 'friend' was sprawled out on the couch. Naked.
"Oh my God, Mother!" I screeched turning around and running out of the house. She followed me. "I told you I had a friend over, Taylor. Now what is it that you needed to talk to me about?" She walked outside with me pulling her robe tightly against her.
"Well. I wanted to tell you that…even through everything you've ever said or done to me you're still my mother and I still love you. You're the reason I've been so….needy towards people. But that stops now. I'm not listening to any more of what you have to say about how I dress, what I wear or anything else you can pick me apart with. Tell your friend your daughter said hi." I gave her a smile before turning around. "How dare you, Taylor." Was all she said and walked back into the house. I didn't expecting anything more from her.
Ryan. The only person who really matter or who really needed an explanation from me.
"Taylor, I was worried sick about you." I opened the door to Ryan's house to find him sitting on the couch. He had jumped up as soon as I turned the door knob.
"I had some things to do this morning." I smiled. "Oh…okay. Are you okay?" He asked approaching me. "Perfect but I think we should talk. Wait, where's the baby?" I asked him.
"Marissa came home early this morning." He shrugged. "Okay. Well come on let's sit." I smiled pulled him towards the couch. I sat on the opposite end of him. He was trying to pull me closer. "No, you're going to listen to me talk first." I pushed his hand away.
"Fine." He gave in. "Good. Now I need to tell you what happened last night and then where I was this morning. I'm sorry for how I was acting before I left. I was just upset that you would get all…like that. I thought you trusted me more than that. Then once I was at the party I realized it wasn't that you didn't trust me but that you didn't trust Oliver. Ryan, he came on to me. He hurt me. Summer was the one to get him off of me. I guess I just freaked out. I don't really even remember coming back here or getting into your bed. I don't even know how I had gotten your clothes on." I said almost all in one breath. I watched as he pondered what he wanted to say next.
"Okay, now on to where I was this morning. I went to talk to Oliver…" His eyes widened when I said this. "You what?" He sat up a little. "Calm down. I guess I more so grabbed his balls and twisted them in my hand than talked. I told him if he ever touched me again I would take a scalpel to them." I said laughing at myself a little. I'd never been so bold. It had felt good. "I knew why you were my girlfriend." He smiled leaning over and kissing me on the lips quickly.
"That's not all I did this morning. Then I went to visit Seth…" I said and then I told him about my whole talk with Seth and the talk with my mother that happened after that. "I'm sorry for how I acted last night. I really didn't mean to sound so…so jealous." He laughed pulling me onto his lap. I laid my head on his chest and cuddled the rest of my body into him.
"It's okay. You were right to not want me to go…" I said closing my eyes.
"I love you." He whispered. I tried to pretend I didn't hear him. I did though. I jumped up. "What did you say?" I panicked a little.
"I said…I…" He didn't know what to say. "Ryan…did you just say what I think you said?" I placed my hands on his chest. "Maybe?" He sounded unsure like he was about to take it back.
"Wow…" I just sat there staring at him. He looked a little confused at this as he shifted uneasily underneath me.
"Wow? Is that all you can say?" He asked a little coldly. He caught his tone instantly and apologized. "I'm sorry I just didn't really expect that." I said. That wasn't exactly the answer he wanted because he pushed me off of his lap.
"What are we doing here, Taylor? I mean if we aren't serious then why are we even going through all of this?" Oh, that's why he said he loved me. He wanted to be reassured he was doing the right thing in picking to be with me and not Marissa. I didn't know what to say so I just stood there biting my bottom lip. Before I knew it he had me pinned up against the wall. That was more than unexpected.
"I can't tell you why we're doing this because I'm really trying to figure it out myself but I can tell you that I love you too. I'm just scared. I trust you, I really do but everyone I have ever trusted in my life has failed me. Don't fail me, Ryan." I whispered after the very heated kiss we had just shared.
"I promise I won't, Taylor." He kissed my forehead gently.
"Okay. I really need some sleep though so I think I'm just going to go back to my house I'll see you tomorrow at school." I said pushing him off of me. "Sure? I mean your mom's friend might still be there." He laughed.
"Not funny! I'm sure he's gone by now or at least in my mother's room." I shrug kissing his lips once more before slipping out of his house.