Well, this was super easy to write. Weird. Anyway i'm bored out of my mind in this hotel room so you're getting an abundant amount of updates from me. Chances are you'll get a couple more and I might even try at those two fics I lost when my USB broke, we'll see! And writing this, even though all of this was my doing, i wanted to hurt Ryan. Strange.

Chapter 21

Something is going on. Ryan's nervous, I can just tell by the look on his face. He's sighing every five seconds and he's gotten really quiet, more so than usual. It's starting to freak me out a little. He just ran his hand through his hair five times repeatedly.

"What's going on?" I turn to him. He's sitting on the couch next to me. We're watching some odd movie that I haven't even been paying attention to. All I've been able to see is the uneasiness in my boyfriend.

"We need to talk." Oh God. I know he did not just say that. Those words mean the end of a relationship or only God knows what else that's bad.

"About?" My mouth went dry from being so nervous.

"You know, I care about you…a lot and well…" He wasn't looking me in the eye. He was avoiding all accounts of eye contact and that really scared me. "Taylor…we have to…I…God, I don't know how to say this to you…"

"Just spit it out already, Ryan." I snap a little scared at what he's about to say.

"I think we should see other people." He said it so quickly. I had barely been able to make out each word. He had turned back towards the TV now. I hated how I couldn't read his face.

"Wow." I was shocked. Just earlier things had been different now…he wanted to break up. Now…I'm alone. "Great, I just wasted the past three months on nothing! I've risked everything for you, Ryan!" I stand up insanely pissed off.

"I know, Taylor…but it's for the best." He's barely speaking loud enough for me to hear and that just makes all of this worse that he doesn't even sound sure about what he's saying. Instead of saying anything back grabbed my bag from the floor and started walking towards the front door. "Don't leave like this…"

"You're the one who just broke up with me so you have no right to tell me how I should leave this!" I'm about to cry. I can't cry. I have to look strong. I can't let him see that this is killing me inside.

"Taylor…" He's got his hand on my elbow pulling me back towards him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I growl snatching my arm back.

"I'm sorry." He offered. No, that wasn't going to make any of this better.

"Me too." I say before reaching the front door and opening it. "Bye."

I didn't look back at him. I couldn't.

I didn't break down until I was safely in my room with my door shut and locked. I was home alone so I don't know why I had to but I just did. I needed to make sure I was alone before the tears came. I don't even know his reasoning for all of this. All I know is it came all so quickly. I should have realized something when I had first gotten to his house after school. He hadn't kissed me back when I kissed him and his hands hadn't sat on my waist's like they usually did. His whole body had seemed tensed. I wasn't sure why I hadn't said anything then but I was trying to ignore all of those signs.

I haven't left my room since Friday and according to the screen on my cell phone it's Monday afternoon. Summer's been trying to call me but I keep pressing ignore when she calls. I've accumulated voicemails from her but I haven't read any. The only person I'll pick up for is Ryan but I haven't even gotten a single text message from him.

It's strange to sleep in my bed alone. Sure, I come home some nights but I haven't slept in a bed alone for three nights straight. Usually I'm curled up into Ryan's warm body feeling safe. But now I'm no longer feeling safe. I'm feeling alone.

Christmas is next Monday which means I'll be spending it alone. My mom won't be here and apparently now I no longer have Ryan to spend it with like we had both talked about doing. Well after he visited Kingsly of course. Great, just fucking great. Even his stupid ex-wife would get to see him on Christmas.

It's weird thinking that I'm no longer Ryan Atwood's girlfriend. God, I can only imagine how school is going to be when we start back in January. I have his class for a whole other semester and I'm currently regretting taking that 2nd part of his history class, that isn't even required but he had asked me to and I couldn't tell him no.

I'm suddenly missing sex. It's weird. Before Ryan I had dreaded having sex but now…with Ryan I crave it. Maybe I only crave it because when I have sex it's with Ryan maybe if I was with someone else I wouldn't crave it as much. I don't even want to think about having sex with someone else now.

My phone's ringing. It's Oliver. What in the hell does he want? I'm thought I made my point across with him but apparently not. I press ignore. No way am I answering his call when I've ignored Summer's. If only I could command my phone to make Ryan call me. I could send waves through the phone and maybe to his brain so he'd think 'maybe I should give Taylor a call.' Yeah right. Keep dreaming, Taylor.

It's over. How did this happen and why exactly did I spend the last three months with Ryan if he was just going to end up breaking it off? I know it wasn't so he could get into my pants. Ryan wasn't that kind of guy or at least I thought he wasn't. Now I don't know anymore.

This is going to be the worst Winter break of my life