I have lots and lots of time on my hands today since i'm home and i've locked myself in my room for the day so heres a new chapter of this!

Chapter 24

I feel crowded. It's nice that Ryan's trying to take care of me and make up for how he treated me but I just need to be alone. When I tell him this he says he's not leaving my side. It's kind of annoying but he means well.

Oliver's dead. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it. I know I don't feel guilty. The guy had been speeding after I had told him to stop numerous times. He had been driving crazy and paid no attention to the road in front of him. This wasn't my fault, and I knew that.

But the flashes of the car colliding with that truck would not stop. I tried all the night before to make them go away but nothing was happening. I just kept picturing that 18 wheeler coming for me. Then when I opened my eyes Ryan was watching me intently. I was starting to wonder why they hadn't asked who he was but when I asked him he said he told them he was my brother. I wonder if they read my charts and saw that I have no brother or if that is even on there. I don't know but maybe it would be best if he would just go. I keep telling him to go home but I'm thinking he's taking it as me feeling sorry for him having to be there here with me. I just want to be able to think without him being in the room.

I want to get out of this damn hospital bed but both the doctor and Ryan are saying I need to rest. I could punch one of them if they tell me I need my rest again. These casts are pretty heavy duty and I'm sure they could break a nose or two.

According to Ryan they still can't get a hold of my mother. I told him she wouldn't be home until after the new year. She doesn't bring a phone on her vacations because apparently no emergency is big enough to cut her time short.

I guess her daughter almost dying in a car wreck isn't a big enough emergency.

I've come close to death twice in not even a year. That's probably not a good thing but I seem to always just get caught up into everything bad.

Day two after I had woken up Summer stopped by. Ryan had finally left the room and I had told her that she needed to get him out of there before I went insane. I told her that if he stayed a second longer I would probably kill him. She only laughed at me and tried to tell me he was just worried about me. I knew all of that but that didn't mean he had to hover over me like I was going to break any fucking second.

On day three the doctor said I could leave the next day. I had asked him to please tell 'my brother' to go home and get some rest. Apparently Ryan listens to doctors but not my friends. I was finally able to get some alone time but then I found that it was kind of lonely being there by myself hearing the different things going on outside of the room. I wanted him back. I wanted him to be sitting next to me doing every little thing for me making sure I didn't lift a finger. It had been annoying but now I was missing it.

Day four I was sent home. The doctors said to take it easy so Ryan had decided to come stay with me at my house. I hadn't protested this time. I knew that if he didn't come I would want him there later and that'd probably confuse him even more.

"Did they have a funeral for him?" I asked Ryan as we both sat on my couch that night. My broken leg was laying behind him while my other one was on his lap.

"I suppose. Didn't really ask." He shrugged not taking his eyes off of the TV.

"Why not?" I folded my arms as well as I could across my chest. It was difficult since one of them was currently in a hot pink cast.

"Why would I? He almost killed you." He finally looked over at me. "I'm not going to feel sorry for him or his family." He sounded cold.

"Why'd you go along with it?" The question had been buzzing around my head for days. I just wanted to know why he had let Oliver blackmail him like that.

"I don't know. I got scared I guess. Don't think I don't love you enough to get caught…because I do love you enough but…if I got caught then it's possible I could go to jail and then it's possible I wouldn't see you again…" He pulled my well arm away from my chest and held my hand intertwining his fingers in mine.

"You know we only have a few more months to go until school's out." I smiled at him.

"I know. What will we do with all of that time we'll have?" He raised an eyebrow. I took my hand from his and slapped him playfully.

"I so did not mean it like that! I meant…in 5 months I'll no longer be your student so that means we don't have to hide this anymore." I say putting my hand back into his.

"True." He nodded but looked away from me.

"What?" I asked nervously. His whole posture had changed in that second.

"It's just…I'm afraid that once we no longer have to hide this…I'm afraid that you'll lose interest." He shrugs. I widen my eyes. That's what I should be afraid of, not him.

"I'm pretty sure that'd be the other way around." I squeeze his hand tightly.

"You're wrong." He looked up and smiled.

"Good, so we'll just both say neither of us will lose interest in the other." I giggle a little.

"Deal." He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips.

It had been two days into the New Year when Ryan told me school would be starting in only four more days. I groaned and rolled my eyes at him. I wasn't ready to go back. There would be so many things I would have explain to people. I was almost afraid that people would blame Oliver's death on me. The rumor mill would be spinning rapidly over the next week or so until people found something better to talk about. With school starting soon that meant my mom would be back. That meant Ryan would no longer be able to stay here with me and I'd probably rarely get to see him outside of school considering I wouldn't be driving with these casts for awhile or walking much for that matter.

"When's she getting back?" He asked me as he sat a bowl of pasta in front of me to eat. I scrunched my nose at it and then looked up at him.

"What is that?" I asked him.

"Food." He shrugged.

"Please tell me you didn't cook this…"

"I did, now eat it. It might look bad but I can promise that it doesn't taste bad." He told me like he would a child.

"I am no child, Ryan Atwood." I sit up as straight as I can in my chair.

"Oh really?" He leaned over and kissed my cheek. I took a bite of the food. It was surprisingly really really good. "See, told you." He said sitting down across from me at the table watching me eat.

"Shut up." I grinned taking another bite of the food.

"You never answered my question." He states.

"Four days." I say remembering that he had asked me when my mom was coming back.

"So, the day school starts?" He lifts an eyebrow.

"Exactly." I nod not wanting to talk but to eat. I felt like I hadn't eaten in days when really Ryan wouldn't stop until I had eaten all of whatever he put in front of me to eat.

"Good." Was all he said and stood up. I just shrugged at him and looked back down at my bowl. I was full but I knew if I said that then he wouldn't care. He would still make me eat all of it.

"Done?" He came to where I was sitting.

"You're not going to make me it all?" I grinned up at him.

"Not tonight." He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"Good because I am so full…" I rubbed my stomach giggling.

"I'm glad." I couldn't believe that only days before I had wanted him to leave me alone now I couldn't imagine taking care of myself without him. He was a savior through everything I had to do.

Like when I had to take baths. I couldn't stand up or get my casts wet so Ryan would have to help me there. Poor guy. Although I don't know if he was complaining or not since I was naked whenever this happened.

That night after he had helped me bathe and we were both lying in my bed, he started telling me about his life before Marissa. He hadn't talked about it much. He said that it had always been a sore spot for him. I was more than surprised that he had even trusted me enough to tell me. It made me happy to know some of the things he told me he had never told anyone not even Marissa before. I loved that he trusted me enough with all of this information.

Ryan's family was bad off. His mom was a drug addict/prostitute/alcoholic. His father was much the same minus the prostitute part and more the 'pimp.' Ryan saying that had made me laugh but I told him why quickly after saying that I wasn't laughing at his family but more of his choice of words. He then told me how his dad went to jail for raping and killing some girl. I looked up at Ryan when he said that and I wondered how such a terrible man could have such an amazing son. After that he told me about how close he was to Trey and how Trey had never let him down. He said that Trey had lived in Newport way before he did but it was a big reason as to why he moved here. I told him I'd have to thank Trey later.

Just talking with Ryan was enough. Just him being close to me and hearing his heartbeat against my ear when I laid my head on his chest.

I decided that I should tell him about my life with Veronica Townsend.

"She's an emotional terrorist. She didn't get this way until my dad had left. I was only 6 when it happened. He has a new family and according to the sporadic email's he sends he really happy. He refuses to visit me or let me visit him. He said our email relationship is enough. My mom loved him…he broke her heart and I guess she figured if he broke her heart then she has to break mine. It had upset me at first how she had treated me but…I stopped caring after awhile. It just doesn't matter anymore." I say to him.

"Sure it does…she shouldn't tell you things that aren't true." He pulled me tighter to his body.

"You mean when she tells me I'm ugly and fat and I'll never get anyone besides Seth Cohen, isn't true?" I smile wide.

"Not even close to being true." He leaned over and kissed me hard on the lips.

"That's what I thought." I giggle letting him shift his weight to be on top of me. "You know…we might be able to work around these casts…you know if you want to…" I don't know why I was feeling shy a that moment but I was. My face was probably a deep red, too. He chuckled at me. "So, you don't want to?" I quirked an eyebrow trying to stop being so shy.

"Oh I want to."