"Aaaauh!" Cartman cried out in pleasure, "Auuh, yes! Yes!"

He hopped off the sofa and spiked his game controller, and then proceeded with a victory dance. Butters watched sadly as Cartman sang, "I beat you, I beat you, ha-ha ha-ha ha ha! I am awesome, you are lame, ha-ha ha-ha ha HA!"

When he tired of his dance, he recollected his controller and plopped himself back on the sofa. "So..rematch?" he offered.

"Uh n-no, I don't think so Eric." Butters responded, "Y-you've beaten me, 117 times. My thumbs're tired, a-an' I don't think I can take much more of your, uh, v-victory dance there."

Cartman glared at Butters for a second, looking ready to bite his head off, but then placed his controller beside him, folded his hands and asked snidely, "Alright, what would you like to do then Butters?"

"W-we could play Hide n' Seek." Butters suggested.

Cartman stared at him with a mixture of boredom and annoyance.

"House?" Butters tried again.

Stare.

"Space Explorers?"

Stare.

"Well alright, I suppose, m-maybe you're too tired from all that winnin' to do anything really active.." Butters bumped his knuckles together and shifted his eyes. "W-well I, did have a bit of an, a-alterior motive when I, when I invited you over.."

"Oh?" Cartman asked suspiciously, "What?"

Butters cleared his throat nervously. "Y-y'see, I been wantin' to tell you somethin' f-for quite some time now, an' I think I finally, g-got up enough courage to tell ya."

"Fine, fine, so what is it already?" Cartman demanded.

Butters took a deep breath. "W-well," he started, "I-I know you probably don't wanna hear it, but you're a real-a real sweet boy inside, no matter how much you try to hide it by, b-bein' all abusive. I like your abusive side too though. I-in a way you remind me of my parents. Y-you make me feel safe; well, not for my wellbeing some a' the time, in fact you'll probably beat me up fer sayin' this, b-but u-unlike my parents, you got that warm sweetness, deep down inside a-an' I..well I love you for that. You can hate me for the r-rest a' my life, but I ain't ever gonna stop loving you, an' I'm really glad I-I told you." He gave Cartman a sad smile. "Y-you can go ahead an', hit me 'r whatever now."

Cartman, however, seemed to be recovering from another dizzy spell. He looked gently at Butters. "Wow." he said, "Butters. Is that really how you feel?"

"I-I mean every word." confirmed Butters shyly.

"Bu-but I..you..!" Cartman awed, "I treat you like dirt every day! How could you possibly…"

"Aw heck Eric," smiled Butters, "I know you only, do that stuff cuz yer scared of sh-showin' yer true face. But I can still see it, an' that's what I love. The real you. Heh, an' besides, yer real cute when yer scared, y-y'know that? Heh…"

Cartman looked touched. "Wow." he said again, "I mean really..wow. I'm speechless. I seriously have nothing to say."

"Oh, w-well-" Butters started.

"Not a thing." Cartman went on, "Absolutely nothing is entering my mind."

"Yes well-"

"Zippo. I can't belive how empty your confession has left my head. I'm seriously, it couldn't possibly be more empty-"

"A-alright Eric, we get the picture..!" Butters managed to cut in, "I mean 'I'. I get the picture. Uh, s-so, yer not gonna, beat me up?"

Cartman smiled at him. "No." he answered dreamily, "In fact, now that I know you like me, I don't think I'll ever have to beat you up again. Why, I feel like doing just the opposite." As he was saying this, he had been sliding slowly closer to Butters.

"O-oh yeah? And what's that?" Butters asked. He noticed Cartman coming up next to him. Maybe he wanted a hug.

Cartman gripped Butters' chin, turning his head to face his own. "You're so stupid Butters." he said from behind half-lidded eyes, and then his eyes closed as he brought their lips together, moving his arms to clutch Butters to him.

Butters felt his own eyes squeeze shut from a mixture of surprise, disbelief and elation. "Mm..!" he whimpered, the only way he had to express these feelings as he was lowered to the sofa cushions. One arm wrapped its way around Cartman's waist tightly, while the other moved up to clutch Cartman's hat. The hat came off when it was tugged, so Butters dropped it and buried his fingers in Cartman's hair instead, a pleasure he'd never known soaring through him.

…………………………………

Kyle and Kenny had wandered all over town, but couldn't seem to find anything that would lead them to the source of the gayness.

"Damn it, why can't we find anything?" groused Kyle as they walked through town square for what seemed the millionth time. "Usually something blindingly obvious shows up by now." He halted and glared around with his hands on his hips.

Ned and Jimbo pranced by in the background, which Kenny noticed. "(We could try asking people if they remember anything about turning gay.)" he suggested, jerking a thumb over his shoulder, "(We haven't tried that yet.)"

Kyle was busy glaring at the Book Depository, but suddenly his face lit up. "I know! We could try asking people if they remember anything about turning gay! We haven't tried that yet."

"(Dude, I just said that!)" scoffed Kenny, but Kyle had just noticed Stan coming out of a nearby café, yet again hand in hand with Gregory.

"Perfect." beamed Kyle, and he headed over.

"(Rrrrr!)" growled Kenny, but he followed anyway.

"Stan!" Kyle called, catching up, "Stan wait, I need to ask you something!"

Stan and Gregory turned around as they were approached. "What?" Stan asked.

"Do you know why you're with Gregory?"

Stan blinked. "Uhh, cuz, he's my boyfriend?"

"No, I mean, do you remember having any weird headaches, and do you know what might've caused them?" Kyle tried again, "All the gay people seem to be getting them before they turn gay. Kenny and I are trying to find out why."

Stan looked offended. "Dude," he said, "Gay people are gay because they're gay. Not because some weird headache tells them to be. Why can't you be supportive of Gregory and me? Besides, you sure seem to be leaning our way, running around with Kenny all afternoon. We saw you from the café."

"Stan," Kyle said irritably, "I wouldn't give a crap if you were gay. But I know you're not gay, and that something is making you be gay. I'm trying to help you! And for your information, the only reason I'm spending so much time with Kenny is because he's the only one of my friends that hasn't been brainwashed!"

Stan and Gregory both gasped.

"Well," Stan said indignantly, "If that's what you think, then I don't think I want to be your friend anymore! You and Kenny can go be homophobes by yourself!"

"Well argued Stanley." praised Gregory, "Now come, let us be to Stark's Pond before the dusk settles. Our kisses there will cure you of your negative energy." He nuzzled Stan's cheek.

"Haha! Oh, you.." giggled Stan affectionately, and they were off, Stan's head now resting on Gregory's shoulder.

Kyle sighed. "Great. Now my best friend hates me, and we didn't find out anything." he grumbled, "Whose stupid idea was it to go ask people questions?"

"(All you, buddy. Aaall you.)" Kenny told him, thinking that this had backfired quite nicely. Then suddenly he noticed something behind Kyle. He pointed and asked, "(Whoah, what the fuck is that?)"

Kyle turned to look, and his eyebrows jumped up in curiosity. There was a huge beam of sparkling yellow light sticking straight up from the distant forest. Even from where he stood Kyle could hear it hum mysteriously.

"Huh." he said, "Wonder how we missed that." Kenny shrugged, and the two of them wordlessly started for it.

…………………………………

Kyle and Kenny had walked deep, deep into the woods. The surrounding trees blocked their view of anything but the beam of light, the hum of which grew louder with each step they took. At last Kyle pulled one last branch out of the way, and he and Kenny walked into a clearing from which the light emanated.

"Whoah..!" the two of them gushed as they entered.

The beam of light surrounded a giant desk in the middle of the clearing, at which sat a giant tousle-haired young woman, about 15 feet high, in a dark blue long-sleeved shirt and gray pants. Her tousled hair was brown. She scribbled away at a mass of papers she had piled on and around the desk. Kyle and Kenny walked toward her. She heard them and turned around. As she stopped writing the light disappeared.

"Um, hi?" she waved, looking down at them.

"Hi." Kyle returned, "Uh, are you what's causing all the gayness in South Park?"

She blinked unsurely. "Yes.."

"Well can you stop it?" Kyle requested.

"Sorry. No way." she answered.

"Why not?" Kyle demanded, "You said you're the one causing it, so why can't you stop it?"

"Well I could," explained the woman, "but why would I want to? Your whole town is happier this way. I'm doing it a favor."

"Huh?" wondered Kyle. Kenny scratched his head.

"Allow me to clarify." the woman went on, "You see, I'm from another universe, and I happen to like looking in on this one quite often. You might say I'm a fan of it. And though I may not be the creator of it, I still have the power to manipulate what happens in it. That's where these things come in."

She indicated to the paper and pencils littering the desk.

"I heard the comment that little Cartman kid said, about everyone in South Park being gay? And I realized, 'Y'know what? He's right! Everyone in this town does have suppressed gaiety in them!' So I started writing. I overwrote the plans of the Original Creators of this realm. I sat here for 28 hours straight, writing so that I could bring out these suppressed feelings and make everyone happy! Not to mention all those little gay couples are sooo cute! I even kept it all in character, though I may have tweaked an initial reaction or two.."

Kyle looked aghast. "It's not in character..!" he argued, "People like my best friend aren't gay at all!"

"No, but that Gregory kid sure was, and I couldn't let him be unhappy.."

"Gregory left town ages ago!!" Kyle cried.

The Writer looked sympathetic. "Ohh, do you miss your little friend?" she crooned, "Do you want me to write him out of your mind?"

"No," retaliated Kyle, "I want you to undo whatever you've done to him, and all the rest of South Park."

"Well tough noogies." she huffed, "I'm not gonna do it. With the town's actions being controlled for them, no one will ever be unhappy again. Plus everyone'll be in love! Isn't that sweet? I can't take that away from them." She looked down at them. "Oh, and if you try and do anything to stop me, I'll do this." She picked up a pencil, scrawled a few lines on her paper then turned back and waited.

A second later, Kenny went "(Urk!)" and keeled forward, dead.

Kyle gasped. "Oh my God, you killed Kenny!" he shrieked in horror.