Broken angel Chapter 3, a twilight fanfic

A/N I don't own any of the characters in the story, they belong to SM, and the lyrics are property of Evanescence.

Chapter 3

BPOV

"Natasha, you just enjoy torturing me! Why did I ever agreed to this?" I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a white silk dress which was tightly around every curve of my body. My hair was in soft waves on my back and the make-up I was wearing- well, there was more make-up than I have ever wore in my life.

"It's a clip. The stylist decides what you wear and how you look. Come on, sweet, you are gorgeous."

"I agree."

"Daniel!" he hugged me and kissed me on the chick.

"Babes, you are stunning! " I laughed at his expression.

"Come on, let's get over with this! I can't wait for the break." They all laughed at my hesitation and after 3 hours of constant shooting all the scenes for the clip were taken. I was playing on my piano and there was snow all around me. I couldn't stop thinking of him. Every time I touched the keys I felt his skin, I heard his velvet voice whispering in my ear, I felt the tickle down in my back but I just couldn't stop torturing myself. He used to play for me, and I just listened to him and I was so happy to be next to him. But I was not good enough. I understood him- he deserved so much better. I was so ordinary, but ,god, how I loved him! Stop, Bella!!!! Just stop thinking….

"Bells, are you ok?' Steve was watching me and I sensed the worry in his voice.

"Don't worry, Steve, I'm ok. Just got carried away."

"Want to go out tonight? There is a new club in town and we just got some places in the boys can't wait to go there. Are you in?" He looked at me with such puppy eyes I just couldn't say no. I smiled at him and told:

"I'm in, of course! When are we going?"

"What about 10?" he looked at Daniel and Peter who just shrugged. It seemed ok with them so 10 was the time.

"Ok, will be there at 10."

"Oh, Bells. Where are you staying? I know what you'll say, but you can always be at my place."

"Don't worry. I need to do some shopping and maybe will find a room in some hotel. For some time." He looked at me questioningly.

"Some time? You mean more than one night?"

"Yeah, for some time.' And I left them staring while I hurried to my car.

My visit to the mall was quite short .I knew what I was looking for and as soon as I found it I left. The paparazzi were after me and there were some fans who wanted autographs so I just ran away to the first hotel I saw. I booked an apartment for indefinite time and as soon as I got in I felt the relief. I needed to find a home. Some place where I could return to and which would be shelter from all the pain and sorrow. But there was no such place on earth-my home was in his arms, and he didn't want me to be there. I broke and fell on my knees. The sobs were so strong I couldn't stop them. I just shook and lay there on the floor .He left me. He didn't love me anymore, if he ever loved me. I just didn't know what to do-the pain in my heart was overwhelming and suffocating- there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn't die- million times I have wished to just erase myself and be gone, but there was no such option. All I could do was to lie there and suffer. He left me…

I wanted to write, I just needed to write about all that I was feeling and all that was tormenting me, but I couldn't make myself move. I knew I had to get up and reach my notebook, but there was no strength left in me. Maybe if I laid there eventually I would forget everything. But that was hardly possible. He was carved in every tissue of my being and there was no such thing as forgetfulness. I could only dream about forgetting him-he was part of me. I just couldn't believe that he didn't love me that way. That he lied to me about his feelings, that all was a dream. Such love could not be a lie.

I didn't remember how I got up , I even didn't remember how I got to the notebook.

I can't run anymore
I fall before you
Here I am
I have nothing left
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am
Take me home
I'm through fighting it

Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up
You're my only strength.
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried to run)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love

I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
In all my bitterness,
I ignored
All that's real and true
All I need is you
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong
I can't lie anymore
I fall down before you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Constantly ignoring
The pain consuming me
But this time it's cut too deep
I'll never stray again

I poured all my emotions in the lyrics. I felt empty and alone. I hardly ever felt other way when the pain was muffled, and I knew that it wouldn't last long. I was so used to its constant presence that when it was gone I felt like something is missing.

I knew that I had to be at Steve's in 30 min so I got up and went to the shower. Then I put on my black lace corset, my pink mini skirt and pink pumps from Stella's last collection. I didn't put any make-up except for some lip gloss and headed to Steve's. There were paparazzi outside the hotel so I ran to the car and drove off. They were shouting something but I didn't pay any attention to their questions and statements. I just needed to run away.

Daniel , Steve and Peter were already waiting for me. When they saw me their mouths fell open.

"Bells, you know we have to kill somebody tonight. How do you suppose we can bring you home tonight without a fight? Please, put something on! These are hardly clothes!" The pain in Peter's voice made me giggle.

"Oh, Pits! Come on! I have clothes!" I hugged him but it looked like it wasn't enough.

"I think we better stay here. I know we are vampires but definitely someone will have problems tonight." Daniel looked grumpy but I just kissed him on the chick and told him playfully:

"I promise to behave. No any other men beside you and we leave as soon as you wish." They looked at me like they didn't believe me but finally agreed.

"And please, please no martini tonight. I still remember what you did to my favorite shirt." Steve was giggling but Peter seemed like he hadn't forgotten what happened to his shirt. I just shrugged and headed to the car.

There was quite a crowd in front of the club, and I was about to give up entering when the bouncer saw us and at once there were guards next to us who escorted all of us to the entrance. We went to our places and as soon as we were seated the waitress brought some liqueur to the table. I looked at Peter who was trying to sustain himself but the desire to have a sip was overwhelming him and I tried not to fall from my place when I started laughing. Steve was already on the floor and Daniel was giggling while Peter glared at him. He tried to compose himself but his attempt failed.

"Come on, Peter! We understand! But you know, telling me no martini is the same telling you no liqueur! " Steve was rolling on the floor and I hardly suppressed a giggle.

There were a lot of people from the music industry at that time in the club and we didn't stay for a minute alone. I could hardly take their hands off me and Peter, Daniel and Steve did their best to help me. If someone was observing me he would see a girl having fun, but deep inside I was screaming. The pain was there again and I just needed to forget. Daniel knew about my mood and passed me an X. I silently thanked him and went to the bathroom. There were some women in there but I didn't pay any attention to them. I just locked myself and tried to compose myself . I felt so shattered and lonely and broken. I heard all the gossips about me they were shearing-it seemed they have recognized me, so I could only run back to the club. Daniel looked at me and whispered:

"Wanna dance?"

"Thank you. You save my life."

We were on the dance floor and I felt the effect of the x. The pain was not so overwhelming now and I just let myself to the music. I was not thinking- I was only feeling- and I was relieved that the sorrow and the emptiness were missing. Daniel held me in his arms and I was grateful that he was there- he pushed away all the men trying to get to me. After some songs Peter came and told us that we were about to leave. I took his hand and the rest of the martini bottle and we were gone.

"Well, Bells. You behave tonight so… you get a reward." Steve whispered.

"And? What's the reward?" Daniel and Peter were curious as well .

'"Movie night at my place." We all stuck our fingers in our throats like we were going to throw up.

"Come on, Steve ! That's punishment ,not a reward! " We were all shouting at him, complaining, but he just smiled.

"NO way! Movie night!"

We looked at him and headed to the mansion like we were going to be beheaded.

Daniel whispered: "Wanna bet? He will make us watch Dracula."

"I bet on Blade Trinity" I said, and 2 seconds later Steve shouted ."What about Blade? Trinity?" I laughed at Daniel's disappointed face and stretched my arm to collect my money.

"I told you" I said giggling and Peter came to us. "Gambling again? Let me guess, Dan, you lost again."

Daniel glared at him and sat on the sofa. I sat next to him and Peter placed himself on the other sofa.

"So, when are leaving on the tour?" Steve asked. He sat next to Peter and looked at us questioningly.

"I think Natasha mentioned 12th. We have 2 days, so I think we can manage hunting and all other stuff we need to do. Is Marta coming, Steve?" I looked at him hopefully. Marta was his girlfriend and she was a model. I loved her like a sister and was really hoping to spend some more time with her.

"No, Bells. She has some photo shoot in Buenos Aires and will be there for two weeks." Marta was a human and she didn't know about us. I was trying to make Steve tell her and eventually change her, they loved each other so much. Just like me and… No, Bella! Don't think of him! But all the thoughts I was trying to push away flooded my mind. Edward… why couldn't you just love me?

"Bells… Bells? Are you ok?" Peter looked at me worried.

I tried to smile but it was too late. The pain washed over me and I started dry sobbing. Daniel hugged me and stroke my hair.

"It's ok, babes. We are here. " He just held me till I was tired of all the tears I couldn't cry. What happened to me? Today was probably the worst day for years- I haven't been so bad since that night when Steve found me. Daniel's hands were so cold and hard, just like HIS. But I knew that this was not his embrace, because he didn't love me. Because he left me all alone, took my heart and my life was supposed to go on like he had never existed.

The next day was in a haze, I hardly did anything or said anything and they were all very worried. Peter called Natasha to ask her if she could postpone the tour but she freaked out .I remembered telling them that I was ok and I could manage through the tour but I was not sure. I felt so catatonic , just everything was so insignificant and of no importance. I knew the time was passing only because I was counting the breaths I took, staring at a point in the wall. I knew it was night, because the room was suddenly dark and silent but I couldn't make myself move. I was slowly slipping from my consciousness and was drown by the insanity. I needed to do something to stay sane. The pain was all around me. I wanted to scream but I couldn't make a sound. Slowly I stood up and went to the music room. I needed to play, I needed the solace of the music to make it through the night.

It's true, we're all a little insane
But it's so clear now that I am unchained

Fear is only in our minds
Taking over all the time
Fear is only in our minds,
But it's taking over all the time

You poor, sweet, innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me -- don't deny,
Sweet sacrifice

One day, I'm gonna forget your name
And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain

Fear is only in our minds
Taking over all the time
Fear is only in our minds,
But its taking over all the time

You poor, sweet, innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
And oh, you love to hate me don't you, honey?
I'm your sacrifice...

[I dream in darkness
I sleep to die
Erase the silence
Erase my life
Our burning ashes
Blacken the day
A world of nothingness
Blow me away]

Do you wonder why you hate?
Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?

You poor, sweet, innocent thing
Dry your eyes and testify
You know you live to break me -- don't deny,
Sweet sacrifice

Peter, Daniel and Steve were watching me. I just stood there ,motionless , my hands on the keys and if I could cry, I would be drowning in my tears.

"He left me." was all I could manage to whisper before I broke down on the floor. All was in some kind of haze and the last thing I remember were his topaz eyes…