Reliving the Teens
Ch 11!
Welcome one and all to the second, or third, to last chapter of RT. (sob) ITS SO SAD! O.o. I'll stop now.
and stop throwing huggable Kenshin stuffed dolls at me! I know its been awhile! Its not my fault! ... sorta .
Anyway... please read the important author's note at the bottom of the page, it is very informative.
I hope you enjoy, don't forget to review as well!
Hiko waited until the otherss were preoccupied, mostly by fighting each other. He cast a quick glance around the dojo, then slipped out to find his stray baka deshi. He walked along a rough dirt path for a few minutes, into a small patch of woodland. After battling with low-hanging braches, he found the boy sitting under a tree at the edge of a small clearing, staring into space.
"Hey, baka! What do you think you're doing?" he called loudly, trying to get the kid's attention. However, he failed to make Kenshin even blink. The baka instead chose to keep staring off into the distance. Hiko frowned. "What's your problem, baka?" he asked, and crossed his arms to await a response.
The kid continued to ignore him, there was no doubt, however that he was aware of the man presence.
A few minutes later Hiko grew annoyed with being ignored, and took out a small dagger he had hidden in his pocket. After fingering it for several seconds, the man held it loosely by the tip and with a flick of the wrist threw it towards the teen.
He knew the deshi would dodge the weapon, but to his surprise, Kenshin waited until the last safe second to lean forward slightly. A breath later, the dagger had embedded itself into the tree trunk-less then an inch away from where Kenshin's head had been moments before.
"Why did you throw that at me?" the redhead questioned quietly, not turning to look at his shishou.
Hiko answered with a straight face, "Because you weren't paying attention to me."
In response, there was a barely visible smirk within the boys' bland expression, and a long pause wherein Hiko shifted uncomfortably and Kenshin resumed his cloud watching.
"Why did you come after me?" the teen finally asked quietly, turning to blink soft blue eyes at him.
"To talk to you." Hiko replied shortly.
"Why?"
The man 'humph'-ed loudly, "to understand your thoughts, as much as is possible, anyway."
Kenshin frowned, "why?"
"You ask me 'why'? Because! That's why-because!" The shishou answered, becoming quickly annoyed with the boy.
That boy frowned darkly and commented softly, "you didn't want to understand when I left."
Hiko didn't respond, although he was surprised at that comment. After all, that... unpleasant event had taken place over fifteen years ago. Although, to Kenshin, it had been a little less than a year, Hiko remembered, stealing a glance at the teen.
"I did understand. I just didn't want them to use you… like I knew they would."
This confused the redhead even more and he shook his head, "that day when I left, you said you didn't want me to come back."
The man groaned loudly, "I never said that, baka."
"Then you would have, you will, take me back? You would forgive everything I've done as, as an assassin?" Kenshin asked, leaning hopefully towards his shishou with wide eyes.
"No, I would not have forgiven, but I would have welcomed you, given you a fearsome scolding and, perhaps, helped you atone for all those murders." Hiko corrected nearly arguably, gazing sternly at him.
The hope in the boys' eyes faded slightly. "Oh," he replied, turning away from the man, and Hiko felt him withdraw slightly.
Seijuro frowned at him, "when you came back to me in this era, fifteen years after I last saw you, the damage that all of those years had done to you was visible-but, you had learned to live with it." He sighed; all of this sincere, emotional stuff was starting to get on his nerves.
"I see."
"The reason I didn't want you to leave was because I knew what they would do to you. I knew they would take that untamable, strong spirit of yours and use it to manipulate you. I didn't want to see that happen to you."
The pair lapsed into silence once more while Kenshin considered the words of the man he trusted the most.
Finally, the redhead smiled softly, turning to look at Hiko, "thank you Shishou, for believing in me. It's good to know that at least someone still does."
Hiko groaned at the boy, wondering just how dense he could be. "I'm not the only one baka. You have a lot of friends in this time, and your own."
Kenshin scoffed quietly, but, for once, made no biting reply.
The man frowned, "I'm sure this "Katsura-san" of yours cares about you, as well as "Okami-dono.""
"I suppose," the teen replied reluctantly.
"Baka, if you don't change that attitude of yours, I'll bash your head in with a katana, shinai or that sakabato of yours… your choice," Hiko threatened angrily, leaning in towards the boy.
That boy didn't respond for a few minutes, and the man nearly turned around to return to the dojo to carry out his threat. He was a few steps down the path when behind him he heard a hoarse sob that caused him to turn around and watch as the boy buried his head in his hands and began to cry silently.
Hiko slowly walked forward towards Kenshin until he was standing at the nearest tree to the teen, "Kenshin."
"I hate killing people!" The redhead blurted loudly, raising his arms to knead furiously with his knuckles at the side of his head. "I hate how they look at me; how they call me a 'demon,' thinking that I can't hear."
The teen's shishou watched the break down uncertainly, now knowing whether to comfort his adopted son or let him vent his anger.
"I didn't ask to be a hitokiri; I only wanted to help people." Kenshin paused reflectively, "to give them a possibility for a new life, like I had. Perhaps I'm dreaming, but that was my reason. That's why I've pushed my emotions aside to do my job-I want people's dreams to come alive, I want to see everyone in Japan living equally and freely with each other. And, if I have to risk myself, and my life for that cause, then there's no choice. I have to do it."
"That's quite a speech boy. But there's some points where you're wrong." Hiko stepped intimidating closer, "you're only a demon if you believe yourself to be. It's your choice if you want to be one."
The redhead shook his head, "I don't have a choice anymore, and all I can do is finish what I've started."
"Don't let your power and skills go to your head. Do your jobs as you have to, but don't lock yourself away so far that you won't be able to come back afterwards." Seijuro advised warningly, still trying to read the boys' ki. "Don't become what they think you are."
Kenshin looked slightly put out, "I don't want to, but every time I, I kill, I feel like I'm slipping further away from reality. Fighting, killing, isolation, it's become my life." He sighed, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "All I wanted was to protect people, that's why I joined the Ishin Shishi."
Hiko shook his head and snorted amusedly, "What is with you and protecting people? You don't care about your own well-being, only other people. Even that sakabato of yours is for protecting others," he paused slightly, "or so you say."
"My sakabato?"
The man shifted uncomfortably, should he be telling the boy so much about his future? Or will it give him another reason to continue? "Yes, a sword, the sakabato, which you traded your katana for."
"I see."
They lapsed into silence, Kenshin thinking about what else had changed-what else that he had not discovered yet. Meanwhile Hiko reflected on how, slowly but certainly, the young boy was returning to himself, to how he had been before becoming a sword and assassin for Katsura. Perhaps this would give the boy a better chance of leaving the war behind, with his soul intact.
Back in the dojo…
Kaoru set down at the makeshift table, setting down a tray of snacks she had made, to sit down on the ground next to Misao. It was only her, Aoshi, Misao and Yahiko left at the dojo; Sano had gone to visit Megumi and Hiko had most likely gone after Kenshin.
She sighed loudly, reaching out to take a mug of tea from the tray and grip it tightly in her hands.
"What's wrong Kaoru-san?" the female ninja questioned, wondering about her friend's thoughts. Aoshi glanced at her, and then back to Kaoru.
She shook her head, "I'm, I'm just worried about Kenshin. Very worried."
"You worry too much busu. It's Kenshin, he'll be fine." Yahiko scowled, scolding his instructor like only teenagers can.
"No Yahiko baka, he won't be alright. The idiot always hides his emotions from us and it drives me crazy! He says that he's perfectly all right when he's not! Like that time after the battle with Shishio, I was afraid he'd die then."
Under his breath Yahiko muttered, "Are you close to being done yet? I like the guy too, but seriously..."
But Kaoru wasn't listening.
"He's such an idiot sometimes! I know he cares for me, and yes, I feel the same way, but he's continually holding back just because he doesn't think he's worthy of me, and he's afraid of staining me!" She threw her hands in the air, fully exasperated, "I've told him over and over that I don't care about his past or that he was a hitokiri, but can't seem to get that through that thick skull of his!"
"You've told the rurouni this, but have you done the same with the hitokiri?" Aoshi questioned monotonously, sipping slowly at his tea.
The others turned to stare at him. At least he has stopped Kaoru's ranting about Kenshin.
Shinomori blinked at them, and then set his tea down on the ground. "Himura the rurouni knows we care about him, but the hitokiri doesn't." He gazed stoically at the instructor, and said sternly, "Consider this Kamiya-san, at the moment in his mind, in his own time, Himura is a fourteen year old soldier. At one time, he had naïve innocence, a strong spirit and a sense of justice-but that was turned against him. The Ishin Shishi used those aspects of his personality to form him into a hitokiri, a person who slays others for "justice.""
"This must be the only time I've heard you talk so much," Yahiko muttered into his hand, slouching down in his seat.
Aoshi seemingly ignored him, "Now he's a fourteen, nearly fifteen, year old assassin who has no friends and has people talk about him behind his back. The one person who he looked up to and thought of as family, has, to him, disowned him and never wants to see him again."
Kaoru looked very depressed and upset as she listened to what Aoshi was saying.
"He doesn't realize how much you care about him Kamiya-san, Himura isn't used to it, he doesn't know how to react to it."
With a gasp the woman rose to her feet, dropping her cup to the ground with a crash, then whispered, "Oh, Kenshin," before running out of the yard and down the road.
She soon found Hiko towering over his young deshi, who was sitting daydreaming under a tree in the forrest.
They both looked up when her footsteps stopped on the dirt path, but then soon glanced away again, ignoring her.
"Kenshin, I need to talk to you." Kaoru blurted loudly, skirting around the large man to kneel in front of the redhead.
He continued to look past her, staring out at the trees opposite of him.
"Listen to her, baka," demanded Hiko, thinking that the girl could knock more sense into the boys head then he ever could.
The woman nodded her thanks to Kenshin's foster father, locking eyes with him for several seconds. In that small amount of time she read, and was able to see, how much he really cared for the teen, and how far he was willing to go to bring him back.
Then she turned again towards Kenshin, and it was lost.
Kaoru sighed, "Kenshin, please listen to me. I need you to listen, alright?" She nervously pulled on the bottom of her gi. "I know I should have told you this a long time ago, but I didn't think of it." The woman smiled gently at him, "I care about you Kenshin, and I care very much."
But the redhead shook his head, "no, you don't. You care about your Kenshin, the older me who lives in this time." He replied stubbornly, not wanting to believe that anyone cared.
"That's not true. I care about both of you; you're the same person to me." Kaoru reassured the teen, smiling gently at him. "Your past doesn't matter to me, not about being a hitokiri or anything like that. You are who you are; nothing and no one can change that."
Himura didn't have a response to those words; he couldn't believe or understand that anyone would think of him that way.
"Listen to her, baka," Hiko barked at his deshi-repeating himself from earlier. Knock more sense, indeed.
"I've killed people Kaoru. Hundreds, possibly thousands in a little more then a year. No one else will approach me, why are you so special?" Kenshin commented softly, resting his chin on the top of his knees.
The woman sighed, "Because even though I don't know everything that's happened to you-and I do want to- I still understand how it helped you become the person you are today. I know you regret your actions during the war and you feel you need to atone for them, but that's not your fault."
Even though she was kneeling in front of him, and gazing right into his face, the redhead refused to meet her clear, bright sapphire eyes.
"No, no." Kenshin whispered to himself, softly shaking his head. The shadowed blue eyes were somewhat glazed, as if the scene before his eyes wasn't the forest, but instead something he was remembering from his days of being a hitokiri.
Kaoru slowly reached forward, leaning in, to gently grip the teens shoulder. That sudden contact caused him to start and then stiffen under her hand. His head rose slowly rose to look back at her, the unusually pale face paler then normal, and blue eyes dull and wary.
"Kenshin, please. There's no reason for you to worry over what you did as Battousai. None of your friends care, we like you the way you are." She paused to observe that the teen seemed ready to withdraw at a wrong word or comment. "We love both the rurouni and hitokiri."
Himura sharply hissed, drawing air in between his clenched teeth. "Don't tell me those lies," he snapped at the kendo instructor, shrugging off her hand. "You don't care, none of you. I don't know why the rurouni, as you call him, believes that stupid act. Listen to you; you're just being naïve, as I once was. Well, here's the truth Kaoru, the world's a harsh place. People are being taken advantage of every day-especially the poor. I joined the war to help those people, to end their suffering. I know what it feels like because my family was poor as well, we were poor farmers in a small village in the middle of nowhere! No one should have to suffer like that anymore. It's all wrong!" The teen was nearly yelling now, his eyes flashing dangerously and narrowed angrily. He had leaned forward menacingly and heatedly during his rant, and was now sitting a few inches away from Kaoru.
That woman was currently staring surprised at him. She had never heard Kenshin speak so passionately before, whether he was their beloved rurouni, or the dangerous battousai. Kaoru had known that he had become a wanderer to atone for his sins while he was the amber-eyed hitokiri, but she realized now that she hadn't known the real reason for that change.
"You're talking like it's my past we're discussing. Well it might be that to you, but to me this is my future. It's what I might become, who I may become in a decade or so. But it's not for sure, it depends on things I have no control over-events that will come later on down the road. There's no absolute law that I'll stop being a hitokiri and become a rurouni, its part of the "what if." What if, I get killed during an assassination mission, or what if after the war someone wanting revenge threatens and kills me?" Kenshin practically shouted at her, his voice becoming more cold and hostile.
These declarations were too much for Kaoru to hear; she sat back on her heels, then raised her hand and slapped the teen hard across his left cheek.
There followed a long pause full of silence.
Kenshin sat with his back resting against the tree, staring at Kaoru with a hand gently cupping the injured cheek. His usual distant blue eyes were full of surprise, a rare occurrence, and he looked as if one might when the world was ending.
For his part, Hiko stood near the couple just a few feet away. He definitely had not expected the girl to slap his apprentice. The passionate outburst had both surprised and annoyed him (the boy had talked about his ideals so often that Hiko could practically recite them by heart), but even when the boy had gotten on his nerves during their training sessions so many years ago, he had never slapped the boy. Sent him to bed without dinner or made him do extras chores or practices, yes. But, never ever had he, or would he, slap the child.
Kaoru had lowered her hand so it hung by her side, looking utterly horrified by what she had just done. "Kenshin, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to. I'm really, really sorry."
The boy didn't reply, he continued to stare at her blankly.
Hiko studied his deshi worriedly. His ki held the surprise that was visible on his face, but it also contained a lonely and hurtful pang that worried him. What if the shock and feeling of being slapped and physically hurtwould cause the boy to return to that limited time he had spent with those slave traders, when he had been a small child who had found himself ripped away from the parents who had died so quickly, all within a month? He had remembered the fragile boy he had taken in as an apprentice. The boy with wide, blue eyes who had always wanted to know the "why" behind everything. Who had, in the first year they had lived together, stiffened at any physical contact, had barely spoken a word and had always acted skittish around the larger and older man-afraid he would do something wrong and be punished for it. Hiko remembered how long the process had taken to coax the child out of his shell. For the boy's own sake he didn't want it to happen again.
"K-Kaoru," the redhead whispered softly, stuttering over her name and sounding as if he were trying not to cry.
When the woman finally gathered the courage to raise her head and look him in the eyes, what she saw nearly broke her heart.
The mask that the teen had worked so carefully to maintain was down, and behind it was the gaze of a person who had seen too much in their short life, who had been manipulated and broken by some one who hadn't cared what happened. It was the gaze of a person who had been silently crying out for help, but no one had heard, or tried to hear. Of someone who had given up hope for themselves long ago and was now willing to be content with what happened to them. Of a teenager who had had so many horrible and painful things happen to him, he had forgotten what it meant to be happy, content or even loved. The gaze of a boy who had been forced to grow up too fast, with no chance at a childhood. A kid who had tried so long to keep up a front, to be someone he wasn't, that because of it, he was being smothered by darkness, and pain, and grief, and falling into depression and a deep hole that he couldn't possibly climb out of by himself-but no one else was willing to help him.
Kaoru saw all of this in his gaze-and it broke her heart.
"Oh, Kenshin," she whispered, then slowly leaned forward and pulled the boy into a gentle, caring embrace. The girl raised her arm to gently place a supportive hand behind his head, and held him, letting the teen believe, or gain, what he did.
They sat there in the small clearing, underneath a tall tree, the woman holding the boy as if there were nothing else in the world except for them.
Time passed, neither of them knew how much, but they were willing to stay there with each other for as long as it was needed.
Suddenly Kaoru began humming a lullaby she distantly remembered her mother singing to her when she was little. She didn't remember the words, and had a hard time carrying a tune, but she hummed it anyway.
And it seemed to help.
The redhead slowly relaxed into her embrace and gently leaned against her, his head resting on her shoulder. Then he closed his eyes and let himself be overwhelmed by her scent, and song.
When Kaoru couldn't remember any more of the song, she carefully pressed the boy tighter against her body and began whispering softly to him.
"I am so glad I was able to meet you Kenshin, you're such a wonderful person. You're kind, you're gentle, you're polite, and you care about everyone and everything. You're a very unique person Kenshin, and I love you for that-we all do. You've had more then your share of hard times in your life, but you overcame them, and you're a better person because of that. I am so lucky to have met you, I don't know how I could, or did ever, live my life without you. You've been such a wonderful influence on us all, and we're all grateful for it. Thank you Kenshin, for being a large, and important, part of our lives."
During her speech, she heard the boy sniffle and sob a few times, but she went on because she wanted the lonely teen to hear what she had to say, and how thankful she was for him. By the time she was done talking, the girl could feel a damp patch on her gi where the redheads face was pressed against her skin.
She let him cry freely, holding him close and not caring about the state of her clothes. She let him cry for all the bad things that had happened to him, for what he was doing, and just to cry, because when he was finished and no more tears would come, she knew he would feel better
When he clutched at the material of her gi and hiccupped loudly, Kaoru squeezed him and pressed his head against her shoulder. "It's alright Kenshin, it okay. You'll be alright now."
Slowly he quieted until they were sitting silently holding each other again.
"K-Kaoru?" asked a soft voice, muffled by her shirt. He sounded better now, not as troubled as before.
"Yes Kenshin?"
He shifted slightly against her, his face still hidden in her shoulder, "thank you."
Kaoru smiled, "no Kenshin, thank you." She wrapped her arms tighter around his thin body and began rocking him gently back and forth.
Suddenly he gasped and she felt him tense against her. "What's wrong Kenshin?" She asked worriedly, and then tried to push him away slightly so she could see his face.
But he desperately and stubbornly held onto her, clutching at her shirt, "I, I can't hold on. There, there's something-. I can't stay awake. I think-"
Then he slumped into her arms, as if the life had gone out of him, and fell against her.
"Kenshin? Kenshin!" The girl called his name panicking, pulling him away from her.
The thin body tilted forward, his head resting on his chest and the pale eyelids hiding the blue eyes from the world.
She continued to call his name, but it was in vain, he didn't answer.
Hiko quietly walked forward and gently took his deshi from Kaoru's trembling hands. "It's alright Kamiya, he's just unconscious."
"W-what happened?" She asked frightened, sapphire blue eyes wide with shock and worry, her hands slick with cold sweat.
A small smile flirted at the edge of the large mans mouth, "he was forgiven, and because of that he was able to forgive himself."
(miji-chan sniffles and blows nose) Its so... touching! . Poor, poor Ken-chan!
I hope all of you liked it! I enjoyed writing it, the last bit was written within the space of two hours when I was having a creativity rush. I like those, much better then stupid writers block. u
I HATE MINNESOTA and Minnesotan SCHOOLS! It was 16 BELOW ZERO on Monday, with a windchill of below 30, but did they cancel school? NO! They decided it was better for us students to freeze to death! And for all of you smirking at me because your in a warm place... blah.
Important Note: For some stupid reason, all seniors at my school have to write a term paper. They're due before spring break, which is mis mid-March. So here's an advance warning: There is little to no chance of me being able to update between now and middle of march. I am very sorry, but I would like to graduate, which means writting this stupid paper. There might be one update, but it'll be small. In other words: don't get your hopes up.
Okay, now onto more inspiring notes:
THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!
MoonFlower '93, starfruit-22. demonz8000, Sweeteen19 and TeZukAb0ch0u
For those who didn't or haven't yet... please? It'll make getting through the school year much more bareable (no I'm not begging, much)
If anyone's looking for a good fanfic to read, there's plently in my favorites in my profile. Also, I would highly recommend "Out of Time" by Siriusfan13 which was the inspiration for this fic, or "All I want is You" Both are exceptional!
ja ne,
mijichan