All I want to say about this one is that I would personally like to damn Autumn for making the past 18 hrs. so totally frustrating for me. If I didn't have a heart, I would make you write about cats. Yes, CATS. (The animal, not the musical.) I suppose it would be time for a disclaimer, yes? Okay, here goes. I don't own FMA, any of its characters, or original storylines. Duh.

"Pants"

Every workplace has its own little pastimes that make the work not seem so menial, so totally pointless that everyone dreads the time in which the workday starts and prays for the time in which it will end.

Amestris's Eastern military HQ was no different.

From time to time, the staff and officers would take a poll that had certain…benefits to those who managed to answer the poll correctly.

All right, so they all had a poll started about things that people assumed were true, or they just wondered about slightly. Of course, most of these things were hardly provable, or if they were, no one ever said anything, for the things they all bet on were things that should never be found in a place concerned with national security.

Like whether or not a certain blonde alchemist was just a little bit…well…

"I am telling you, he is as gay as they come. I mean, just look at his pants!" a very frustrated Heymans Breda said, pointing in the small male's general direction.

"Now now, there is no way to know that for sure. I mean, you can't tell everything about a person just by looking at their pants," Maes Hughes assured the small group of people now examining the leg garments of Edward Elric, who was thankfully oblivious to all of the scrutiny.

"I agree," Riza Hawkeye said firmly. "That kind of assumption is ridiculous."

"Yeah," Jean Havoc said, cigarette bobbing in his mouth as he spoke. "Just because they're so ridiculously tight that no normal human being would ever want to wear them…that doesn't mean anything."

Hawkeye shook her head as Breda and Havoc began to argue back and forth about the messages clothes did (or in Havoc's point-of-view, didn't) make.

Little did any of them know that Hughes's firm denial of Breda's guess was in part because of the fact that he knew it to be all-too accurate. For nearly two months, he had been sitting on a well-kept secret, one his best friend and fellow officer Roy Mustang had begged him to keep without having to say a word. Maes just knew him that well.

As head of investigations, he was good at unlocking secrets, but that didn't mean he didn't know how to keep them. For Roy, he would keep secret the fact that he was not only a fraternizer, but also dealing with someone who was almost half his age.

It would have been a scandal to rock all other scandals all the way to Xing and back. But he wasn't just keeping quiet because it would ruin his oldest friend's career, it would also take away the one thing that was for the moment keeping him happier than Maes had seen him in years. It seemed alchemy wasn't the only thing the boy was good at.

Hughes kept a wary eye on the familiar red jacket as the owner stood, gathered his books, and left the small cafeteria. He knew exactly where Ed was going. His job was to keep everyone else preoccupied while Roy and Ed had a little…private meeting.

Hughes sighed. The things he did for his friend… He never wondered if he was being taken advantage of, for there were also many things that Roy had done for him, but still, this was asking for a bit much. He remembered swearing an oath of loyalty, but he had no idea how this was supposed to get Roy to the top.

Well, not to the top of the ranks, anyway. He was sure Roy was on top somewhere…

After a harsh mental slap and self-chiding over even contemplating something as obscene as the goings-on in his friend's love life (odd as it was), he directed his attention to the still-bantering Breda and Havoc, who had noticed the sudden departure of the object of their scrutiny.

Before Hughes could stop them, however, they were both on the young Elric's tail, discretely following him down the corridors and straight to Mustang's office. There was a long period of silence in which nothing could be heard until a sudden muffled yell came from the other side of the office doors.

Havoc smirked in triumph. "See? No one who is anything but straight could argue with the colonel like that. If he had been gay, well…he just couldn't argue with him! He'd probably be jello, or something like that."

"You mean like all of the girls you can't seem to get?" Breda teased light-heartedly.

Havoc's bitter retort was cut off by something that sounded like anything but an angry exclamation. It was loud, but definitely not angry. Both of the men paled considerably as they began to do the math. Everything was adding up, but it wasn't anything they had expected.

Hughes hung behind, watching the entire scene play itself out. He slapped his hand over his forehead as he watched the expressions on the other men's faces.

Oh man, how is Roy going to get himself out of this one? he wondered.

Suddenly, the doors opened and a very disgruntled-yet-oddly-pleased Edward stepped out, looking around before walking in the direction opposite where the other men were hiding.

Hughes let out a sigh of relief. There was one less confrontation he'd have to deal with for the moment. He didn't even want to know how the two would react to all they had heard. He tried hard to think of a good explanation as he approached them, but his mind was going blank.

To his surprise, however, when he reached them, the looks of shock had dissipated, leaving a very defeated-looking Havoc and a victorious Breda. As Breda opened his mouth to speak, the other men expected something along the lines of an "I told you so," but instead, all they got was this…

"Oh yeah. He's gay."