A/N: Autumn and I were talking just recently about an FMA game she likes to play…"Bluebird's Illusion" and then we got to talking about how cute Ed looks in a uniform, which then led to the question…why doesn't Ed wear a uniform? We came up with a few theories, and then, being the total…well, the way we just are, we came up with a few innuendos, and thus, this mess was born. I hope you like it. We sure got a good kick out of it.

Disclaimer: Two words: Not. Mine. See also: I. Wish.

It was an odd thing that no one ever questioned…why Edward Elric never wore a standard military uniform. He was, after all, a major in the Amestris military. He did serve the State. Why not wear the uniform?

What no one knew--no one except for Al, of course--was that not wearing the stiff blue uniform of a military dog was his way of rebelling against the system he desperately wished he wasn't a part of. There were bills that needed to be paid, however, and Ed's debt wasn't just financial, either. There was a certain part of him that wouldn't rest until Ed had repaid his debt to his own moral satisfaction.

Another thing no one else knew was of other ways Ed…"stuck it to the man." He had other methods of rebelling against that which he just couldn't stand about the state military. He would undermine just about every rule he could possibly get his little metal hand on, one of which was a big "no-no" as far as just about anyone was concerned.

But as for all Ed cared, the "don't ask, don't tell" policy worked in his favor.

The object of this quite-offensive rebellion was none other than his commanding officer, Colonel Roy Mustang. It was a perfect match. Not only would no one ever suspect those two of fraternization, the idea that Roy would be anything remotely close to gay was well…laughable, to say the least.

It was also Ed's funny little way of occasionally one-upping Roy while his guard was down. He'd always hated being "beneath" Roy, and now it was Roy's turn to be "beneath" him, although in a totally different sense. Of course, Roy wasn't too fond of that, but by the time he was aware of what had happened, Ed was already out like a light.

Still, that was Ed's favorite method of rebelling lately, and needless to say, he loved rebelling whenever he got the chance.

Oh yes, Ed really did love sticking it to that man.