A/N thank you guys for all the reviews...they mean a lot to me....sorry i didn't update sooner but as you know it is new year's eve and i am selebrating here.. :) hope there will be no disappointed people with the chapter but that's the way i feel the story should be going to, so sorry if you don't like it.. :) i do my best....but i just feel like it should be like this :) don't be very mad at me :) i love you all and i write it for you :) and Happy New Year!!!!!!! have a great tame celebrating this particular holiday!!!! kisses
BPOV
"We are happy to present the band that shook the music world-Flyleaf. Nice to see you guys here after the devastating tour you had last month. How do you feel?" the woman who was our host in the studio was extremely nervous and I smiled to her before I answer her questions:
"Well, we are happy to be here as well. We are still a little torn out ,but very pleased with the tour. The fans everywhere were very supportive and we would like to thank them for all their love."
"So, there are rumors about a new album. Is that true?" Steve looked at me before he answered the question:
"In fact the album is already completed. We were very eager to finish it and finally it is what we wanted it to be." The reporter was very surprised but satisfied that this new was mentioned in her show.
"So, the album is ready? Will you tell us something more about it?" I took the word:
"Yes. The name of the album is "Eternity" but we are not sure when it will be released. There won't be a tour unfortunately. In fact there is something we need to announce. This album is our goodbye to the music. It will be our last album and we will be happy if our fans like it because it means a lot to us." The studio went silent. I looked at the boys, they were moving uncomfortably in their seats. The woman, whose name was Shania was gazing at us with open mouth. It took her a minute to compose herself and ask her next question:
"Wow, that was a news. Why have you decided to end your careers? You are on top of the charts and one of the most famous bands? And why do you end it with an album?"
"The decision was made after the tour last month. We need the solitude which we could not experience with this kind of life we are leading now. We made "eternity" as contribute to all the tough moments we had, together and as individuals, especially mine. It is our way to cope with them. We probably would continue making music, but for us- we wouldn't release anything after this album"
"Bella, you postponed the concert in Washington. What was the reason for the delay?" the reporter was nervous when she asked the question, but I expected it.
"I had personal reasons which I will not mention here and now. It was something connected to my personal life, and I apologize to all the people who suffered from my decision." The double meaning of my words held acceptation only to me in this room. But I knew that if the Cullens were watching this they would understand that I was apologizing to them. I hoped that they would, because the guilt I was drowning in was getting too difficult to handle.
"So, will you play us something of this new album?"
Peter interrupted her:
"In fact we were supposed to play several songs from our last album, but we changed our mind and we are going to play several from the new unreleased one." We stood up and I announced the first one:
"The first song is called "have we lost" and is about the way we have changed and the people we have become."
Please, don't tell me anymore,
There's a weight in your eyes, and it weighs on my heart,
Where have the children gone?
We were innocent once...that was so long ago,
Have we lost our way back home?
We have made mistakes I know, I know,
As I sang these lines I felt how lost I was in real. I didn't have a home to return to , I have lost everything I wished to have. The emotions were suffocating me and my voice was trembling with pain. My fingers stiffened on the guitar but I tried to compose myself and go on.
Don't tell me of better days,
There's a memory I have, it could be something I read,
Of laughter and cheap guitars,
In a house full of friends, it could have been one of ours,
They stayed up late and loved the stars,
I can't remember the rest, just a few parts,
Have we lost our way back home?
We have made mistakes, I know, I know,
I think they've lost something that they miss,
I want to find that book, dust it of, and read it again,
There was hope in the end,
Have we lost our way back home?
We have made mistakes, I know,
We were braver, still, when we were young,
And, when we were young we spoke in tongues.
The last notes echoed in the silence, and I took a deep breath. I was overwhelmed with the sorrow, I never imagined it would be so difficult to sing these words in front of an audience. Like I was admitting out loud how homeless I felt and how much I had lost. But I needed to go on and finish what I had started.
"The next song is called "so I thought". It is about the mistakes we make, and about the hope to be given a second chance. It is about the real love and the denial."
All your twisted thoughts free flow
To everlasting memories
Show soul
Kiss the stars with me
And dread the wait for
Stupid calls returning to us to life
We say to those who are in love
It can't be true 'cause we're too young
I know that's true because so long I was
So in love with you
So I thought
A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume myself in this
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods you learn too much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies about the times
A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it
Chorus romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Chorus romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it
I played the solo trying to focus on the guitar and the notes but he was so deep in me that I couldn't erase him from my mind. I wrote this song when I realized that I was not ready to face him. I wanted, but I couldn't talk about what happened between us, it was still too vivid inside of me, even though there were so many years since that moment.
Chorus romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last between
Chorus romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last time
And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
"The next song is dedicated to someone very special to me- my best friend- Alice Cullen, who was like a sister to me" Steve looked at me surprised- he didn't know I wrote this song for Alice. I just nodded as a silent answer to his unsaid question. Yeah, Steve. The same Alice Cullen.
Thank you for being
such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you
how much you mean to me
Oh you mean so much to me
I'm thinking all the time
how to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing on eternity
I am floating in serenity
And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed
Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever
Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
Close your eyes, but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
A thousand broken hearts
Carried by a thousand broken wings
A thousand broken wings
I remembered all the times I had spent with her- all the moments we shared, and if I could cry , I would be doing so right now. I wanted them back in my life-no, I needed them like I needed my music, like I needed the light to stay sane, like I needed to forget the pain. But I had to beat my inner demon who kept telling me that I would be more broken than I was if I decided to return to them. This inner fight was taking all my strength , but I had to decide. Would I survive if I faced him or was it too much for me? I looked around me, the boys were already sitting on the coach again, and Shania was waiting me to join them.
I sat next to them and waited for the questions that I knew would follow:
"So, Bella. The last song is dedicated to your best friend Alice, right? Tell us something more about her, please."
" Alice is very important person in my life. I wrote this song after our last meeting as a reminder for all we shared and all we missed, for all that I couldn't tell her because I was afraid." I looked away from the camera- I didn't want anyone to see the pain in my eyes.
Shania asked some more things about the album and the songs in it. Steve and Daniel answered them, because I couldn't make myself concentrate on what she was talking. Finally I was free to leave the studio, and after a fake smile and several goodbyes I was out. I sighed with relief when I entered the car. Daniel was driving , but I couldn't pay any attention on their conversation. All I could do was to stare at the phone I was holding at the one number I was dreading to deal. But there was nothing I wanted more in this moment than to hear the voice that sounded like thousand bells. My fingers were trembling but I couldn't stop myself.
"Bella?" the surprise and the happiness in her voice couldn't be mistaken. I was relieved.
"Alice, I just wanted to hear you." I didn't know what to say. The mere fact that I could hear her in the speaker was enough to make me smile.
"Bella, we watched you on MTV. You were great. I'm so so flattered by your song, I can't describe it. Thank you, Bella" she was speaking so fast I could hardly understand what she was talking about. But that was Alice- her endless energy would always surprise me.
"Alice, you are my best friend. That's the least I can do for you. I am happy you liked it." She interrupted me and I could sense the worry in her voice.
"Bella, there is something I need to tell you. Something happened after you left . Don't know how to start. And don't know if you want to know." She whispered and I was sure that whatever had happened it was connected with Edward. I didn't know how to answer her, but I wanted to know. I hesitated for a moment.
"Alice, tell me what's going on."
"He left. After you were gone, he was catatonic. For weeks he didn't move from his room, and when I finally burst into his room to try to make him come with us for hunt the room was empty. He was gone. We don't know where he is and what is going on with him. I can't see anything. " She was sobbing while she was speaking and all went blank around me. I dropped the phone and screamed to Daniel to go to the airport.