"Guys, we have our new members!"
There was a chorus of cheers – driven by the beer no doubt – and Konan wolf-whistled. Deidara went red and grinned sheepishly whilst Itachi just looked lost. Konan jumped up, waving her arms to shut them all up.
"Okay, let's get you introduced." She chirped.
Pein was thrown off the sofa by his sister, who promptly forced the two newest members to sit down.
"Right." She stated firmly. "You already know Pein and me, so we don't need any introducing. And I know Deidara is friends with Sasori already, so we'll skip him too. I'll go round the room clockwise." She pointed to the nearest person. "This is Kakuzu."
The heavily scarred man waved once, nodding to the two newbies. "Pleased to meet you in a situation that doesn't involve us fighting." He said in a thickly accented voice.
"Kakuzu's an immigrant from Spain, he lives here with Pein and I." Konan explained. "Since he's not technically meant to be in this country, we don't talk much about that. And the scars are from backstreet matador events, cool huh?"
"Very!" Deidara said enthusiastically.
"And this is Kisame." Konan moved on to the next member. "Ex-biology student from Nottingham university. Failed his first year so is now a life guard."
Kisame grinned at the description, and nodded a greeting. Deidara frowned slightly.
"I think I remember you, you were in the other half of the year group to me back in school, but I don't think we ever shared lessons. You won every swimming race on every sports day ever held!"
The tall man in question scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and shrugged. "Yeah, that'd be me." He laughed. "And aren't you that blonde kid who blew up the biology labs in year eight?"
Deidara went red as the rest of the group stared at him then burst out laughing. Sasori was the only one in the room to have already known about the incident, since he'd been in the class at the time.
"How'd you manage that?" Itachi asked in fascination.
"Petrol, magnesium ribbon and a match..." Deidara raised his hands in surrender at the stunned looks he was now receiving from Pein, Konan and Itachi, the only three in the room who knew him well enough to be surprised. Sasori on the other hand just grinned.
"Didn't Dei tell you he's chemical genius when it comes to exploding things, Itachi?" The red-head asked.
"He missed that bit out..." Itachi was staring at his friend who was beginning to look uncomfortable under the sudden attention.
"So I can make explosives, so what?"
Pein sat up properly from where he'd been lounging on the floor after being evicted from the sofa. "That is a fantastic skill! What's the biggest you can make?"
"Uh...depends on the materials I've got, but...big." Deidara stuttered, thrown by the sudden new turn the conversation had taken. Konan saw the lost look in his eyes and tried to get them back on track.
"Okay, so that was Kisame." She said, loud enough to shut up anyone still asking questions. "And last but not least we have Hidan."
The white haired man who was sitting on a beanbag and industrially flattening beer cans with the heel of his hand gave them a maniacal wave. There was the imprint of a ring pull on his palm.
"Yo, what's up?" He turned his head to greet them and the two newcomers caught a flash of pink irises before he went back to his previous occupation. Noting Hidan's overall colouring, Itachi mentally placed him as an albino.
"Hidan's the only one here to have an ASBO." Konan stated proudly, "And is usually the one we call in to do the more...messy jobs."
Itachi raised an eyebrow, not liking the sound of that. "Messy jobs?"
"Yeah!" Hidan answered enthusiastically. "Interrogation, the more dire warnings, if someone's tried to be clever and not paid us...The fun stuff really." The manic grin was back, and although the Uchiha looked faintly concerned at this blatant disregard of human rights, Deidara was frowning.
"I'm sure I know you from somewhere..." He said slowly.
A flash of panic lit Hidan's pink eyes. "Not me, I doubt you've ever seen me in your life!"
But Deidara's mind had already found the memory it had been searching for. After all, how many albinos could there be in one small village?
"I know you!" He declared, pointing at the white-haired man. "You're the vicar's son! You do the whole 'carry the cross' thing and the readings and stuff in church!"
Hidan's white face flooded with blood as the rest of the room sniggered. "Well, I...Yeah, but..." He stuttered uselessly. As his friends laughed at him he tried to rally, "And how do you know that blondie?!" He demanded. He peered closer at Deidara as the insult he'd just paid rang a bell in the back of his mind. "Hang on a minute..." The albino stopped and began to laugh. "You're that little choir boy we used to have!"
It was Deidara's turn to flush an angry red. "No I wasn't-" He began, but it was too late and Hidan interrupted.
"Yeah, you were. You used to be the solo singer every wedding service! And the lead treble in normal services."
Deidara spluttered something intelligible, but by this point Kisame was leaning forwards to get a better look at him too.
"Yeah, you're right Hidan. I remember now." He stated thoughtfully. "My grandparents used to drag me to the Christmas services when I was a kid. There was a little blonde kid who used to do the solo on 'Once In Royal' during the nine lessons and carols service." He sniggered. "Well, I'll be damned!"
Pein held up a hand to stop the overall laughter, sparing Deidara having to defend his pride. "Hidan, you can't get at him for singing in church as a kid, seeing that you're as close to being ordained as you can get without actually being a reverend!"
Hidan shrugged. "Well rob me of my only joy in life." He stated dramatically. "Without being able to prey on the useless and weak I have no meaning to my life!"
"And you're a church warden?" Itachi asked sceptically.
The albino grinned up at him. "I know, scary huh?"
Konan sighed irritably. "So anyway! That's the lot of us. Itachi, tell us a bit about yourself." Her voice carried enough authority to make it into an order.
The Uchiha looked taken aback by the sudden demand; he'd only just gotten used to being open around Deidara, and now here was a group of strangers wanting to know all about him! Sure, he knew that by accepting the offer of friendship he'd have to open up to them, but wasn't used to just 'telling people a bit about himself.'
Sitting up a little straighter he tried to ignore the fact that all eyes in the room were now trained on him. "Well...um...My name's Itachi Uchiha, and as you know I'm a paranormal researcher." He began hesitantly. "I was brought up in Japan by my uncle, and I've already taken the International Baccalaureate over there. I'm now taking a further set of A-levels so that I can go to Harvard med-school. Um...I guess that's all there is to it." He ended dumbly.
There was a blank silence around the room, which Pein broke with a small cough. "Harvard med-school?"
"Uh, yeah?"
The pierced man shook his head incredulously. "Well...good for you." He managed. This was something that he hadn't had to deal with; their gang didn't usually run into intellectuals. In an effort to get back on track he turned to Deidara. "And last but not least...?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, me!" Deidara scratched the back of his head. "Well, it seems everyone has already met me except for Kakuzu, so there isn't much else to say. I'm an artist, and I'm doing my A-levels a year late since I dropped out of school after my GCSE's and then changed my mind afterwards. And I had no idea that I could do any sort of crazy paranormal stuff until yesterday." He finished with a grin.
"And that about covers the introductions then." Konan chirped.
"Not quite." Pein contradicted. "There are technically three others. But Orochimaru is now no longer counted among our number. But there are two more who are still members." He looked at his sister expectantly, who sighed irritably.
"There's Zetsu, he was on the same biology course as Kisame which is how we all met him." She stated. "But unlike someone-" She glanced in Kisame's direction. "We don't get to see him much since he didn't fail the year so he is still in uni. Finally there's Tobi, who also won't be around for a while. Unlike everyone else here," She indicated to the rest of the room with a sweeping gesture. "He actually has a real job. He's in Iraq at the moment, a helicopter pilot in the army air corps."
Deidara's eyes lit up. "A pilot? Cool!"
"It's a tough job, being out there." Itachi stated; ever the more pragmatic one.
"Well he e-mails occasionally, so we know he's still alive." Pein said with a shrug. The gang were well aware of the risks their friend was taking and the danger he was facing, so were dealing with their worry by looking at it lightly. So far it was working and Tobi's occasional communications were enough to keep them calm. "Plus we'd hear on the news if something had happened."
"Is he home soon?" Itachi asked.
"Another eighteen months at least before he gets home." Konan sighed. She perched on the arm of the settee and kicked Pein in the shoulder. "Aren't you supposed to be telling the rules to our newest members rather than bitching about Tobi's absence anyway?"
Pein nodded absentmindedly, twisting his upper body at an odd angle to look at the two sitting behind him. "Right, okay, rules." He waved a hand vaguely. "Simple enough; don't usurp my authority, no embezzling funds, and don't betray the gang to the police, rival groups or anyone else who may put us in jeopardy."
"And if we break these rules?" Deidara asked, if only because Pein's tone made it clear that this wasn't something that would be tolerated.
"Depends. In some cases you just get thrown out after a beating, but if you betray the gang-" He shrugged lightly, "We'll kill you."
"Oh, okay, fair enough." The blonde hadn't expected any less, but also knew Pein well enough to recognise that it wasn't an empty threat. "What will you do about Orochimaru then?"
"The police have already got him so he's beyond our reach, but once he's out, his arse is ours!" Hidan punctuated his interruption by smacking his fist into his palm. Pein waved a hand in the albino's direction.
"What he said." He grinned at the two newcomers. "So, still happy with joining, or are you regretting it now?"
Deidara looked as enthusiastic as ever. "I'm still good. Itachi?"
The Uchiha glanced at his friend, before looking round the room. He wasn't intending to break the rules, and Pein had promised that he wouldn't need to do anything illegal, so he didn't see anything wrong. "Yes, I'm still happy."
Konan clapped her hands together with a beaming grin. "Great!"
Three days later saw the first official gang meeting that Itachi and Deidara attended. It wasn't really what the Uchiha had been expecting, since his only experience with this sort of thing was from watching old movies like the Godfather – which wasn't really a good comparison.
Whilst Pein and Kakuzu sat in the dining area that backed into the main room discussing finances the rest of the group took over the living room and – for want of a better word – gossiped. Konan and Hidan were bickering over the TV remote whilst Kisame commandeered a beanbag and settled down with a book – again something that surprised Itachi. Deidara was busy chatting with Sasori, making the Uchiha feel a little left out.
It was only when Konan squealed loudly because Hidan had poked her in a ticklish spot that Pein finally paid any attention to what was going on with the rest of his group.
"For God's sake guys!" He yelled, "Just pick something to watch and shut the hell up!" His gaze fell on the one of the newbies. "Hey, Deidara, you know where the video shelf is, pick a film to watch." He ordered, before turning his attention back to the sheets of numbers Kakuzu was going through with him.
Deidara blinked in surprise, but did as he was told and slid off the sofa to crawl over to the large cabinet that he remembered from when they'd been acquainted in their younger years. It was fuller now, since it had been at least three years since he'd last been told to pick a film from it, and – just a little sign of the times – all of the VHS's that had once filled it had been upgraded to DVDs. He stared at the huge collection and a small suspicion began to grow; this was a test. He was aware of the new silence behind him and realised that everyone was waiting to see what he would pick. So...the film he chose would reflect on him, that much was clear. With that in mind he instantly decided against the Saw trilogy that had been placed at the forefront of the collection; such a choice would just make it seem like he was trying to look macho. That meant that he had to be wary of any horror film.
A box caught his eye. Pushing others out of the way, Deidara pulled it out and grinned.
"Found one!" He stated happily. Konan snatched it off of him and let out a little whoop.
"Oh we haven't watched this in ages!" She chirped in excitement, bouncing over to the DVD player to enter the disc. Itachi leant forwards slightly to see what film had been chosen, and in the background Pein had paused to see what the blonde's choice was.
"Black-adder goes Forth?" The Uchiha asked, "What's that about?"
"It's the one set in World War One." Sasori was the one to answer him, and seemed happy with the choice.
"It's about a snake in World War One?" Itachi looked very confused at why everyone else in the room seemed to be enthusiastic about this weird choice. His comment caused a stunned silence and every pair of eyes in the room turned to stare at him – even Kisame put his book down to gaze at him in surprise.
"You...You don't know what 'Black-adder' is?" Konan asked slowly.
"No...No I don't, should I?"
Hidan shook his head in disbelief. "I thought everyone knew about Black-adder!" He exclaimed, throwing the DVD box to Itachi. "There, read that. You'll know the names even if you don't know the concept."
The Uchiha scanned the back of the box whilst Konan fussed around the play-list on the TV screen. Hidan had been right; there were quite a few names he recognised, but even so he couldn't see what would be so funny about a group of soldiers stuck in the trenches. Sounded more like a tragedy!
It appeared he needn't have questioned Deidara's choice though; the first episode hadn't played more than a few minutes before it had the room – Itachi included – in fits of laughter. So for the next few hours the usually reserved Uchiha was introduced to the many ingenious ways in which one may attempt to escape from the army, and the many ways in which these attempts can fail – in the most humorous fashion. Itachi couldn't remember laughing so hard for a very long time – even with his Japanese friends from SPR he had rarely had such fun.
So it came as a shock to watch the last episode.
"Oh..." Itachi hadn't been expecting such an ending, so was quite taken aback as the credits began to roll over the field of poppies. "They...They all..."
Konan let out a little snuffling noise that caught the room's attention, and she wiped her eyes hurriedly. Hidan smirked, but threw a box of tissues at her so that she could blow her nose and clean up her running mascara.
"I wasn't expecting that." Itachi said quietly.
"It gets you even if you know what's going to happen." Deidara replied thickly. His odd voice made the others switch their gaze from the teary Konan to him, and Sasori began laughing.
"I forgot that you always cry at the end of this one."
"I am not crying!"
Hidan sniggered. "Like hell you aren't Blondie!"
Konan nudged Deidara with her foot and passed him the tissue box, which he made good use of. He glared balefully around at the others with red-rimmed eyes.
"It's sad!" He protested in a woeful attempt to regain some ground.
"Yeah, but guys shouldn't cry at this!" Hidan smirked, folding his arms triumphantly. "You don't see me or Sasori or Itachi crying."
"Just because I'm not afraid to show my emotions!"
"Why don't the lot of you shut up?" Kisame growled, lowering his book enough to glare around the room from over the top. "I'm trying to read here!"
Quicker than a snake, Hidan switched targets, rolling over to face the life-guard instead. "Whatcha reading?"
"A book, Hidan."
"What book?"
"One with words. I'm afraid you wouldn't understand it, there aren't any pictures." Kisame delicately turned a page, not looking up at his antagonist.
Hidan growled. "Oh ha ha!" He tilted his head to read the title. "Da Vinci Code? Bor-ing!"
Kisame put the book down with an aggravated glare. "How would you know? You haven't even seen the film, let alone read the book, which is far superior." He glanced over to one of the new members. "You're an intellectual type of guy, Itachi, have you read it?"
Itachi raised an eyebrow in disdain. "A Dan Brown book? I think not!" The tone he said it in made the rest of the group stare at him in surprise.
"What's wrong with Dan Brown?" Kisame asked in astonishment.
"He's American." And the tone of voice made it quite clear that that in itself was a big enough problem.
The life-guard huffed irritably. "Well that's no reason to dislike the guy!"
"It's reason enough for me."
Even Deidara was staring at him strangely by this point. "I had no idea you were racist." He stated evenly.
Itachi shrugged. "I'm not, I just don't like Americans!"
"That kinda is racist." Sasori contradicted. "There's nothing wrong with the US, what's your issue with them?"
"My family are from Nagasaki."
There was a blank silence around the room. Deidara knew what he meant, but the rest of the group didn't understand the significance behind the firm statement. Judging from the firm way that Itachi had stated his reason, it seemed he had expected them all to know what the hell he was talking about. After the silence finally grew uncomfortable the Uchiha sighed irritably.
"Don't tell me that name means nothing?"
"Rings a bell..." Kisame said slowly, to Itachi's general despair.
"August the 9th, 1945? This date isn't familiar?" At the continued silence the Uchiha realised that he'd have to elaborate. "Fat Man? Enola Gay? Hiroshima?!"
"Oh, that Nagasaki!" A look of dawning comprehension spread across Hidan's face. "Why didn't you just say?"
"Because it is a little coarse to say 'I don't like American's since they dropped a whacking great atomic bomb on top of my family's home!' " Itachi shot back, now quite annoyed, especially since Deidara had begun sniggering at him.
Kisame nodded in understanding. "I see where you're coming from." He said slowly. "But it's still not a very good reason. That happened over sixty years ago, you can hardly hate an entire country because of one man's choice such a long time ago."
"The effects are still there, and my family still suffers because of it!"
The life-guard frowned slightly. "Y'know, my great grandparents were American." He stated. No one interrupted by this point, the argument had condensed down to the two men and it was up to one of the two to finish it. "My great grandpa was in the US navy during the war."
"So?" Itachi asked, rather rudely.
"So, he was stationed on a ship called the Arizona." Kisame stared hard at the Uchiha. "He died when that ship, along with most of the fleet around it was destroyed in the attack on Pearl Harbour! And do you see me hating those that attacked? No, because I don't. So don't think you're the only one with a reason to bitch about the past, Uchiha!"
Itachi was glowering at the life-guard, and it was a true glower, full of anger, embarrassment and hand-me-down hatred. Hidan – ever the one to pick up on these things – got up on his knees and began chanting 'Fight! Fight! Fight!', encouraging the rest of the group to join in. Deidara saw a look of panic cross Itachi's face at the escalating situation, and decided that should an actual fight begin he'd have to bail his friend out. As it was, Kisame held up a hand to shut them up.
"No, we shouldn't fight, the odds aren't fair." He stated calmly.
"What do you mean by that?" Itachi snapped back.
"Well, think about it; we can hardly have a proper representational fight, since you don't have 183 fighter jets, and I don't have two A-bombs. It just wouldn't be right." He looked thoughtful. "Now give me three days and I'll try to get my hands on some weapons grade plutonium and then we'll have to see."
Itachi stared blankly at him. Had he really just said that? The Uchiha tried to keep his angry and aloof facade in place, but a grin began to crack through.
"I'm sure I can find at least 40 fighter jets by Thursday." He said, eyes beginning to sparkle with mirth.
"Okay, that'll have to do." Kisame slammed his hand down on his book, destroying the spine without realising. "And then, we go to war!"
Hidan raised his hand.
"What Hidan?"
"Can I be Hitler? – OW! Konan!"
It was nearly three in the morning by the time Itachi finally got home. This in itself was a novelty to him since there had never actually been occasion for him to stay out late before. And – because karma apparently hated him during the small hours of the morning – he hadn't even finished getting changed for bed before his laptop was beeping to inform him that SPR were online.
"What part of 'three in the morning' don't you guys understand?" The Uchiha groaned, the moment the screen flashed to life.
"Nice to see you too Itachi-san." Mai's cheery grin materialised. "Naru wanted me to check up on how the whole curse thing is going. If I didn't know better I'd say he's actually worried about you."
"Naru? Worried about someone? That'd be the day." Itachi settled down on his futon, the computer on his lap. "Well, you can inform his royal highness that I've sorted it all out, kind of."
"What does 'kind of' mean? You either have or haven't." The brunette stated firmly.
"Fine then, I have sorted it all out, with a little help from Deidara."
There was movement behind Mai before Naru himself came into view of the webcam. "Your blonde friend? How could he help?"
Itachi inwardly groaned – the narcissist would be smirking about this for days! "Fine, you were right, he is a psychic. He was the one that cast the curse, although he had no idea that he had that ability. I removed it and it went back to him."
"And how did the gang leader take this revelation?" Naru asked primly, although his voice sounded far too smug for his cousin's liking.
"Well, we were quite surprised actually..."
It took nearly an hour to explain everything, especially since Naru kept insisting that he repeated bits. The argument with Kisame actually made the uptight young man start laughing though.
"I've told you hundreds of time before that your attitude towards the Americans would get you into trouble!" He scolded. "It serves you right that of all the people you could pick a fight with over it; it had to be someone who lost a family member in Pearl Harbour! I swear you're as bad as Lin, you really are!"
Itachi went red and glared at the digitised image on his screen. Lin was infamous for his dislike of the Japanese due to his own Chinese heritage, and up until now Itachi had always thought such an aversion belittled the man. And now Naru had just made it quite clear that he was just as bad. Damn!
He sighed. "I guess you're right. Kisame certainly argued his case pretty well; I dare say I may be persuaded that they aren't all that bad." He said with a small smile.
Mai grinned. "I have a feeling that you rather respect this 'Kisame' guy for that show of persuasion."
Itachi shrugged. "I think there's definitely a promise of friendship there."
"Good, you need friends." A new face pushed Naru out of the way to grin broadly at the webcam. "Hi Ita-kun!"
"Hi Bou-san," The overly enthusiastic greeting from the monk brought a proper smile to Itachi's face. "Nice to hear from you at long last. You've ignored at least four of my e-mails by now!"
"Meh," The blonde waved his hand expansively. "You know how it is; ghosts, ghouls and poltergeists leave little time for me to bother with such things as e-mails, sorry."
"What he means is that he's been away with his band on holiday." Mai put in, elbowing the monk in the stomach.
"I thought as much." Itachi sighed. "And how are the others? I've only spoken to Mai-chan, Lin and Naru recently."
"They're fine, we've just solved another case!" Mai was practically bouncing in the chair until Naru laid a restraining hand on her shoulder.
"And guess who was locked up in the cellar and almost eaten alive by the cannibalistic poltergeist?" Bou-san asked rhetorically.
Itachi sniggered as Mai went red and slapped the monk upside the head. "It's a rare talent you have there Mai, I've never known anyone quite as bad at getting into dangerous situations as you."
Mai stuck her tongue out at him, but Itachi didn't notice as he yawned widely.
"Sorry, I only got in a few a minutes before you called, and it's now nearly four, again. You lot insist on getting in contact at obscene hours of the morning!" He complained sleepily.
Bou-san smiled sympathetically. "Blame Naru, he's the one who insisted on following office hours here."
Itachi glared at his cousin. "Naru, you can be such a twat when you want to." He grumbled in English.
"I know." Naru smirked superiorly. "Now go get some sleep, you look like hell on a bad day."
The Uchiha resisted the childish urge to stick his tongue out. "Okay, I'll speak to you guys later then. Sorry I'm not more talkative at the moment."
"Nah, we understand. See you round Ita-kun." Bou-san said with a cocky grin.
"Yeah, Bye Itachi." Mai added, with a wave that The Uchiha returned half heartedly. Naru merely bowed formally.
"See you, narcissist." Itachi muttered dryly, and in English.
"Back at you Weasel."
And the screen went dead, leaving the stunned Uchiha staring blankly at it. Then he shrugged, shut the laptop and put it back on the table. It was nearly four in the morning and he was tired! It was hardly likely any other elusive friend would decide to get in contact. He pulled the quilt around himself and snuggled down to get some much needed and much deserved sleep.
It was exactly 4:37 when his mobile buzzed loudly in his ear.
"Wha' the hell?" It was official; karma was jumping up and down all over his arse.
He rolled over with a deep groan, and blindly threw out a hand to grope around for his infernal mobile phone. It buzzed again as he finally found the wretched thing and grabbed it. Flicking it open he squinted at the text-ID and groaned. Deidara. What the hell could he want at this time? Opening the message he suddenly felt wide awake, rather akin to having a bucket of icy water thrown over his head.
ITACHI, HELP!! NOW!
To be continued...evil snigger...
Okay. Thanks to everyone out there who read this!! The sequel is already being written, and should hopefully be up soon
Big hugs and kisses to the worlds most awesome betareader, Manu-seme!! She's braved floods, food poisoning, terrorist attacks and her family to get this sucker beta read! (and I'm not kidding there!) mucho love my darling seme!! See you soon! Xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox
And to all my readers, keep a weather eye on the horizon :D xox