Ears

Brendan

It's funny. I never really knew what color her eyes were until Drew gave her that gift. I've known her for seven months and gazed into those eyes a million times, but I still didn't know... it's just so funny. But I've got an excuse: he's known her for seven years to my seven months.

It still makes me burn inside when I see the looks he gives her. I know they had something before I met her, but he has no right to come between us. She's been on edge ever since the party, when he left her that necklace. I haven't seen it since. And then I found him holding her in the hall, and she was crying. It makes me wonder what he's been doing to her all this time that I've pretended not to see. Maybe I should stop being blind. I've been so afraid to confront them about this, but... well, I'm still afraid.

Even so, I asked her. I know, it was an idiotic thing to do, but I had to. I asked if she had any feelings for him, but her answer felt so unclear. It was almost as if she was avoiding the answer. She asked me how much I trusted her, and I said that I didn't know. I still don't know, because she just walked away. And I have the strangest feeling that I just failed another test.

It's almost as if she's only using me to be Drew for her. Whenever she looks at me, she looks through and sees him instead of me. When I hold her just so, it's as if she's imagining that he's holding her. All her time spent with me is spent comparing me to him. I'm so sick of it! I can't stand by and watch while she's making herself die just because he still wants her.

Still, I've had my share of doubts. What if she does want him? Does she? Sometimes, sometimes she looks back, and something sparks between them. Then they look away, hiding their faces, hiding their eyes. Is there anything in their eyes? I can't see because I'm outside. They're isolating me, holding me at a distance while they have their silent conversations.

Fear hasn't gripped me in a long time, but it chokes me now. I've always been able to get what I want, but... maybe... May isn't one of them.