A/N: Sorry it has been a while there has been a lot with my summer camp and that has now ended and I have a week to write at the moment. If you have seen my new fic And Then Came Love, Thank You and I hope you continue reading it. Thanks to singdance, DaleSnail, Bluebear48, Nelle07, and steff777 for the reviews on Chapter 12.

Than To Ever Live Without You

Chapter 13

Tired from everything in the past couple weeks Kaelyn was happy to be able to get away for the day. She, Serena, Blair, and the newly returned home Jenny found themselves at the spa relaxing for the day. Serena had her baby who was a beautiful little blonde girl that she named Amanda. Jenny had just returned home after working for a year in Paris as a international fashion consultant for a television program, but she was very eager to return home epically after she and Nate were finally engaged. Kaelyn was ready to finally be on track with her marriage. Chuck had come home after being released from the hospital and everything had been going great for the two of them and since they hadn't had one fight, but the only problem for her was when she had to break it off with Damien. He had come over not expecting Chuck to be there and Kaelyn took him in the kitchen and broke the news to him that they would no longer be together. She was surprised at how good he had taken the news, but she was happy that he had parted in peace.

"Finally I get to relax." Kaelyn said as she sat with her eyes closed while her temples were being massaged.

"Tell me about it. Just one day out of the house with the screaming kids and I am happy." Serena commented while getting her nails manicured. Serena adored both of her children, but William was having a little bout with jealousy after they bought Amanda home and he had been acting out at every chance he got and it was driving Serena crazy to have to deal with him when Amanda was crying.

"I'm happy with my one kid." Blair said.

"Me too." Kaelyn commented. "Just last night Chuck was saying he wants more kids and I am like hell no. Maybe one, but he wants at least three more and he has lost his mind."

"Stop it you guys are scaring me about having kids." Jenny then blurted out.

"It's not as horrible as we make it sound. We just make it sound horrible when we are tired and need a break like today." Serena said. "You will do great as a mom. You did fantastic babysitting Will while Dan and I took Manda to her check-up. Now Will keeps begging for you to come back."

"I'm just a little apprehensive." Jenny said. "I'm getting married in four months and after that having kids. It seems so amazing yet so scary."



"It does at first, but you ease into it." Blair said.

"Well it's easy for you since you've been married three times." Kaelyn said with a laugh.

"But to only two different men." Blair said poorly in her defense.

"At least we are all happy." Serena said.

"Finally." Kaelyn commented.

"So truthfully everything has been good for you and Chuck?" Blair asked.

"Truthfully." Kaelyn said with a smile. "We have been taking time for each other and talking about things and not trying to rush and it seems like everything is falling into its right place." She said with an extremely cheerful tone.

"I'm glad." Jenny then commented. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you then."

"It's fine. I'm good now and that's all that matters." Kaelyn said happily.

-

Sitting on the living room couch Kaleyn sat going through some ad proposals for the magazine. The day had been particularly warm so she sat in a very thin and short sun dress as she sat alone on the couch. Chuck had been in pain from his wound and had taken pain medications and was asleep while Katherine was out for the day with Jenny who was also keeping William for Serena. Kaelyn suddenly felt extremely nauseous and made her way quickly into the bathroom. She had noticed that for a few days she had been feeling particularly ill with not just nausea, but headaches and she was feeling bloated and there were other things that caught her attention. The big thing that bothered her was this was exactly how she felt when pregnant with Katherine and the thought of her being pregnant scared her because in her mind she knew that Damien could be the father of the baby as well as Chuck. Banishing the thought from her mind she rinsed her mouth and went to walk down the hall when she heard her name called.

"Kay." It was Chuck's voice. Changing her direction Kaelyn turned and walked into the bedroom where Chuck sat on the bed with a smile her way. Kaelyn smiled back and walked over to him and sat on the bed next to him. She felt his arm loop around her waist and pull her close. She felt his face in her hair as she sat and the thought crept in her mind and she banish it, but it stayed. "Mmm you used the strawberry shampoo, you know I like that one." He whispered into her ear.

"I know." She said as she moved and turned his way, but she wasn't smiling.

"What's wrong?" he then asked looking at her face as she sat with tears now coming from her eyes.



"I'm scared." She said as she tried her hardest to not break into sobs.

"Baby tell me." He said with his arms around her holding her close.

"I think, I think...I think…" she was stuttering in fear as she choked out sobs.

"You think what?" he asked concerned.

"I think I'm pregnant." She blurted out at once before completely breaking down into uncontrollable sobs.

"What's so bad about that?" he asked in a cheerful tone to attempt and cheer her up.

"The baby might not be yours." She then said as she then looked at him in the eyes. His eyes suddenly widened as he looked at her. "I'm sorry." She then cried.

"No it's alright. We will get through this." He said as he pulled her close again and rocked her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." She then started to repeat.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. We had problems and we both sought out other people. It's going to work out alright." He said as he held her.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you." He said as he looked in her eyes and pulled her in for a kiss.

-

Walking out of the doctor's office Kaelyn's fear had been confirmed and she was now lost to what to do. She wasn't sure if she should tell Damien or just wait until the doctor said it would be safe to do a paternity test. Thinking back to the relationship she had with Damien she realized that in her desperation to be loved she hadn't taken any type of precautions when sleeping with him. She hadn't been on birth control since she got out of college because while in school she and Chuck had discussed that they wouldn't have kids until after. She nor Damien had ever stopped to at least use a condom and now she was here not knowing if she was pregnant by her husband or the man she was sleeping with while she and her husband were separated. Kaelyn had finally made it to her Aunt's apartment. When she made it inside she was greeted, but not just Lily, but by Serena who sat with Amanda in her arms. Kaelyn gave both of them a weak smile as she walked in and sat down on the couch next to Serena. Both women looked at Kaelyn and immediately knew something was wrong.

"What happened?" Lily immediately asked as she walked to Kaelyn who already had tears falling down her face.



"I'm pregnant." Kaelyn said softly as she held back her sobs.

"That's a good thing." Lily then said.

"I don't know it its Chuck's or Damien's." she then admitted.

"Oh my." Serena said putting a hand over her mouth.

"Does either of them know?" Lily asked.

"Chuck does." Kaelyn said. "He knows everything. I'm not sure if I should tell Damien now or when it's time for the paternity test" Kaelyn said as she wiped away her tears.

"Wait until the test. So you won't get his hopes up." Lily then said.

"Yeah, I think that would work best." Serena said.

"I'm just scared that if it is Damien's then me and Chuck might have another falling out and it scares me so much. I can't let that happen. I love him too much to lose him again." She said as she then choked out a sob. Lily hugged her immediately.

"You've always got us." Lily said.

"Thanks." Kaelyn said as she did her best to stop crying. "Well I better go. Chuck is supposed to meet me for lunch." She said as she stood and smoothed out her dress. "I'll see both of you later."

Sitting in the restaurant Kaelyn was at a loss for words. She had told Chuck everything the doctor said and she could tell he didn't know what to say either. Everything that Kaelyn thought about their marriage now was horrible because she felt like if the baby wasn't his then they wouldn't be able to last. With all her heart she didn't know what to do if they weren't together. She knew Damien would be there immediately, but she also knew that the love he gave her was nothing like the love that she and Chuck had and she would be missing something in her heart.

"It seems like when things get good something bad always has to happen." Kaelyn then said as she broke the silence.

"Everything is going to be alright." Chuck then said as he took her hand into his. "I love you too much."

"But can you love me to deal with me having another's man's baby?" Kaelyn asked.

"I…I…" Chuck sat with nothing to say.



"That's my problem." Kaelyn said looking down at the table. "I don't want to lose us again. I can't have my life turned upside down again. I don't want Kat to suffer in this and I don't know what to do about it." Kaelyn took her napkin and wiped her tears. "I'm just plain scared."