A/N: Thanks to Nelle07 and Likewow5556 for the Chapter 16 reviews

Than To Ever Live Without You

Chapter 17

Waking up Kaelyn yawned and opened her eyes before shutting them quickly as the sun was peeking through the windows. Finally opening her eyes all the way Kaelyn realized her surroundings and then everything that happened the night before rushed to her. Sitting up she realized that Katherine wasn't in the bed with her like the night before as the two of them slept in the bed of her old bedroom where she spent most of her last two years of high school when she moved to New York after she assumed both of her parents died in a car crash, but later learning her dad had murdered her mom. Slipping out of the bed she glanced at the clock realizing what time it was she gasped and quickly grabbed her robe from her suitcase. She put on her robe as best she could since her stomach grew a bit everyday her robe didn't fit as well anymore. Walking into the living room she looked around not seeing anyone, but she heard voices in the dining area and walking in there she saw her Aunt sitting at the table with Katherine sitting next to her.

"Mommy!" Katherine said happily as she hopped out of her chair and waddled over to Kaelyn who picked her up.

"Aunt Lily it's nearly 10 o'clock I was supposed to be in my office at 8 this morning." Kaelyn said as she walked over to the table and sat down.

"I called and said you were ill. Kaelyn you can't just throw yourself into your work to ignore things, you need to handle them and not mask the pain with work." Lily said.

"I know, but…I just can't ignore my job. I'm the editor and there is so much to be done." Kaelyn said as she grabbed the spoon from the little pink bowl of oatmeal and continued to feed Katherine.

"Just rest today. You really need it, for your baby." Lily said to Kaelyn who just nodded in agreement. "Chuck called, about a million times. I just told him you were asleep every time."

Kaelyn didn't respond for a moment. She simply just looked down at her bowl and let out a sigh. "I don't know what to do. I seriously don't think our marriage can survive, but I can't just end it. We have a child and how is her life going to be with her parents not being together. I don't think I could do that to her."

"I know it seems selfish, but sometimes you have to do what is best for you and if that involves leaving him then you do it." Lily then said to Kaelyn who sat there looking down at the table as tears formed in her eyes.

Inside Kaelyn knew that if things continued that would be the best option for her, but in the end it might also be for Katherine who was subject to seeing them fight everything and Kaelyn wasn't going to have her daughter be in a home where her parents were at each other's throats every day over something stupid and when the baby comes the baby was going to be in that situation and Kaelyn couldn't bear it. Tears started to fall from Kaelyn's eyes.

"Kaelyn, dear…" Lily started.

"You're right and in the end I know it's best for my kids." Kaelyn then said as she inhaled attempting to stop herself from crying since Katherine was sitting on her lap and looking up at her with concern on her little face. "I'm alright baby. Nana Lily is going to take care of you while mommy goes home to pick some stuff up."

"Daddy?" Katherine said in a voice as if she was asking Kaelyn if she was going to go home to get Chuck.

"No not daddy." Kaelyn said. "Can you watch her for a couple hours?" Kaelyn asked as she turned to Lily.

"Of course." Lily said to Kaelyn who was already putting Katherine back at her original place at the table.

"Mommy will be back." Kaelyn said as she kissed Katherine on the cheek before rushing back to the bedroom where she showed quickly and dressed.

When she walked into the apartment it was silent and it seemed like everything was left the same way it was when Kaelyn had left the night before. In the living room her folders were still on the table just the way she had left them. Walking to the table Kaelyn picked up her folders and placed them into her tote bag that was still sitting on the couch just the way it had been. She was just nearly finished putting her folders in her bag when she heard her name.

"Kaelyn you're back. I was scared you weren't coming back." The voice said and Kaelyn knew it was Chuck. She turned to him and looked up at him as he stood at the top of the stairs. He was still in his clothes from the night before. Kaelyn took a deep breath because it was just too much in the moment.

"I'm not coming back. I just need some things for myself and Katherine for now until I can get all my things moved out." Kaelyn said seriously as she held in her tears.

"Kaelyn you're not serious." Chuck then said as he quickly made his way down the stairs. He stood in front of Kaelyn as she nodded. "No Kay, I'm sorry please we can't just end." He said as he grabbed her into his arms.

"I can't handle it anymore. I just can't do it. I'm sorry, so sorry." Kaelyn said as she moved out of his arms and started to walk towards the stairs.

"Please I can't live without you." Chuck then said as Kaelyn could hear in his voice that he was crying. Kaelyn suddenly started to breathe hard as she tried her best not to turn around and look at him because she knew she was going to cry and that if she saw him she wouldn't be able to go through it with. She then started up the stairs. "Kay. Sweetie please don't."

Kaelyn now stood in Katherine's room with tears falling down her face. She quickly packed as many of Katherine's things as she could. Taking a deep breath and wiping her tears away she walked up the hall to her office where she put her laptop into its bag and grabbed any important folders before then making it to the bedroom where Chuck was standing and looking at her with tears falling from his face. Kaelyn couldn't look at him so she looked at the floor as she made her way to the closet and pulled out a large suitcase where she started to put some of her clothes into. Most of the clothes she grabbed were things she could wear to her office, but she grabbed a few casual things as well. She tried to block out everything around her as she packed her things.

"Kay. I know you don't want to do this. I can't just live life without you in it. Please don't leave." Chuck said as he walked into the closet where Kaelyn suddenly stopped and she turned to him with tears falling from her eyes.

"The thing is I do want to do this. I want to do this because I don't want to live everyday on a roller coaster. I don't want to wait for fight to start and I don't want Katherine to have to see us like this. We've lived apart before and I am sure we can do it again." Kaelyn said as she stood there and looked at him as he looked taken aback. "I'm doing this for me. I'm leaving you. We can work out things with you getting Kat on some days. I will have my lawyer set up a mediation so we can handle the divorce quietly and peacefully."

"Kaelyn, you don't mean this." He said as he walked to her and stood right in front of her taking his hand and stroking her face.

Kaelyn quickly moved away. "I do mean this. It's over between us. No matter how much this tears me up inside I know it's for the best in the end." She then zipped up the suitcase. She then choked out a sob before looking at him. "If you love me you will let me go, please."

"Kay…" he started, but then moved out of the way. Kaelyn rolled the suitcase behind her as she reached the stairs where the other bags were she stopped and called the doorman to have someone come up to get the bags. She turned as she walked down the stairs to see Chuck standing at the stairs. She turned away and then made her way out of the apartment and downstairs where she waited in the limo for her bags.

-

Two whole weeks had passed since she had moved out and everyday was a bit easier. Sitting in her office she had a meeting with her lawyer who had drawn up all the paperwork for the divorce. She couldn't believe after that long they were ending it, but she knew she couldn't go back to where she was. In the past two weeks after getting over the trauma of actually moving out she actually feeling happy and actually smiling a smile that wasn't completely fake. She had found a place that was perfect for herself, Katherine, and the baby.

"So the mediation is next Wednesday at noon, but you should come to the office about 10 so we can go over everything before hand." Her lawyer said as he closed his briefcase.

"Alright, thanks." Kaelyn said as he took a deep breath. "Thanks so much for your services."

"You are always welcome." Her lawyer said as he stood. "See you Wednesday." Her lawyer then left her office. Kaelyn sat there completely at peace about everything. So far in the last two weeks things have worked out well for Chuck's visitation with Katherine who they set up will go with him every Tuesday, Sunday and every other Saturday. Kaelyn hadn't directly spoken to him and she knew that she wouldn't bear it at the time.

"Mrs. Bass, Mr. Martin is here to see you." Said Kaelyn's intern over the mic. That was another problem Kaelyn had been dwelling with. Pretty much so far all of her adult life she had been known as Mrs. Kaelyn Bass since they got married when they were 18, but now she didn't know if she wanted to keep her married name or go back to being Kaelyn Ryan a name she hadn't been called since she was 18.

"Thanks, send him in." Kaelyn said as she put her divorce paperwork in a folder.

"Hello pretty lady." Damien said as he walked in with a bouquet of Kaelyn's favorite flowers.

"Awe, thank you so much." Kaelyn said as she greeted him halfway and gave him a hug. Damien pulled her body closer to kiss while he planted kissed on her neck. "Damien." Kaelyn growled half annoyed. She and Damien had talked about getting back together, but she wasn't completely sure, but since then Damien had been acting as if they were an official couple. Kaelyn was annoyed with him for that, but she couldn't help, but love the feeling of being happy again.

"So how are you today and little Lizzette?" he asked as he put his hand on her stomach.

"Lizzette has been great, but I've been a little ill today." Kaelyn said as she looked up at Damien who smiled down at her before planting a kiss on her lips. "So you've got to see the new apartment I found. I think I will move in this week. Chuck has Katherine all weekend and so I think it's a perfect weekend to get moved in and situated."

"Kaelyn I was actually thinking." Damien started.

"Yeah?" Kaelyn questioned.

"I was thinking that you and Katherine could move in with me." Damien said.

"Damien your apartment is so small." Kaelyn said.

"I bought a house." He then said looking down at her with a smile.

"A house?" questioned Kaelyn.

"Yes, it's beautiful and big enough for all of us and the baby. There are just acres and acres of land with it." Damien said happily.

"Acres and acres of land, where is it?" Kaelyn asked.

"Vermont." Damien answered.

"Damien, I'm just going to move all the way to Vermont. I have a job and a life here in New York. I run a magazine, I can't do that all the way there." Kaelyn said looking at him and moving out from his arms. She couldn't believe he was thinking of asking her to move all the way to Vermont.

"Kaelyn it's perfect for us and the kids, like a place for a family." Damien said.

"My answer is no. I'm moving into my new apartment this weekend. A family can live perfectly fine there." Kaelyn answered as she walked back to her desk and sat down.

"Fine then New York is where the family will stay." Damien said giving in to Kaelyn. He walked behind her chair and started to massage her shoulders before he bent down to whisper in her ear, "So I hear a pregnancy side-effect is being extremely horny." He whispered

Kaelyn turned to him with her mouth wide open before then smiling slyly. "It is and it has been driving me crazy, maybe you can fix that tonight. I'm sure my aunt can keep Kat." Kaelyn said as she planted a very passionate kiss on Damien's lips.

"Sounds like a plan. Ms. Ryan." Damien said.

"Huh?" questioned Kaelyn.

"That's your maiden name right?" questioned Damien.

"Yeah it is." Kaelyn said.

"Well I figured it wasn't right to call you by your married name. A bit creepy don't you think since we are making plans to sleep together." Damien said with a slight laugh.

"Yeah it would be creepy. Thanks for that." Kaelyn said.

"No problem, love." Damien said before standing up. "I've got some photos to develop and then I will pick you up from your aunt's place tonight at about 7."

"Sounds perfect." Kaelyn said happily as she watched him leave her office.

Suddenly Kaelyn started to feel guilty. It has only been 2 weeks since she had decided to get a divorce and she was already sleeping with another guy. In rationalizing everything the guy is the father of her unborn child that she conceived while separated from Chuck, but then that was what their fights had been about. Kaelyn growled to herself as she sat at her desk. No matter what she figured she was going to been bad until the divorce was final and even after the mediation the finalizing of the divorce was going to take a few months. Closing her eyes she sighed because she realized that in the end her goal was to be happy and if that was with Damien then she wasn't going to stop anything from letting her be happy.