A/N - Well here it is - chapter 2! Yay! I enjoyed writing this chapter, its so emo and i really enjoy writing characters deep emotions. (That makes me sound so geeky! But hey - i am a geek). I don't own Torchwood so long live Janto!!!

Enjoy!

06th January

This is the day that my world ended…

…at least that's what it feels like. I've only just stopped crying enough to write this.

I had such a good day today as well, mind you, Ianto was acting strange. Only I noticed and I suppose that is all part of it.

The email had been sitting in my inbox since yesterday: From Ianto Jones Subject Important.

I saw it there while we were all researching suspected recent weevil attacks and to be honest I'm really glad I waited until later to read it for when I read those terrible words, I could feel my heart tearing in two. And I'm not ashamed to say that I cried. Just the things that it said:

From Ianto Jones Subject Important.

I'm sorry it's over. It has to be before I loose my mind. I love you but I need my mind more and if I loose it then I loose everything. You're still my best friend but I'm too involved with Torchwood to make any life decisions and I'm not ready for a relationship after Lisa and especially one built on lies (mainly on my part there I admit but no one knows I'm bisexual). I have to focus on the team and on my health, it's bad, I think have mental issues with everything that has happened.

I hope that you don't tell anyone about us though I will understand if you want to but I don't think either of us is ready for that and know I will always be here, ready to listen if you want to talk to me. This wont change anything I just cant go on with this relationship as I don't know what I need or want in life as I'm to confused with what I already have so I don't think I'm ready for a relationship or to drag you into my life.

I also apologise for letting our relationship get too intense before I realise what I have to do in life as now I have to focus all intension on the team and that's all. I'm really sorry. I was never good enough for you anyway.

Ianto xxx

I read it. I read this while alone in my office. Do you know what didn't help??? Ianto came onto the Torchwood message room while I was halfway through reading this in a state of shock. And do you know, the first thing he said was 'have you read my email?' I could only bring myself to reply one thing…

'You can't do this to me please, I can't live without you, I love you Ianto.'

Jack found himself saying his line out loud, as if he was echoing that fateful day. That message conversation had been horrible. Ianto was at home, so far away. No matter how much Jack begged, pleaded for him, he didn't give in. Jack thought that that was the first time that Ianto had had the upper ground and not given in, he was the person that everyone usually pushed around. But not this time.

Jack looked down to the little book again and dried his eyes before continuing.

I blame myself. It must have been my fault. Only yesterday, I sent Ianto (it hurts just to write his name) an email filled with all of my feelings and my thoughts and I hoped that it would persuade him that I actually was in Love. I had told him before but he didn't believe me, he honestly believes that he is not worth loving. I think it was Lisa that tipped him over the edge, when she left him all alone in this cruel, cruel world, he stopped believing that he was worth anything. I honestly believe that he wanted to crawl away and die. None of us knew that though, he's such a good actor when he wants to be. He created a 'mask', a 'public face' that everyone thought to be true.

Now I know the 'real' him. And it breaks my heart, that such a beautiful, wonderful person cannot see how anyone can like them.

It's funny how all our serious conversations take place via email or text. It seems as though we are incapable of talking face to face. Mind you, it's probably a good thing, I think I would cry if I so much as looked at him right now. And it is easier to write down your feelings where you can spend hours agonising over the right word that means exactly what you want it to mean.

We have decided to remain friends. Of course we have, it would hurt even more if I lost him completely and he was always the one I could talk to and confide in. I don't want to loose that special bond.

I'm going to go to bed, there's nothing else to right now is there? I shall probably cry myself to sleep. Tomorrow will be hard.

Memories. The next day had been hard. Jack had been completely exhausted on account of hardly sleeping. He had almost fallen asleep at his desk when Tosh was trying to explain… something. Everyone noticed how upset Jack seemed although no one was nice about it, not even Ianto himself who had to maintain his façade of happiness. In the end Jack had returned to his thoughts, which he wrote down.

And now he read them again.

07th January

It's for the best. It must be. I've thought it through and so what if I Love him? All I want is for him to be happy, even if ultimately, that isn't with me.

Today was bad though. I was so tired, the others didn't help. Ianto and Owen were the worst. They ganged up on me, albeit in a joking way. I felt so sad yet I could show none of it on the outside – I have to say I failed. How does Ianto do it? He shows none of the true emotions that he feels. I wish I could be like that.

Seeing Ianto and Owen decide to flick water at me because I was upset and not feeling particularly sociable broke me. I practically ran to the toilets, bypassing Gwen's half-arsed enquires, where I planned to break down and shed tears of raw emotion. But none came, I had used them all the night before, crying myself to sleep. On the matter of sleep, it is 11:00pm, and I will not go to bed, even though I have work tomorrow. I cannot face another night wallowing in my sorrow – alone. I don't deserve to sleep, I am a horrible excuse for a person. All I need to do is find something to fill the night with. Oh… Ianto's come online. I will talk to him, I don't hate the guy after all. He needs me to be strong for him. I Love him.

Looking back, Jack wished things had ended there. Because after that, they had gotten a whole lot worse.

A/N - Dun dun dunnnnn! Poor Jack - I feel bad making him be sad. Please review to make Jack (and me) happy!