A/N - Sorry for the incredible lateness of this chapter - i suddenly developed writers block!!! Terrible i know but it happens to all of us hey! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and this chapter is dedicated to everyone who has reviewed and helped to keep it going. I don't own Torchwood.

There is a bit of textspeak so i've put a translation at the bottom just in case you don't speak the lingo!

Enjoy!

He sat. Brooding.

Jack very rarely had a proper chance to examine himself and his past and he found that it was necessary. Living forever, the one thing you had to do was know yourself. If you didn't, it would be a very lonely forever indeed.

There was so much about the last few weeks that Jack regretted, all the pain and sadness – all the unnecessary anger. All that anger that had reached its peak on the 18th.

Jack had just finished writing in his diary and, as was becoming habit, scanned it into the computer and emailed it to Ianto, who read it instantly.

It had been just like the other times, Ianto read, apologised (a lot) and left. He always asked Jack to text him, but only once had he actually text back. This time though, Ianto had 'explained' why he never texted, 'I'll text back when you say something interesting, there's no point otherwise.'

That sentence had built on Jacks anger, like a volcano ready to erupt. It didn't though, not yet.

Jacks eyes, clouded with memories, found, once again, the pages containing his life. He read the words he had written, wishing he could go back and change them.

19th January

Last night. Last night. How to describe it.

I got angry. Very angry. And I regret it. I hurt Ianto and I'm not proud.

He promised he'd text me, he always promises. He never texts me though and tonight was no exception.

Normally, I text him something like 'Im nt rly sure wat 2 txt bt u askd me 2 so hr I am'. He said he never replied to my texts because they weren't interesting and I suppose they weren't but I just don't understand how he can lie to me, break his promises. He always says he cares about me, but he lies. I can't stand it. So last night I texted this: 'u want me 2 make it intrestin do u? is it tht u jst pic n choos wat parts of me u like? Am I borin 4 u, is tht y u left – bordom?'

I admit I was angry, but I had no right to say such things to him, he needs my support. The terrible thing was that, when I received no reply, I kept on sending messages, each more terrible than the last until, when I came to my senses I apologised – a pretty poor display of emotion, even by my standards and I'm not proud.

I apologised again this morning when he came into work. He stopped and said he'd written me a letter before turning away, ready for the day.

I never got that letter, thought Jack, back in the present day. What was it he'd said? That he bottled out. He'd said he had been too scared to actually give it to Jack because it had contained loads of 'romantic dribble'.

What the hell do I write, if not romantic dribble?

That line had been going around Jacks head the whole time, although it had changed from 'think' to 'write'. Jack found that writing all his thoughts and emotions gave him a chance to think things through and come to terms with himself. If he hadn't discovered the joys of writing, Jack didn't know what he would have done.

Then came the 22nd.

22nd January

Today, so far, has been awful.

I have realised the truth. I am invisible. No one cares about me. I am alone.

We were down in the boardroom, all of us except Tosh who had the day off. It was one of those rare moments where the rift was quiet enough for us all to just get on with some paperwork.

So there we all were, sat around, it was nothing formal – they were chatting and listening to music and laughing together. It was nice, we hardly ever get to relax with this job. I was in one of those moods though. I was feeling so sorry for myself, so filled up with all that has happened and how crap my life seemed right now. It was because of this that I decided to listen to a specific playlist I had created on my Ipod. It contains lots of 'break up' songs – I usually listen to it at night, when I need a good cry.

It just happened that this time, this time I need a good cry, was a time when everyone was around me. And I did cry. I was crying for almost twenty minutes. Solidly. And no one noticed.

They carried on talking, and laughing, and I was sobbing my heart out next to them. You would have thought that Ianto, at least, would have noticed. But it seems he really doesn't care.

If Tosh were here maybe it would have been different.

After twenty minutes I was forced to make a swift exit. I had intended to go to the toilets to clean myself up but I ended up locked in cubical crying even harder for the friends that seem to have moved on.

When I resurfaced, Gwen came to see me. 'Where did you go?'

Huh! They notice when I'm gone, not when I'm in trouble. I'm so emotional yet I couldn't tell her I'd been crying and she'd missed it. Poor sweet, innocent, Gwen. She'd be devastated, she loves a chance to care.

'Where was I? Where has part of my soul disappeared to more like!'

She asked no more questions after that.

It's been a bad, bad, lonely day. And it's only 3:00pm.

Only, 3:00pm. The rest of the day had gone… eventfully.

Jack had told Tosh. He'd told her everything. Well, not told exactly, he'd given her a copy of his diary. Jack knew that if anyone would understand, it'd be her.

Bless her, she'd listened wonderfully, given him advise, and Jack was so thankful that he'd finally opened up. To be honest he had wanted to tell Tosh for ages but the right moment had never presented itself and also he didn't want to upset Ianto anymore by sharing the secret they swore not to tell. Ianto had said he could talk to Tosh though, bless him, always trying to make others happy despite he himself being in an extremely dark place of his own.

Not his fault though. Jack thought of it as his fault, that was the one part of it he didn't tell Tosh. He was killing himself inside, for messing things up and ruining someone's life. There was a part of him that told him that it wasn't his fault but more often than not, that part of Jack went on holiday.

The evening didn't stop there though.

While telling Tosh everything Jack received a text from Ianto and an email from Owen, almost simultaneously.

Ianto explained nicely that the team had in fact noticed him crying and just been too shocked to do anything.

Owen had demanded to know why Jack was pissed off and accused him of worrying Ianto and not talking to him.

Jack had preferred Iantos tack.

Soon everyone forgot about it (except Owen who was increasingly rude until Jack yelled at him and threatened to retcon his tiny arse all the way to Saturn.)

And life went on.

For those of you who don't understand textspeak I have included a translation:

Im nt rly sure wat 2 txt bt u askd me 2 so hr I am – I'm no really sure what to text but you asked me to so here I am.

u want me 2 make it intrestin do u? is it tht u jst pic n choos wat parts of me u like? Am I borin 4 u, is tht y u left – bordom? – You want me to make it interesting do you? Is it that you just pick and choose what parts of me you like? Am I boring for you, is that why you left – boredom?

A/N - How was this chapter - I'm going through a thing where i read all my work and hate it, so please tell me if this is any good. All the best.