In his room, the author munched on potato chips as he watched a movie. "Oh, that Inigo Montoya." he chuckled, "No, you certainly are not left handed." As he shoved another fistful of chips into his mouth, the door to the room slammed open. Looking up in surprise, he was only able to gasp in shock (and almost choke his on chips) as several figures entered the room. Each one was noticeably angry. At the front of the group were Usagi, Rei, Minako, Hotaru, and Chibi-Usa.

"Do you know how long it's been since you worked on our story?" Minako asked, glaring at the crumb covered teenager. After swallowing, he managed "Er, what story?" As the group glared at him for a few moments, realization dawned on him. "Oh. Oh! That story. Um…" They continued to glare.

The author quickly turned off the television and sat in front of his laptop. "I'll just get to work on that."

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At the Hikawa shrine, Rei sighed as she sat down, her thoughts turning to the pigtailed blonde that left some time ago. The miko had been thinking about her feelings for Usagi for some time, and while she'd wanted to confess, she didn't want to just be the rebound after Mamoru. "But if I wait too long and she finds someone else…" she thought, feeling defeated, "…maybe I should just give up now and move on?" Almost as if in answer, her cell phone rang. "Hello? Oh hey Haruka, what's up?"

And so…

"Minako! Phone for you! It's Rei!" The blonde took the phone from her mother. "Hello, you've reached Minako Aino's Palace of Love, may I take your order?"

"Hah, you're hilarious. Anyway, I need your advice on something. I'm going on a date and-" Rei was interrupted by the blonde. "You finally asked Usagi out?! Jeez, I was wondering what was taking you so long."

The miko sighed before answering "Actually no, it isn't Usagi. I-" but she was once again interrupted. "Rei, my friend, whom I care for deeply… Please tell me it isn't Yuichiro."

On the other end, Rei gagged. "Oh, hell no! Besides, the author hates all of the extraneous anime characters. Except for Elsa Grey." There were a few moments of silence on both ends, perhaps in memory of the fourth wall, before the Senshi of fire continued. "Haruka and Michiru have set me up with Setsuna. We're meeting in the park in an hour."

"So," began the blonde, "What advice did you need?"

Rei coughed and, unseen to Minako, blushed. "I can't decide, slacks or skirt?" On the other end, Minako's expression became unreadable as she glared at the phone.

"If you really want my advice, if the horse throws you off, you should GET UP AND RIDE A COWBOY!!" She mashed the off button and crossed her arms. "Honestly, she finally gets a shot at Usagi and she pulls this?" Then she actually thought about what she just told the miko. "Oh, huh, that sounded wrong, even to me."

Rei sweat dropped and looked at the phone in her hand, her ears still ringing. "What the heck did that mean? Screw it, I'm going with the slacks."

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As she leaned against the door to Minako's house, Hotaru took deep gulps of air. "I… shouldn't… (pant) have… run the whole… (gasp) way. I could have… (gulp) called her. Or get… (wheeze) Makoto to do it… for me. Where the hell is she anyway?"

Not sparing the brunette another thought, she rang the doorbell. Minako's mother opened the door to reveal a pale young girl in a black dress, who was red in the face and out of breath. "Oh, you're one of Minako's friends, right?" Hotaru managed to nod her head.

"You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." Minako giggled as her mother led Hotaru into her room. The blonde looked up and smiled at the dark girl as Mrs. Aino closed the door behind her. "Hey," Minako said, "What's up?" Hotaru took a deep breath and…

Several Minutes of Explanation and Later:

"So that's the situation, huh?" Minako summarized, "Something's happened to Chibi-Usa, and then these "Mysterious People," whom you refuse to describe, show up and tell you that she's going to stop existing because Mamoru got his stupid ass killed in the States, and the only way to fix everything is to get Usagi hooked up with someone soon?"

For a few moments, Hotaru was afraid that the blonde didn't believe her. As Minako began to grin, however, she felt an even greater fear. "Don't sweat it! The Goddess of Love herself has a foolproof plan! Hell, I was thinking about spying on those two anyway!"

"What?"

Minako began to explain, "I happen to know that Rei is going on a date with your mama pretty soon. All we have to do is ruin it, and Rei will run off into the arms of the one that we ALL know she is desperately in love with."

Hotaru gasped in shock. "Michiru-mama is cheating on Haruka-papa with Rei?!" Minako gave the girl a disappointed look. "Sorry, the author thought it would be funny." Minako shook her head. "It wasn't. It was the opposite of funny." Minako looked at you, the reader. "Seriously, our author really sucks."

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Sitting on a bench, Rei watched as other park-goers walked by on the sidewalk. Noticing a shimmer of dark green, she waved to Setsuna as the time Senshi made her way over. Both women were casually dressed, perfect for a more relaxed date than at Setsuna's favorite restaurant. The one that really needs a name. Yeah.

Rei chuckled as she stood up. "Hey there, and welcome to your second date courtesy of Haruka and Michiru, the magical girl dating service," she announced in an exaggerated manner.

Setsuna let out a small laugh and smiled. "Well, they do try their best. Actually, it's my third." At Rei's inquisitive look, Setsuna merely said "You don't want to know. I'm still not sure if I was supposed to be going out the girl or her creepy teddy bear." She sighed and shook her head. "So, any ideas on what we will be doing on this little outing?" Setsuna felt fairly at ease around Rei, since the raven-haired girl seemed to be taking their arranged date about as seriously as she did.

Rei shrugged. "I thought we could just walk in the park until we come up with something better." As they were walking, Rei glanced over at Setsuna several times. It did not go unnoticed. "Something on your mind?" The miko scratched the back of her head.

"Um, Setsuna, you don't happen to know what will happen with Usagi do you?" At the greenette's questioning look, Rei added; "You know, with Mamoru and everything?"

Setsuna smiled and closed her eyes. "Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future." Rei stared at the other woman for a moment, then crossed her arms over her chest. "You're geeking out on me Sets."

The older woman held back a giggle before replying: "So says the Buffy fangirl." Rei blushed but managed to retort with "Hey! Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot." The two walked in silence for a few minutes until Setsuna broke it. "We all know you've got a thing for blondes, Hino." She laughed as Rei's blush deepened before adding "Not that I'm disagreeing with you."

Not far away, Hotaru and Minako hid behind several bushes as they watched the two women walk down the sidewalk. Minako sighed, her expression betraying her boredom. "God, they aren't even doing anything. We probably just have to wait until they both decide that the date isn't going anywhere."

Hotaru pouted and grabbed Minako's sleeve, "But we don't have the time for that!" The blonde patted the younger girl's head "Relax, I called Usagi on the way here and- there she is!"

Behind Rei and Setsuna, Usagi was doing a rather poor job of tailing the two women. That's right; trench coat, fedora, newspaper with eyeholes cut out, every spy cliché you can think of. It was a wonder that the painfully conspicuous girl hadn't already been spotted by the very people she was stalking. As she walked by a bush, a hand shot out, grabbed her, and pulled her behind it. "WAAA-mph!" she shouted. Rei turned around, but saw nothing. She shrugged and continued her conversation with Setsuna.

Minako removed her hand from Usagi's mouth. "Shh!" The pigtailed blonde relaxed, "Oh, good, I was wondering where you were Minako," she looked over at Hotaru and waved, "Hey Hota-" She stopped when she looked at Hotaru's glare. "Is something wrong Hotaru?"

The Senshi of death continued glaring at the princess for a few moments, then looked at Minako, then at Rei and Setsuna, who were steadily moving away from the three of them. Then she looked back at Usagi. "Oh hell no. This chapter has been over a year in the making, I am NOT letting it end with a 'series of wacky hijinks' culminating in an angry Usagi confessing to Rei in front of Setsuna-mama who approves wholeheartedly." She suddenly materialized her Silence Glaive and pointed at Usagi.

"You! Do you like Rei enough to go out with her, fall in love, get married, rule the future Tokyo, and have an adorable pink-haired child that comes back in time and confesses to me?"

Usagi was still looking at the goofy looking, yet sharp, blade in front of her "What? I-I-" Hotaru thrust the glaive closer to the blonde's face. "Rei, yes or no?!" Usagi gulped and answered "Ye-yes."

The younger Senshi grabbed Usagi's hand and dragged her in the direction of Rei and Setsuna.

Minako watched the two of them leave in confusion.

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"Ah, speaking of vampires, there's this movie I'd been planning on seeing." Rei mentioned. Setsuna looked at her dubiously. "If it's the one I'm thinking of, you might want to pass on it. Not if you're looking for Buffy-style vampires." At the miko's confused look, she added, "The vampires sparkle."

Just as Rei was about to ask the obvious question, she noticed Hotaru approaching them pulling Usagi behind her. The young Senshi stomped up to Rei, took the miko's hand and put Usagi's hand in it. The two looked down at their joined hands and blushed.

"Rei." Hotaru was now pointing her glaive at the miko. "Take her out to dinner. Now."

Neither of the women heard her as they became lost in each other's eyes. The two slowly began to inch closer to one another, their lips almost touching…

"Oh for the love of god!" shouted Hotaru, who unceremoniously bumped Usagi closer to Rei with the butt of the Silence Glaive. Their lips met and…

The kiss started out chaste enough, but as Usagi and Rei closed their eyes, they slowly got more into it. Tongues were definitely employed after a certain point.

"Close enough." Hotaru turned to Setsuna. "Sorry about your date, Setsuna-mama. Just know that it was definitely for the greater good." The greenette would have replied, but found it hard to stop staring at Rei and Usagi making out so enthusiastically.

"Hotaru-chan!" Both of the Senshi not currently locking lips turned to see Chibi-Usa running towards them, followed by two other figures. The pink-haired girl pulled Hotaru into a close hug. "Hotaru, I…" She trailed off. "Chibi-Usa-chan…" Hotaru pulled the girl from the future closer until their lips met. Hey, it's a romantic moment, what else did you expect to happen?

Setsuna looked between the two new couples. "Two chapters, two romantic loose ends all tied up. I guess that makes sense. To a brain-dead monkey."

The female figure that had followed Chibi-Usa to the park tapped Hotaru on the shoulder and whispered something into her ear. Hotaru pulled away from the yam-headed girl to look at Setsuna. "Oh Setsuna-mama, can I ask you for a favor?"

_______________________________________________________________

At a familiar restaurant, where the sign that should have proudly displayed the establishment's name sat empty, and some tarp covered a large hole in the wall next to the door, Setsuna took another sip of her wine. "So you're- ?"

The dark clothed woman seated on the other side of the table smiled. "I am an anthropomorphic personification of the End of All Things. That which no lock may hold nor fastened portal bar. The 'Omega' in Alpha and Omega. But you can call me Death."

The time senshi smiled politely. "Really?" However, she thought: "I hope that this isn't something that Hotaru-chan will do on a regular basis. I think she's picking up bad habits from Haruka and Michiru."

______________________________________________________________

Back at the park, Minako looked confused, still hiding behind the bush.

"What the hell just happened?"

She felt something bony tap her shoulder. Turning around, she looked up into a grinning face that seemed… off somehow.

PARDON ME, BUT DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO ANKH-MORPORK?

______________________________________________________________

Ikuko Tsukino opened the door to her home. "Usa-chan, Hotaru-chan! I'm back! You wouldn't believe the line…" She looked into the room they had been watching television in. "Where could they have gone?"

Ikuko doesn't baby-sit that often anymore.

______________________________________________________________

The author smiled as he typed the last few sentences. With a smile, he turned to see that the crowd had left. However, when he moved to turn the television back on, his eyes widened as his mind became inundated with new story ideas. His smile became a crazed grin that became wider and wider, until he rushed to window and threw it open. "Attention world of fan fiction," he shouted, "Guess who's baa-aack!"

Several dogs began barking and someone yelled back "No one cares!"

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Perky!Death belongs to Neil Gaiman

Death that SPEAKS LIKE THIS belongs to Terry Pratchett.

Both of these men are writers of the highest caliber, and I hope they'll pardon me using their characters in such a manner.

The same goes for Naoko Takeuchi's characters. Obviously.

I think that Rei came out a little dorky in this.

Also, Baka Gaijin 30, if you are reading this, thank you for a certain idea that I used. You know the one. You mentioned it a while ago, but it was simply too awesome not to include. ;D