A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews. It means so much to know that people are still reading this and liking it after being gone for such a long period of time. This chapter is dedicated to those of you who reviewed, especially peacelovejonas who reviewed every single chapter again, since the previous reviews were deleted. That really made me smile, thank you. Anyways, so since many of you took Nate dying negatively, as predicted, I put a different spin on it, and it plays out a bit differently now. But you'll have to read to find out the changes. I hope chapter fourteen meets your standards, enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Anyone But You
Chapter Fourteen
I was running through every word and every movement over and over and over again. My mind was on a constant repeat and I couldn't help but think of everything I could have said and could have done. But I didn't. I hadn't done anything at all. I hadn't run after her like her knight in shining armor and I hadn't apologized like the gentleman I had always thought I was. I had only stood there for as long as I possibly could. Nothing. In those moments after her last few words to me I wasn't capable of doing anything at all. It was a mistake. It was a mistake. The rewind replayed it over and over and I couldn't bring myself to apologize because whether or not she realized it, she had hurt me more in that one moment than I think I could ever do to her, intentionally or not.
To know that she thought it was a mistake was devastating. I'm not sure if I've ever had one of those moments that change everything in your life, but if I did, this was definitely it. The girl who I had fallen for, this girl who had carved a place in my heart, was slowly eating me away from the inside out. Something that I had thought was so real, something so meaningful and amazing and beautiful; a memory that I thought I could always go back to had now been forever tampered with. Now it was meaningless. A moment in time, just another kiss, another smile, another girl. But she never really would be just another girl. This was a girl who had made my life hell for two years and continued to do so well after I'd given in. This was all I could deal with. I should have given up on her so long ago, but I guess it finally takes something so drastic as this to realize it. I had made it my duty to be everything she could ever need in her moments of weakness, and I was repaid with the knowledge of being nothing more than a mistake.
Unlike her though, I couldn't say that anything had ever been a mistake. It was just another experience for me and I would eventually find some good in it, find something to take out of it. The key word in that was eventually, because at the present time I couldn't comprehend ever finding a reason not to consider it a mistake. But still, it wasn't a mistake, I knew, and I hoped that my reason would come. I hoped it would come soon, and I hoped that somehow things were going to be okay.
My feet found their way to the stairs and they echoed loudly throughout the house as I climbed the staircase loudly. With each step I could feel my heart beat harder and harder the closer I got to her. As much as I hated to admit it, She would always have that place in my heart carved out just for her. But even though she had that place, and she set off the butterflies that I had grown so used to, it wouldn't matter. It was too late to apologize now. It wasn't simply that the moment was a mistake, but she had previously led me to believe that it wasn't. She had pulled my heart strings at that kitchen table, said she meant it and then tore it all away from me. Ripped that memory from my hands and ruined it. I would never be able to look at that night, this entire experience, or more importantly, her the same ever again. Those four words changed it all. It was a mistake.
I walked that hallway as if the ground was made of glass. My feet treaded slowly and carefully, and the floorboards squeaked beneath me. My eyes trailed lightly to where I knew she would be. Shane's room. My eyes lingered there much longer than I intended, and I couldn't help but wonder if I should go to her. I wondered it, but I didn't. She'd made it clear that she didn't need me anymore. She'd made it obvious that I was just another mistake. And maybe she was right. Maybe I was. Maybe she'd do just fine without me, and maybe she just didn't need me anymore. Or maybe this was all some sick prank that had gone way too far, but I didn't think even she was capable of that.
I slammed my door that night when I finally went into my room. I pulled it shut as hard as I possibly could, trying anything to get that lasting anger out. I was confused and so out of place. I wanted to apologize, and yet I also wanted one from her. I wanted to forgive her and at the same time I wanted to cut her from my life entirely. I didn't even know what I should be mad at because deep down she still seemed so blameless to me. I wanted so desperately to blame myself just so that I'd be responsible for the apology I could so easily say. Just so that I could fix everything and get that feeling back. The one where I was on top of the world and nothing else mattered. But I was better than that.
I wandered around that room, pacing until I couldn't think anymore. At some point during the night I was sure that I had heard the floor creaking outside my door, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I wanted to rip that door open, and I wanted to see if it was her sneaking down for a snack or one of our captors, but I didn't. I was too stuck on obsessing over her mistake. God, why did I even care so much? Why did it matter and why did it hit me so deep. No dig or remark had ever settled in me quite like this did, and frankly, it scared me. I didn't want to think about this forever, and I knew I needed to let it go. I couldn't replay it for the rest of my life, but I was so afraid that that might be the only thing I could do. So instead of replaying it for the countless time, I let my head hit that soft, tempting pillow. I let my eyes close that night and I let myself drift off without her by my side. For this one night I left her alone and I didn't try to keep her safe or keep her protected. Thoughts of her itched in the back of my mind, but as I tried my best to get some sleep, they were quickly silenced by a word, and one word only: Mistake.
As soon as my mind drifted into that thoughtless slumber it seemed like it was ripped out from under me. My head was hazy and I felt myself drifting in and out of an artificial consciousness. I'm sure that my eyelids weighed a thousand pounds and it was getting increasingly difficult just to open my eyes. Each time I tried, I could see sunlight. It was streaming in through a window, but slightly obscured by a set of blinds. I squinted, and it burned my eyes. Oh god, how long had I been asleep for? My mind wandered and I couldn't seem to keep it set on one topic. My head kept tilting from side to side and I'm sure that I must have groaned a few times. As soon as I could register anything besides the fact that I was awake, the second thing I realized was my splitting headache. Not that I ever drank, but I was sure that this must have been what a hangover felt like.
I tried desperately to reach a hand up to my head, but my arms seemed much too heavy. They wouldn't even move an inch from their current position. Instead, I opted to close my eyes again, resting against the back of the chair I was sitting in. Oh god, my head. It felt like someone had put a metal pole through it. It was almost as if- Wait. Chair?
My eyes whipped open, despite the fact that I was currently in an almost vampire state. The last thing I could remember was falling asleep in a bed, in a room much like my own, but wasn't. Instead here I sat in a chair, in a room like nothing I had ever seen. The walls were gray and made of concrete. There was a door on one side of the room that was open and a staircase was beyond it, leading to where I could only guess was upstairs. My eyes rapidly searched the room in front of me for anything at all. It was mostly empty with just a table and a couple of chairs and nothing else. I tried to think of where I could be or if I had any recollection of ever being here before. I didn't. I was positive.
To say the least, confusion took over every part of my body. My headache pounded and I could almost hear it. My heart beats followed the same quick pulse as my headache and my breathing was fast and irregular. I wanted a paper bag more than anything to stop the hyperventilating. My arms hurt almost to the point of burning whenever I tried to move them. Looking down, I saw them bound by ropes that kept me sitting tightly in the chair. I moved my hands expertly, remembering from some far away experience at camp how to loosen the knots. They weren't great knots or anything, so they came loose without much work, but it did take a bit of time to loosen them enough to get enough room for my hands to almost fully untie them. Thats when I heard it and thats when I froze. It was a groan from what I had believed to be empty space behind me.
My head turned first, and then my body. The ropes that I had been working on loosened enough in that one moment and I was able to rip them from the chair. I've heard of people having a sudden burst of superhuman strength in certain situations, but never did I think it would happen to me.
"No, no, no, no, no," The words left my mouth and my eyes were wide. I heard my knees hit the floor as I crawled forwards, unable to move my vision anywhere else. I could look no where but at her. Leaving her alone last night was the worst mistake I could have ever made. It was a much worse mistake than hers ever could be.
She laid against the cold, gray cement, motionless. The large gray t-shirt I had given her before was ripped in so many places. She was wearing the black short shorts that I had washed for her what seemed like less than an hour ago. I couldn't even begin to describe the feelings that shot through me in that moment. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be all there was for us.
The floor was stained. It was stained with all the promises I had broken and all the things that would go unsaid. Her blood spilled from so many places and I couldn't even begin to comprehend the pain she was undoubtedly in. It was all because of me. I felt the sticky substance between my fingers and I wanted to die. It was everywhere. There was no spot in that corner of the room that wasn't some shade of red. It was all over her skin, bloody fingerprints pressed into her legs and hips. She had triple the bruises than what I had last seen her with and it killed me. It killed me to know that I had let this happen to her.
Her red extensions had been pulled out in chunks. It didn't matter though, because whatever was blond was covered in crimson anyways. She groaned again and tried to open her eyes. The blood stuck to her lashes and had dried across her face. How long had she been like this? How long had he left her here to die? I didn't even know how someone could live with themselves knowing that they had done this to someone. Thats when I realized that it wasn't too late to apologize, because no apologies were needed. I didn't need an "I'm sorry," all I needed was for her to live.
"Lilly please," I spoke, swallowing the lump in my throat and delicately reaching my hand out to her. I touched her face softly and her eyes blinked up at me with an unimaginable amount of hurt and sadness in them. Silently, I shook my head, unable to do anything else. My eyes looked her over, every piece. No. It was the only thought running through my mind. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't possibly be real. I was seventeen for godsake! Things like this shouldn't happen! But it was. And I could do nothing about it. I was helpless and I knew I was. I was so out of my element and I didn't have an ounce of control. I hated it, and I hated him for doing this to us.
"You're going to be okay," Each syllable echoed off the walls, "You have to be okay." My voice was cracking and she was staring up at me. I couldn't look away. That look was something that would haunt me forever, but I kept the connection. I kept it with every ounce of strength because I wasn't sure how long her eyes would stay open for.
"I'll try," She whispered, smiling. As soon as she said it, she seemed to gain strength. That look of hurt and pain didn't seem as awful anymore, and her smile was growing bigger with each second. She stared deeply into my eyes and I knew that this girl was the girl I was going to spend my entire life with. I would look back and wonder why we ever fought and think about all the time we had wasted at each other's throats. We could have been happy long before this, but I'll forever be grateful for the experience because this is what made us realize how much we needed each other. This is what made me realize that I loved her with everything I had. That I would give it all up for her.
Bang. The footsteps came pounding down the stairs with that realization. The quick pounding of the soles of his feet matched the beats of my heart. It was oddly deja-vu of something I couldn't recall at the moment. The fear in me rose dramatically and Lilly's sense of pain seemed to return. No, no, no. This couldn't possibly be happening. But again, I had to face that it was.
His face came into view as he stepped into the room. He was covered in blood that I knew wasn't his own. He had four large scratches across his face and his arm was bleeding from what looked like a large bite mark. She had fought back, and I was proud that she had. She had given him just a little taste of what he'd done to her. But he deserved so much more. I wanted him to suffer and I wanted him to die for what he'd put the both of us through. No one deserved to go through the pain that I was sure Lilly was in, no one except him.
"Finally awake Nathaniel?" His sickening voice sneered. He shot me a smirk while he picked a towel up off the table to wipe the sticky red off his hands. I watched him carefully as he placed the cloth back down and pulled a gun from his pocket. How had I known that he wouldn't come down here unarmed?
"I'm surprised you slept through all the fun," He spoke, gesturing to Lilly.
"Fun?" I almost screamed, "You call this fun, you sick bastard?" He just laughed and it frustrated me to no end. He thought it was funny to play around with her life like this? To him she was a game, but to me she was everything. I couldn't even stand the thought of being perfectly fine, asleep, while she suffered next to me. It made me want to vomit.
"Don't worry," He smiled. It wasn't genuine. It was laced with something disgusting and ill that only someone as mentally deranged as him could wear with such comfort. It scared me. "You haven't missed everything."
"You're up just in time to play my favourite game of all," He spoke. My eyebrows scrunched up, confused and so afraid. The next words he spoke would forever replay in my mind. The second he said it, my breath caught in my throat, and my limbs became like ice- frozen. Everything stopped in that second, going as slow as it possibly could. The fear covered me and would stay with me forever.
"Russian Roulette," The smirk grew bigger and he loaded just one bullet. His shoes made a sickening noise as they walked across the ground, ever closer. Squish, Squish, Squish, against the crimson liquid covering the cement. He stopped in front of the both of us, me and Lilly, and spun the barrel like it was a daily occurrence. I tried desperately to suck in breath, but nothing came. I was silent, wide eyed, and I heard the click of the barrel as it came into place. He aimed it towards her, and my eyes followed. Her own eyes were shut, and I was grateful that at least she wouldn't have to see it, should it happen. I prayed more in those few seconds than I ever have in my life. If there was a God, and if he cared what so ever, he wouldn't let this happen. Not to me, not to her. We were so young, and had so much ahead of us. She wanted to go to Pepperdine in Malibu, and I wanted to tour. She wanted to go into Law, and I wanted to keep releasing music. But more than that, I wanted her, and I wanted a life with her no matter where it took us. But I wouldn't get that, not if it was ripped from my hands with just one bet on luck.
Click. The trigger. Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound of my heart. Squish. His boots lifted from the floor. Whoosh. The air filled my lungs. Pound. Pound. My pulse, my veins. Bang. Bang. The Headache against my skull. These are the sounds I will remember. These are the sounds before the snap as the bullet ripped through her brain and littered it all over the wall.
-----
Distraction wasn't the word I was looking for, but I couldn't focus long enough to come up with a better one. Work was a distraction. I knew I shouldn't be here, and I knew I should have been at home, or with Miley or the Grays. I knew I should have, but I wasn't. I couldn't stand to think about it any longer than I already had. Everything was so confusing and it didn't make sense at all. I had run through forty million and one different scenarios and I was still empty handed. I wanted to do something, anything at all. I was interning at a police station, damnit! I should have been able to do something, but I didn't know where to start. There were no clues coming in, no tips. No one had seen Nick, or Lola, or even Lilly. The police had no leads, and now they were suddenly dead.
That was the first thing that set off the alarm bells in my head. Dead. I was at the station when I first heard the news report. Lola Luftnagle was found dead along with Nate Gray. She had apparently been so badly burned that the only way to identify her was through dental records and half a finger print that hadn't been completely melted from her skin. My suspicion about her disappearance hit the roof at this point. Lola had no dental records and no fingerprints. The only reason I knew this was because Mike Standley didn't have any either. It wasn't possible. I wasn't sure how the police had gotten these supposed records, but I didn't believe it for one second either way. That body wasn't Lilly's, I knew that much for sure. I couldn't be positive whether or not that was really Nate that was in the morgue at the hospital, but if he had been found with "Lola" than I was pretty doubtful. I couldn't seem to make up my mind whether I thought they were dead or not, but I knew that those bodies just couldn't be theirs. There wasn't enough evidence, if any, to prove it.
So many thoughts were swirling in my head and I couldn't pick which one to follow first. So many different courses to choose and I could only pick just one. I didn't want to pick the wrong one either, because that might just lead me down a path of nothing, wasting my time and getting me no where closer to Lilly or Nate. I needed just one thing, just one tip, one hint, one piece of evidence to follow. That was something I didn't have. Not until now, not until I got that call.
"Hello?" I answered my cell phone. I always had it on.
"Oliver..." Miley's voice came through from the other end of the line. She sounded terribly upset and like she had been crying for hours. I hadn't seen much of her ever since I had let myself get distracted with working. We hadn't talked much about the disappearance. We had both taken our space, taking our different ways to deal with it.
"I think you should come over," She cried, and without hesitation, I began to run around the station, gathering my things. I could hear the urgency in her voice and I knew she needed me. Something was up, and I could only hope that she had that one thing I had been waiting for. The one thing that would break this case wide open and give me a sure fire path to follow.
I didn't take longer than ten minutes to get to her front doorstep. I knocked quickly, and the door flew open the second I did. I felt arms wrap themselves around my neck and Miley's weight was thrown onto my body. She hugged me tightly as if I was the last thing she could hold onto. I felt her tears on my shoulder and my arms hugged her back just as tight. I could only hope that things would get better from here.
I looked past her into the living room where Jason and Shane sat uncomfortably. I think it was mildly obvious that they had just learned about the Hannah secret and were adjusting. Learning that I was really Mike Standley wouldn't be too hard, considering my appearance didn't change dramatically. It was always a wonder that no one ever told me I looked like him.
Once Miley released me, we stepped into the house, shutting the door behind us. She kept crying, never stopping. The two older boys looked distressed, but I don't think they had it in them to cry. I didn't either. I kept my arm around Miley though, because it was clear that she needed a friend to lean on now more than ever. Shane and Jason sat on the couch next to each other. They had dark circles under their eyes and it looked like they hadn't slept in days. Miley motioned for me to sit next to them, and I obeyed, falling next to Jason, who was now in the middle. The three of us watched Miley closely as she took a seat on the coffee table, wiping at her eyes. No matter how often she cleared them, they teared up again instantly.
"I got a call last night," She whimpered, running a hand from her forehead and over her hair, trying to stay composed, "It was Lilly." We all froze.
"She- She wanted me t- to tell you guys some things..." She trailed off, stuttering. She sucked in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts. When she finally did, she looked up, engaging in a staring contest with Jason.
"She said you were an amazing friend," She spoke, and Jason knew it was for him. He did all he could do. He bit his lip, nodded his head lightly and tried not to cry as his eyes welled up with unshed tears. Next Miley turned to her left, starting her second message.
"Shane," She began, sniffling, "She- I don't know what it's supposed to mean, but she-she wanted me to tell you that she's sorry."
"O-oh," He stuttered out, his eyes glazing over and becoming oddly interested with something on the carpet. She took the chance and turned all the way over to me. I didn't want to hear it. Hearing Lilly's message would some how confirm in my head what we all knew. She was probably dead. She had somehow gotten a hold of a phone, or her kidnapper had let her give her last messages. I didn't want to accept that my best friend was gone. That the girl I had known since preschool wasn't going to be around anymore.
"Oliver," Miley spoke, catching her breath.
"No," I retaliated, "I don't want to hear it." Miley seemed taken aback. She looked at me with shock and something I couldn't place. Her eyes welled up again and her tears spilled out. I watched as anger snapped across her face and flashed through her eyes. And then she couldn't hold back anymore.
"You don't want to hear it?!" She yelled, "At least you have something to hear!" She couldn't help but begin hiccuping through her rant, "She called me last night and she knew. I could hear it in her voice that she thought she'd never get the chance to tell you these things, and you don't even want to hear it! She didn't even tell me anything, but its enough for me to know that she called me, she wanted to talk to me and that she trusted me enough with these messages and I can't even give it to you because you don't want it?! She couldn't even tell me where she was, she- she just- she wanted me to give these words to you because it's all she could, and you won't let me do that for her," Miley broke, letting her hands catch her head as it fell and she sobbed. And as she sobbed, it all clicked in my head. I took in my breath and I got that clue. I reached out to the table, past Miley and grabbed her phone. Three clicks was all it took to get that number back on the caller display. It was a ten digit number, one that seemed far too familiar. It may have taken three clicks to get that number, but this realization came in just one. This was a police number.
"Miley," My voice was strong and yet scared all at the same time, "Miley..." I looked up to her and she raised her head to catch my gaze. "Get me a pen and a paper, now! I can trace this number." And without hesitation, she obliged. She jumped from her seat and grabbed me what I needed. I copied down that number with the speed of superman and held it tightly in my hand as I raced out the door, all three of them following. We all loaded into my car, and I heard the tires squeal as I sped away. And as I drove, I wracked my brain for where I had seen this number. I went over and over through every memory, and every time I did it only came back to one thing. Miller.
A/N: Bah. I hope you liked it, and hopefully it wasn't as rusty as the last chapter. Depending on how the next chapter plays out, it may be the last or there may be one more chapter after that. A few questions though. Do you prefer this scenario over the "Nate possibly dying" one that I had presented last chapter? Also, don't kill me, the story isn't finished yet. :) Big hint right there. Also, What has been both your favourite line, and your favourite scene in this entire story? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Anyways, review!
ps. At the beginning, after rereading, and especially the one line, it reminds me so much of the song Apologize. I think it's originally by One Republic, please correct me if I'm wrong, But I've totally been digging the cover that Silverstein did of it. Does anyone else listen to Silverstein? If so, what do you think of them? I'd love to hear. Wow, this A/N is way too long.
Review please!