The Christmas period seemed to speed by all to quickly. Both John Paul and Craig regretted their promises to stay with their families on Christmas day and, after a day spent with mobile phones constantly in their grips, both mothers had commented that they might as well have been together anyway.

Arranging to meet in the quietness of the Dog on Boxing Day John Paul arrived early to find Craig nowhere to be seen.

Getting himself a drink at the bar he looked around the room and was surprised as his eyes settled on Spike sat alone at the far end of the room.

John Paul hesitated for a moment. He hadn't really spoken to Spike since they'd broken up but, as Spike raised a hand in greeting, it seemed wrong not to go over and say hello.

Spike smiled warmly as John Paul settled into the seat next to him.

"Hey," he said, "How've you been?"

"Good… you?"

"Not bad," Spike said, "I heard Craig's back…"

"Yeah… just for Christmas," John Paul felt a moments discomfort discussing Craig with Spike but Spike didn't seem to notice.

"So how you handling that? After what he did?"

"It's OK… we're… we got past it… we're OK."

Spike raised an eyebrow in surprise, "You've given him another chance?"

"I had to… in the end… I…" John Paul fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You still love him?"

"Yeah," John Paul admitted, "I don't know how not to."

Spike nodded his understanding as he took a long drink from the bottle in his hand.

"So how about you?" John Paul asked, "Seeing anyone."

Spike's face broke into a wide smile, "Well actually there is someone… another DJ as it happens."

"Not blonde with blue eyes is he," John Paul laughed.

"Blonde yeah," Spike admitted, "But green eyes."

"I'm really pleased for you… is it serious?" John Paul felt genuine happiness that Spike had found someone; he still regretted how badly he had treated the man.

"Pretty serious," Spike said, "He's just moved in with me."

"I'm made up for you," John Paul said pulling Spike in for a hug, "I hope you're really happy together."

Spike returned John Paul's embrace. "Thanks," he said, "I hope things work out with you and Craig too."

"This time I think they will," John Paul said confidently as he sat back in his seat just in time to catch a glimpse of Craig across the other side of the bar staring at him.

The smile on John Paul's face widened as he raised his hand to beckon Craig to join them but instead Craig turned and walked quickly out of the pub.

John Paul frowned for a moment until he realised what Craig saw, or rather what Craig THOUGHT he saw.

"I have to go," he said standing quickly and following Craig out of the door without a backward glance to Spike.

John Paul pulled up the collar of his jacket as he stepped outside. What had been a light drizzle when he arrived was quickly turning heavier.

"Craig!" John Paul shouted to the back of the retreating man, "Wait…"

Craig didn't stop or turn around making John Paul run after him and grabbing on to his shoulder.

"Wait," he repeated, "Please…"

Craig stopped and allowed John Paul to turn him around the look in his eyes causing a sharp pain to cut through John Paul's chest.

"It's not what you think," John Paul said softly.

"I understand," Craig replied, "I mean it's all I deserve…"

"No," John Paul told him, "D'you really think I would do that… to you?"

"We did it to him."

"But I love you," John Paul said simply catching hold of Craig's hands, "I love you…"

"But you were…" Confusion and hope battled over Craig features.

"I was wishing him well… with his new boyfriend."

"Oh," Craig looked down at his feet sheepishly, "I just thought that maybe… after what I did…"

"You think I would try and get my own back?" John Paul shook his head sadly, "Don't you know me better than that?"

"I'm sorry," Craig said lifting his eyes back to John Paul's face, "I'm just so scared of losing you… I…" He shrugged not knowing what else he could say. "I'm sorry."

John Paul laughed lightly as he pressed his hand against Craig's face; his skin was cold and wet with the rain.

"You're an idiot Craig Dean," he said, "It's a good job I love you so much."

"I am," Craig agreed as John Paul leaned forward to kiss him.

John Paul's mouth felt warm against Craig's and the arms that wrapped around him were strong and confident.

Craig's hands gripped tightly to the back of John Paul's jacket, the material was damp in his grasp as he held on as hard as he could.

As their kiss deepened neither man noticed as the rain began to fall heavier, plastering their hair down with its heavy drops and running in rivulets over their faces. They didn't feel the cold of the wind as it whirled around them, they were completely oblivious to the fact that they were stood together in what was quickly becoming a torrential downpour. All they knew was that they were together and they had no intention of letting anything come between them, least of all the weather.

As they kissed they never noticed the figure of Spike stood in the doorway to the Dog with a look of sadness in his eyes, watching them for a moment before pulling his jacket tightly around himself and heading back to his empty flat alone.

---

John Paul sat slumped in the window of the Dog with his head resting against the glass.

"It's too soon," he said sadly, "I need more time."

"Me too," Craig agreed equally morosely, "I've only just got here and now…"

John Paul turned his face to Craig, "Do you really have to go… no don't answer that… I know you do… I just wish you didn't."

"OK everybody it's time!" Jack's voice was raised over the noise of the bar. He turned up the radio as the countdown began, staff and customers alike joining in as the seconds ticked away.

"Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one… HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Cheers resounded around the room as party poppers were let off and everyone joined their hands to sing Auld Lang Syne.

John Paul and Craig turned to face each other. It was New Years Day. January the first. It was the day that Craig was to leave again for Ireland.

Over the previous days they had been almost inseparable, spending every moment that they could together, rebuilding their relationship until it was something far greater than the one they had lost. But as their feelings for each other grew, deeper than either of them ever thought they could, so did the pain at the thought of being apart again.

"Happy New Year John Paul," Craig said with a sigh.

"Happy New Year," John Paul replied.

Craig slipped his hand around John Paul's neck and pulled him close, kissing him softly. The first kiss of the New Year but not the last.

As they parted John Paul's eyes widened in surprise and a look of amazement played across his face.

"What?" Craig asked him bewildered.

"You just kissed me."

"It's hardly the first time!"

"In public," John Paul elaborated, "In a crowded bar… in front of everyone…"

Craig looked around as if aware for the first time that he was not alone with John Paul.

Despite the depth of his feelings Craig had always struggled to display his affection for John Paul when other people were around. Opting instead for a secret touch or a knowing look and saving anything more physical for when they were alone.

On the other John Paul had found it a constant struggle not to hold Craig and kiss him at every opportunity. He had to force himself on many occasions to hold back and respect Craig's insecurities, hoping that one day Craig would be as comfortable with their relationship as he was.

With a smile Craig rose to his feet, holding onto John Paul's hands and pulling him up after him.

"I don't care," Craig declared as he lead John Paul into the middle of the busy bar, "I don't care who sees and I don't care who knows."

John Paul couldn't help but laugh as Craig lead him deeper into crowd of party-goers, unsure of what Craig was doing but enjoying this sudden burst of confidence.

Surrounded by people on every side Craig stopped and turned back to John Paul, his eyes were sparkling with mischief. But it wasn't just mischief that John Paul could see in the brightness of Craig's eyes. They also shone with love.

Craig placed his hands on John Paul's arms, running them lightly upwards until they came to rest on his shoulders, never taking his eyes from John Paul's face for a second.

A few nearby people stopped to observe the two young men standing in the middle of them and one of them was Frankie Osbourne.

"I love you," Craig said softly, his voice barely audible over the bar's music, "And I don't care who knows it… in fact I want the world to know it."

John Paul laughed as he decided that it was quite possible Craig had gone insane, but it was an insanity that he could easily live with.

"John Paul McQueen," Craig said loudly causing more people to turn and look, "I love you!"

John Paul felt a flush rise to his cheeks. "You're crazy," he laughed.

"Maybe I am," Craig conceded at a more normal volume, "But I do love you."

"I love you too you idiot," John Paul replied as Craig moved into his arms, their lips joining together in their second kiss of the year. A kiss that bound them together in a way that nothing ever had before.

They didn't hear the few disgruntled tutts as they kissed, or see the occasional disapproving look. Nor did they see Frankie Osbourne walking back to her husband with a simple smile on her lips. This wasn't the life she would have chosen for her youngest son but the happiness in him was so evident, how could she do anything but support him?

---

The iron railing felt cold under John Paul's hands as he stood outside the Dog enjoying the fresh air blowing lightly against his skin.

The party inside was beginning to die down an hour past midnight as the pub's customers began to make their way home.

The occasional flash of a last minute firework streaked brightly across the darkness of the sky but otherwise John Paul felt an air calm wrapped around him.

"I wondered where you'd got to," Craig's voice said from behind him.

"Sorry," John Paul answered turning his head, "I only meant to be a minute but it's just so peaceful out here, I lost track of time."

Craig slipped his arms around John Paul's waist and rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"What are you looking at?"

John Paul gestured to the inky sky that seemed to be scattered with a display of diamonds.

"There's so much out there," he said quietly, "It makes you realise how small you are... how unimportant."

Craig tightened his grip, "Not to me you're not."

John Paul smiled, covering Craig's arms with his own and resting his head back against the one leaning on his shoulder.

"It's strange to think they're the same stars I'll see in Ireland," Craig said wistfully.

"Maybe you'll think of me when you see them," John Paul replied.

"D'you think that I'll ever stop thinking of you?"

"I hope not."

There was a tranquil silence as the two men stood together in the first hour of the New Year holding on to each other while they still could.

"You will come over to see me in Ireland won't you?" Craig asked after a while.

"If you really want me there."

"Of course, I want to show you off!"

John Paul turned to face Craig. "Show me off?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah," Craig said with a grin, "There's no one as beautiful as you over there!"

John Paul let out a laugh of embarrassment as Craig ran a finger over the arch of his eyebrow, trailing it down to stroke across his cheekbone.

"I could spend the rest of my life just looking in your eyes and never get bored," Craig breathed staring deeply into the overwhelming brilliance of John Paul's gaze.

"When did you get to be such a romantic?"

"When I realised that I don't ever want to lose you again."

"Keep it up," John Paul said with a smile, "I like it!"

Craig ran his hands slowly down the length of John Paul's arms and took hold of his hands, curling their fingers together in a gentle grip.

"Stay with me tonight," he asked softly.

"Here?" John Paul asked, "Your mum… she won't…"

"She'll understand," Craig reassured him, "We don't have much time left. I want to be with you as much as I can. Don't make me be alone tonight."

John Paul tightened his hold on Craig's hands. "I want to be with you too," he said, "We'll both be alone enough when you've gone."

Craig stepped back, keeping hold of one of John Paul's hands he lead the man back into the Dog and headed straight for the door that lead up to the flat.

"I've shared you enough tonight," he told John Paul, "Now I want you all to myself."

---

The warmth of the duvet above him, Craig's arms around him and the alcohol that he had consumed during the party were making sleep tug at John Paul's mind.

He was so wrapped in comfort that drifting off to sleep would have been the most natural thing in the world but instead he fought it with every ounce of strength that he had. There were only a few hours left until Craig was due to leave and he didn't want to waste any of them sleeping.

Craig's fingers were running lazily through John Paul's hair causing him to sigh with total contentment while John Paul's hand rested on Craig's chest feeling the steady drumming of his heart.

John Paul smiled as he realised that this was the first time he had shared a bed with Craig just to be with him, just to hold him while he still could, just to be together a little while longer.

"Tell me something," John Paul murmured lazily as he pressed a kiss to Craig's chest.

"Tell you what?" Craig asked.

"Something… anything… something you've never told me before."

"There isn't… I can't think of anything."

"Oh come on… there must be something… tell me… tell me what you did your first week in Ireland."

"I didn't… there wasn't… nothing… I didn't do anything…"

There was something about Craig's tone that made John Paul look up.

"You just got to Ireland and did nothing?" he asked.

"Well no… I mean I did STUFF… I moved into the bed sit I was renting and started working at the pub that Jack helped me get a job at… but nothing much else." Craig seemed unable to look John Paul in the eye and his words seemed evasive, making John Paul all the more curious.

"Nothing?" John Paul asked again, "You went nowhere, did nothing, met no one?"

He felt Craig flinch at the words "met no one".

"No… I mean… it doesn't matter…" Craig squirmed uncomfortably desperate for John Paul to drop the subject.

"Craig please… I know there's something… just tell me…"

"I can't," Craig's arm that had been resting lightly around John Paul tightened, holding him closely as if afraid he might try to leave, "You wouldn't understand… you might hate me…"

"I could never hate you… no matter what it is… you should know that by now," John Paul curled his fingers into Craig's, "Please Craig, whatever it is it can't be that bad… just tell me… you've got me worried now."

Craig paused for a few seconds before taking a deep breath.

"OK," he began, "A few days after I arrived I decided to go out for a few drinks. I was feeling lonely. I was missing you… god I was missing you so much…"

"So you went out and got drunk?"

"Yeah… a lot. There were times I couldn't even remember what I'd done or how I got home… anything."

"Well that's not so terrible," John Paul reassured him, "We've all done that."

"And there were times…" Craig licked his lips nervously, "There were times when I didn't get home at all."

"So where did you…. Oh!"

"The first time… when I woke up in a bed I didn't know, with someone I didn't recognise, I swore it wouldn't happen again… but it did…"

John Paul tightened his hold on Craig's hand. "How many?"

"I'm not sure… I was confused… desperate… I needed SOMETHING…"

"Was it…" John Paul bit down on his lip, "was it men or women?"

"Either," Craig admitted, "It didn't seem to matter… I didn't seem to matter. I shouldn't have told you should I?"

"And when you got home would you stand in the shower just trying to get clean?" John Paul asked, "But you'd still feel dirty… and empty… and more alone than when you went looking for someone to take the emptiness away?"

Craig eyes widened in surprise. "How could you know that?"

"Oh Craig," John Paul said gently as he pressed a soft kiss against his cheek, "You weren't the only one who was lonely. You weren't the only one who needed to feel loved again. You weren't the only one who drank too much and made stupid choices. I guess we are even more alike than we thought."

"I never imagined that you…" Craig squeezed John Paul tightly, "I never want to feel that alone again."

"And you never have to," John Paul told him, "Neither of us do."