Disclaimer-Stephenie Meyers owns all.
A/N. If you've been reading my other story, Divine Intervention, and have read the last chapter I wrote and it's A/N, you're probably wondering how I've managed to write this chapter. I have been having trouble with my writing, but I felt restless one night and couldn't get my mind into my 'D.I' world, but I got a filmstrip type of idea straight away when I thought of this story. The idea came so easily, I had to write it. Two hours later and all this was done. I wondered if it would be weak, but after going back over it to tidy it up, I think I have a decent chapter for you to read. Personally, I like it. I may be a little morbid, but I found writing about Bella's attempted suicide an easy way to start and to get the ball rolling...it rolled and got me over 3,500 words anyway.
I wont blabber on any longer, I'll let you get on with it.
Love, this one's for you because you've been waiting a while for it I think?
Edward POV.
It had been a week since my last session with Bella and I had been anxious all week to see her again. The way I couldn't read her mind intrigued me. I wondered if it was because she was so shut down physically and apparently mentally, that there was little or nothing for me to hear anyway. I knew I was wrong with that theory because I'd seen the fire in her eyes when she got scared. She obviously wasn't dead to the world.
Another theory I had thought of was, maybe something had altered in her after the attempted suicide. I'd recently seen a memory of Carlisle's. He'd let it slip a few days ago when he was reading over Bella's case file. It was hard for Carlisle or anyone else to keep things from me and usually, Carlisle didn't. I was perplexed as to why he kept the fact that he and his colleague had been the one's to find her from me.
I should have thought of it before I supposed. I had read in her file that the paramedics had collected her and taken her to the hospital, but I saw from Carlisle's memory that he and his colleague had been the one's to find the gassed car and revive Bella.
I sat alone in the dark therapy room and thought. It was early, before 8am and it was pouring with rain. The skies outside were almost black and so my room was gloomy as I had not bothered to turn on the lights. I didn't need the lights. I could still see a fly climbing the wall on the other side of the room, even in relative darkness.
Carlisle's memory had been like a film in his mind. I had watched what he had thought and he didn't even know I'd been there. He was so engrossed in working through Bella's file that he hadn't heard me up in my room, doing exactly the same.
The memory had been dark, almost gray. The sky had been much the same as it was now, but I knew it was nearing nightfall when Carlisle had found her.
Carlisle, with his impeccable sense of smell had smelled the carbon monoxide before even reaching the car. His colleague had asked him what the hurry was as he sped up, but Carlisle didn't reply.
As they drew nearer, he could only make out the faintest sounds of a heart beat coming from the vehicle beyond the trees beside the road. He could see the faded red paint of the truck through the bush and told his colleague so. The man obviously saw nothing with his weak human sight but followed Carlisle out of the car all the same and into the trees.
Through his memory, I felt the dire desperation Carlisle felt at being unable to run at vampire speed to the truck. To do so in front of the human would have been foolish.
Thankfully, they didn't have to go too far. Once the truck was in better sight, Carlisle broke out in a run which matched a humans sprint.
I could see the body slumped against the driver's side window. The delicate shoulder pressed against it and the head bent over awkwardly.
Carlisle restrained himself and managed to open the door and not rip it from its hinges as he would have done had he less control or had he been alone. When I watched this memory for the first time, I felt like screaming at Carlisle for opening the door so suddenly and not reaching out to catch Bella. She had been leant against the door, she would surely fall.
The irony in what happened next baffled me. Bella didn't fall out. She looked awkward, half tipped out of the truck, but her fastened seatbelt kept her within the truck. She was trying to end her own life and yet still had her seatbelt on, which was there to save lives.
I knew then and there that there was something odd in this attempted suicide. Someone so desperate for an escape wouldn't have cared too much about wearing a seatbelt. The fact that the person must have got out of the car, fitted the pipe to the exhaust and then gotten back into the truck again proved to be strange. Why would Bella have fastened her seatbelt after re-entering the truck. I was puzzled. I didn't know if I could ever break through to her enough to ask her why she did that, what she was thinking at the time. Did she do it from instinct?
I doubted whether I would be lucky enough to find out the answer to those questions.
The reel kept on playing in my mind. Carlisle unfastened the belt and pulled her out. His colleague coughed from the stench of the fumes while Carlisle wrinkled his nose at the strong odour.
He laid her out on the floor and gave her mouth to mouth. Carlisle knew she was a lot worse than she seemed because he could hear her heartbeat. The only reason she was brought back to consciousness so quickly was because Carlisle was breathing 97% oxygen back into her lungs. We breathed in the air around us and breathed it right back out again. We had no by product of carbon dioxide like humans had because we could not and did not need to process the oxygen.
Her starved brain was fed with oxygen and she was revived. Her eyes didn't open but her heart beat a stronger rhythm and her breathing picked up.
I watched Bella's still form as Carlisle ordered the human to get on the phone and call for an ambulance. He explained that she needed specialist care as fast as possible. They could take her much faster to the hospital by car, but it was risky. If she lapsed, it could be fatal.
Bella's already small body looked smaller here. I wondered if this was why Carlisle had kept the memory from me. She looked like a corpse, so gray, hollow and small. Everything about her in this memory screamed desperation. A desperation to get out, to stop, to not feel anything.
I needed to find out what did this too her. What had made her so afraid, so sensitive to everything around her. What had been so damaging to her that would make her take her own life?
I was determined to get to the bottom of this. The sooner I found out, the better, but I knew this could take time and deep down, that didn't bother me too much. It was refreshing to have someone who I couldn't read, to have a puzzle that was hard to crack, much like a Rubix cube. I was sure that in a few minutes, when Bella would arrive, I would take my words back, but for now I thought it was refreshing to have someone I had to work really hard for to be of help.
Stephen was outside, in the waiting area. Chief Swan and Bella were seven steps away along the hallway from the door.
After a deep breath that I didn't need, I got up and went to the light switch beside the door. I flicked it on and basked the room with light before going back and sitting behind my desk.
A matter of moments later and Bella was in the room with me.
She didn't look so drawn into herself as last week, but she still looked ill and unhealthy. I could see that her brown, glossy hair had been braided carefully and that she was wearing baggy, comfortable clothes. I could just imagine her going to sleep in those large garments. The hoodie she wore was massive and was definitely her fathers. It had 'Chief' written on the back and even from where I was sat I could smell the mouth watering aroma of Bella, but mixed slightly with her fathers.
From the little facts that she looked a mess, but had clean, glossy hair, it told me that she may look as if she was unfeeling, uncaring about anything, but she was. If she had been as uncaring as she seemed, she wouldn't care if her hair was done up tidy. Her clothes may look baggy and something you wouldn't go out the house in, but they were clean.
I found as I sat there and Bella stood at the door, that I was starting to see things that I wouldn't normally have to look to see. I had to work around the barrier of not being able to hear her thoughts. I had to look further, be totally interested and involved in this case and this girl.
Chief Swan was at his daughters side in a matter of seconds. I could see that he kept a little distance between himself and Bella, but not as much as there was last week.
I got up from behind my desk and greeted Chief Swan. We shook hands before I asked him to sit down. The dark and gloomy clouds finally burst open with rain and pelted the large glass windows I had lining my office. Even with the glass being thick and soundproof, the sound still seeped in enough for even the humans to hear.
"How are you Bella?" I asked as I passed her still form to go back to sit behind my desk.
I wasn't expecting her to answer and she didn't. She just tightened her crossed arms around herself and kept her eyes locked on the windows.
Bella kept standing there and I wasn't about to push her into doing anything. I was sure that she knew that if she wanted to sit, she could and if she didn't want to, then she didn't have to. I read her father's thoughts and heard the same. Had this been some normal circumstance, he would have already scolded Bella and told her to answer me and not be rude.
I began to talk to Chief Swan about Bella's trip to the hospital. I had told him last week that I wanted her to be checked because I suspected that she had a chest infection. I was right and I knew I was. Carlisle had confirmed Bella's illness to me when he announced that he had in fact treated Bella that morning. He told me how severe her case had been and he was baffled as to how she had coped for so long. We both knew, and silently thought the same. Bella had been using her illness as punishment for something. Someone wouldn't go on for that long, feeling that much pain for no other reason than for punishment.
I also knew how bad her father felt for having let her suffer for so long. He had known she was ill, it didn't take a genius to see that, but he had been unable to get her any help or any treatment.
Chief Swan half wondered if Bella was afraid of me or Carlisle or intimidated, but I could tell she wasn't. I highly doubted that Bella would do as I asked and go and see Carlisle for treatment if she was intimidated or scared of me. Also, the way she never panicked when we were alone together showed that she had some trust in me. I was sure that she would become stressed and anxious if she didn't feel safe here.
During my chat with Chief Swan over how the hospital appointment had been, I watched as Bella went to the patient sofa and lay down on her side silently. She propped her head up a little with one hand and looked out the window, although I doubted that she saw much with the light on in the room. During the time I talked with her father, the only sound that ever came from her to remind us she was there was the sound of an occasional cough.
After finishing up my chat with Chief Swan and reminding him that the session ended at 9am, he got up to leave. I walked with him to the door, but paused. Bella hadn't moved, hadn't made any sign that she'd heard her father say goodbye and that he'd see her in an hour. It was as if she was transfixed by the sight and sound of the rain on the glass.
I quickly asked Chief Swan if he would help me lift the sofa forward towards the windows. He agreed and so I went to Bella and knelt down in front of her.
Her brows puckered up as I blocked her view. She sighed before slowly closing her eyes. It was at least a little sign of emotion. I must had riled her a little by blocking her view after having let her enjoy it for the past few minutes.
"Bella, I'll move in a minute, I just need you to open your eyes and look at me." I said in a calm tone as I remained knelt on the floor.
"Bella, open your eyes for me please." I asked once more. After a few more pleads, she opened her eyes slowly and gave me a blank stare.
"You're father and I are going to move the sofa forward so you can see better out the window. Do you want to get off while we move it or stay?" I asked. I watched her as she blinked once and then closed her eyes once more.
I interpreted that as a 'no I don't want to move' and so then, the Chief and I took a side each and moved the sofa with Bella upon it.
It wasn't far for us to move it and I could have done it myself with the slightest of efforts, but I had to pretend to struggle a little to keep up appearances. Once we had the sofa settled in front of the window, Chief Swan left, leaving me alone with Bella for about another forty five minutes.
"I'm just going to turn the lights out so you can see outside better." I told her before I turned off the lights. I heard her shift about a little as she coughed. I hoped she'd get rid of it soon. It sounded just as painful as last week even though I knew she was on medication.
My hands clenched tight into fists and my jaw clenched closed just as tight as I got back to Bella, only to find that she had turned her back to the window. After the charade of moving the sofa and for me to think up something, something I thought she might like, she dashed it down which was agitating. I had no idea why she had objected to this. She was nearer to the window and she could see better now that I had turned the lights off and yet she had turned her back on it all to face the sofa's back.
It was the first hurdle of the day and I had tripped already. I felt frustrated that I couldn't get into her mind and know what she was thinking. I smiled as I recalled what I had thought earlier. I was taking back my thought from before. Why had I thought it refreshing to have a mind I couldn't read?
I didn't know what to do for the time being. I knew that pushing her into telling me why she had turned would be a wrong move and so would trying to integrate her into some conversation.
I decided to do something I never thought I'd ever do. I joined my patient. I grabbed a cushion from another sofa and sat down on the floor with my back against the part of the sofa where Bella's feet were.
I reached the cushion back and offered it to her. "Here, you'll be more comfortable with this…" I told her. She didn't take it from me, nor did she push it away when I left it balancing on her side.
She didn't move for a few seconds and neither did I from looking out the window. When I heard her moving, I hoped she would take the cushion. It might show that she was accepting me and my help.
The cushion landed on the floor beside me with a little thud. I nodded my head and clenched my jaw. She was proving to be tricky.
A few seconds later and I stopped breathing all together as I heard Bella take a deeper breath than usual. "Stop helping me." I heard her whisper. She sounded defeated and tired.
I turned to look at her once I was sure she wasn't going to speak again. I didn't know what she meant. Did she want me to stop helping her with the therapy? That wasn't going to happen anyway. She was mine now. She was my patient and I would see to her care. I would fix her and make her better again, no matter how hard the trip was or how hard she fought me.
"I cant." I replied in a whisper, so I didn't startle her.
Neither of us said a word for the remainder of the session. I was happy enough to just listen to her heart beat. I'd felt a little taken aback when I'd heard her heart race after I told her I couldn't stop helping her. I wondered what that was about. Was she angry? Did she want me to leave her alone? Or was she shocked that I'd heard her? I was positive that she'd spoken in a loud enough whisper for a human to hear though. One idea I had may have been a little absurd, or correct. I hoped that her heart raced because now she knew I wouldn't give up no matter how much she didn't want to be helped. I knew she felt safe here. I was sure that if I was her, I'd be happy to know I had somewhere I saw as beings safe to come back to week after week.
The sound of Bella's heart beat outweighed my desire to keep an eye on the clock and so when I glanced at my watch some time later and saw that we had ran over our session time by a few minutes, I was shocked. I got up off the floor and told Bella that her ordeal for the week was over.
She got up after I'd switched on the lights and rubbed her eyes. She squinted against the new light before bowing her head.
"I'll see you again next week Bella. I want to see more of that cough gone but I'm glad your lungs don't sound so heavy and painful." I told her.
The sharp look she gave me when I brought the fact of the painful sound she had in her chest astounded me. Her eyes looked black. I knew then that Carlisle's and my theory had been correct. She had been causing pain to herself. I was sure that Chief Swan made sure that she took her medication and that she would get better. I needed to talk to Carlisle. We didn't need Bella inflicting pain on herself in other ways if she didn't start opening up with me or making any progress soon.
I opened the door to the reception area and watched as Stephen walked by with a fresh cup of coffee. I also watched in the corner of my eye as Bella took a step back quickly and tried to cover up her actions by turning around to look out the window.
"Hey Bells, did it go alright?" At the sound of her father's voice, Bella marched past me and to her fathers side instantly.
She's got a face like thunder, great. I heard her father think as he caught sight of Bella's face. I didn't think she looked that mad, even through seeing her face in her fathers thoughts, but she did have that little knot between her brows and her eyes looked sharper than usual.
Bella didn't display much outward reactions to emotions, but I could see that the Chief could already read his daughter even if he had to read the smallest changes in her. I supposed he noticed these things from how carefully he watched her. He was a very worried father as he had every right to be.
"Same time next week?" Chief Swan asked. I could hear his thoughts. He was hoping vainly that I had been able to crack her already and that she was cured.
I silently nodded my head in grave affirmation. Bella would be back again and again until I could get inside her mind.
"I'll see you next week Bella." I said as they went to leave.
I didn't expect any reaction from her, except maybe a glare, but instead I got a blank look and a slightest nod of the head. It seemed as though she'd accepted that I would keep trying to help her, even if she didn't want me to.
I told Stephen that I'd be ready for my next patient in ten minutes. I went back into my office and closed the door behind me before going to the sofa where Bella had been and sat down. I lifted the discarded cushion from the floor and hugged it against my chest while I wondered what I would do next. I never planned any of my sessions and I began to wonder if I should with Bella.
Let me know what you thought of it please.
There will be more chapters. This story is totally unplanned and so any ideas I have will be written. Bella and Edward had 2years of sessions…I'm sure this wont be over after a matter of five chapters anyway.
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