Authors Note- Sorry it took so long. This was /really/ /really/ /really/ hard to get. There aren't that many facts about Esme that I had to work with. -cry- Sorry if the aren't as snappy as the Carlisle ones.
Disclaimer- I have nothing against these characters. I am a total twilighter. This was just a random thing I did in my spare time. Also, I am aware there are other lists like this. This is all copyrighted by Rosalice Do not steal. I will know.
20 ways to annoy Esme Cullen
1. Inform her what Carlisle /really/ does during the night shifts.
2. Run around the house in mud ruining all her furniture
3. Start chewing on hair.
4. When she asks you what you are doing, tell her you wondered if her hair tasted like Caramel.
5. Ask her why she married twice.
6. When she says Charles wasn't right for her, ask her why she then married someone 2 centuries older then her.
7. Ask her if she has ever hunted.
8. Right in her face, tell her about all the children that you will have some day.
9. Run up to her and start singing "Ohiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiio! Ohiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiio!"
10. Take a hammer and break the living room table.
11. When she chases you, tell her that a real mother wouldn't chase a random person down the street.
12. Ask her why only Alice decorates.
13. Tell her that Bella only cliff-dived to have the same fate as Esme.
14. Ask her if she had to beg to let Carlisle buy her an island.
15. Ask her if she has any ability at all; if anything had been sharpened.
16. If she pauses for just a second, run up and laugh in her face.
17. Ask her if her beauty has increased at all, whatsoever.
18. Place a bunch of diet brochures on her table.
19. Run... fast...
20. Don't give her a number 20.
20 ways to annoy Jacob Black coming soon!