It was a beautiful day to drive a convertible, even if he was ostensibly on a mission. Still, all he had to do was drive his car to the Omlay Space Station and deliver a tape of top secret Galactor data that an undercover ISO agent had managed to steal; it was hoped that if any computer could manage to decode it, it would be the powerful one at the Space Station. He was completely in civilian mode so as to not attract attention, but the others were following him, discreetly, in their G-machines.
As ever, driving his sports car fast through twisty mountain roads gave him the chance to free his mind of stress, and to try to think clearly. It was hard to believe that two months had gone by since they'd destroyed Galactor's moon base, two months since he'd nearly ruined everything for himself by surviving the explosion of the Swan Rocket, completely unscathed. Barely a week after that, he'd almost done it again, using his own body as a conduit to bridge a broken, high-voltage cable in the God Phoenix's engine room. He couldn't have repaired it quickly enough so he'd grabbed the two broken ends, one in each hand, and let the electricity flow through his own body. He'd had to do it, though, or the God Phoenix would have been destroyed and they'd all have been killed; it had been the only way to give the God Phoenix the energy necessary to go into firebird mode and break free from icebergs in order to avoid an incoming Galactor missile. He still couldn't believe that none of the others had asked him what he'd done to restore power to the God Phoenix while they were all on the bridge. Surely his burned and shredded gloves, not to mention the fact that the cable had remained in two pieces too short to reconnect, should have prompted questions.
Maybe all that was saving him was that the truth was too horrible for them to even contemplate. Jun was the team's engineer; if anyone should have been after him, demanding an explanation, it should have been her; but surely, even in her worst nightmares, it wouldn't occur to her that her teammate was a freakish abomination, neither fully alive nor fully dead.
But how long could his luck last?
That was his last coherent thought, before a swarm of one-man Galactor vehicles appeared in the air behind him, and began firing on him. Just as Ken and the others moved in to attack them, his head began to ache and his vision began to blur, making it virtually impossible for him to see where his car was going.
No! It was just like before, before… Karakoram! This wasn't supposed to happen anymore! He couldn't see! Any second now he was going to smash into something!
He felt something impact the seat beside him, and then Jun was in the car with him. He could hear her!
"Joe! Are you okay? Speak to me!"
He had a death grip on the steering wheel, trying desperately to make out something in the blur ahead of him that would enable him to stay on the road until he could slow down and stop somewhere safe.
It was too late! There was the crash of a barrier breaking, and he could sense the unmistakable quiet, and the falling sensation, of a car that had just gone over a cliff.
The smash of crushing metal, shattering glass, force heaving through his body, and everything was black…
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"Joe! Wake up, Joe!"
He opened his eyes, and found that he could make out his surroundings, although his head was still in excruciating pain – in fact, his whole body ached. But, he'd survived the crash…
Jun? Jun was with him, and they were in some kind of cave. Of course, she'd been in birdstyle and she must have managed to leap clear of his car before it smashed into the ground.
"Thank God, Joe!"
He stared at her, trying so desperately to see clearly.
"I was able to hide us in this cave, after the car… But I've hurt my leg…"
Even in her birdstyle, she could have died in that crash;this was all his fault. This wasn't supposed to happen! He'd given up everything, but what he was supposed to have in return –freedom from all his former afflictions, and the ability to keep his teammates safe- was being denied to him now too? This was unendurable!
But Jun was here, and thanks to him, she was hurt. He tried to squelch his panic, and to focus on the mission.
"Jun, do we still have the data tape?"
She reached down, and then held it out to him.
"It's still safe, Joe."
But he barely heard her, as a spasm of pain tore through his head. There, on the side of the tape, was a blinking transmitter. Why hadn't they noticed it before? That was it –that was how Galactor had found him, and that had to be what was scrambling his brain now! He grabbed the transmitter and crushed it in his hand. His vision began to clear fully, and the pain and dizziness in his head began to dissipate.
He could really see again now; for a moment, time seemed to stop as he stared around him. He could see Jun's face; she was on the floor of the cave beside him, her features wracked with suppressed pain and worry. And he could see the massive Galactor tank that was rolling into the cave's mouth, barreling down on them, surrounded by Galactor troops on foot, carrying what were clearly high-powered rifles.
They were going to shoot him. He was sprawled on the floor of the cave, in only his civvies, and there wasn't anything he could do quickly enough to prevent it.
All he could think in that instant was that if he stayed as he was, at least they would surely shoot him first, and Jun would have time to get away. He wasn't sure that even he could survive it, but that didn't matter as long as Jun survived.
Keeping her safe, keeping all of them safe, had been one of only two reasons he'd had for rejoining the team. He had hoped to destroy Leader X too…
A shot rang out, and Jun screamed.
She had thrown herself in front of him, and had taken the shot that had been aimed at him!
A gash had been ripped open across her shoulder blade, right through her birdstyle; didn't the universe know how utterly wrong this all was? She was not supposed to sacrifice herself for him –ever!
He leaped up, as the Galactor troops all stared at Jun's unmoving body, eager to see if they'd killed her. A rage more powerful than he'd ever known coursed through him, and he dashed around a bend in the cave wall, and flung his bracelet up before his mouth.
"Bird go!"
The next few minutes he was never able to remember very clearly. He'd been berserk, crushing the Galactor troops with his hands and feet, bashing them into the cave walls, and finally, charging down the tank, somehow ripping into its engine compartment with his own hands, and unleashing a massive explosion that tore it to fragments of metal and debris.
And then he'd rushed to Jun's side. She was limp and bleeding, and barely even conscious as he picked her up and carried her out of the cave, shielding her from the flames of the still burning tank with his wings. He could only hope that Ken or one of the others would have heard the explosion, and would come now. He stood there, flooded with utter misery, as he heard distant calls of his and Jun's names, as Ken, Ryu and Jinpei came running towards him.
He handed Jun, still draped in his arms, over to Ken. He had brought this on her; he had no right to be holding her, to even be touching her.
"I can take her back to G-Town," said Ken, face white and lips tight, "My jet is the fastest!"
And he was off, carrying Jun away quickly to his jet parked in the distance.
"Hey Joe," said Ryu quietly, "I can give you a lift back to the God Phoenix."
"Thanks, man," he replied, numbly. Knowing that his car had to be completely demolished just didn't matter to him now; all he could think about was the ugly wound across Jun's back, a wound that she should never have suffered. It should have been his.
Jinpei's jaw was clenched tightly, and he kept blinking, though he was managing not to let his mouth tremble. Jun had never been injured like this before.
He wondered how much longer Jinpei's feeling that this was "still all a big adventure," could last.
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These thoughts came back to him, later. He was sitting beside Jun's bed in the medical ward at G-Town, watching her sleep. He'd stayed away until late at night, unable to face her while she was awake.
This war was different from the first one. Then, there'd been just as much danger, death and destruction from Galactor's schemes and mecha attacks, but in spite of it all, there had been times of genuine fun and camaraderie, and times when they could all seem to enjoy normal lives. Such times seemed to be becoming scarcer now for all of them. He missed hanging out at the Snack J; he rarely ever went there now.
It was so hard to be around the others now without feeling nervous all the time, without feeling utterly isolated by his horrible secret…
And Jun… As much as he was drawn to her, it also hurt to be near her, to be reminded of what he'd lost and what he stood to lose. Too many times already, he'd come close to exposing himself, and today he'd done it again, ripping into that tank with his hands. She'd been unconscious at the time, but he hadn't even thought about that at all when he'd charged at the tank; in a frenzy of rage and guilt, all he'd wanted to do was destroy it and the Galactor soldiers who had hurt Jun.
Now he was just sitting by her bed, watching her face, peaceful and beautiful, as she slept. But he just couldn't keep memories of their time together, during the first war, from his thoughts, no matter how much pain his memories brought him now…
"You won!" Jun had cried. She'd been laughing and running towards him as he'd gotten out of his car and had unbuckled his helmet. All around him had been the din of the fans in the stands, the noise of cars just finishing the race, the announcer's voice over the speakers declaring "the winner is number two, Joe Asakura!"
"Jun?" he'd whispered. The track he'd been at was far from Utoland, and he hadn't expected anyone from the team to show up there, but here had been Jun, throwing her arms around his neck and lavishing kisses on his face. Could the day have gotten any better?
It could.
"Jun, how- when-"
She hadn't been making it easy for him to speak, but she'd soon noticed how many people had been staring at them and taking pictures. He'd wrapped an arm around her waist though, keeping her close beside him.
"Jinpei's gone on some overnight fishing expedition with Ryu, and I just decided to close up the Snack J and I caught a train up here to see your race. I got here just as it was starting. You were great!"
"I was lucky," he'd replied, but he'd been unable to keep the grin off his face. Then, the significance of her earlier words had sunk in...
"So, Jun, you don't have to go back to Utoland tonight?"
"That's right," she'd said, her eyes dancing.
They could spend the night together –really spend the night together- he'd realized. All they'd ever had were surreptitious and all-too-brief trysts in his trailer or at the Crescent Base. But that night, he'd realized, they were in a city where no one knew them, where they had no responsibilities (barring Galactor attacks), and he was flush with first-place winnings.
"We are going to celebrate!" he'd whispered in her ear.
A few inquiries to track officials and other drivers had turned up the names of the city's best restaurant and best hotel.
"Joe, I didn't bring anything to wear!" Jun had groaned.
So, he'd lounged in a comfy chair in some high-end ladies' clothing store while Jun had entertained herself and him trying on dress after dress, emerging from the changing room to model each one for him. So rarely had he ever seen her in anything but her numbered civvies or birdstyle, he'd been awed to see just how many facets there were to her beauty, as each dress had seemed to enhance her in new ways.
The final choice had been deep red satin with spaghetti straps. She'd turned every head when she'd walked into the restaurant with him that night. Somehow they'd found out that he was the winner of the big race, and then a bottle of champagne had materialized at their table…
And he could still remember the hotel room, with the sunken marble bathtub that had made Jun go "ooh…" And he could still remember the vision that had been Jun, with her wet hair slicked back from her face, her eyes large and dark in the dim light, rising from the swirling water and bubbles, with a glistening sheen on her breathtaking body…
He'd almost dropped the bottle of wine he'd ordered from room service.
How long had they been together at that point? About four months or so, but he'd still felt, at times like that, a sense of surprise and amazement washing over him whenever she was naked and looking straight into his eyes, offering herself to him. Always there'd been the feeling that it had to be too good to be true, that there had been a glitch in the workings of fate –a mistake that would soon be rectified. He wasn't good enough to deserve this…
But Jun had waded through the water, with bubbles swirling about the skin of her thighs, until she could reach out to him. He'd dropped to his knees as she'd pulled him into a long, slow kiss while unbuttoning his shirt. Somehow he'd been able to remove the rest of his clothes and enter the water without breaking their kiss. They'd sunk into its warmth, their wet bodies sliding and caressing together as they'd clung to each other, still kissing…
Jun stirred in her sleep, shifting and grimacing slightly as if in pain. Joe shook his head angrily, as if to clear his head. Why couldn't he stop himself from dwelling on the past? If he could just drill it into his damned brain –or whatever was in his head now- that he was never going to be with Jun again, his existence would be a hell of lot easier!
She'd acted to save his life today. He could still remember that mission, in the first war, when he'd been in such bad shape he'd fallen out the tornado fighter maneuver. During the fight with the Galactor goons, his balance had been way off and he'd been knocked down. A goon had been about to shoot him in the face. He could still remember that sudden flash of despair; he'd thought he was about to die and he hadn't wanted to die –not like that. But then he'd heard Jun's cry of "yoyo strike" and the goon had crumpled to the ground. Jun had saved his life, and he'd felt a flood of gratitude and relief that she'd been watching out for him.
But he'd still been a real man, then; worth saving…
He closed his eyes. He had to come up with a way to tell her never to do again what she'd done today, that he was not worth risking her life over. It was the other way around now; he should be the one risking himself to save her, or what the hell was he even doing here? He would somehow have to figure out a way to explain this to her without revealing the truth about-
"Joe?"
Jun was awake, sitting up awkwardly in the bed, groggy but smiling at him…
And then her eyes clouded in memory, her smile vanished.
She flung herself out of the bed, on the opposite side, with a suppressed cry of pain. But she instantly turned to face him, in only a hospital gown, her whole body tensed.
"Jun? What's wrong-"
"I saw you pull that tank apart with your hands! How did you do that?"
Oh God… She hadn't been unconscious at all; she'd seen him in the cave…
"It all makes sense now! The broken cable in the engine room, the way you survived the explosion with the Swan Rocket…"
Her eyes were filled with anger, fear… and disgust. He'd managed to stand up, but he found himself unable to speak. What could he say now?
"You're not Joe!" she snarled. "Are you a spy –like that bastard Getz? No, wait –you can't be human; you've got to be some kind of goddamned cyborg, with Joe's face! I see it now –you've been lurking here, waiting for me to wake up, to find out if you'd blown your cover or not… and to kill me if you have!"
"Jun-"
"It all makes sense now! How could I have ever believed that creepy 'Rafael' miraculously healed Joe? If the real Joe had survived Karakoram, he would never have stayed hidden from me for two years, and he would never act the way you've been acting towards me! Avoiding everyone! We never found his body –what did you Galactor filth do with his-"
Her voice choked.
"his dead body?"
She angrily brushed tears from her eyes.
"Jun, I can explain…" But he couldn't. He couldn't even think. The only thing in his mind now was the echo of her words, "goddamned cyborg," and the look of utter revulsion that had crossed her face. Everything he had ever suffered in his life –and he'd suffered a lot- paled in comparison to that look in her eyes now.
"You can explain it to Gatchaman!" She raised her left arm towards her face; she had her bracelet and she was going to call Ken and the others too.
It was all over for him now. All he'd had left in this world was the chance to protect her, and the others, and to defeat Leader X. But he'd lost it all now…
Unless-
"I bought you a red dress…" he managed to blurt out, as she opened her mouth to speak into her bracelet.
"What?"
"A race I was in, up north, you came up by train and watched me race. Later, I bought you a red dress, and we stayed in a hotel, and we…"
She was shaking, breathing hard.
"Joe? How… I don't understand…" Her voice was high and thin, and her eyes full of confusion.
He was struggling to keep his own body from shaking, as grief and anger wracked him. He realized then, that despite all he'd told himself about protecting the others and destroying Leader X, he'd really come out of hiding and rejoined the team because, after seeing Jun at Easton Island, San Frangeles, and New Jork, he'd been unable to stay away from her. She'd been so angry at him; she'd hit him, called him heartless, and he'd had to hide behind a stern façade. But he could have endured that, and all the agonizingly bittersweet memories she stirred in him, just to be near her -to see her face and hear her voice- and to perpetuate the illusion that he was still a man, so that whenever Jun looked at him, she believed she was seeing him as he'd been before. In her eyes, he'd been a man who had abandoned her, but he'd still been a man.
Any second now, she was going to make the final connection, and realize that he'd been taken and made into a cyborg.
Can't be human… goddamned cyborg…
She would run straight to Ken and Dr. Nambu. He'd be declared a massive security risk. He'd be shut up in some ISO lab, under intense suspicion, to be examined, poked and prodded…
Or, he could make a break for it right now, before she acted. He could flee G-Town and go into hiding, fight Galactor completely on his own, and never see Jun or any of the others again. That was what he would have to do –cleanly sever all his final ties to humanity, to his emotions. He needed to make his feet move, to run out of this room!
But he wasn't moving. He was still staring across the bed into Jun's horrified eyes.
He was pathetic.
He wasn't going to be able to leave. He wanted to scream in rage. What had he ever done to the universe to possibly deserve the hell that was his existence now?
But there was one possible way that he could yet stay and maybe be able to endure her knowing what he'd been reduced to…
"I'm not with Galactor, Jun. Neither is Rafael. But he did turn me into a cyborg."
His voice sounded flat in his ears, dead even, as he willed himself to feel nothing.
She gasped.
"I… I… I'm so sorry, Joe!"
"Sorry? Well if you feel so goddamned sorry for me, do you think you can manage to keep your mouth shut about this?" Now he just sounded cold and harsh. "Do you think you might be able to feel sorry enough to not go running to Ken or Dr. Nambu? Can you do that much for me?"
He would have to armor himself completely. If he could force himself to be wholly a machine in her eyes, maybe he himself could eventually come to believe it too. Maybe he could, finally, stop feeling anything…
Stop loving Jun.
"This… this is why you stayed away so long-"
"Well, I'm here now! And all I'm here to do is destroy Leader X and to keep you four from getting yourselves killed –got that? The mission is all that matters to me, and if you can keep from blabbing to everyone, then I can go about accomplishing it without interference!"
Her mouth was open, her lips trying to move, but she didn't say anything.
"So don't go taking anymore bullets for me, alright? That's my job!"
"I won't say anything, Joe, I promise! But-"
"Good!" he snapped and spun around to leave the room. He wasn't going to be able to keep this up much longer…
"But," she whispered, "In the Dera Desert, there were tears in your eyes…"
He didn't turn around.
"You won't see that again! I'm a machine, Jun –just a killing machine! Stay the hell out of my way!"
"Joe, I-"
And he was out the door.
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