A/N: Yes, another chapter up! Eh… it's been too long… my apologizes. :Bow: Anyway, on with the story…again forgive me. I've been swamped and mentally beaten by my own mental Oriya. He was pissed at the play by play in Chapter 7... Eh… He'll get over it… Oh and be warned: this chapter is VERY ANGSTY XDDDD
-Dark-
Ghost
Chapter Eight
…Huh… h-how'd I get into the shower? How did I just notice the water pouring down my already soaked body and hair? How long have I been in here? When…
Oh. That's right. It was right after…
"…GEH! Rrragh!!" Crunch! The tiles under my knuckles made a sickening crunch as they cracked from the forced of my punch.
Damn that Muraki! How dare he do that to me!? How dare he try to claim me?! Who the fuck does he think he is?! How dare him to even think…
The words all seemed to blur as my thoughts and memories kept replaying in my head. Flash after flash after flash… It wouldn't stop. Every feeling, every touch and movement… everything seemed amplified.
Some small piece of me wanted to think, in those moments, that he was mine. Maybe, that part thought he would love me…
Instead, he just fucked me. What a fool. What an idiot. I'm so fucking stupid! I can't stand myself. Why do I care about that mother fucker!? It's not fair…to feel this way. Why do I…
The energy in me soon drained away and I crumpled to my knees. I was left panting and…staring at something interesting.
I found myself staring at my showers tile wall but there was now a hole. Around this new hole in my wall where the remaining tiles, all broken and cracked and falling away…
Shattered and bloody.
It took me a moment to realize… that's my blood.
I had kept punching my own wall until I ran out of energy…the impact with the broken tiles had ripped open the skin on my knuckles. Well… at least I didn't break my hands this time putting a hole in the wall…
…shit. I'll have to play to replace those tiles and fix the hole in the wall now… A heavy sigh escaped me. Son of a bitch…
I had to clean my wounds quickly and get out. In the back of my mind, I already knew I was clean and I could feel it. My skin stung. Whatever side of myself got us into the shower and just started to scrub as hard and as fast as he could. I guess that version of me hated how weak we had been and couldn't stand to have the victors smell and semen on us. I'm not surprised. I do hate to lose…
In the mirror, my skin was faintly pink from the vigorous scrubbing, my hair curling across my skin.
I glared into the other mans gold eyes.
I hated that man in the mirror. He was so weak and useless, deluding himself into thinking he was going to acquire love from Muraki simply by sleeping with him. How moronic!
With my freshly cut hands wrapped in bandages, I found a towel and went out into my room. It's very difficult to wrap one's own wounds when the wounds are on the hands or arms…
Strangely… somewhere within me, a small piece of me was grinning. Grinning like a madman. Nothing else matter to that Oriya. At least he got his sex. Those moments of pure ecstasy, nothing but that friction and heat, not to mention the position we'd been in… it was some amazing sex. Muraki was always very good, since he does know his anatomy…
My impulsive side got what it go wanted…Reason…was pissed beyond comprehension.
How dare Muraki do that to me, make me feel like just another doll? That silent rage brewed and bubbled in my gut as I moved to get dressed. Clearly, my movements were slower than normal since well… the only man I've ever slept was Muraki and only Muraki and I don't always have him in my bed.
Men don't appeal to me at all. However, there is no gender issue with Muraki… I just can't say no to him. This feeling isn't a gay fetish thing, god no. Just… he is just Muraki. Not a man or a woman but Muraki… And every part of me is weak to him.
Yes, I'm weak to that man. Why is that? We're equals…aren't we?
I felt a hollow laugh escape me.
Equals? My god, I'm such a fool. I'm his dog.
A stupidly obedient dog.
…I don't hate him. I only hate myself.
That bastard… I can't hate him. I can't. There's so much. Too much history to ignore. Too much history to forget.
He's my friend, my brother and, on occasion, my bed partner.
…God-fucking-damnit that fucking wall needs to be fixed!
It can wait. I'll have it all fixed when I'm gone out with Marina tomorrow. Marina will make me troubles go away…won't she?
That beautiful woman is sure to distract me from my emotional problems, for sure. Catherine, the one woman I had considered calling, is beautiful and mentally stimulating but…she's angry with me. Even if I PAIDED to see her, she would not even look at me, let along speak to me. No, I should apologize to her soon but for now, it will be me and Marina.
My kimonos and obi's were soon sent to my room when they all were washed and pressed. Kimono's are one thing at home but tomorrow, I'll were pants. I actually will work to look good tomorrow. Hm… I should borrow a blow dryer or a hair straightener from one of the girls… My split ends are awful…
Again, with another sigh, I got into pajamas, which was rare for me. I am a man that sleeps naked or in boxers. Muraki has forced me to buy a pair of pajamas just for times where I might not be comfortable sleeping naked. I went out on the veranda, pipe in hand. Packing it tight, I stared out into the dying afternoon.
I need to calm down… I need to redirect my thoughts on something other than Muraki.
As soon as the smoke entered my lungs, my mind almost instantly eased. Calming and poisonous…how ironic.
Marina is… my soul mate, the woman who makes me smile and be less of a 'grump' than I usually am. Soul mates… that is the perfect term to use to describe our connection. A soul mate is not your destined love, no…just another who you have a deep kinship to. She's the type of person you can look at and smile just because they are there with you and whenever you think of them, you feel content and happy… Not like some other people that just make you unhappy…
Marina…I had to smile. She's so full of life. I do adore her so… We're too much alike, her and I, it's almost scary.
Blowing a hazy cloud out of my mouth I watched the smoke dance in the setting sun. Do I even want to pretend I'm in a good mood tonight? No. Not really. I'd snap someone's hand in half if I were to shake their hand. I'm not going to attempt it.
I sighed.
At least I'm not sick anymore…