Disclaimer: Ron Moore and Sci-fi own 'em, I don't.
Bill said goodbye to Laura and left her in Sharon's empty quarters. Laura was possibly in the strangest mood of her life. She was giddy and happy, happier than she had been in a long time. At the same time she was worried, on edge, easily rattled.
She sat down on the bed and started at the table and two chairs across the room as she tried to collect herself. The Admiral and the President had just discussed sacrificing everything for the chance to be together. Even the thought made her palms go sweaty and her head to throb. What would Bill choose? Would he, could he, take the chance on losing everything for her? He was obviously considering it. Would she let him?
A smile broke on her lips…yes, she would let him. But Bill was so noble, so proper and gentle, not at all like Richard Adar. Still, Laura knew the ins and outs of sneaking around. Her long standing affair with Adar had never been discovered even in the midst of the media's ever watching eye. She was sure there would be no trouble in sneaking around with Bill but was that what she really wanted? Her relationship with Adar was cheap, and had proven to be a dead end long before it was over.
Laura stood up and walked over to the rolled up cot in the corner of the room. She got down on her knees and began to unravel it. A dead end was not where she wanted to be with Adama. For only the second time in her life she was willing to seriously consider marriage. Marriage. The word terrified her almost as much as the extinction of humanity. Why get married? It wasn't like they would be starting a family. And Lee, what would he think….oh, for the love of Kobol. Laura shook her head and stood up. This kind of thinking was getting her nowhere.
"Oh, hey, Madame President," Starbuck said as she entered making Laura jump about ten feet.
"Oops, sorry," she said, "I didn't me to freak you out. Although, I've been doing that to people a lot lately."
"No, it's alright. I'm just a little on edge today," Laura said, though she let Kara think she was on edge about something other than what she was on edge about.
"That's understandable, considering. Helo just wanted me to drop by and pick up his Raptor training manual," Starbuck explained as she approached and swiped a thick binder from one of the shelves above the sink. She had a suit case in her other hand.
"And for what it's worth, I'm sorry about the cancer," the girl said.
"Thank you," Laura replied, though the pity she heard in Starbuck's voice made her cringe.
She hated the pity and the speculation her unexpected announcement had caused throughout the fleet. When the girl lingered Roslin turned to face her. Kara was grinning and her eyebrows where raised. The President didn't like the implication.
"Uh-huh," Starbuck said, cryptically.
"Do you have something to say?" Laura cooed with directness.
"About you, the Admiral's bed, and last night? Nope, not a thing," Starbuck replied as her smile grew.
"Good." Laura said flatly.
Starbuck flung the black suit case onto the bed and then took a step backwards.
"More clothes for you, from Zarek, though I can't help thinking he would prefer to see you in nothing at all. Sharon's shift will be over in a few hours," Kara explained.
"Fine," Laura said as she opened the suit case and rummaged through what Zarek had sent.
She was relieved there would be no more nightgown incidents.
"It's just," Kara began, and the tone of her voice made Roslin turn her head to face the girl.
"I don't get why you didn't want to stay with the old man. It seems logical, natural, and hmmm…oh yes, obvious. It's what you both want. The perfect excuse to hide whatever it is that's going on between you two."
The way Starbuck cocked her head to the side irritated Laura to the limits of her patience. With a huff, Roslin slammed the suit case closed, pulled her glasses out of her pocket and put them on. She took a few steps toward Starbuck with her arms folded.
"First of all, let me make it perfectly clear that nothing is going on between us. From your comments it's easy to see the rumor mill is already buzzing, we didn't want to add to it," she explained, clearly announcing each word to make sure Starbuck understood.
Kara's brow wrinkled as she thought for a moment before speaking. Roslin was interested to see what she would have to say. After all, she was like a daughter to Bill.
"That just sucks. There should be something going on. I mean, one thing about me, being the rebellious troublemaker and all, I don't have to give a frak what people say. Of course, it's not like it makes a difference. Things still don't end up like they should. But maybe, if you and the old man didn't have to care about what people say, things would be like they should be."
Laura lifted her chin and let a thoughtful smile tug at her lips. Apollo might not be in favor of a relationship between her and his father, but Starbuck seemed to have a different opinion. Somehow, Starbucks heartfelt honest words melted a little of the ice gripping her heart.
"You know, somehow, that is strangely comforting…but don't you dare tell anyone I said so," Roslin said peering over the rim of her glasses.
She drew a smile from Starbuck.
"You can depend on me, Madame President. I better get going," she said with a nod and left the room.
Laura stood staring at the closed hatch after Kara exited. With her hands on her hips she let out a deep sigh. What people think, Laura kept repeating the phrase in her mind. Everything came down to those three simple words. In this new light she re-examined her relationship with Adama and grudgingly came to the conclusion neither the Admiral nor the President could afford to ignore what people think. Her earlier dreams of…well, they could never be.
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The dreams plaguing Laura's sleep did not take place in Opera Houses or feature a child running through corridors, much to her relief. Oddly enough, being in the same room with Sharon and Hera as she slept seemed to bring about a strange feeling of completeness. Granted, it was not the same feeling of completeness she had experienced in Adama's bed, but it was present none the less.
What she was experiencing wasn't really a dream but fragmented memories from a long time past.
She saw herself in her youth, jet black hair cut short and dangling earrings, her favorite ones. Silver, with a small round ornament at the end.
A flash of light.
A hospital.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, there was severe internal bleeding. We had to operate…
More of the picture came into her mind's eye. She was with friends, riding in a new ground ship her boyfriend, Mike, had just purchased. The sound of laughter rang in her ears as she felt the wind through her hair.
He spent all his money on a ship instead of a ring, she remembered thinking with a smirk of distaste.
They passed other ships, gaining more and more speed.
I'm sure he still got you a ring, her friend had reassured her.
What was her name? That girl she had known in college?
The fair skinned doctor mouthed, I'm sorry.
Laura, this is your mother, if you don't want to talk to me at least call one of your sisters, said the voice from the answering machine.
Screeching metal.
Number Six sauntered through the courtyard on Caprica.
Some people end up losing everything, some people come out fine.
Laura, it doesn't matter, Mike said as he ran his hand down her cheek.
Maybe we should just enjoy this, she said into the blackness of night.
I am. That voice shook her dreams. Warmth. Completeness.
Laura, did you end up failing International Relations? A friend questioned.
All three of them where sitting on top of the seats, looking over the top of the ship while Mike drove and his friend sat beside.
Someone was forcing her to dive deeper into the memories. To relive everything that happened, like an outsider looking in, wanting to know the story.
Laura, mom again, it's not the end of the world.
A picture of a boy watching Caprica City fall to the cylons.
Laura rolled over in bed, trying to block out the images.
Of course she had failed the class…studying, school, responsibility, none of that was important.
Mom, I'm going to get my act together and I'm going to teach.
Her mother and sisters exchanged hugs in the hospital room.
Mike joked about all of it, his sandy hair perfectly in place.
Living for the moment, that's what mattered.
I am.
Muffled screams. Shooting pain in her side.
Hera cried.
Laura forced her eyes open, forced herself out of the sleepless dreaming over taking her subconscious. Hera really was crying. Her side really was hurting, but it was a dull ache eased by the passage of time.
She heard Sharon shuffling the sheets and moving over to Hera's crib. Roslin was going to remain motionless but she was hot and she needed to distance herself from the painful memories. She threw back the blanket.
"I'm sorry if she woke you," Sharon apologized, her voice soft as she tried to calm the child.
Laura did not feel strong enough to respond. She stood up and dragged herself over to the sink to get a glass of water. The cool water went down smoothly and she put the glass to her forehead to cool off.
"Madame President, are you alright?" Sharon asked.
Laura turned and leaned against the kitchen counter. Sharon was rocking Hera back and forth and unsuccessfully calming her cries.
"I'm fine," Laura said, though her voice was unstable enough to sound unconvincing.
"I wasn't dreaming, where you?" Sharon asked.
Laura inhaled deeply.
"Yes, but not about the Opera House," she answered.
Hera turned her small head from her mother's shoulder, and while still crying stretched out her tiny fingers in Laura's direction. Sharon was as surprised as Laura judging by her look of distain.
"If not the Opera House, then what?" Sharon question, gently scolding her daughter from reaching out to Laura by pushing her hands down.
The action only added to the volume of Hera's screams.
"I'm sorry, but I think she wants you," Sharon said pushing Hera toward her.
The action made Laura nearly drop the glass of water she was holding.
"Here," Sharon said, as Hera was eagerly trying to jump into Laura's arm.
"No, I don't really think—"
The president tried to protest but it was too late. Hera threw her tiny arms around Laura's neck and nuzzled her face into Laura's shoulder. The little girl's sobs stopped so quickly it was uncanny.
"Wow," Sharon said, "Can you come over every night?"
Laura's heart was beating out of control. She had never been good with small children. Being a teacher made her good with K-12 students, but not babies too young to be in school.
"You're dream was about Hera, somehow, wasn't it? That is why Hera woke up," Sharon questioned, as she moved toward Hera's crib and remade the bed.
Laura had hoped the cylon would drop the subject, especially in light of Hera's strange behavior.
"No," Roslin said firmly but as the words left her lips she knew she was lying.
The warmth of the tiny body clinging to her made her heart fill with longing she thought she had dealt with long ago. Old wounds were being viciously ripped open; old wounds that had never healed properly. She felt the throb in her side again but ignored it. Laura suddenly thought about confiding everything in William Adama. She couldn't. Her mind knew that, her heart was becoming harder to convince.
"We are never going to figure out what these dreams mean until you start telling us what you know," Sharon said, her voice was a little harsh and above a whisper but Hera remained still.
"The Admiral may trust you but I don't, and I certainly don't trust the cylon in the brig," Laura explained.
"That is why Hera is the shape of things to come," Sharon replied. "You might hate us, but you have a connection to her. You can't deny that. She's only a child and she hasn't learned how to hate yet."
Laura could feel the little body relax and she approached Sharon in front of the crib. Gently, she detangled Hera from her hair and softly laid her down in her bed. Looking at the girl was painful for more reasons than one. This child was innocent, as Sharon said, she had saved Laura's life and reminded her of the things she had wanted but that slipped through her fingers like sand.
"You look a little pale, do you want me to call Dr. Cottle?" Sharon asked, genuine concern in her voice.
Laura swallowed hard and until she felt the lump in her throat, she didn't realize how emotional she was.
"No, I'm fine. Just tired, goodnight," she said and climbed back into bed.
For the rest of the night however, she didn't shut her eyes. She didn't dare.