"JAMES POTTER! PUT YOUR WAND BACK IN YOUR PANTS!"

Chapter Six

(In which Lily discovers for herself the existence of dust bunnies)

Lily's diary, found and transcribed by thehiddenauthor (who secretly likes to pretend that she is Lily, when in fact she is Cate)

Disclaimer:If you don't know JKR's work from mine, you are a dumb, slightly cross-eyed cat called Spot. (By the way Cate is looking for you, and so is Lily, but Lily is worried you are breeding).

Dedication: To the reviewers, thanks for all your support. Louise Rennison & JKR you are my baby Jesus' thanks for being such inspirations.

Author's Note: Another BIG thank you to my reviewers! You guys really do keep me writing.

Responses to Reviews:

PleaOfInsanity:If you are reading my story, you are a loon. You are in denial. JUST JOKING!

ajteel0203: Thanks for another review!

griffindor-girl12:You may find Lily hiding under her bed in this chapter…

dumb-ely-dort:I'm rather surprised I'm not in the Psych ward with a morphine drip to shut me up too.

stella luminosa: merci beaucoup pour le delightful reviews.

Dracosbabygrl : thanks you! And thank you for all your other reviews too!

Izzaay-I'm sorry Izzy, but who won the French prize?! (moi!)

MudbloodandProud-You may also consider yourself genial mademoiselle!

Dust Bunny Olympics

Sunday September 4th

Under my bed

You'd be surprised how much room there is under my bed.

It is vair, vair spacious.

And populated by dust bunnies.

Well, ok they weren't bunny-shaped before.

I'm not awitch for nothing.

Anyway, the dust bunnies seem to be racing each other in some sort of dust bunny Olympics.

Vair, vair amusant.

Still under my bed

Cate and I, (well mostly Cate) have come up with the most ingenious plan which goes against all my morals, ethics etc, etc.

It involves me seducing Black.

I KNOW.

I was shocked, but I can totally see how perfect it is.

I will totally be teasing Black and Ja-POTTER at the same time.

It's totally perfect.

Why am I saying TOTALLY so much?

That's totally retarded.

ARRRRRGH.

As above

"Evans?"

Crap. Potter!

At least I am not on a toilet contemplating the adoption of multiple cats.

"Evans!"

Should I crawl out?

Will he think I'm weird if I crawl out from under my bed?

I'll just sit here and watch the dust bunnies play around the edges of my bed an-NOOOOOOOOO! BAD DUST BUNNY!

"Get back here," I whispered angrily.

I slid closer to the edge, and just as I reached the edge of the valance it was replaced by James Potter's face.

Lily Tomato had returned.

"What are you doing under here?" he asked cocking (how appropriate) his eyebrow.

"Err…"
THINK LILY TOMATO, THINK!

"Nothing really, I was just leaving."

CRASH.

I could faintly hear someone screaming, "LILY!" in the background.

In the dark
I'm not sure if that means it's sleep time, or just an English afternoon.

All I can remember is being under my bed, and then…

POTTER.

This is all his fault, clearly he drugged me so he could check out my shagging skills.

Oh. My. God

He practically shagged a dead person.

Potter the Necrophiliac.

Ew.

I must escape before I endure anything while I am awake.

Escaping from Potter's room

I can't believe I am escaping from Potter's room.

I can't believe I am inPotter's room!

My life is just too weird.

Now where is the door…

It's gonna be so stupid if I go bumping into things, even in the dark.

With no one else here.

I think.

Maybe I should just walk towards the light.

That seems like a good idea.

In the light

Turns out 'the light', is Potter's bathroom.

And he is coming up the stairs.

Oh poo, bum and merde.

Awaiting discovery

I am in a slight better spot than the norm for these situations.

I have jumped in his shower/bath combo and drawn the curtain.

There is no way he is going to find me.

One minute later

I really don't think anyone can have this much bad luck without being pure evil, or a movie character.

As it happens Potter has decided to enter the bathroom.

If I just stay perfectly still.

Seconds later

It seems he needs something from the shower; luckily I didn't stand near his toiletries.

I mean, how can you have three kinds of shampoo, and six bars of the same soap?!

His sexuality is now very ambiguous.

SHIT!

It seems he meant for the tap, rather than his clinique counter.

And now I am frozen to the spot, covered in cold water.

It's only a split second before he pulls open the curtain.

And I die.

Oh god.

At least I'm a virgin. (or so am conciously aware of. I can't speak for certain blanks in my mind).

…

Got you there! Sorry this is short, better to update than to not. Next chapter up within 2 weeks (max) Thank you to all of you who are review you are all très bien. (Rach, Izzy & Lily you had better not be reading this in SOSE. On second thought, go ahead. Who needs SOSE when you have fanfiction!!!)

Peace, love, and Naked Potters to you all,

thehiddenauthor