"JAMES POTTER! PUT YOUR WAND BACK IN YOUR PANTS!"
Chapter Seven
(In which Lily discovers she really lives at McDonalds & A Supermarket, Simultaneously)
Lily's diary, found and transcribed by thehiddenauthor (who secretly likes to pretend that she is Lily, when in fact she is Cate)
Disclaimer: If you don't know JKR's work from mine, you are a dumb, slightly cross-eyed cat called Spot. (By the way Cate is looking for you, and so is Lily, but Lily is worried you are breeding).
Dedication: To the reviewers, thanks for all your support. Louise Rennison & JKR you are my baby Jesus' thanks for being such inspirations.
Author's Note: Can't believe I haven't been writing this for aaaages! Have missed getting reviews and such, no reviews makes me Author Nomates.
Thank you to all my reviewers: stella luminosa, Ashleyxoxo, sunshinerosesandDEATH, bored2hyperness, dracosbabygrl, PleaOfInsanity, hsmwildcat, dott, griffindor-girl12 & Fuzz!
HUBBLE BUBBLE AND BOY TROUBLE
Still Sunday September 4th
A split second later
Good Lord.
I always though Potter had something stuffed down his pants.
Apparently Not.
Awkward doesn't even begin to describe this.
Several days later
(Not really)
Good lord I am a tart.
I made out with a practically naked Potter in a bathtub.
To make matters worse we were interrupted by my so called bestest pally Cate.
Who caught us like two tomatoes squashed together in a bathtub-shaped crate, and the whole school will know about my bathtub fiasco in a few hours.
Merde.
Looking in the mirror
Good lord I am a tomato.
Here is my new address:
Lily-Tomato,
Tart to a fellow Potter-Tomato,
Shelf in the Fruit and Veg section,
Supermarket of Life
Late-ish
Pondering le planeth.
Will Black be tempted by the forbidden fruit?
Is tomato a fruit?
Oh who cares?!
Only old crazy cat women who sleep with shotguns, that's who.
And maybe Cate.
Monday September 5th
Breakfast
Keeping my now black hair over the table helps disguise the fact I am a tarty Lily-Tomato.
Well now a rotten tarty Lily-Tomato.
Cate has helped me disguise myself, but obviously she wasn't very awake, as my hair now resembles a tiger, and not in a nice way.
She will be dodging a not-so graciously sent fruit basket this morning.
Embarrassment Central on the way to Being-Laughed-At Station
(Trasfiguration)
9:02 am
Whoever thought up double transfiguration was seriously pissed off.
I mean how else could you torture someone (oo-er) beyond all belief.
Now I think about it, it was probably Zeus' wife Juno.
I mean she must have been pretty pissed at Zeus for sleeping around.
9:06 am
Wait a second!
I have had an epiphany!
What if I am subconsciously mad at Potter for being a man-whore?!
9:07 am
Trying to tell Cate about my epiphany, but she is ignorez-vousing me.
9:08 am
Maybe she was just busy picking off orange peel.
I shall try again.
9:09 am
Nope.
She is all orange-covered huffy knickers.
Teehee.
9:12 am
Gah! Potter smells so good!
Now I can't concentrate.
Something about NEWTs…
I think.
Can't be sure; as I am too busy staring at the back of James Potter's head.
Break
All aloney on my owney
Cate is being totally unreasonable.
She totally deserved to pick orange peel off her robes.
It is not my fault that she barged in on the bathtub fandango.
One minute later
She is so totally giving me a 'haha-look-whos-laughing-in-their-non-orange-peel-covered-robes-now' look.
I hate her.
Hubbly Bubbly
(To the slightly more normal: Potions)
We are being assigned partners.
Obviously (something rather large) has gotten up ol' Sluggy's bum-oley(oo-er).
After the assigning
Har har.
Le planeth continues!
Black and I are partners, making my job even easier.
Apart from the fact Black does no work.
My role in le planeth is muchos simpler now we have to spend potions together.
Sometime later
Watching Black ATTEMPT to slice roots.
Vair vair amusant, I must say.
Would be even funnier if Cate and I could laugh about it together.
Two minutes later
Because I am the bigger person (well not really) I will apologize to Cate, and reach out with my hand of friendship.
One minute later
Sent her a note:
Dear Cate,
Our friendship knows no bounds, and is sacred for all eternity. I apologize for any wrongdoing on my behalf.
Lily
p.s in Cate words: I MISS YOU
p.p.s look at Black. Lily-bean xx
Two minutes later
Dearus Lily-eth
Keep-eth thou hands-eth in thous pocket-us thou lezzieth.
Billy-Cate Shakespear-eth
p.s-eth: Thy misses-eth thou too-us.
p.p.s-eth: Thy also-us find-eth Black-us funny-eth. Cate-us
Black only a quarter way down the root
Isn't it amazing how seventeen year old girls apologize?
I'm sure the oldies would find this most fascinating.
Now, I must work on le planeth!
Lunch
Lunch is actually an abbreviation.
That is because if you say lunch, there is a possibility there will be some left.
The extra time it requires to say luncheon means you starve.
Luncheon
Sitting next to Cate, who only has the mental capacity to connect 'lunch' and 'food'.
Ooooh! Monday is once again Lasagna day!
Hooray for several layers of fattening meat and pasta!!
Eating Lasagna
Brilliant people the Italians.
Quite good looking too.
Still, the lasagna is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good!
Twilight
Completely forgot about writing since luncheon.
Kinda of hard with James Potter eating Lasagna in my head (and yes, it's randomer than it sounds).
Cate and I are sitting on my little balconette making up crappy lovesongs to sing to our sadly single selves.
My personal favourite is 'Lasagna easier to eat than your pants, except when it's been in the freezer'.
Cate is also spitting out random analogies of life, and she is beginning again.
"Ya know Lils, life is like… McDonalds."
Oh god.
"It's full of fat people that you can't get past."
I am friends with an idiot.
Meh, Life could be full of hard lasagna.
(but apparently it is full of fat people. Teehee).
OMG.
Can't believe how long it has been, and how much of this chapter could be fixed.
My only defence is Rachel forced me.
Have a good one,
thehiddenauthor