Bobby continues to tell his story ...

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CHAPTER FIVE: With Bobby ... some rain must always fall.

After the Rain, The Clouds are Lifting … Somewhat

Eames and I wake up, tangled together … hung over together. She sat up fast and grabbed her head. Mine hurt too but I could tell she wasn't used to drinking scotch and she drank a lot of scotch. She looked at me, I looked at her. It was that kind of 'deer in the head lights' look. She hung her head, refused to look at me.

"Thank you, Goren."

She got up to leave but I couldn't let her.

"Eames, stay … let me make you a banana milkshake."

She started looking for her shoes and pocketbook. I could tell that she was terribly embarrassed, but I just couldn't let her leave like this. She stops as if what I said had just registered in her brain.

"Ah … a banana milkshake?"

"Eames, please, we have to talk about last night and yeah, it's my hangover remedy."

"What is there to talk about, Bobby. I tell you and show you, how I feel and you push me away … again."

"You didn't tell me how you feel. You pointed your gun at me and pulled the trigger."

She shook her head and walked away from me. I hurried along side her and pulled her toward me. She slammed both fists into my chest, I let her, then she wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder. I held her for what seemed to be hours but in actuality, was mere minutes. I ran my hand up and down her spine and rested my chin on top of her head. We were at peace with each other for the first time in months. I could only hope that it would last.

"I was drunk. It's no excuse I know. I know better than to discharge a weapon like that. I can't sleep at night … any night since - that night."

I thought I would lighten the mood a bit.

"You slept just fine last night, Eames"

She pulled away from me … I immediately missed her closeness.

"First of all Goren, I passed out and secondly … which she whispers… I was in your arms, I knew you were alive and safe from my bullet."

I'm starting to understand that her anger towards me, may be her guilt. I shouldn't speak for her or think for her, I just know the terrible guilt I would feel if the roles were reversed. If she had kept this secret from me and I burst into that room and saw Eames there, there would have been no controlling my anger, but my anger would have been directed towards Ross and the Chief.

I turned my back on Eames and sat on the edge of my bed. I buried my head in my hands. I understand now. Eames and I have grown so close over the years that the thin blue line is blurred. I feel her hand on me, she sits beside me and rests her head on my back.

"I'm sorry Bobby, I should have told you that I love you a long time ago. You could have used my support with your Mother and the suspension, but I can't be with a man that keeps pushing me away."

I tap her leg. "How about that milkshake, Eames?"

"See, you're doing it again! I guess there's nothing left to say."

She grabs her shoes and makes a beeline for the door.

"Eames … wait! Come on … stop!"

"Why? Why should I? Once again I pour my heart out to you, make a damn fool out of myself and all you can say is, how about that milkshake!?"

"I'll make it with love … because, I do love you Eames, very much."

"You do?"

"I do. Do I think I'm good for you? … I tilt my head to the side for emphasis … No! Do I think I could love you like no other man could? Yes … completely. Is that right? No. Why? Because, I'm Robert Goren … you know me Eames … I'm unconventional, I dance to the beat of my own drummer. The brass hates that, they hate me … if they even suspect impropriety among their two Major Case detectives, you'll have more than a black mark in your jacket."

She approaches me, smiling, crying, shaking.

"You would love me like no other man?"

"Did you hear anything else, Eames?"

"The brass hates you, impropriety and something about you dancing."

At this point, she has wrapped her arms around me and is looking up at me with those beautiful almond colored eyes. I could lose my soul there. I wish I didn't have a problem with that.

Angel -- It's okay now, you love each other.

Devil -- For once we agree, kiss her fool.

I lean over slightly and capture her mouth with mine. We're both still feeling the effects of over indulgence, so I pull away and put my hands up.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, I need a shower and I think you could use that hangover remedy of mine."

"Why are you pulling away again?"

"I'm not, I just feel overwhelmed."

"You sound like a girl, Goren."

We had just let our feelings out in the open and truth be told, I was overwhelmed. I needed to be away from her. Sex may have been the first thing on my mind, but also a deal breaker as far as our partnership is concerned. Eames was too important to me to jump into the sack without more thinking … I needed to think. She knows me well enough that she got it … she got it! Looking back at that night, if she had just 'got it,' that night, we would be status quo … not knowing how the other one feels. I wonder if ignorance is bliss? It would be better for her.

I made her the banana milkshake and sent her on her way. She kissed me goodbye, said the prerequisite, I love you and took my car … already it's starting and we haven't even consummated the relationship yet. As I washed away the sins of the night … or the lack there of, I thought of nothing but a sweaty naked Eames cuffed to my bed. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

I am stupid, this can't happen … I had to go tell her. Yeah, that went well.

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next up: That conversation. Thanks for reading.