AN: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO DAMN LONG! I have been trying to complete a major work of fiction, and now the steam has run out. This chapter, and the final continuation of this story, is because of Face_like_an_open_book and her Depression fic. She's put me in a mood, what with all her torture of Vincie, and bad bad Howard. So with some dislike for Howard and sufficient poking, i give you chapter three, and the yelling Hanna deserves. I know you've been waiting for this moment for a while, and the pressure to get Howard's reaction right sort of added to the break between chapters. I hope you like this, and i think i finally found Howard's voice right for what he had to say.

I'm also kinda sorry for the cliff hanger, but its where i want to stop it. You will NOT be waiting this long for the next bit. I'm going to set myself to finishing this soon. I'm quite enjoying writing some of the letters. Next chapter will get one. promise!

the Captain XOX

Dedication: Tegan, here we go again. This is your fault.

Disclaimer: these fictional characters aren't mine, i just like making them cry. So does Tegan. They belong to Barratt and Fielding, who like making them kiss on rooftops and then deny their love. If they were mine, they would have a happy ending. Eventually. TEGAN???? You hearing me?! :-P

Hanna's blue eyes were wide as Howard stared down at her. She nodded.

"By now Jane would have told you. I'm guessing. But I don't care. You had no right to what you did, Hanna. No right. I'm not going to say I don't appreciate everything you did for me. You helped me out of a dark time – but you had no right to hide it from me. No right! He was dying! And all he wanted – all he wanted was me!" Howard stopped, his voice breaking from the strain.

"What on earthmade you think you had any right to turn them away? Keep him from me? God – Hanna! I just!" he stopped, suddenly the anger was gone. All he wanted was something to explain. For all his intent not to let her speak, he chose the one word he'd asked himself a thousand times.

"Why?" the look in her eyes was something Howard never thought he would be able to erase. The hurt, the disappointment, the… anguish.

"I'm so sorry, Howard. Really." She murmured.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY SORRY! THERE'S NO CHANCE I CAN FORGIVE YOU!" He roared; fists clenched tight. Each word he spoke seemed like a physical blow to her. She flinched as each one left his lips.

"I can never forgive you! All I want is to understand why you killed him. Because you did! His heart would have held out for years, if you knew him you wouldn't doubt that! Do you know why animals die in captivity within the first two weeks if they've come from the wild? Why more elderly die in retirement homes than in their own? It's because they give up! Their hearts give out! Vince died broken hearted, Hanna. He gave up! You did that to him." Howard was silent for a moment. Watching her. She turned her attention to the floor; he could see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"We did that to him." Howard murmured. His voice was defeated. He could feel Jane's gaze on him, but all he wanted was Hanna's. She looked up and met him head on.

"I sent the letters back, Hanna. But you sent back Naboo. We killed Vince. And I can never forgive us for it. I'm sorry, Hanna. You helped me, you did. But this – there's nothing that can fix this. I can hate myself forever; I can punish myself any way I want. But I can't punish you, because, honestly? The only reason I won't do what I want to, is because Vince wouldn't want me to. We killed him, Hanna – but I can't punish you because Vince cared too much about other people for me to punish you. All I can do is let you punish yourself. Because of what you did, the world is missing the sweetest man I've ever known. Because of what we did – I lost the man I loved." Howard shut his mouth with a finality that brought no other sound from the room. He turned and walked back to his bedroom, leaving both Hanna and Jane where they stood. Watching him go.

Shutting his door he slid down the wood and let his head sink into his hands. He didn't know how long he sat crying, but no sound seemed to penetrate the wood. He missed the sounds of Hanna and Jane's conversation. The guilt passing between both sisters. He missed the tears and Hanna's scream of fury at her elder sister. He missed the slamming doors and the hurriedly packed suitcase. He missed the stilted conversation as Hanna dragged her suitcase across the room. He missed the quick goodbye.

But his head perked up to the sound of a slamming door. A slamming door that closed his relationship with Hanna completely. A slamming door that made him feel guiltily that justice was somewhat served, as personal and horrible as it was. After all it was Hanna and Jane's apartment he was sharing. Only now it was his and Jane's.

And yet all he wanted was a small shareroom with a vibrant electro boy far too obsessed with the shape and volume of his hair than could be considered even possibly normal.

Silence enclosed the flat like a blanket. Impenetrable. Tears glistened in Howard's eyes. He shut them; Vince smirked at him from the underside of his lids.

"Alright, Howard?"

His eyes shot open, and his gaze fell on the bundle of letters perched on his bed.

Vince had written to him forty eight times without reply.

Howard scrambled across the room and took the bundle up in his hands.

He pulled the bundle close and without thinking he unwrapped the red string. The pile loosened and with shaking hands Howard took out the last letter. The very last thing Vince ever wrote to him.

He needed to know.

He was trembling as he slid his fingers through the paper. He was biting his lip, hard, as he fumbled the paper out of the envelope. Sweat gleamed on his brow as he unfolded the page. It was one page long and Howard closed his eyes and took a long breath before he opened them. Seeing his name carved out in Vince's shaky hand brought tears to his eyes.

My Howard,