AN: Hey guys, first of all, I just wanted to thank you all for the awsome reviews I got for the last chapter. Seriously, they made me smile so much. Anyway, sorry, this chapter ended up taking longer to write than I originally thought it would, it was so emotionally draining for some reason. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this next part, and don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: Nope don't own camp rock or the characters... if I did, I would be like... hey, cool, I own camp rock and the characters... but I don't.
Chapter Three:
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My uncle was storming up the stairs now, and the most eerie feeling I had ever had in my life fell over me, and I didn't know why. I glanced back to my window, to Nate's window, and I shoved the blankets off of me, making a break towards it.
But it was too late. I heard my door crash open, and a second later two rough hands crushed around my ribs, ripping me back.
---
Four hours. Four hours and sixteen minutes, and I still hadn't moved.
Had it really happened? To me? I wanted to shake my head, but it wouldn't budge.
It didn't feel like it. It felt more like I was watching from afar. I didn't even feel like I was connected to my own body.
I hadn't even cried yet. At least, I don't think I had cried. My memory was slightly hazy.
I can't remember what happened for a little while, and the next thing I knew, the sun was seeping in through my window, hitting my toes. I didn't like it, so I moved finally, pulling my knees further into my chest, making an even tighter ball out of my body.
I felt a sudden wave of tiredness. But I couldn't. No, I had to stay awake; alert. It could happen again, at any time. Stay awake, stay awake, stay awake.
I don't know how much time passed.
I was so tired.
My phone went off, but I just stared blankly ahead.
It could of been half an hour, or just a couple of minutes, and it went off again. And again. Once more, and then the world seemed to leave me alone for a little while.
Some more time passed, or maybe a lot of time, and the sunlight was starting to fade. I think I might have been slightly out of it; but still awake. I heard a noise, and looked up to see Nate crouching on my window sill. He jumped down, landing lightly on his feet, and brushed off his knees. The action made him look like a kid again, and for some reason I almost burst into tears as childhood memories were brought back to life in my mind.
I guess he hadn't climbed through my window in... since his dad had died.
He looked up at me and stopped abruptly. "Mitchie?"
His voice sounded laced with worry.
There was a lump in my throat, and I couldn't answer.
He moved closer, kneeling beside my bed. I was shivering for some reason. "Mitch, are you okay?"
I wanted to tell him 'no'. I wanted to tell him everything that had happened. But I couldn't. I couldn't ever. I was so ashamed.
"I can't... I can't..." I mumbled, wanting so badly to just cry, but I was too numb.
"You can't...? Mitchie, what is it?"
I just shook my head weakly, clasping my mouth shut, and hugging my legs tighter.
His brows furrowed. "Are you...?" he moved his hand forward, as if to feel my forehead, but before I had even realised what he was doing, I flinched away from his touch. He pulled his hand back as if he had been burnt, his eyes angst filled. He looked away, seeming to struggle internally for a moment. And I realised then, just how worn out he truely looked; more so than usual. Finally, he began to speak.
"Mitchie. Last night... I'm so sorry. I hurt you - I... I was such an idiot. All this time, I... I've been wanting to protect you... I... just... God, I've always cared about you more than myself, and... last night, I just... slipped-"
No, no, no. How could he think this was his fault? He was the only thing that was keeping me breathing. I wanted to tell him so much, just what he meant to me, and that it wasn't his fault, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the words to come out. I just couldn't tell him the truth. He continued, speaking to the floor.
"I was so selfish... and now - I... I fucked everything up, and you're hurt. It's all my fault..." He had his head in his hands now,"I can't believe I made you hurt, Mitchie... I'm so sorry."
No Nate, stop, please. You have no idea how wrong you are.
He looked back up, and his eyes were glistening. "I promise, Mitch, I won't ever touch you again. Just, please, tell me you forgive me? I know it's so selfish, but I can't... I can't deal without you."
He was staring at me pleadingly, but I still couldn't speak. This was too much. I didn't know why, but I couldn't feel... anything right now. And everything that he had just said... He had confessed more to me than he ever had... and I know it hadn't been easy for him. But it was too much... too much to take in right now.
"Mitch. Please."
He waited for me to say something, and I could see him physically sinking with each second that passed. Until he finally decided I wasn't going to say anything. If only he knew how much I wanted to. How much I wanted to tell him everything that had happened.
"I still care more about you than myself, so if you want me to stay away from you... I promise I will. I'll do whatever you want."
No. I didn't want him to leave me. That was the worst thing he could do. I bit my lip and shook my head.
But he didn't know what I meant. He swallowed and looked down. "Do you want me to leave?"
He looked up cautiously when I didn't answer. And then he exhaled softly in defeat, getting to his feet and looking away from me as if he were trying to hide something in his eyes.
He was going to leave. No don't go! Don't go, don't go, don't leave me here alone!
I sat up, the fear forcing me to find my voice finally. "Nate... No... I don't want... Don't go," I managed to choke out.
He looked back at me, looking shocked, confused and so relieved all at once.
And then I couldn't control myself. I shot forward into his chest, my hands clinging onto the back of his shirt.
"I'm so scared, Nate. I'm so scared. I can't stay here," I said with sudden panic. And I wanted so badly to cry, right there, my face buried in his chest. But no matter how much I willed the pain to escape me, the tears just wouldn't come.
I looked down to see his hands clasped tightly into fists by his sides, and pulled away self-consciously. But I looked up to find him staring at me with his usual gentle and caring eyes.
"Can I stay with you tonight? Please? I can't stay here anymore, I just can't."
And it was true. I couldn't stay, because it wasn't my room anymore. It was the room where it had happened. The room full of memories I wish I didn't remember. Memories that seemed more like a faraway nightmare.
"Of course. You know you don't have to ask," he said softly with sincerity. "Mitch, what happened? I've never seen you so scared."
I wanted to tell him then, so badly, to tell him and bury my head in his chest again, to feel safe as his arms wrap around me and pull me closer.
But he couldn't ever know the truth.
"Nothing... I just," I couldn't think of any excuse, "Please... I'm just so tired."
I could tell he was worried about me, but he let it go, and for that I was silently thankful. He nodded, and then followed after me.
Once we were in his room, I made for his bed and collapsed into the familiar soft covers. And finally, I was free for just a little while.
---
I vaguely felt something small but hard crash on top of me, and I stirred slightly, in a daze as to what was going on.
"Mikey! Get off her she's sleeping," I heard the most familiar and comforting voice in the world say.
"I told you you were going to marry Mitchie! See! She's sleeping in your bed, just like married people do!"
"C'mon, buddy."
I felt the small thing, Mikey, being pulled off of me, and shifted again. I was in Nate's room. Why was I in Nate's room?
"Are you gonna have a baby? Yay, I always wanted a little brother! I can teach him cool tricks and I promise I'll be the best big brother in the world!"
Nate sighed sadly. "That would be your nephew, not your brother. Mikey... Don't you remember dad?"
"But... you're my dad now."
Nate sighed again, and I could hear him walking away a little. "I'm not your dad, Mikey."
"But.."
"Just stop, Mikey! Go get ready for school... please."
There was a long silence, and then I heard a small sniff. "Why are you being angry?"
There was another silence, shorter this time. "I'm sorry, buddy. C'm'ere." Nate sighed again. "It's wasn't your fault, okay? I was just..."
"Getting angry at grown up stuff?"
Nate chuckled a little. "Yeah, grown up stuff." His voice then grew serious, and I could hear the sadness that he probably didn't want Mikey to hear. "It's just that... you have a dad already... and I know he's not here right now... but, he's still your dad... and sometimes I just wish you would be able to remember him like I do. He was a pretty cool guy, you know."
"Really? Even cooler than you?"
Nate chuckled again, "Oh yeah."
"Whoa," Mikey said in awe. "Can we go and visit him sometime?"
I knew Nate was struggling about how to answer that question. "... It's not like that, Mikey."
"Why isn't he here anymore?"
"He... got sick."
"Like mommy is?"
"... A little bit, but not exactly."
"Is mommy... going to go away, too?"
Nate sighed, and there was a short silence. "How 'bout you go get ready for school, kay?"
"...Okay."
I heard Mikey's footsteps, and the sound of Nate's door closing. Wait... why was I in Nate's room again?
... Oh.
Oh...
I opened my eyes slowly, feeling like my insides were being crushed and ripped apart as the last 24 hours registered in my mind. My eyes wandered the room, until they fell upon Nate sitting at his desk, his head resting in his hands, fingers rubbing his temples. I hoped he was okay. He looked even more worn out than he did yesterday, and I wondered if he had even slept at all.
For a long time, I simply watched him. He barely moved at all the whole time. And then the door opened again and Mikey came walking in with his school bag strapped to his back. "Ready!" he called.
Nate lifted his head, startled a little, as if he had been lost in his own world (or most likely - knowing Nate - his worries). "Oh, okay, buddy. Hang on."
He stood up, grabbing his guitar case and opening his closet.
"Hey! Mitchie's awake!"
Mikey dropped his bag off his shoulders and flew over to me, jumping up on top of me. I put on the best smile I could muster.
"Hi, Mikey!" I sat up and hugged him tightly.
Nate turned around, startled that I had been awake.
"Are you going to walk to school with me and Nate?"
"Umm... Maybe tomorrow, kay?"
"But Nate's your wife, so don't ya have to go with him like married people do?"
I couldn't help but laugh at that. It was so funny.
Nate slapped his forehead, and looked at me apologetically. I just kept laughing.
And then Mikey started laughing, which was funnier, because he didn't know what he was laughing about. He's so cute.
"Are you gonna be here when I come home?" he asked excitedly.
"Uh... I dunno, Mikey."
"Aaw, pleease! We can all play together!"
I scruffled his curls fondly, "We'll see, kay?"
"Okay," he smiled.
"Hey, Mikey, can you go get your lunch? It's on the bench. I'll be down in a second, bud."
"Okay," and he jumped off me, grabbed his bag and skipped out.
And then there was silence for a moment. And suddenly it felt so weird to be smiling. Why did it feel weird?
... Oh.
My smile dropped instantly, and my insides were being crushed and twisted and torn all over again.
Nate was staring at me. "How are you feeling?" he asked carefully, breaking the silence.
I bit my lip, and tried to find my voice again. "Okay," I lied.
He nodded softly. "You can stay if you like... as long as you want."
I nodded.
"Mikey might like it..." he added.
I gave him a soft smile. "Okay."
"Okay," he smiled, too, "Uh... I have to take Mikey to school and go to work, but I'll be back at around four. Make yourself at home, and there's food and stuff downstairs."
"Okay. Thank-you, Nate," I said, and then decided to add, "For everything."
He nodded and then left to find Mikey. I just sunk back into his bed, finding Stevie Wonder and hugging him to me, letting the pain wash over me again.
But, still, the tears didn't come.
AN: Please review. Just a couple of seconds of your time can make my day. :) Review, even if it's to tell me how much it sucked. Even if you want to ask a question or give me some advice. The keyword here is review! :P