Chibi!Ianto who lives in my head: Why am I so OOC in this story.
Me: Because you just spent a year travelling through time and space in a blue box with a very, very sexy alien.
Chibi!Ianto: Okay… but why are Tosh and Owen together?
Me: Because without you around Owen wouldn't have had someone to torture all the time and would have noticed Tosh.
Chibi!Ianto: Gee thanks.
Me: You're welcome.
Chibi!Ianto: -sigh- Should you remind them about your horrible editing skills?
Me: No I think they get it by now
Chibi!Ianto: … This is only the second chapter.
Me: Would you just shut up?
Chibi!Ianto: I am merely a figment or your imagination. You're the one making me talk. You control this weird, twisted little fantasy world.
Me: … really… So if I was to say imagine Jack, you, some handcuffs and whipped cream…
Chibi!Ianto: Oh for the love of God! Just let the people read the chapter!
-
Jack moaned, breathing deeply the scent of coffee. Since the old team had… died, there was never coffee in the morning.
He pulled himself from his small cot and made his way to the kitchen, not even bothering to get dressed.
Ianto sat at the table, a steaming mug in his hands, his eyes cast down. "He left," said Ianto flatly, not even looking up. "There's a note on the counter, addressed to you. I didn't open it." Ianto looked up. "Why you? Why only you?" His out of focus eyes blinked and finally saw Jack standing there in his boxers. Ianto blushed and looked down again.
Jack walked over to the counter and picked up the piece of paper. His name was scrawled across the back.
Hey there Jack-y boy!
Listen got to dash, things to do places to be. You know the drill.
Now, about my boy Ianto… He's… well… he's like you Jack. Except, maybe not. In the very first month we ran into some trouble with some Racnoss, I was in trouble and Ianto was locked in the TARDIS. I don't know how he did it, he claims he just pressed a button, which is the reason I've been pressing any and all the buttons (don't tell him). He opened up the heart of the TARDIS… and fell in. Should have killed him, or driven him insane. I think… don't worry.
Everything was fine, for a whole year, until a few weeks ago. He was stabbed, completely dead, I checked. Then he woke up, fully healed and I knew. He's just like you… probably different though maybe, he did fall directly in, clumsy idiot.
He doesn't know, didn't tell him. He just thinks he was very, very lucky. I'll leave the news to you then.
Could you possibly take care of him until I get back in a few months, hopefully,
The Doctor
Jack could not believe it. The Doctor, saviour of worlds, swans into his work place, gives him horrible news, doesn't even apologise for abandoning him and then dumps his problem, albeit a very good looking problem, and pisses of.
"I'm going to fucking kill him," the Captain groaned. He turned around to face Ianto, who was pouring himself another cup of tea. "You should probably read this yourself," he said as he held out the note. Ianto took the piece of paper, his eyes quickly skimming across the page and his frown growing ever deeper.
Ianto put the note back down on the table and massaged his eyes slowly. He pushed back his chair and stood up, facing Jack.
"Well that's just bloody perfect isn't it?" he growled. "Well thanks for letting me stay here for the night, I'll find my own way out."
"Huh? What?" Jack spluttered as Ianto started to walk up the stairs to the top level. "Hang on, where are you going?"
"No clue," said Ianto without turning around. "Everyone I ever knew is dead. At least makes explaining that I'm not actually dead easier. Oh great, I'm going to live forever! It'll be Canary Warf all over again, meet people, grow to love them, they die and I have to move on. Fuck, fuckity fuck fuck!" Ianto was starting to get a little hysterical as he reached the fake tourist office, Jack close behind, and tugged the door open.
Tosh and Owen were standing the doorway, their arms wrapped around each other.
"Sorry," Ianto muttered moving aside so the pair could come inside.
They didn't.
Owen let go of Tosh's waist and peered around the doorway at Jack. "Jack, who's this?" he asked.
"Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet Ianto Jones. Up until yesterday Ianto had been travelling with my doctor. They stopped in for a visit."
"Did he fix you? Your doctor?" asked Tosh, they all knew about Jack's immortality thing after a run in with the creature, Abaddon.
Jack chuckled. "What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection."
"Can I go?" snapped Ianto.
"No," Jack snapped back. "You're staying here where I can keep an eye on you. The Doctor left you to me."
Ianto raised an eyebrow, "What am I, a piece of furniture? A dog? You can't keep me here."
"You wanna bet?" Jack nodded to Owen, who grabbed Ianto's arms and pulled them behind him. "Owen, take him downstairs and cuff him to a pole. No need to put him in a cell, the weevils will only scare him."
Ianto growled as Owen pushed him past Jack. "I've faced cybermen, sontarans, daleks and you think a bloody weevil is going to scare me? Screw you Harkness?"
"Is that an offer?" Jack called after them, laughing as he heard Ianto swear violently.
TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
"Twenty three bottles of beer on the wall, twenty three bottles of beer! You take one down pass it around, twenty two bottles of beer on the wall!"
"Right that's it," Owen yelled, jumping up from his desk. "I'm going to fucking kill him." He reached for his gun.
"Owen!" warned Gwen. "Leave him be."
"I agree," said Tosh. "Jack please, just let him go. He hasn't done anything wrong."
"The Doctor asked me to look after him," yelled Jack from his office. "So whether you or he likes it or not he's staying."
There was a collective groan from the workplace, including Ianto, who was now sitting on the floor, cuffed to a pole and singing at the top of his lungs.
"Ianto, can it," yelled Jack.
"Can, can, can you do the can, can, can you do the can, can?" Ianto switched songs.
"I'm going to lunch!" Owen bellowed. "Tosh?" His girlfriend nodded and picked up her handbag ready to go. "Gwen?"
The ex-P.C also got up, shooting an apologetic look at Jack before following the others out of the Hub.
Jack groaned, running his fingers across his scalp. "Thanks for that Ianto."
Ianto just shot him a cheeky look and switched to singing 'Stayin' Alive'. Unable to take it anymore, Jack fled to the one place he never went; archives.
Ianto grinned as the captain fled the main area, heading down stairs. Carefully he slid a small kit out of his pocket. Everyone at Torchwood one had lock-picking equipment so Ianto had just bided his time until everyone was gone.
The handcuffs were off in a manner of seconds, and the Welshman was out the door of the Hub even sooner.
Downstairs Jack sighed in relief, having heard the singing stop. Ianto had probably figured if no one was there to hear him it wasn't worth it. Hoping to catch the young man unawares and alone so they could have a talk Jack turned around, heading back up to the main Hub area.
"Shit," he swore when saw that Ianto was no longer cuffed to the poll, the handcuffs lying forgotten on the ground.
"Owen?" he barked, pressing his earpiece.
"Yeah Jack?" Owen's voice came over the intercom.
"Jail break. Ianto's out of the Hub, how soon can you get back?"
"Two, three minutes, tops."
"Ok, I'm going after him, watch the CTV and contact me if you see him." Jack hung up and raced up and out of the Hub.
-
Ianto Jones ran across the Plas as fast as he could, he knew it wasn't long before Captain Harkness came back up and saw he was gone, and if he knew Torchwood, and unfortunately he did, they'd find him soon. Of course, Ianto was smarter than that, and pretty skilled at running and hiding… especially running, thanks to the Doctor.
His heart twinged at the thought of the Doctor. He had thought their relationship had been going somewhere, they'd been sleeping together since he was stabbed, but apparently it meant nothing to the Time Lord who had pawned him off on the first person he could.
Jack bloody Harkness.
Ianto knew all about him, his immortality, his work methods, his… alternative lifestyle. Frankly Ianto had found the man fascinating when he had read his file at Torchwood One and hoped to meet him one day, but that was a long time ago and he had been different back then.
As he ran an arm shot out in front of him, hitting him in the neck and sending him sprawling to the ground. He coughed painfully and touched his bruised windpipe.
"What the hell?" he yelled at his assailant.
Above him stood a man wearing flamboyant red jacket that looking like it belonged in the circus.
"Sorry Eye-Candy," the man drawled. "I'm just going borrow you for a moment. I'm visiting a friend who has a bit of a hero complex." Ianto was pulled roughly to his feet and the mad man placed a gun against his temple. "Now you don't have to die today," the man lied, though Ianto didn't know it. How was he to know he was being kept captive by a compulsive murderer? "So don't struggle or I will shoot you."
Ianto gulped and nodded. "Who are you?" he asked trembling. He knew that if this man shot him he wouldn't die but it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt. He hoped he could avoid that.
The man grinned and ran his tongue up the side of Ianto face. "Captain John Hart. Now let's get moving."