Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!
Chapter 2: Naming the ship
Disclaimer: I don't know if this idea has ever been done before… but this is the first I've seen of it. I don't own SSBM or the new SSBB. I don't own the idea of pirate ships…
Reviews: You will be given a free hair sample if you review…
Gold Stars: I'm feeling like KEEPING ALL OF THEM! THEY'RE MY GOLD STARS! YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!
I remember when it amazed me to get three good reviews when I started my advertisements fic… so… I'm never going to complain unless I get less than three good reviews… I doubt this will get even two good reviews though…
Sorry about the break... my school has a huge summer project and I decided to start doing it while summer is still here...
ICP! BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER! THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS!
(insert a break here because the button to do so seems to be broken at the moment because FFN seems to be incompetant)
"Captain… there's an important matter I think we need to worry about" Ness said, walking up to Mario.
"Yar! I be worrying!" Mario said.
"Umm… yeah… we need to name our ship something…" Ness said.
"What ye be talking 'bout matey?" Mario asked.
"Well… all ships have names… and if we're going to be real pirates then we need to name our boat too" Ness said.
"What kind of names be ye talking 'bout?" Mario asked.
"Stuff like the HMS Bismark, or Queen Anne's Revenge" Ness said.
"Yar! I've just the name! The FFS Stealing Money From Innocents! Yar!" Mario said.
"Are you sure about that?" Ness asked.
"Be ye questioning the captain? Yar! I smell mutiny afoot!" Mario yelled and pulled his sword. He went to kill Ness, but having patches on his eyes he missed and stabbed Peach.
"Oh did I win?" Peach asked as the sword went through her stomach.
"Yar? When did yer voice get high-pitched like that Ness?" Mario asked
"Oh did I win?" Peach asked as she fell to the ground, a bloody mess.
"Yar! It be no matter! Ye be dead an' I be getten yer salary!" Mario yelled.
"Actually, you killed Peach, not me" Ness said.
"Yar! I still be getten yer salary!" Mario yelled.
"Whatever…" Ness said and walked off.
Everyone was about to throw Jigglypuff overboard for being a girl.
"How do you know I'm not a boy? It's physically possible for Jigglypuffs to be boys too you know!" Jigglypuff yelled.
Zelda decided she'd rather not risk it and threw Jigglypuff overboard. Jigglypuff climbed back onto the ship.
"Dang it! We need to kill all the girls before they curse us!" Zelda yelled.
"You're just being a sexist!" DK yelled and popped Zelda's face with his hands.
"Ew!" Ness said.
"Yar! Be ye messin with Ness's innocent mind? Yar! Ye be sick!" Mario yelled at DK.
"I'm fine really…" Ness said.
"Ye shut up ye landlubbing scurvy ridden dog!" Mario yelled.
"Whatever…" Ness said and walked off.
"Now! To pain the name of the ship 'pon the ship itself! Yar!" Mario said.
"How are we going to do that when we're out in the middle of the sea with no land anywhere in sight?" Ness asked.
"Yar! Get the rope!" Mario yelled.
(Some time later)
Mario and DK were holding onto the rope as Kirby was dangling off the edge of the ship with the rope tied around him. Sadly, the rope was tied in such a way that putting pressure on it would tighten it. Mario and DK pulled as hard as they could. Kirby popped.
"Yar! What be that noise about?" Mario asked.
"I think we killed him!" DK yelled.
"That's not good…" Ness said.
"Yar! Tis be nuthin! Get Jigglypuff!" Mario yelled.
So DK went to get Jigglypuff. He couldn't find her anywhere. He looked in his room, he looked in the toilets, but no matter where he looked he just couldn't find her.
"I'm right here!" Jigglypuff yelled to DK.
"DK turned around in confusion. Sadly, as he was turning around, he stepped on Jigglypuff, popping her.
(Back with Mario and Ness)
Mario was holding onto the rope as Ness was hanging off the edge. Sadly, Mario's arms were just wooden and so he couldn't grip the rope. Ness fell and landed in the water. The impact didn't kill him, but the jellyfish did.
DK came back with the pink gooey remains of Jigglypuff.
"Tis be perfect! Yar! Hook her up!" Mario yelled as DK looked for the rope.
"Where's the rope? And where's Ness?" DK asked.
"They be sleepin in the watery depths of Davy Jones' Locker!" Mario yelled.
"Well tell them to wake up and get out of that man's locker!" DK yelled.
Mario shot DK for his incompetence.
"Yar! I be needen a person that can fly! Yar!" Mario yelled to his crew.
"I can do it!" Falco yelled and jumped off the boat. Sadly, he was wearing a jacket at the time and so no matter how hard he flapped his wings he couldn't catch any air. He hit the water. The water hit him back. He died of salmonella.
"Yar! Be there anyone else?" Mario asked.
"I'll go…" Marth said dramatically.
"No…" Roy said holding his hand on Marth's shoulder.
"I have to do this Roy…" Marth said.
"I understand" Roy said, looking down in sorrow.
So Marth jumped off, missed, and died.
"NOOOOO!" Roy yelled looking up to the sky with anger. "You did this to me!"
"What did I have to do with anything?" the sky replied. Nobody heard it though.
"Yar! I'll do it meself ye dogs!" Mario yelled and jumped off with a paintbrush. He painted the name on the boat in several places and jumped back up.
"How did you do that?" everyone asked.
"Yar! I be using tis new Swiffer product!" Mario said holding up a Swiffer Vac.
"WTF?" Roy yelled looking up to the sky with sorrow.
"Yar! Now that we be named lets plunder us some booty!" Mario yelled pointing to an island right in front of them.
"Yay!" Everyone yelled.
"Full speed ahead!" Mario yelled to Fox, who had no control over how fast the ship was going anyway. Fox nodded.
The ship crashed into the island and sank, killing everyone.
(insert a break here because FFN is incompetant and keeps messing around with things that dont need to be changed)
Oh dear…
Kirby popped…
I bet you didn't see that one coming…
I bet you did…
I bet twelve dollars on the green horse…
Bet person dude: Sir… the horse is green because it is sick… are you sure you want to bet on it?
I raise twenty-seven yen!
Bet person dude: Whatever…
(Green horse wins)
Remember… never doubt a sick horse…
That's the lesson for today…
Good night…