Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!

Chapter 4: An actual battle!

Disclaimer: I don't own a gun. I don't own scalding hot peanuts made with the intention of dumping down someone's pants. I don't own myself.

Reviews: Mommy, what's a review?

Gold Stars:

If you are as stupid as my English class then -9

If you are as smart as my Phriend in mei phisecks clas thein 52?

Boo

I'm currently in my own little form of hell… and I'm going to be here for another year I'm guessing… oh well…

ICP!!!

"Yar! The butt pirates of Malaskani be 'pon us!" Mario yelled, pointing at the toilet.

"Yar to you too!" Meta Knight yelled from his ship, pointing at Mario's ship.

"Yar! Ye' be the new pirates?" Mario asked.

"Yar! That be we!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Knights be bad pirates!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! Ye be a bad pirate yeself!" Meta Knight screamed.

"Yar! I not be seeing any peg legs on yer tiny body! Ye be a bad pirate!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! I be blowing a hole in yer ship if ye don't shut yer mouth!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Ye don't even have a name fer yer ship!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! We be havin' a better name than ye!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Nothing be better than FFS Stealing Money From Innocents!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! Halberd be better than that name any day!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Nuh uh!" Mario yelled in a whiney voice.

"Yar! Yuh huh!" Meta Knight yelled back.

"Yar! Yer mama!" Mario yelled.

With this all the guns on Meta Knight's ship fired upon Mario's ship.

…

Sadly, Meta Knight had forgotten to install weapons on his ship before he left port.

"Yar! Ha ha!" Mario yelled and then fired on Meta Knight's ship.

"Yar! Let's see ye do better!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Position the cannons!" Mario yelled to his crew.

…

Nothing happened.

…

"Yar?" Mario asked.

(Somewhere in the ship)

Mario's crew was playing strip poker.

"That's four aces and a king!" Falco said, throwing his hand on the table.

"Dang it!" Ness yelled.

"You have to take off your hat!" Peach giggled.

Ness stood up and threw his hat off. All the girls started giggling.

"It's so big!" Zelda said.

"I know, it's crazy!" Samus yelled.

"I mean, his head is freakishly huge. It's like a growth or something!" Peach giggled.

"I'm big in other places too!" Ness said, winking.

"Like where?" Zelda asked, staring at him.

"My… erm… toenails… I guess…" Ness said.

"Ew!" Samus screamed, vomiting in her suit. She fell over, unable to breath as the vomit clogged her helmet. She suffocated in a pile of her own vomit.

"Wow… chicks totally dig him" Link said, pointing jealously at Ness, to Roy.

"Yeah, let's get revenge…" Roy said, pulling out his sword.

Peach heard this and choked Roy to death with his own fingernail clippings that had been stored up for years on the ship.

"Where did you keep those? I've been looking for those for years!" Ness yelled.

Peach giggled.

"Why did you want Roy's fingernail clippings?" Link asked cautiously.

"I just happen to know how to seduce women with things like toenails and fingernails" Ness said with a wink.

Link vomited with so much force his head exploded.

(Back with Mario and Meta Knight)

"Yar! Why is yer ship in the toilet anyway?" Mario asked.

"Yar! We be findin' no other place to sail!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! That be stupid!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! Shut up! Where be yer crew anyway!" Meta Knight asked.

"Yar! They be not comin'!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! C'mon mateys! We have them scurvy dogs now!" Meta Knight yelled.

Pit, Wario, Zero Suit Samus, and Snake all came up behind Meta Knight.

"Yar! Is that it!?" Mario asked.

"Yar! The others be on lunch break!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! I can take ye with both arms tied behind me back!" Mario yelled.

Meta Knight threw Zero Suit Samus at Mario. Mario did a backflip over Zero Suit Samus. Sadly, as Mario was above Zero Suit Samus he continued on with the flip, slamming the back of his head into Zero Suit Samus's head. There was a sickening crack as both of them lay on the ground, blood seeping out from beneath them.

Just then DK came out from the ship.

"Do you know where we keep the napkins, Link just vomited everywhere and…" DK stopped mid-sentence and stared at the scene before him.

"KILL!" DK yelled and charged Meta Knight.

Meta Knight picked Pit up and threw him at DK, DK just brushed his body away and kept running. Meta Knight then took Snake and threw him at DK. DK brushed him away too and continued the charge. Meta Knight desperately went to pick Wario up. He failed miserably and was crushed under the weight. The force of Wario falling on top of Meta Knight broke a hole in the deck. Which broke a hole in the ship. The ship sunk and was then eaten by jellyfish.

"What were jellyfish doing in our toilet?" DK asked.

"Pets…" Popo said as he walked in and dumped Nana's corpse into the toilet.

"How did she die?" DK asked.

"Pets…" Popo said.

"Who's pets?" DK asked.

"Pets" Popo said.

"This is going nowhere…" DK said and shoved Popo into the toilet and slammed the cover over it. There were struggles and there was death. DK was the one who died. Popo retired and lived a long happy life in that toilet.

"Yay! I'm the new captain!" Ness yelled.

"Not if I can't help it!" Falco yelled.

"Now let's look at that. You're saying not if you can't help it. That's a double negative. You're saying only if you can help it, and since you physically CAN help it, I guess that means I AM the new captain!" Ness yelled.

"I concur!" Falco yelled, flipping of the people who would have disagreed with Ness's captain…ness…shtick…hood…

"What's your first order, captain?" Peach asked, giggling.

"I want more beer than is consumed by Germany every twelve seconds!" Ness yelled. Everyone stared at him in shock.

"That's a lot of beer…" Yoshi said in shock.

"I want more old school Green Day, Sum 41, Blink 182, the Killers, and other such bands than you can shake a stick at!"

"Wow… and I can shake a stick at twelve of that…" Yoshi said.

"What are you talking about? That isn't even a conceivable measurement! How can there be twelve of that?" Falco yelled.

"Shut up! I'm the nerd! You can't question me!" Ness yelled as Peach giggled.

Marth walked up to Peach and planted a time bomb. He then ran off as fast as he could.

"Boom!" Peach yelled and giggled.

There was a small explosion as Marth jumped off the ship, narrowly missing the flames. The whole ship began to sink as Marth held on to a chunk of wood, keeping him afloat.

"I did it…" he said.

Jellyfish ate Marth dead.

Sharks came and ate Marth alive again.

"Yay!" Marth yelled.

Marth accidentally impaled himself on a sea sponge and died.

(Somewhere in Germany)

Two people were arm wrestling when one of them pulled a muscle and crapped his pants simultaneously. This is a first time event, and has a lot to do with the story.

And here's three cheers for Yoshizilla, who has like… 15 of the front page 25 stories on the SSB section of fanfiction (or at least he did around the time of me writing this)… which is fine… because it seems like he's the last regular updater left…

I'm sorry I'm so irregular… I mean… my posting is irregular… my bowel movements are irregular… I'm part of a death metal rock band named the irregular cookie munchers… I don't know how I'm regular…

So really… sorry…

R&F… Read and Fandango