Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!
Chapter 5: A Real Adventure!
Disclaimer: I own my own lack of updates. I don't own several things in this story, I'm not quite sure what. SSBM is owned by nintendo. Anything else will be mentioned when I remember
Gold Stars:
Awww crap... 5 trillion gold stars to razzkat and Act II... and uhyeahitsteamdark...
I can say I hate people who don't try in school, and I can say I hate straight A students... but It's just easier to sum it all up by saying I'm completely sick of humanity.
"Arr! I've found a map!" Mario yelled, waiving a piece of toilet paper around.
"That's toilet paper you idiot" Ness sighed.
"We could have had days of fun pretending that was a map! You went and ruined it! I hate you!" Kirby cried. Kirby then grew black hair and listened to The Soul is Soulish and Souls of Sorrow, Unedited: version 3.095 experts version on hard mode.
"How are you listening to something on hard mode?" Ness asked.
Kirby couldn't respond, as he was jumping around the deck trying to catch the notes in his ears. Sadly, Kirby didn't have ears, and so the notes bounced off of his body and ended up knocking him off the boat. The sharks consumed him before he had even hit the water.
"This is getting silly" Ness said.
"Yar! Do none of ye scurvy dogs care about the map!?" Mario asked. He hadn't heard a thing that had gone on, as in addition to his two eye patches he had gotten two ear patchs and nostril patches.
"Why haven't I killed myself yet?" Ness asked.
"Why do you get to talk so much is a better question! I want to sit around and make comments about how stupid the crew is for once!" Captain Falcon cried.
"Go ahead" Ness said and walked off the stage. Sadly, the stage was the boat. The sharks consumed him before he had even made it off the stage. They were hungry sharks.
"Erm... umm... that was... erm... boobies!" Captain Falcon screamed. He then spent hours laughing about the witty comment he had said. He went to tell his friends, which means he was alone for the rest of the day.
"YAR! WHY BE NONE OF YE TALKIN 'BOUT TIS MAP I FOUND! 'TIS BE AN ADVENTURE LADS!" Mario yelled.
DK walked up to Mario and rubbed his neck in brail. Mario instantly understood what was going on.
"Ahoy! We're off to Treasure Island!" Mario screamed.
They began to sail for Treasure Island, sadly, it wasn't on the map, and they fell off the world in their attempts to reach the island.
Of course, this map was made of toilet paper, so Great Britain wasn't on the map either... it fell off the world.
Strangely, some four year old kid had toilet paper with Great Britain on it, so Great Britain jumped back onto the world again.
Enough of these continental shifts, lets get back to the crew.
"I'm captain Jack Sparrow!" the annoying guy from the annoying movie that makes women and certain men faint said.
"There's a ship coming up from Port side, nope, Broad side, nope wait... HE'S RIGHT ABOVE US SIR!" Fox screamed.
The Black Pearl landed on top of the rusty spoon the Smash crew had been using for a ship.
"And it all worked out in the end!" Mario said, with a hippy voice, and hippy hair that had sprouted like some kind of growth. It was actually pulsating slightly.
"Oh don't mind that, it's the curse of the rusty spoon" Jack said.
The Black Pearl drowned, like all black things.
"That's RACIST!" DK screamed.
"Why do you care?" Falco asked.
"Because I'm a monkey, I'm close enough" DK said.
"That's RACIST!" DK screamed.
"You said it" Falco said. He was getting giddy, because he was taking Ness's place as first mate and second lover on the ship who commented about things and stuff and junk and crap and bodangle dot com where you can save thousands of dollers each week on your car insurance... if your current insurer sucks of course.
"Captain! We need help under deck! Apparently, it's a rusty spoon, and so there isn't an under deck! We don't know where we've been sitting the whole time!" Peach cried.
Mario had been dead for a while now, that growth having engulfed his entire body.
"We're all going to die!" Peach cried.
People ran in circles screaming. Roy and Marth ran in circles so fast they fainted, landed on their swords, and survived because they had landed on the flat sides.
"We're lucky!" Marth cried.
"You didn't really faint! You're a faker!" Roy screamed.
"Hey neither did you! You're a hypocrit!" Marth screamed.
They jumped at each other, and in the messy blob of a fight that followed, both ended up decapitating themselves with odd use of orange juice.
"Land! I see land! We aren't going to die!" Fox shouted.
The ship landed, and the remaining crew got out of whatever they were in and went ashore. Pichu had climbed into a tree to see more of the island, but was taken by a hawk and carried away.
Pikachu chased the hawk, so the hawk came back and got him too. Don't worry though, that was what he was hoping for.
On the island there was a big sign. It read: "WELCOME TO THE ISLAND OF LOST CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT".
"This lacks character development" Peach said dully.
"The curse is already in effect! It's right above us!" Fox screamed.
The growth that had engulfed Mario now fell from the sky and landed on Luigi, causing blood stains and splatter marks to get everywhere.
"I'm OK!" Luigi shouted.
Luigi wasn't OK. He was killed my an all American organization that frowned upon liars.
"How long have they been following us?" Peach asked.
"They were the sharks" Falco said.
"How could you tell?" Peach asked.
"I'm a bird, with eyes" Falco said.
"Blashphemy!" Peach cried. She was praised by the all American organization for use of that word.
"Shut up everyone! Mario wanted to find treasure before he died! I think we would be honoring him if we went and got treasure for the rest of the crew!" Yoshi yelled. "Let's be brave!"
"I think the question is, with a captain like that, do we even want to honor him?" Falco asked.
The whole crew died except for DK, Falco, Peach, and Yoshi.
"Yay! Now no interuptions! Lets talk! I like video games, I was playing Counter Strike, and I shot a guy, and I was like, 'hahaha' and then I got shot and it was so cheap and like" Peach died.
"TO TREASURE!" Yoshi shouted.
"Whatever" Falco said.
"This is still racist, so you know, and it's racist because you haven't even apologized yet!" DK yelled.
"Whatever" Falco said.
So they went to get treasure.
They kept going.
Yoshi broke his spine... this was years ago and he had already recovered... I'm just giving some backstory... becuase that's what good stories do.
"Can you really recover from breaking your spine?" Falco asked.
"How did you know about that!?" Yoshi asked, getting scared, fearing stalking, other words.
"I stalk you" Falco said.
"K," Yoshi said. "Just keep it outside."
They kept going.
"Isn't it strange how there hasn't been any kind of eventful anything after falling off the world and killing the Pirates that make women and certain men faint and landing on an island and having a curse and growth and death... to put this in a simpler way, why hasn't anything happened?" Falco asked.
Just then, the growth, secretly the thing that had killed the rest of the crew and had just finished killing the all American organization, jumped out of the trees, poised to strike at DK.
It ran into a hawk and failed.
"I guess I'm just lucky" DK said.
The random number generator generated a four, and that four happened to land right on top of DK, killing him instantly. He was lucky enough to get killed by a four, the lucky bastard.
"I guess it's just us." Falco said.
"I guess it's up to us to repopulate the island!" Yoshi said with hope in his voice.
"EW! NO! I was going to say lets get out of here before something happens to us!" Falco screamed.
"I wanted to start a family though! And now it doesn't look like I'll ever get the opportunity..." Yoshi said, looking down with sorrow.
"Guess not" Falco said. "Now lets go back. I'm tired of being a typical retard, I want to get to the boat, get out of here, move to the city, and make a living like any other normal person!"
"You're a walking talking bird... that's impossible" Yoshi said.
Falco broke down into tears, literally, he exploded into water, and was cried out of an indian nearby. And before you go off saying that the island WAS populated because indians were there, you have to remember, indians aren't real people, which is why the name isn't capitalized. (Pick whatever kind of indian you want me to have been talking about, I don't care).
"I'm all alone!" Yoshi screamed. He couldn't take it any longer, he turned and ran back for the shore. He was blind with fear, all he knew is he had to get back to the boat.
He tripped on a treasure chest that had been lying around and snapped his neck.
"Now that's an adventure!" Jack Sparrow, he who must never stop making women and certain men faint, said. He took the treasure chest and carried it back to the boat. He bought an HD TV with it and did advertisements about HD TV for the rest of his days.
Of course Yoshi wasn't dead yet, and so we can't end the story yet... he was paralyzed from the neck down in an unfamiliar jungle island with no hope of rescue.
And he wouldn't die.
(time passes by)
Yoshi has been sitting there for weeks without dying. I'm getting bored, I want to end the story. Why won't Yoshi hurry up and die so we can continue!?
Just then, the four year old child with toilet paper with Great Britain on it used up the last of his toilet paper. Great Britain was no longer on the map. It fell off the world and landed straight on Yoshi.
Jack Sparrow was caught in the explosion that happens when you combine Great Britain with pirates and near-death dinosaurs.
And yet Yoshi didn't die.
Years later Yoshi had become an old man with several children and 949320976503184986834975 grandchildren... one of his kids was just freaking creepy. Anyway, he had enslaved the local population and built the next great society, all while he sat there paralyzed from the neck down.
He died of AIDS.
Sorry for the female readers out there, as I realize you must have fainted several times while reading that story. Get to a hospital if you need to, and I'll see if there's any way I can help you with the medical bills.
Sorry for the readers out there who were offended by the jokes that were kinda racist... I make it up to you by saying I was searched for drugs by cops because I was wearing a black hoodie in the middle of summer in a ghetto looking car, so we have something in common.
A simpler way to do this would be to say... Sorry for the readers out there, you read a BS story and are likely feeling that your life isn't complete now.
And I don't think I'm too mad at society anymore... Humor does a lot for the soul... I actually smiled when I wrote this... huzzah! Recovery from a life of whatever it was I've been living the past year! It's like the different voices in my head rose up in rebellion and held me hostage for a while or something along those lines.