Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!
Chapter 8: The Eighth Wall!
Disclaimer: Taking too high a dosage of this will lead to erectile dysfunction only if you are pregnant or nursing.
Gold Stars:
I... I can't seem to remember... Oh yeah... I get one
"Yar! We've found us a map!" Mario shouted with glee.
"Again?" Ness sighed.
"Yar!" Mario replied.
"Don't you think that maybe a story based on one overdone stereotype with the same reused plot points is bound to fail?" Ness asked, viciously attacking the fourth wall.
"Yar! Why be there walls on me ship!" Mario asked.
There were lots of walls, making a house, that was sitting right on top of the ship.
"Yar! This be a mystery!" Mario said, throwing the map overboard. "We be checkin' this out!"
"Ooh! Mystery! Can I be a detective!" Nana winked at Popo. Popo was in a relationship with Peach at the moment though there were strains because of Peach being with Samus and Popo being with Samus at the time. Samus was also with DK, who was with Nana, who was with Samus at the time. Because of all this obscure and confusing relationshipping, Popo sweated nervously.
"Ew! Sweat smells bad!" Nana screamed, and blasted Popo's head off with a giant laser canon that she normally carries with her but uses as a paperweight.
"It's good to have a back-story!" the giant laser canon said with a smile.
Most of the crew was jealous. the giant laser canon was receiving more attention than they were from the story. After one by one kicking the fourth wall, they spat on the giant laser canon.
"My one weakness!" the giant laser canon screamed as it exploded. The explosion finally broke down the fourth wall.
The house was now exposed, and so it blushed.
"Once more into the breach dear friends once more or close the wall up with our English dead!" Mario quoted Shakespeare, as he is does so regularly.
"Yaaa!" Ness screamed running straight into the house. The Smashers were invigorated by this, and they all ran into the house in a giant mob.
Ness was first, followed by Samus, followed by DK, followed by Nana, followed by Peach. The obscure and confusing relationshipping caused an explosion that destroyed the first story of the house, killing everyone who had made it inside.
"Yar! Ignore the casualties! Keep going!" Mario mentioned on the side.
Yoshi charged first, followed closely by Kirby. Kirby didn't care about the house, he was just angry that his lunch was running away.
"YOSHI!!!" Yoshi screamed.
"You son of a bitch get in my mouth NOW!" Kirby screamed.
Yoshi came up with a brilliant idea. Realizing that he was larger than Kirby, he got in Kirby's mouth.
"Yay!" Kirby happied all over the floor. He got happy everywhere with that happy smile that was leaking happy on the floor.
Suddenly Kirby popped. Yoshi appeared above Kirby's remains with a butcher knife and a frightening grin.
"Yar! The house!" Mario reminded.
Yoshi went to bed.
Captain Falcon, Fox, Falco, and Mr. Game and Watch charged into the house. They made it to the second floor, where the enemies had ten more hit-points and moved ten percent faster.
"This game is impossible!" Falco cried, attacking the eighth wall viciously.
"When I'm done acting for the day I'm going to go home and smoke some weed!" Fox laughed, blasting straight through the eighth wall. What he found behind there, would change his life forever.
"Yo?" Captain Falcon asked, having already been behind the eighth wall.
"Fox yelled, taken aback!" What are you doing back here already! You cheated!
Captain Falcon was completely confused by the confusing situation that was presented to him.
"That's impossible!!!" Falco yelled, having witnessed Fox. His head exploded. The explosion propelled his beak forward and straight into Captain Falcon's skull.
"Yar! Someone get me a deathcount!" Mario yelled.
"Popo had his head blown off. Ness, Samus, DK, Nana, and Peach all died in an obscure confusing relationship. Kirby was torn to shreds from the inside out by Yoshi. Falco's head exploded. Captain Falcon had a beak lodged in his skull. I guess you can also count the giant laser canon if you want to" Dr. Mario said.
"Yar! That relieves me greatly! This be gettin' hard to keep track of!" Mario said, and then gouged Dr. Mario's eyes out with his hook for a bellybutton. "Yar! An' that's for bein' successful!"
The house had pretty much been destroyed at this point, and so it fled the battle.
"Yar! Now everything be resolved!" Mario said.
"Fox said, he couldn't wait to go home to smoke some of that weed. He was also still trying to get at that eighth wall, the poor delusional bastard." Can we leave now?
Mario was confused.
"It would appear that a fluctuation in the quantum state has cau..." Mr. Game and Watch was beaten to death by the children he had abandoned to be in this game.
"Fox laughed." Haha, that was funny!
"Yar! Be explainin' yerself!" Mario questioned. "Before I be makin' ye walk the plank!"
"Fox sobbed, not knowing what to say." I don't know what you're talking about, and leave the plank out of this.
The plank felt bad for Fox, knowing how much he loved him. It turned out, however, that the plank was in a relationship with Luigi, who was in a relationship with Ganondorf, who was in a relationship with both Fox and the plank.
The obscurity caused one of Mario's veins to explode. The blood got all over Ganondorf and inside his lungs. Ganondorf drowned miserably.
"Wow, what can you say about that?" Luigi asked.
"Yar! I won't be givin' ye any words!" Mario yelled.
"Oh come on, just something we can use at his funeral!" Luigi pleaded.
"Yar! He won't be havin' one!" Mario laughed.
Luigi was sad.
"Fox cried." My love!
"What?" Luigi asked.
Luigi and Fox started fighting over Ganondorf, the plank jumped in and it turned naughty... in the sense that the plank was cheating and using weapons.
"Cheater!" Luigi screamed. It was too late. Luigi had his brains blown in by a chainsaw. He was much more intelligent, and able to comprehend the world as it really was. He realized none of this made any sense and his head exploded.
"Fox screamed, as he died a miserable death getting his intestines blown out by a peanut." NOOOOO!
"Well, I've realized something. We're pretty bad at pirating. We never steal anything. We never fight with anybody. We're dirt poor and retarded!" the plank yelled.
"Yar! We just be givin' more realistic examples of what pirate life be in comparison to those flashy high budget films!" Mario responded quite intellectually.
"I guess we're more realistic than the way popular media portrays pirating. I mean, we're constantly floating around on this boat, and nothing happens, and so we end up doing crazy stupid shit and are more of a danger to ourselves than to other people!" the plank explained.
"Yar! It seems Joeb be smart enough to see through Hollywood's lies and portray real pirates!" Mario desperately tried to attack the fourth wall, despite it already being gone.
Everybody smiled, and the boat hit an iceberg and sank... because that's what would realistically happen in this realistic universe.
On the next episode: Mario and crew find treasure! Find out what hilarious and wacky events ensue as they try to figure out what to do with it!
It sounded better when I was writing it I swear!
(And that will be my excuse from now on!)
Anyway. Sorry for the pause, or hiatus if you want to sound flashy. Hiatus just reminds me of hentai and if I keep saying hiatus I end up never getting any work done.
R&7