Disclaimer: I do not own School Rumble or any other properties mentioned in this story.
What you should know: This Story takes place after the ending of the School Rumble manga and some chapters of School Rumble Z so there are spoilers. Also this is a monkey faction fic (Harem for those not used to the term). There are some crossovers but they are not essential to the story (they are more like cameos). I also would like to apologize for any sensibilities being hurt by this story (and this one has a higher chance than the previous ones).
School Rumble: Final Rumble
Part 3
It was noon and Harima Kenji was still in bed in Sawachika Eri's room frozen by something that was long over due.
He had begun to understand what was going on around him.
It was bound to happen anyway, even somebody as dense as him (and that's saying a lot) would began to notice the little (and not so little) clues to the truth.
It all began with the last nightmare that he had. On it he was on a crossroad, on one side he saw his beloved Tenma-chan and on the other he could see all his wives.
While his first impulse was to run to the girl of his dreams he turned to the other side and saw all of his wives behaving… oddly.
They looked so heartbroken that it was eating him from inside. It is true that some of them (namely Ojou and Itoko) had angry faces on them and seemed to be discussing about the fact that he had married, again! But he had got to know them well enough that he could tell that it was a sad kind of angry. Like the one he had when realized that Karasuma was the one that Tenma wanted.
He didn't want to see them like that so, with a big pain in his heart, he turned his back to Tenma and went to each one of them asking for forgiveness for everything that happened and being as supportive as possible.
'If only I could be this eloquent when awake!' he remembered thinking at some point while he talked to them individually. At that moment he only wanted to lift their spirits. He knew how much pain a broken heart causes and he really did not want that to anybody, not even to his worse enemy, so of if could help this girls (that he considered good persons and that he personally owed something at each one of them in some matter or form) to avoid it he would try it damn it!
The latter part of the dream had him… doing things… with the thankful girls.
The difference with this dream to the previous ones was that he remembered quite vividly what happened this time. While on the previous occasions he only had a fussy memory, now he had it on… well 'High-definition"
Next morning he woke up sweaty, smelly and naked. An usual occurrence when he had too much to drink (and last night he had his fair share to drink after the ceremony). But the behavior of the girls was… strange.
They all were somewhat subdued and you could tell that they were trying (very hard) to get along with each other.
Added to all of that was the fact that he could remember drinking after the ceremony but could not remember what happened when he got home (well Sawachika's home, but he found himself getting used to the place). His memories were: Ceremony-Drinking-Nightmare-Waking up.
Then he joined the point A with the point B and the realization that his 'nightmare' was perhaps… quite possibly… somewhat… REAL had him pale so much that he looked as his spirit had left his body.
"They were right… they were always right. I am monkey… no, worse; I am a scum bag looking for one thing and one thing only…"
He wanted to throw up, he wanted to cry, and he wanted his virtue back but it was kind of late at this point.
He also wanted to escape but that option was closed since he did… that… with them and had some type of responsibility because of it (what was this feeling, was it… a conscience?).
So he did the only other thing that he could think of.
He decided to remain in bet until he rots to death (it would take some time tough) or somebody kills him (higher chance to happen with the amount of animosity that he was creating). Oh! And get away from anything alcoholic… nothing good came out of it anyway and at this point he must have created a certain resistance to alcohol poisoning.
"Ano…"
His flawless plan got interrupted by Tsukamoto Yakumo who was standing by the door with an envelope in her hands.
She did not want to disturb him; he must have been tired after last night… activities. Also she did not want to tell him about… the incident on the kitchen.
How could a simple cooking lesson with Sawachika sempai and Osakabe sensei end in a conflict compared to a bio hazard emergency? She would never know. Hopefully by dinner the kitchen would be in conditions to handle cooking again. At least this time she had the help from Sasakura sensei and Anegasaki sensei to fix everything.
But she digresses, that was not the reason why she was here.
"Uhm… sorry to disturb you Harima-san but this came for you in the morning mail."
"Uh… Thanks Imouto-san" He found very hard to speak with her with last night's memories still fresh on his mind.
"I… have to go… see you later." She was on the same position. But the need to get back to the kitchen and help with current situation had priority.
"Sure." He took the envelope from Imouto-san and saw her leave quickly the room.
The envelope was addressed to him and looked very fancy, like a sort of invitation or something like that.
"Let's see what this is abou… EHHH!"
He was right. It was an invitation. To Hanai Haruki's wedding… With Sou Mikoto, Takano Akira and Inaba Miki.
Now Harima Kenji was in a predicament, he really did not have that much appreciation for old four eyes, not enough to consider him a friend anyway, but enough to respect him and realize that he could not let him do that.
He did not know of the horrors of being in a multi-wives marriage. He had to warn him, he was the voice of experience this time (well, there is a first time for everything, isn't it?).
So he decided to go and give him a piece of his mind and, after that, if he still wanted to get married… well it was his problem then. He would have warned him already and with that his conscience would leave him alone (he was even more surprised in realizing that he had a conscience, would the wonders never cease?).
***
"Girls, I am leaving but I'll be back before dinner." Said Harima. already dressed and ready to go.
"Ok, take your time hige, all that you need." Said Sawachika Eri who suddenly appeared from the kitchen. She had her clothes and face dirty and was carrying a fire extinguisher in one hand and a handgun in the other.
Before he could ask her what happened some voices were heard from the kitchen.
"It… It is still moving Osakabe-sensei."
"Youko did you finish to reload my shotgun?"
"Almost done sempai."
"Be careful with it or your wound will open again."
"Sawachika we need something to control the fire."
"What is going on here?" asked a stupefied Harima.
"Nothing, nothing at all so go wherever you have to go and take your time."
"Ok, see you later."
"Yeah, much, much later, ok?" said Eri while pushing him out of the house.
As soon as the door closed he could make out some commotion inside.
"I am back, what happened?"
"Seems that the little bastard has more fight in him that we thought but let's see him deal with this."
BANG
"COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD LITTLE PIECE OF BREAKFAST. I MADE YOU SO I CAN DESTROY YOU"
"I have your back sensei; Nakamura and Masaru are outside in case it tries to escape. Yakumo, try to control the fire with this."
"Will do sempai."
"Youko, go and help Yakumo and remember to let us know if you see it."
"Sure thing!"
"Careful all of you and remember to tell me if you get hurt. I am a certified nurse after all, remember?"
At this point Harima decided to do the wise thing for once and not return until later.
"THERE IT IS"
BANG
"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND"
A hell of a lot later.
***
"I still do not feel that this is right, besides it is getting kind of late and he has yet to come."
"Do not worry priest, he will be here soon."
"FOUR EYES"
"And there he is."
When he arrived at the church Harima found everything as he expected.
Four eyes was standing in front of the priest (damn it! is the same bastard that married him… twice. What kind of man of the cloth is him?) with the 3 girls that were mentioned in the invitation.
"Four eyes I call to your common sense. Think it over, do not do it."
"I already did Harima, and I have decided to do it."
"Are you sure? Do not let one wrong choice ruin your life."
"I fail to see how this could ruin my life Harima, but I am a man of my word and have decided to go trough it."
"Very well, you made your choice. But remember that I tried to warn you first."
"Uhm… sure... and now, please, can we continue with the ceremony?"
"Go ahead," Said Harima not leaving Hanai side, "do not let me interrupt you."
"You heard him, please father, begin."
"Very well… My dear beloved we are here…" as Harima began to turn around and leave Hanai grabbed his arm to keep him in place.
"… to join this man, Harima Kenji, and these 3 women in holy marriage."
It took Harima a full minute to realize what the priest said.
"What? I am the groom? What about four eyes?"
"I am the best man of course. I gave my word of a man to Takano-kun that I would be your best man for this ceremony. Even thought you have already married my dear Yakumo-kun and to other 4 girls I fully intend to fulfill my promise, no matter how much of a pervert you ended up being, as long as Yakumo-kun and the others do not complain I will not interfere."
"That doesn't make any sense. And you…" he pointed to the 3 aforementioned girls (forgetting that pointing is bad manners, but this is Harima 'what are manners?' Kenji) "you want to marry me?"
"Sure, that's why we are here." Answered Takano Akira next to a red faced Sou Mikoto who just nodded (and strangely just muttered under her breath something like 'it better bring his memory back') and a happily jumping Inaba Miki.
"But… but that isn't right."
"That's exactly what I was telling them my son." Added priest Jiraiya
"Thank you father!" said Harima, almost forgiving the father for marrying him to the other 5 girls.
"Of course! Today you should marry 4 girls instead of only 3. That would make this wedding, compared to the previous ones, completely anti-climatic!"
"I agree! Huh?" said Harima, once again opening his mouth before his thinking process was completed.
"So, who else wants to marry him?"
"Would that mean that I would be co-wife with Yakumo?" said one of the nuns present to the ceremony.
"Of course you would be! My dear child."
"Then I will marry him!" said a bubbly Sarah Adiemus.
"But she is a nun!"
"And I just granted her permission to marry you, so no problem!"
"Ah… uh…" Harima made his best impression of a goldfish (trademarked after trying to help Tenma in an exam) as an answer.
"Very well then I suppose, my boy, that you would want the super ultra short version of this ceremony so you can go quickly to the fun part, he he he. Do you all 4 take this lucky guy as your husband?"
"We do!" chorused the 4.
"And you my boy."
"Of course that I…" at this moment Harima Kenji suddenly stopped and thought over his options…
If he said no he would still have 4 annoying slots for wives and those could pop up at any moment, anyplace and the amount of danger that his life would have would increase tenfold.
However, if he said yes then, with these 4, he would have a total of 9 wives and no more slots for future possible scary wives would be available (at least, according to his lawyer).
"Yes son, you were saying?"
Then Harima took a manly and confident pose (completely exaggerated of course) and answered:
"Of course that I do."
"Then I, priest Jiraiya, pronounce you husband and wives, once more! Boy you may kiss the brides."
Harima was just too happy about having a working idea that he began to kiss (wet and sloppily) at his new wives beginning with Sarah Adiemus (who responded to the kiss in a very un-nun way) completely ignoring that Sou Mikoto just had began to strangle a certain Takano Akira.
"You said that he was suffering the same type of amnesia that Hanai had and that the shock of getting married would cure him. Just like the last time!"
"It… seems… that… I… was… wrong." Answered the red headed woman who found out that speaking was somewhat difficult when somebody was crushing your throat.
"You were wrong?... YOU WERE WRONG?... OH YOU'RE GONNA PAY, YOU HMPH…"
Akiras's life was spared when Mikoto found Harima Kenji exploring her mouth with his tongue after he had finished kissing Sarah Adiemus and Inaba Miki, completely oblivious to the fact that 2 of his new wives were fighting.
At first it seemed like Harima had just signed his death sentence when she was wildly waving her arms around while he was kissing her but in just a few short moments of struggling Mikoto hugged him and began to return the favor by frenching him until it was him the one without air in his lungs.
It seems that a certain blue haired buxom girl was more than just a little bit starved for affection.
After finally been separated from his new over amorous wife, and while trying to get oxygen to his brain, Harima had a realization. He had just married 9 girls so no more slots were available. While it was true that no more scary girls would try to marry him it also meant that he had just blowed off his last chance to marry his dear Tenma-chan.
At this point Harima did what he always did in these situations.
He began to cry like a baby.
"Oh look, he is so touched by us that he could not stop crying." Said Inaba, completely missing the point.
While all of this was happening Takano Akira was just cursing her luck.
This was not as she had planed it at all!
It was her fault really; the plan had become too complex and involved way to many people for its own good.
But she had to take the chance, in order to get what she wanted.
You see, Takano Akira always considered herself a very cold person incapable of understanding love.
Sure, she could identify the tell tales of somebody in love but she had already resigned to the fact that it was something that she could never experience.
Then she met Harima Kenji.
At first he was just an interesting guy in interesting situations, a challenge to keep her mind busy, just as Hanai, and both were pretty much similar, except that while Hanai had very predictable patterns Harima was anything but. Even when there was something Tenma-related there would be unexpected results.
However, as she learned things about the former delinquent she discovered an interesting fellow. Although he had a rough façade and manners and a knack to be involved in misunderstandings he was a genuine kind and decent man. And then she discovered that she felt warm when thinking about him.
Could this be love?
It was certainly something new so she decided to test it with a known factor, Hanai Haruki.
She felt something about the upstanding guy but the more she knew him, and the more she could predict his responses, he began to be less interesting. Not his fault really but she needed somebody that would keep her on her toes. In the end she thought that she might let Hanai go and maybe let him marry somebody like Mikoto.
It was then when she began to plan how to get Harima Kenji.
The main problem was not the guy himself, just a signature in the right paper and voila, married for life. No, the main problem was the amount of girls that were already pinning for him.
Akira didn't consider herself an evil girl and she didn't look forward taking away the source of happiness for many girls (and in the case of Eri and Yakumo the only one that they were interested in the first place).
So she might not have got anywhere if it were not for a chance meeting with Lady Seto.
She knew about Jurai (she was proud of her information resources) and about their customs so here was a chance to really make things work.
Convincing the Oni-hime about the diplomatic protection was easy. After explaining the situation she willfully agreed to help. In exchange she just had to send reports (along with video and pictures) of the progress (it seems that Lady Seto enjoyed these kind of… situations).
Her plan was simple: Get Harima married with 6 girls of her choosing. She asked lady Seto 9 as a form of respect to Harima in case he wanted to marry somebody else (and also to counter some… unexpected situations).
The marriages had to be fast but also not all at once since that would call unwanted attention at the wrong time (not to mention a bigger chance at failure with so many people involved). The idea was getting him married 2 at a day in a lapse of 3 days. It would be fast enough and would take everybody off guard for enough time to get everybody married without problems.
The first 2 HAD to be Eri and Yakumo. Not only they kind of deserved it due to the devotion that they had for the guy (she guessed that if they did not married him both would remain single for the rest of their lives) but also would remove the 2 bigger obstacles from the line.
Getting Eri engaged to Harima was easy, just let one of the half cooked plans of the blond succeed and that was it.
Getting Yakumo to act was a little bit more complicated due to her personality but she had two big assets to work with.
One were Yakumo classmates (or the 'Yakumo support group' as Inaba called them) who once they knew the plan they willingly agreed to help. They even provided the dress and locked Eri on her dressing room for good measure.
The second was Yakumo's slow tolerance to alcohol. She just had to put the right amount of potent liquor on her morning ice tea (that she conveniently left on the fridge), careful of not putting too much to be noticed but enough to 'nullify' her common sense.
Combining the two she made Yakumo step in.
It worked flawlessly. She didn't even need to do anything from her position as maid of honor (she had secured that position in case something went sour).
Maybe that was the problem, she shouldn't have grown confident of her success and be less careful because, from there, it everything went downhill.
Itoko went to the lawyer as expected, discovered the diplomatic protection and decided to get married to Harima.
She had discovered her sensei's feelings about her cousin sometime ago. She also knew that Anegasaki Tae would be informed of Harima's legal situation soon after she discovered the double marriage and would gladly marry her dear Hario in a hearth beat.
So they were supposed to be the 2 that Harima would marry the next day. What took her off guard was that Sasakura Youko would marry him too. She had pegged her as a lesbian in love with Itoko that would never marry her because she just 'preferred men.'
Maybe if she would have known about their college days she would have been better prepared. Although the amount of care that Itoko took to protect her part made it not that likely.
But although the second day was bad, it was a field day compared to the third.
Originally she had thought that only she and Mikoto would have married Harima that day. Then, after being married to 4 girls (in pairs) would somewhat mellow him to the experience.
She decided to include Mikoto in her plans since she thought that the girl deserved it. With her awful luck in love she would have ended married to Hanai (who would not marry Yakumo, ever, she was sure of that). And she saw ahead of her a life as a home maker with the nice but somewhat dull guy (she thought that Mikoto most likely would end a mother in a loveless marriage while Hanai had very high chances of getting conned by a guy with less scrupulous than her).
She just had to tell Mikoto that Harima got amnesia and that the shock of getting married to somebody different than Eri would cure him. No reason that Mikoto would refuse (she is the kind of girl to help anybody in need) or discover the lie since it had happened before during the walking festival with Hanai.
What she did not expect was Inaba Miki getting married with Harima too.
But that was really a fault in her part for not have foreseen this. She thought that Inaba was interested in Hanai due to her behavior in the walking festival but she had forgotten that she was after Harima in the first place and that only stepped down and began to pursue Hanai once she discovered that Eri and Yakumo were interested in him too. So she should have expected her to join the fray once she knew about the possibility of Harima getting married to several girls.
Another unexpected addition was Sarah Adiemus.
Could she really be blamed of not foresee a nun getting married to him too? She knew that she was Yakumo's friend, appreciated Harima a lot and knew about the plan almost from the beginning. But then again, she had chosen that perverted priest to perform the ceremony. He was the only one really excited in performing the ceremony that she could find but, in retrospective, he was one to cause the most troubles.
She should have been more careful when he had the slip of tongue in the first wedding about a second ceremony the next day. And it was the very same perversion that made her hire him for her plans what made him marry Harima to the unwanted girls, including a nun! Well, ex-nun now (and with the way she kissed Harima, she doubted that she really wanted to be one in first place).
While she was confident that with the six chosen girls she could have a certain type of harmony (certainly not peace, there would be problems but she was confident in handling them) with these 9 she was not that sure.
In the end whom she really felt sorry for was Harima since now he would have lost the chance of getting married to Tenma. With the way he had been treating his wives so far she knew that he would not get a divorce (it would be more likely that he would die of fatigue or due to the crossfire between them).
Well… the possibilities of Tenma marry him were too low in the first place but she did not want to be the one that closed him that door.
"Wow! He has been crying for a long time now. Harima-san is more sensitive than I thought."
The words of Sarah brought Akira back to the present and place everything in the right perspective.
The reason why she wanted to marry Harima Kenji was precisely this, the unexpected things that happened around him, which would keep her on her toes, her instincts sharp, her mind always working, always forcing her to expect the unexpected… he was the man of her dreams!
With a rare genuine smile on her face she added the only thing that was missing:
"I think that I haven't kissed the groom yet."
She took the surprised groom and whispered on his ear:
"Harima-kun, from today onwards no more alcohol for you. I won't be wife to an alcoholic. Besides I heard that alcohol reduces a man… performance and from now on you'll need all the stamina that you can muster."
Before the surprised boy could answer she proceeded to surpass Mikoto's passionate kiss with her own.
Meanwhile on the surprised, stressed and oxygen deprived brain of Harima Kenji one lonely thought appeared:
"Why me?"
***
Part 3… Fin
To be concluded?