Summer Jobs Are The Worst

It was a tradition Vik partook in every summer. On the first Monday of the holidays, Vik brings his alarm clock out into the backyard and smashes it with an aluminum baseball bat. "Why are you doing this again" Asked Saria, who had been sitting on the back porch steps watching him go ballistic.

"Revenge, of course." Vik answered simply. "This infernal machine has been waking me up at 6 AM every morning for the past 14 months!"

"But how will you know what time it is?"

"I don't care what time it is!" Vik exclaimed with burning seriousness. "I'll wake up when I feel like it."

"You possess an extremely deformed perception of living." Saria remarked, walking up to examine the twisted frame of the time-keeper.

Vik shrugged. "You all just don't understand me."

"What's there to understand?" Saria said, poking Vik in the stomach. "You're crazy. It's as simple as that."

Vik laughed. Saria was finally developing a sense of humor. Then again, after spending every waking hour watching reruns of oldie sitcoms, one would eventually learn how to laugh. And Saria was especially intrigued by the television. During the school year, Vik's father locked 'the idiot box' in a wooden crate, saying it interrupted with studying time. But now that it was summer, the Fellcrest family decided to celebrate by unlocking the box and watching the complete first season of Get Smart (Cus Marche brought it over from the "real" world). Saria became completely engrossed by the achievements of modern entertainment and spent most of her time in front of the TV. "We've got to do something!" Mr. Fellcrest complained one day, "She loses intelligence with every minute she spends in front of that wretched noise box! We can't let a mind of that calibur just waste away in one summer. Her parents would kill us!"

"I know it may be unhealthy, dear." His wife responded, frowning as Saria popped open her sixth can of cola. "But I think she deserves a rest. A person can only get where she is by countless hours of studying. She told me she never saw a television before."

A loud bell echoed from the front door, bringing Vik's destructive state of mind to a sudden halt. "Cover for me." He said, handing the bat to Saria as he walked back into the house. Impatient knocks banged against the front door as he strode along the hall. "I'm coming!" He called across the room. "If you're bleeding to death, cut the formalities and let yourself in!" Vik pulled the door open, revealing a Bangaa dressed in Blue and Orange cloth. "Yolando! Good morning!"

"O hayoo gozaimasu." The bangaa responded, leaving Vik with a blank stare.

"Gesundheit?"

"It mean good morning in Japenessse. I get it from my mom'sss ssside of the family."

"Why can't you just say hello like a normal person." Vik grumbled, standing aside to let his friend enter. "So what's with the new threads?"

"Well, sssince we are an official clan, we're required to where the proper outfit for the job we ssselected." Though it was somewhat hard to tell, Yolando was wearing a White Monk outfit. These days, designers have finally gotten around to making the job outfits interesting, yet distinguishable. Yolando's outfit had many similarities to the original one, but with a few modifications. The hood that was once permanently fixed onto the head through the magic of starch was now hanging loosely on the Bangaa's back. The sleeves were cut off a little bit past the elbows, revealing a small coat of chain mail beneath his armor. The pants were bound around the ankles by leather belts, giving way to a pair of violet dash boots.

"That's what I meant." Vik said, "Didn't your parents want you to become a Warrior?"

"I managed to convince them to change their mind. They told me I could be a White Monk if I could get my brother to become a defender. He didn't even think twice when I offered him my 'place in the family'."

"So you're a Monk now, huh? Congratulations."

"Thanksss." Yolando hissed. "Ssso where's your uniform? We are ssstarting work today, aren't we?"

Vik nodded. Yesterday, they had each received a note from the Bagabu Airport, telling them to report in at noon. At first, the other clue members found it strange that they were going to work in an airport but decided there had some sort of reason for it. "I haven't decided on one yet."

"Well, let'sss figure out our optionsss. We don't want any copycat jobsss, that's for sssure. Mosely already took Sssoldier and Kili called dibsss on thief. Elena'sss becoming an Archer. And you're definitely not cut out for the magician jobsss." Vik scowled. They were making jabs at his intelligence again. "Well, lookss like you're out of optionsss. You'll have to pick one of the jobsss that have already been taken."

"Oh, I already have a job." Vik responded, "I just haven't picked out a costume."

The bangaa, who are completely body-hair free, raised the bumpy skin above his eyes into a lopsided position; it was the closest they would ever come to the popular human gesture. "You've lost me."

Vik smiled and raised his palm to Yolando's eye level. "I'm an Omnivari." Vik knew if there was one person who knew what he was talking about, it would be Yolando. And the surprised expression on the bangaa's face told him he was right.

"Are you ssseriousss?" Yolando hissed.

"I don't know how to joke about these things." Vik answered truthfully.

"Well, you do know that an Omnivari isn't actually a job classs, right? You don't get any ssspecial abilitiesss, only an unlimited weapon range."

"I know. That's what these are for!" Vik said, pulling down both of his lower eyelids.

Yolando took a close look at his pupils for several seconds before pulling back. "What am I sssupposed to be looking for?" He asked.

"I guess he doesn't know everything." He thought as he released his eyelids. "They're Amer Eyes." He explained, "I can learn any ability used on me."

"Riiiight..." Yolando responded, rolling his eyes. "So are we going or what?"

Vik frowned. He had to admit, the whole thing did seem a bit unbelievable. He just wasn't expecting this kind of reaction. "Yeah. Just let me grab a few things first." He answered before running off the get Saria.

---

Mosely and Elena greeted them at the train station, each donning their respective duds. Mosely's soldier costume was composed of a coat of blue-tinted chain mail and a iron chestplate. A cape of red fabric rested lightly on a pair of pale green camos. The midriff of Elena's two piece archer outfit was covered up by a milky-white corset. A lone Genji Armlets was strapped onto her left wrist and a bracer onto her right. Vik grimaced with jealousy at the expensive pairs of Ninja Tabi adorn on both their feet. "Lucky rich bastards." He muttered angrily as they boarded the 11 o' clock train.

Vik was glad that he wasn't the only one in the group who wasn't in uniform. Saria had yet to pick a profession. She had walked along the displays of weapons during the clan wars program at school and came up empty. The other clan members urged her to become a white mage, since they were missing a healer, but she declined the suggestions. The only thing they could do was bring her along with them to the airport and hope to find a career advisor there.

The hour-long train ride was mostly spent playing poker and for reasons no one could understand, Saria always got all the Aces. When they finally arrived in Bagabu, they found Kili waiting on a bench. He, too, was wearing a uniform; a green cloak over a yellow Brigandine and knee-high boots. Holes were poked in the green bandanna around his head for his ears and puff-ball to stick out. "You guys sure took your time." He said crossly as his fellow clan members approached him. "Come on. It's already 12:20!"

The same moogle attendant Vik had met during his last visit greeted them at the front door, wearing the usual fake smile. "Clan Senbunsu, I presume?" She asked, receiving nods from everyone. "Kupo. Right this way, please." She led them up a long flight of stairs and through a busy food court. She casually waved at the Nu Mou standing guard at the check point, allowing Vik's clan to skip the common security measures. "The hanger has been under repairs for the past week due to the outbreak." The attendant explained as they continued down the strip of terminals. "So you're reporting straight to Central Intelligence, kupo."

"What's she talking about?" Elena inquired.

"I honestly don't know..." Vik responded, trying to ignore the awkward glances from the customers. The group finally came to a stop at the last terminal in front of a large plastic 15. The moogle walked straight towards the first class entrance and ushered them in. The room didn't look all that special. Like all airports, security was the number one issue. Small, black domes were hung at every corner of the room. The walls were covered by wallpaper of assorted flowers, a large improvement over the white-washed hallways but it was nothing to brag about. On the opposite wall, there was a small hallway that led to the front of the plane which, at the time, was missing. The red and orange checkered floor was interrupted by a large red square painted right in the middle of the room. The imperial crest of the judgemaster, a amber-colored chocobo bearing a palm leaf, was in its very center.

"Please step inside the red square, kupo." She ordered before stepping onto the center crest. Curiously, the rest of them gathered around her while throwing suspicious glances at the cameras on the walls. "Keep your hands at your sides at all times." The attendant called out, removing a egg shaped device from her shirt pocket. She aimed it at the sphere to the left of the door and squeezed, sending a beam of red light to the shiny surface. Elena gave a small gasp as the floor beneath them suddenly lurched. The ones standing near the edge of the square jumped back in surprise as the floor outside the box began to rise. This was all happening because they were sinking, of course. When they were about ten feet down, two metal slabs slammed shut over their heads, sealing up the entryway.

A wave of darkness swept over the small platform, immediately followed by a squeal of terror. The lights came on a second later, revealing half a dozen surprised faces. It didn't take long to track the scream back to Saria, who was clutching fearfully onto a blushing Elena. "She's not used to the dark." Vik explained to his teammates, who inevitably turned to him for answers.

The elevator ride lasted about five minutes, finally coming to a stop in front of a wide hallway. A soft, yellow light from florescent ceiling lamps flooded into the platform. "Right this way." The moogle repeated, leading them down the hall to a pair of sliding, metal doors. "This is as far as I'm aloud to go. Kupo, do you remember how you got her? No? Well, too bad!" The moogle shot them all an evil smile before striding back to the elevator. Vik watched to make sure she left before turning back and examining the doors. To their right were three small boxes with a black squares, similar to the one Vik found at the Hanger. One was 5 feet from the ground, the second was three and a half, and the third was 1 foot. "They're Retinal ssscannersss." Yolando observed. "You can tell becaussse they ssset up each according to each race'sss average sssizesss."

Vik looked over the boxes and shuddered as memories from his past experience returned. He remembered the concealed needle in the thumbprint scanner in the Hanger and a poke to the eye would be ten times worse. Still, he was the only person there who was even registered in the database so after five minutes of nagging, he walked up to the boxes and lined his eye up with the square. He was now staring into a net of red lasers that reminded him of a grocery store scanners. After a few loud beeps and a whirring sound, the lock clicked open and the doors swung inwards. "You're late..." Said a voice as soon as the doors opened.

"Hello to you too, Dr. Nicros!" Vik said cheerfully as he and the others stepped into the...actually, Vik didn't know what to call it; it was both, a hallway and one big room. They had walked onto a narrow bridge, spanning over a network of cubicles and laboratories. Employees and other authorized personnel worked diligently on desktop computers and metallic folding tables. A pair of glass elevators shafts resembling plastic drinking straws was built into the each wall. Above them, several other bridges hung by thick metallic wire, connecting second and third floor entryways to the lifts. Olivander and Nicholas stood at the middle of the bridge, wearing completely opposite expressions.

Captain Acheron was glowing with pride when he noticed the clan's looks of amazement. Olivander, on the other hand, was fuming. "Have you seen the clock? You're over half an hour late!" He shouted, jumping up and down in a child-like fashion.

"Calm down, Oliver." Nicholas interrupted, "It probably wasn't their fault..."

"It's their fault for not arriving earlier!" The Nu Mou protested. "I told each of you specifically in the letters I sent you: Arrive by 12 o' clock! Do you have any idea how weird you looked walking into the first class entrance of a terminal when a plane isn't even there!"

"You'll have to excuse his behavior." Nick explained to the clan members, who were slowly starting to shrink back. Behind him, the angry doctor continued his rant. "He's just really cautious about not being found out. In case you haven't noticed yet, we're sorta a secret organization. The reason we wanted you to come here at noon was because a plane would have already docked at Terminal 15 by then. Because you see, when our employees report in for work, they have to make it look like they're boarding the plane. They of course, take the concealed elevator down here and the jet takes off without any passengers. Clever, isn't it?"

The clan members just stared, most of them with open mouths. Finally, someone asked the obvious question. "What the hell isss thisss place?"

It took the adults a split second to realize three new faces were present (four for Olivander, who had never met Kili). "Oh, I'm sorry. We haven't been properly introduced!" The Nu Mou said, ceasing his ramblings. "I am Dr. Olivander Nicros, head scientist and vice president. And this," He gestured at the blond man next to him, "Is Captain Nicholas Acheron, founder and director of this here operation. On behalf of everyone here, we welcome you to the Foundation of Paranormal Archeology and Defense!"

The wide eyed stares from the three newcomers gazed in disbelief at the Nu Mou and their surroundings before turning onto their leader. "Vik..." Mosely said solemnly, "What have you gotten us into now?"

---

A/N: A message to those who never heard of Get Smart: What the hell is wrong with you? How could you NOT know about one of the greatest secret agent shows of all time? I ought to shoot you with my Professor Peter Peckinpah All-Purpose Anti-Personnel Peckinpah Pocket Pistol. No, I'm just kidding. I can't blame you if you've never seen the show. I only started watching it because I don't have cable. And I don't know everything there is to know about the show. I just picked up a few tidbits from random websites. For those of you who have heard about it, you might also know that Don Adams has recently passed away. Let us take a moment out of our lives to mourn.

Anyways, sorry for the late update and all. You can blame the following items: Crapload of homework, School, daily notes, homework, sister taking over my computer 'cus her's blew up, artwork for webcomic, homework, and the fact I had hit yet another pothole in the flow of the story. School's as evil as ever. The class I probably hate the most is American Literature, followed closely by Chemistry. But French class is nice and I'll be using it in future chapters cus' through brilliant deduction, I've concluded that St. Ivalice is a town in France. You could tell because of the French first names (Marche, Montblanc, Ritz). It's really painful to write a story that takes place during the summer. I can't wait until Winter Break.