A.N: Hi just wanted to thank everyone for reading last chapter and also reviewing (I try to always get back to you all)

I hope you all enjoy this chapter and sorry it took me awhile to write, i have just recently started uni.

-Katie

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Quiet Guardian

Chapter 11: Lies I've told

I don't know when it had started, but I do remember when I had started to notice it, the lying I mean. It must have been two weeks ago, Rose and I were lying together in bed and she was curled up against me, her fingers playing with my hair; what little of it I had.

"Emmett?"

"Hmm." I was prepared to answer another one of her pointless questions, am I beautiful? Does my hair look ok? Did my outfit look good on me today? But I wasn't prepared for this.

"Did you ever sleep with Bella, I mean have sex with her?" I knew I should tell her the truth, not when we did, just that we did. But part of me believed that moment was only for Bella and I, and telling Rose would just taint the wonderful memory I was barely still holding onto. So I lied.

"No."

Rose was satisfied and got up and left to go hunt, she knew I didn't hunt as much as I use too, so she didn't bother asking me if I wanted to come. Which I was relieved for, because truth was there was somewhere I wanted to go.

*****

I knew it was wrong, and probably sick. But I had to see her, so I followed her and Jake out of town to Port Angeles where I heard a Friday the 13th marathon was playing; Bella's favourite, she had gotten strangely addicted to horror movies since Edward left. I made sure to park a good few streets from the theatre before getting out and following them.

I sat at the back, between two young lovers who must have had a fight when they had gotten here, because I was told to sit between them, something I regretted from the moment the movie started. I sat watching Bella, who was probably the only one not screaming, and I tried to ignore Ben and Stacy; the young couple, fighting over me about the popcorn they had originally bought to share, when they had been on better terms.

I didn't turn my eyes away from Bella throughout the duration of the entire film, and by the time the film had ended I was so distracted from the very memory of how Bella had been chewing on the bottom of her lip, during a rather intimate scene… that I had seem to have yet to notice the film was over and a rather confused Bella was standing hovering over me.

"What are you doing here Emmett?"

I jumped a bit, and I had to look between where she had just been sitting, and where she stood now just to make sure she was really standing in front of me.

"Didn't you know I love horror films." I didn't, another lie to add to my rapidly growing list. I looked around, but I couldn't see Jacob anywhere, but before I could ask Bella seemed to read my mind.

"He excused himself from the movie, ten minutes ago."

"What to scary for him?" I watched her face break in to a smile, I allowed my own to join hers… it was beginning to feel like old times, if only it was… but it wasn't and we both stopped realising quickly what we were doing.

"I should be going." Then she stopped, turning around biting her lip; her addictive habit when she was nervous, "Emmett…"

Say something, anything to keep this moment going… but she doesn't and I strangely find myself furious even though I know this is all my fault.

"You know you look like hell… right?" She didn't… she was perfect, more perfect then I had ever seen someone look before. But to me that was hell, because she was the meat and I was the starving dog, I needed her, wanted her and all though I had never been addicted to anything before, I was pretty sure this is what I must feel like… her the cocaine and me the addict. Oh I wasn't even dead yet, but the torturing for the life I had chosen to live was already beginning and for a small moment Edward's pills were a temptation I wanted to get, but I shook the thought away and let my eyes re-connect with hers… but they only stared out into the empty cinema, she was gone.

*****

Carlisle

"How was your day?"

"Good." Lie.

Esme

"What you did you get up to today Emmett?"

"Went for a run." Lie.

Jasper

"Are you ok, I'm getting mix emotions from you…"

"I'm fine." Lie.

Alice

"So have you heard from Jake?" I knew she meant Bella.

"No." Lie.

Edward

"Seen Bella lately?" He wanted me to hurt, so I wasn't to surprise by his bluntness.

"No." Lie.

Rose

"I love you."

"I love you too." Lie.

*****

It was on the next day, after having lied to Esme again, that I decided I needed go talk to someone. So I made appointment with a small psychiatrist, in Seattle and I drove out there next morning.

*****

As I sat staring at the blank white walls that belonged to Dr Wallace; which were filled with photographs of random landscapes and words such as Confidence and Determination, I found myself pondering two things… how on earth a sunset and a bird meant confidence and maybe being here wasn't exactly the best thing.

I could just kill her, but that mean I would have to kill her secretary as well, and she had been going on about how much she was looking forward to her trip to Barbados next week, I sighed looked like I was going to have to stay put. Just as I came to my conclusion, a women easily in her early thirties walked in taking a seat in front of me, and pulling out a pen and clipboard.

"Hi Emmett, it's nice to meet you I'm Dr Wallace, but please feel free to call me Susan." She smiled, although I knew this was how she started with all her new patients.

I smiled a little, and watched as she scribbled something down on her piece of paper… what had I done all ready?

"So Emmett, you came here to talk, what seems to be on your mind?"

This time I knew I couldn't lie, I did come here for this reason didn't I?

"I've been lying a lot lately."

I watched her nod her head and scribble some more down on her page, "Lying well Emmett, has something happened lately in your life to make you feel as if lying is the only way out." I watched her and realised she had a look of concern on her face.

"Oh no nothing like that… I kind of been dating this girl for awhile now, and we recently broke up." Dr Wallace seemed to like what I had just said, scribbling down madly on her piece of paper.

"And so the lying started after you broke up with her?" I frowned, isn't that just what I said.

"Well yeah, Its mainly because I broke up with her because I really didn't have a choice." She nodded, although I figured she just summed it all up as strict parents etc.

"And now you just don't see any point to be honest?"

She seemed to sum it up better then I ever could, so I was almost relieved to breathe out, "Yes."

"Ok Emmett, I want you to do this thing me ok, after you leave here." I nodded although I had no real idea what I was getting myself into. "So its obvious, that you haven't been honest with your friends or …"

"Bella." It was harder then I thought it would be to say her name.

"And Bella… so I want you to start writing letters to Bella, now don't worry she never read these. I just want you to be honest about everything in the letters, there the one place you can't lie ok?"

It all seemed rather silly to me, and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to go home and write any, however I made sure to play my part and nod, which I noticed made her happy as she smiled when she wrote down her last few sentences. She told me she looked forward into seeing me next week, I tried to pretend I was coming back, but truth was I couldn't see myself doing that.

*****

Dear Bella,

It's been a week since I last saw Dr Wallace and though I said I wouldn't write these stupid letters, I saw you today and something prompted me too.

You were with Jake (again) and you two were out grocery shopping just mucking around, Jake chucking random items at you. I watch as you laughed and tried to duck out of the way from Jake's attempts and although I realised I should be happy, that you had moved on (as it seemed that way) I couldn't help but feel… empty.

Emmett

*****

"Edward." I watched as he stiffened, I guess he hadn't been expecting me to ever talk to him again. He turned around, not saying anything but accepting my presence.

"I was wandering… if the pills could be used for a bit, not long enough to make things permanent, but just to get a taste of being human again." I watched as he brow frowned, I guess he hadn't thought I would bring up this topic, especially when I detested the idea of them.

"I'm not an expert Em." It was weird to hear him say my old nickname again. "If your interested in finding out, I guess I could give you my contacts number." The way he said it, made it almost sound like we were involved with a illegal drug business, for all I know it probably was.

"Sure." I watched as he pushed past me, walking over to the desk in the corner of my room; where I had only moments been writing a letter to Bella, thankfully that was now in a box in my closet. I watched as he scribbled down the number on one of my spare pieces of paper I had left on the desk, he turned around walking back past me and out the door, stopping on for a second to turn back to face me.

"Look Em, I don't know what you are going to do… but this isn't a game those pills are serious and shouldn't be mucked around with." I nodded, although I wasn't sure if I believed him. But Edward seemed satisfied, and left me alone with my thoughts.

*****

Dear Bella,

Tomorrow after a week of deciding whenever or not to go see Edwards 'friend', I'm finally going to go and check things out. Truth is I'm curious about it all, I may despise the idea of it, but I still want to learn as much as I can.

Nobody knows about the letters, I keep them in a box above my closet; a place Rose fears and will never go near (I make sure to keep all my sporting gear in there) . Edward announced that he saw you at the Yale orientation, I knew it was just to hurt me; but truth was I really couldn't feel anything. I went as well, but I didn't tell Edward, I went just to fulfil my simple chores before attending next year. Although I tried not to look for you, by the end of the day I couldn't help it and I went in search for you. I eventually found you lying down underneath a oak tree, a copy of Wuthering heights in your hand, I don't think you have ever looked so beautiful… I wanted to tell you that then, but I couldn't so I ran back home.

There are a lot of things I wish I could of told you then, or a few weeks ago, I think the main thing that I'm struggling to keep in is that I still love you. And I really do.

I love you.

Emmett

*****

I pulled outside a dodgy looking house, just outside Port Angeles. It definitely looked like a crack house, so maybe I wasn't in the right place or maybe that was just it and I was. I walked over and knocked loudly on the splintered door.

"Anyone there?"

"Who is there?" I hoarse voice ripped through the tiny house.

"My names Emmett, I'm a friend of Edward." There was a long pause and I figured he probably had gone in search of his shotgun, so he could threaten me back into my jeep so I would leave. But there was a soft sound of locks being unlatched and the door in front of me opened.

"Come on in." I followed the voice into the darkness, where I was able to see a young man… not at all what I had expected shaking in a rocking chair in the back of the room, he was sucking on a cigarette like his life depended on it, as he directed me with his free hand to come into the room. I looked around the rooms dreary walls and floor, there was no place for me to sit… but truth was I was happy where I was standing.

"So Emmett, you want what I gave your brother aye?"

"Uhhh… no actually I was just curious about them that's all." I watched as he drew in another deep breath, coughing out a chuckle.

"Sure sure."

"I was just curious if it was possible to try these pills, without completing the full deal." I wasn't sure if he was going to understand what I had said, after all he wasn't a vampire.

"Well, that's where it gets complicated, your brother's told you about the pill system I'm sure?"

"Yeah 100 black ones 4 a day, 60 red ones 3 times a day and finish off with the yellow ones which I'm sure you take 2 of a day."

"You make it sound rather easy." I watched as he coughed and chuckled again, I was unsure of what to say to that. "It doesn't matter anyway, I don't make them anymore." It was then I felt both a surge of relief and oddly a surge of disappointment.

"Oh."

"I made something else, more easier… but a bit more dangerous." My eyebrows jumped up a bit.

"Dangerous?"

"Well yeah, just take one a day for the rest of your life and your set, but they got a nasty side affect because like most drugs they become addictive and if these pills are taken excessively (like 4 - 5 more a day) you can get really sick." So at least I understood that this was definitely like a drug.

"Right."

I watched as he stretched at his shaky hand, reaching into the draw beside his chair, "I got 3 vamps, on this one now. I think Alex is the closest one to you." He chucked over a bottle of pills, which I easily caught. "His number is on the side. You can go now." I stood there for awhile just staring down at the bottle, I was about to open my mouth, when he interrupted me. "Look the first sets free, so even if you don't want them just chuck them, now seriously get out… I have a meeting soon."

I made to move and although a lot slowly then I could have gone, I was still confused by it all… but one thing I was sure about these pills were going straight into the trash when I got home… why not now? Truth was I didn't know.

*****

Bella,

It was on the way home from my meeting with Edward's 'friend' that I saw you and Jake mucking around in the snow outside your house. Jake had just tackled you into the ground and I watched as he kissed you lightly on the lips before getting up and running away. It's funny how something like that, which I originally thought would leave me aching from every inch in my body… would just leave me feeling nothing, nothing at all.

So it was because of that I decided to give it a try, just for a bit, I needed to know what it was like to feel again, even if the only thing I felt was pain… I just wanted to be able to feel.

Emmett

*****

I popped opened the small pill bottle in my hand and took one out; putting it on my tongue, I swallowed hard and waited for the magic to work.

A.N ok so I hoped you all enjoyed that chapter, next chapter should be posted soon.