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Chapter 19: Sacrifice
It was to late. Heidi had returned. I could hear the people walking towards us. The many victims the Volturi would claim tonight. Each had been told a magnificent story, that was just to good to pass up.
When the people became visible I gently grabbed Bella and pulled her tight into my chest. I wanted to shield her from the ugly truth. There was no need for her to see or hear any of it. I wanted Bella as far away from this as possible. She knew the eating habits, but she didn't know the ugliness behind it.
The second there was a break in the crowd I pushed her through trying to escape before the screaming started. When we reached the outer hallway Heidi was sending the last visitors through.
She stared at Bella curiously. Her eyes flickered between my cloak and Bella. She was one of the few vampires who wanted me to stay, but for her own reasons.
She was not happy to see Bella walk out alive. The cloak around me also confused her.
I couldn't think of anything else though, getting Bella away from the feeding room before something happened was my number one priority.
As soon as we got past Heidi I set off at a run. My efforts were futile though. It was to late. The screams echoed throughout the hallway. I couldn't spare Bella from the ugly truth. She would again see the darkest side of my existence. She would know the monster within.
Demetri showed us to the reception area where Gianna was still there. He reminded us not to leave until dark and left.
Gianna eyed my cloak suspiciously. She thought I had joined, she was envious.
I was suddenly aware of Bella, falling apart in my arms. .
"Are you alright?" I tried to hide the anxiety in voice. I was worried. She had been through so much. No one should have to endure the things she has because of me.
"You'd better make her sit before she falls. She's going to pieces." Alice was just as concerned for Bella as I was.
She was shaking uncontrollably. I didn't know what I could do for her except hold her. The stress of the day was showing finally. She could no longer hold it all in. I couldn't believe she had made it this far without falling apart. A normal person would have lost it before now. But then again Bella was not normal. I was proud, scared and worried for her all at the same time.
She was sobbing uncontrollably I tried to cal her down. It was all I could do.
"Shh, Bella, Shh." I wanted to comfort her but nothing seemed to be working. I couldn't get her to stop.
"I think she is having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.
I glared up at her. Slapping her would not help the situation, and I couldn't believe she even suggested it. I looked up at her the panic was written all over my face. I had Bella back, but yet again the monster that I was, had her in hysterics as Alice called it.
"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right." I repeated this over and over again hoping the calming words would register in her mind and she would relax. I gently pulled her onto my lap, and tucked the cloak around her.
I wanted to hold onto her and never let go. Keep her close at all times. Never let her go again. I didn't know how long she would allow me to.
She had come to save me yes, but that didn't mean she would allow me back into her life.
I had to cherish what ever moments I had left. It might be all the time I had.
Finally the sobbing became slower.
"All those people."
"I know," I whispered, there was no defense for how the Volturi lived. I may not live like them but the guilt of exposing Bella to this would not go away. I had always wanted to protect her from the reality of what I was. It was too late now. She knew everything. The horrible truth behind it. The reason we chose a different life for ourselves than other vampires.
"It's so horrible."
"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that," I wish she knew just how much I meant that. It killed me to see her this way. I had dreamed of this so many times for the last six months. To have Bella back in my arms again. God had a funny way of granting wishes.
Gianna slowly walked toward us. "Is there anything I can get you?" she kept her tone pleasant, she was worried for Bella, but did not understand how she could react such a way. It was natural to her. The vampire world is what she dreamt of. The cold hard truth of it all was just the sad truth to her. It was the reality of the situation. Predators needed to eat, and the pray needed to die for it. Completely normal to her.
"No," I replied for Bella.
Bella waited until Gianna was out of hearing range to speak.
"Does she know what's going on here?"
"Yes she knows everything."
"Does she know that they are going to kill her someday?"
"She knows it is a possibility. She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."
"She wants to be one of them?" The horror in Bella's voice was evident. "How can she want that?" And there it was everything I always feared. Bella now despised everything I was. I knew this day would come. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be part of that?" I couldn't respond to her. She was right how could anyone want this existence. She would never want to be with me after this. The grim reality made the pain of the last few days resurface stronger than before. She wanted nothing to do with this life, or me. I'm just sorry it took this for her to realize the truth behind her want of immortality.
"Oh, Edward," Bella began to cry again and I wished for a way to comfort her. Each tear drop was like a razor blade to my being.
"What's wrong?" I gently rubbed her back trying to relax her rigid body.
Bella reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself close to me. It was the most heavenly feeling even though we were closer to hell. I pulled her as tightly to me as I could without hurting her. We were almost one body molded together.
"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?"
"I know exactly what you mean," I was so happy to have her near me, no matter how short a time that might be. I had to find away for her to forgive me. I would gladly beg for the rest of my existence if it mean she would take me back. I was a selfish being. This was not what was best for Bella. It slightly bothered me that that was the truth, but a bigger part of me no longer cared, it only ached and craved Bella. That was a stronger part. The part that needed her no matter what. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive." Bella was alive and that was amazing. Just yesterday I had lived through her death and today I lived through mine.
"Yes, that's a good one."
"And together," this comment didn't get much of a response from Bella and that worried me. Maybe she didn't want to be with me. But I would enjoy this for as long as it would last. "And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."
"Hopefully"
"The outlook is quite good." I had almost forgotten that Alice was still here. My world only consisted of Bella being in my arms for now. "I'll see Jasper in less than 24 hours." And Alice only thought of Jasper.
Bella and I continued to stare at each other. She looked so different. She had lost weight and deep circles were etched under her eyes. What had I done to my beautiful Bella? How much pain had I caused her? I traced the circles under her eyes. "You look so tired."
"And you look thirsty." She was always so observant. I could only imagine the black coal color of my eyes.
"It's nothing," and that was the truth. I was more in control of my thirst than ever before. It was still there and it nagged at me but my love for Bella could deny the monster everything.
"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice." Did she want me to leave or was she just trying to be helpful.
"Don't be ridiculous," a sigh escaped me before I continued. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature than right now." I continued to stare at her face. My mind had not done her justice. The depth of her brown eyes and the beauty of her heart shaped face were so much more than my memory could ever dream of.
It was getting dark out. We needed to figure a way out, and back to the air port to finally get home. Home with Bella.
Alice and I discussed in low voices
Randomly Alice asked about one of Aro's many interesting questions.
"What was all that talk about singers?" Alice asked with a curious look on her face.
"La tua cantante," I said with a small smile. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my singer because her blood sings for me." Alice laughed. In a way it was funny. Only the Volturi would have a name for the way blood calls to someone. Bella was not only my singer but my song my existence was nothing without her.
We sat in silence waiting for our time to be free from this place.
Bella was clearly tired, but she fought against sleep with everything she had.
Every now and then I would touch my lips to a part of her. Her hair, her forhead. Never her mouth. I did not know if that was stepping over the line. I was finally whole again, at least for the moment.
Alec walked through the door at the far end of the room and I instantly tightened my grip on Bella.
"You are free to leave now." Those words were all I needed to hear. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."
"That won't be a problem." I responded. I had no intent on prolonging the trip home.
We followed Giannas instructions. When we reached the street the celebration was still in full swing. People all over were dressed as vampires, fangs and all.
I rolled my eyes at the sight.
"Where's Alice?" Bella said with panic in her voice.
"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."
"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" Bella seemed indifferent to grand theft auto.
I grinned at her.
"Not until we are outside the city."
We continued walking, toward the entryway. Bella was so exhausted it was a struggle for her to walk. I wrapped my arms around her supporting her to make it easier.
She really needed to sleep. I knew she probably had not slept on the plane ride here. So for humans that was a long time not to sleep. If only, I dreamed. I could use some sleep right now.
We finally reached Alice, she had a car already waiting for us.
"I'm sorry there wasn't much to choose from." Alice was not impressed with the car she borrowed but it would to get us away from the city.
I got in the back with Bella. We were on our way home. The future was no uncertain. I was not going to spend a second away from her. I was worried how she would respond when things were, well normal. At least as normal as they could be. We would no longer be in danger things would settle. Would she still want me then? I had so much to make up for, I would not leave her side again. Unless asked other wise.
"It's fine, Alice. They can't all be 911 Turbos." I had seen the car in Alice's thoughts and it was very nice.
"I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."
"I'll get you one for Christmas." It was the least I could do after all.
She had saved my life, by risking her own. If she had not went to forks, to see, I would not be here.
"Yellow." She said facing me instead of the road. I couldn't help but smile.
I kept my arms wrapped around Bella and tucked the cloak in around her to keep her warm. "You can sleep now, Bella. It's over." I wanted her to rest. I was concerned that she might get sick. Sleep would do her some good. I was worried about the nightmares to come though.
"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." Liar was the first word that came to mind.
She was physically and mentally drained. I knew that, she knew it, almost anyone could see it. But for now I would grant her wish. She could fight it off for now. Dazzle her later.
"Try," I whispered as I lowered my lips down to the hollow under her ear. She shook her head. Dazzling was definitely out, for now. "You're still just as stubborn." She was struggling to keep her eyes open and she managed to do so all the way to the airport.
Once we reached the airport Alice had bought new clothes for me, which I was relieved to have. Bella changed and brushed her teeth.
We were headed home.
Bella, in all attempts to fight exhaustion ordered a coke from the stewardess. I didn't want her to stay awake, she needed her rest, but maybe if she stayed away a while longer, we could talk.
"Bella," I said disapprovingly.
I don't want to sleep," she reminded me. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares." The thought of her having a nightmare, did not please me, so I didn't bother to argue with her. I knew this night would stay with her from some time.
We were silent from then. She just looked at me with that same inquisitive look she always had when she wanted to quiz me. She never asked a thing though, never said a word.
I had thought about ways to start this conversation, but with her right next to me, my efforts were futile, I was afraid. Me a monster afraid. The scenes in my head played out so many different ways. She would be angry, tell me she hated me, never wanted to see me again.
She forgave me, told me she had always wished I would come back, dreamed of it. The same as I had. She had been lost with out me. She loved me and that hadn't changed.
I knew I wasn't ready for the first outcome. So I had kept quite. Afraid to loose her all over again. I kept her close to me, soaking in everything that was Bella. Everything that I had feared lost.
How could I ever have thought I could live with out this. I truly believed I could. I still didn't know how I managed to make it the last six months without her. I had already caved and was on my way back to her, when I thought I had lost her completely.
She was my life and always would be.
Five hours was all I had left. The flight to Seattle would only take that long. That was all the time I had left with her. Everything after that was uncertain. Bella could choose to banish me from her life. She could choose the wolf. I tried to push that particular thought from my mind. Alice had some pretty strong opinions on Jacob Black and his feelings for Bella. It worried me. Had she really moved on? And if she had it was my own fault. It was what I wanted. I pushed everything from my mind, all the negativity. I just wanted to be with her, for now, just as we had been. I traced her face, and she traced mine in return. The touch of her skin on my face was heavenly. It scent electricity through my entire being. I never wanted her to stop.
I gently placed kisses on her hair, nose and wrists. I didn't kiss her on the lips. I wasn't sure if I would be met with rejection and I didn't think I could handle that just yet.
We approached Seattle, my mind was filled with those negative thoughts. We would soon be on the ground. Soon we would be home, and everything was uncertain. I did not know what would happen when we landed. But I knew I had to have my say.
All I needed was some time, time to beg for forgiveness. To show her just how hard it was for me to be with out her. Most importantly I needed her to know the truth behind the lie she believed. I had to let her know she was my everything and that I was wrong. I feared the uncertainty of my future but I feared losing Bella forever even more.
She needed to know the sacrifice I had made. That I did not leave because of her. I left for her
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