Chapter 17

"Spencer you can tell me..I won't judge you" Ashley promised as she took Spencer's hand in hers hoping that the quivering blonde in front of her will finally let her in.

"Well about a year ago I was in pretty bad shape, constantly partying, doing drugs and basically trying to keep up with Colby because I was convinced that how she lived her life was amazing. We would argue a lot and everytime we argued I would react by getting out of hand and taking it out on everyone I loved including Aiden. It was in the middle of summer and I had spent the day with Colby at the park with some friends, just drinking and messing about. I had popped to the shop with Aiden and came back to find Colby making out with soem girl so I went insane and completely flipped out. Colby tried to chase me but I was fuming so Aiden drove me home" Spencer paused to catch her breath and pull herself together.

"Go to bed Spencer and sleep this off. You can deal with Colby in the morning when you're more yourself" Aiden instructed as he helped Spencer to her bedroom at her parents house.

"I am myself"

"No you're the stupid drunk Spencer who lets somebody like Colby control her life no matter how much it's changing you"

"Don't start Aiden. I don't need your shit aswell"

"And I don't need this. I am sick of this happening...how many times are you going to let her do this to you Spencer?"

"She loves me"

"No Colby doesn't love anybody Spencer. She is a self centered, bitch with no consideration for you or your feelings.....i just wish you'd see that"

"You can leave now" Spencer snapped shutting her bedroom door and falling on to her bed. She grabbed her cell and auto dialled Colby's number only to have her call diverted to voicemail.

"So he dropped me home and I got myself more and more worked up because Colby wasn't replying to any of my messages. After an hour of been ignored I got in my car and decided to drive over. As I was pulling out of the drive Clay saw me and saw that I was upset so he got in the car and tried to calm me down. At this point I was not in the mood to listen to anyone so I started driving with Clay still in the car. I knew that shouldn't have been driving I was over the limit but I could never think clear when it came to Colby...I just wanted to know why she would do that to me..I thought she loved me" Spencer was crying now but she knew that she had to tell Ashley everything.

"Hey little Sister where you going?" Clay asked as he sat in the car knowing that look in her eyes too well.

"I need to see Colby"

"Can't it wait until you're sober?"

"No this can't wait...I need her"

"What has she done?"

"She hasn't done anything...I must have upset her"

"Spencer you are the perfect girlfriend so I doubt that you have done anything wrong"

"You don't understand"

"Well let's go inside and you can tell me all about so I understand"

"Just get out of the car Clay"

"I'm not going anywhere unless you come with me"

"Fine suit yourself" Spencer yelled as she started the engine and hurdled off the drive way with no consideration for any of the other drivers on the road.

"It's ok Spence" Ashley whispered willing Spencer to continue while fighting the urge to go and punch Colby.

"Seriously Spencer you need to pull over" Clay demanded as he watched his little sister weave in and out of the traffic.

"I need to see her...I need to know what I've done wrong and what I can do to fix it"

"Spencer please listen to me when I tell you this...you have done nothing wrong and please do not risk your life for Colby. If you need to talk to her I will take you over later once you've sobered up and chilled out. Spence I hate seeing you like this...just pull over" Clay was now facing Spencer as she slowed down obviously thinking over what her adopted brother was saying. With tears streaming down her face Spencer finally made eye contact with Clay and pulled over safely. Clay climbed out of the passenger seat and pulled his sister into a huge hug hoping to making all her pain go away. Spencer glumly climbed into the passenger seat and put on her belt. Clay put his own seat belt on and pulled back on to the road stopping at some traffic lights. Spencer smiled at her brother but as she looked out of the side window she saw a black blur coming towards the car but before she could say anything the blur was there and the next thing she remembers was waking up in the hospital.

"My driving was getting worse but Clay managed to get me to pull over so he could take over the driving and take me home. That's when it happened....as we stopped at some lights some guy smashed into the drivers side of my car and killed Clay on the spot" Spencer was now sobbing on Ashley's shoulder and all she could do was hold the crying girl because she knew that no mater what she said or did that the guilt would never leave Spencer. After about 5 mins of Ashley just holding Spencer she pulled away hoping to fins the right words.

"Spencer I know you won't believe me but what happened to your brother wasn't your fault. You pulled over because you loved him and realised that what you were doing was bad. The idiot that hit the car is to blame...you can't go through your life blaming yourself. You were in a bad place but you still pulled over and that's what matters"

"If I hadn't have been driving then Clay would still be here and he would still be with Chelsea and his baby. My whole family hate me because of what happened and I don't blame them" Spencer sobbed even more.

"Ok I am not joining the Spencer Carlin pity party. What happened was an accident and nothing in the world can stop an accident Spence that's why their called accidents. Shit happens and it sucks but you can't hold on to that because you will be miserable for the rest of your life and I won't let that happen"

"How are you going to stop it?"

"First of all I want to find your ex and kick her really hard. Secondly I'm ging to prove to you that nobody holds this against you and that nobody blames you" Ashley promised with a gentle kiss to Spencer's forhead.