It's been a while, hasn't it? I know that I said that I was going on 'hiatus' but you know what, honestly I lost track of what the hell was going on in this story and spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I'd wanted to happen next.
So here it is. I mean I already had plans for it, and I know what's going to happen, but its just that I lost my way! I hope that you're not too angry with me, that would be a little crude since I just spent the best part of two days writing this since I was feeling guilty having forgotten about it – so lots of reviews would be great!! Yes, let's ask for more reviews! Lots of them!
So I hope that you lot enjoy this chapter, even though it's been a while.
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Chapter Fourteen
Naruto wasn't so sure at first, the rising sound of the crowd as they came out of the train station and entered the town began to climb around him and made him feel somewhat insecure, causing his eyes to dart up to Sasuke who stood tall besides him, guiding them through the somewhat busy early crowds. Naruto hadn't expected it of a small town like Konoha.
"It's called Ichiraku," Sasuke said, taking hold of Naruto's hand as the blonde began to fall behind, almost walking into an old lady and knocking her bag of oranges to the ground. "I wanted to bring you here before, a few days ago."
"Ichiraku?" Naruto muttered as if he remembered it somehow and pulled himself closer to Sasuke's side, apologising as he gently knocked a gentleman holding a coffee.
"They specialise in ramen, your favourite, right?" Sasuke looked aside as if to confirm. Naruto smiled.
"I haven't had it in a long time." He said, his face showed a smile of apathy that Sasuke couldn't entirely place. "You don't like ramen, though?"
"No, I don't…not really. But if there's anything you'll eat its ramen. I - personally - am more of a tomato soup person." Sasuke voiced, though inwardly it had honestly sounded better. The restaurant wasn't too far ahead of them now, and soon enough there it was, and at once Sasuke guided Naruto inside so that they sat right at the bar, greeted by an elderly gentleman with a kind smile.
"What can I do you for, boys?" he asked, resting his hands on the bar ahead of him as Naruto's eyes danced over the menu that was on the wall just beyond the man. Sasuke placed his small order before Naruto could even think as to what to have…yet he felt a strange sensation deep within him…honestly it was like he knew that place.
"Have I seen you somewhere before?"
Naruto locked eyes with the old man; his face looked as though he was concentrating, trying to remember. His finger continued to point; Naruto glanced from the man and back to Sasuke who was sipping from a can that one of the other men from beyond the bar had given him.
"I don't think so…" Naruto shrugged.
"OH YES!" the old man clicked his fingers and smiled broadly, giving both boys a reasonably good start. Sasuke nearly choked on his Pepsi. "You look just like that brat Namikaze Minato…you remember Ayame, Kushina's husband?" the old man looked over to the young woman that was stood just behind him. She looked over the old man's shoulder and looked at a slightly frightened Naruto with curious eyes.
"Oh…you're right. He's the exact image of Minato-kun…how odd." She shrugged before going about with her cooking.
"Know him?" the old man said. "I swear you could be his kid brother or something."
"Sorry…I don't know him." Naruto shrugged, gently shaking his head. Sasuke only watched in total bewilderment, the names sounded somehow familiar…though he didn't voice this to Naruto.
"Ah, never mind." The old man shrugged it off. "Haven't seen that kid in years. Wonder what could have happened to him…anyways…what can I get you?"
It didn't take long for the ramen fever to settle comfortably back into Naruto's soul. Three bowls were what he ate, Sasuke glad enough to pay because he loved not only to see that look on Naruto's face, but also it was a comfort to see him eating. Sasuke on the other hand was content with some dumplings and some tomato-juice.
The pleased sensation had continued throughout the day. They'd managed to compose themselves, they'd managed to unwind, so tense that the both of them had been at the beginning of the day. Sasuke had basically spent the whole day introducing Naruto to Konoha, although there wasn't much to show for it, Naruto had enjoyed himself. Spending time with Sasuke was all that he'd wanted so he was entirely content with how the day had unfolded…certainly after the unpleasant episode back at the mansion.
On a bench in a nearby park they sat, Sasuke again with another drink in hand, a bottle of water that time, while Naruto leant forwards on the bench watching the kids playing in the playground a little further away. He watched them playing, chasing each other and laughing and looked back to Sasuke who sat with his arms stretched out along the back of the bench, eyes gently shut as the sun's rays gleamed upon his pale skin.
"Ne, Sasuke,"
"Aa?"
"Did we ever used to play like that?"
Sasuke opened one eye and peered out at Naruto for a moment before looking ahead of him at the playground. He thought on it, but shook his head. "No. We didn't."
"Did you used to? Before you came to Orochimaru?"
The question caused Sasuke to open his eyes, Naruto hadn't meant to startle him, but somehow he didn't like that question. He looked at the playground and tried to think, the memories of his childhood had always been pleasant, but that's what made them so difficult to think about. He'd lost all of that so abruptly that he'd never really had time to think about it…let alone get over it…he'd never thought about it before.
"I did." He replied eventually. "This playground…this park…there used to be more trees. Cherry blossoms that always seemed to be in bloom. Itachi used to bring me here…my mother…" Sasuke paused and lowered his eyes before he shut them again. "My mother used to walk me through here after school. We used to live just a little further east from here."
Naruto looked back before he rested his head upon his hands, his elbows balancing upon his knees. He envied Sasuke's past…but he couldn't let that hurt him…he wouldn't succumb to such a thing.
"I don't remember anything." Naruto eventually said.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing at all…I barely remember meeting Orochimaru…only that it was my life."
Sasuke didn't say anything else, just looked at the back of Naruto's head as he continued to rest forwards on his elbows. The sun brought out the gold of Naruto's hair, the pallid yet olive tone to his skin…he looked happy on the outside, yet Sasuke wondered if Naruto could ever truly be happy.
"Sasuke?" Naruto began again with a questioning tone.
"Yes, Naruto?"
"…what happens after…?"
"After?"
"Mhm…like…if I do manage to get away…what happens after?"
Naruto's face was entirely solemn, sad even, though Sasuke could not see it. Sasuke's face was the same, yet his eyes were sympathetic and warm. He reached out his hand and placed it on Naruto's shoulder, squeezing it as a sign of re-assurance.
"When you get away…we can do anything we want."
"I don't know what I want."
Sasuke's lips curled into a smirk. "No one ever does. I sure as hell don't…but that's the whole thing about life, right? It takes you where it wants. It doesn't really have anything to do with you."
"Is that really what you think?"
Sasuke shrugged. "I suppose…if I'd had the choice…if I'd had the decision…" he stopped and noticed as Naruto's head turned away slightly. "I'm sorry…"
"No, you're right…" Naruto eventually replied. "I…I'd like to think that it had nothing to do with me…what happened…but…I can't help but feel that somehow…I'm partly to blame for everything…"
Sasuke lowered his arms and sat up straight on the bench, he felt sorrow grip at him…he knew exactly what Naruto was referring too…he felt the guilt swell up in him again like a bitter poison. "Maybe…maybe if I'd been stronger, you know? Maybe if I'd just thought about it…but I can't even remember what compelled me…I guess I just wanted a family. Someone to go home to."
"I can understand that." Sasuke replied, his throat felt dry, he didn't feel comfortable, yet maybe he could start getting out what he needed to now…tell Naruto what he needed to go since he was talking about the past. Sasuke wondered how far he could push it before Naruto noticed what he was attempting to do.
Naruto glanced to Sasuke's face and smiled. "Another one of the things that we have in common."
"We have plenty of those." Sasuke smirked, leaning back again, taking a drink of his water before he offered it to Naruto who declined.
"I guess we both still have our secrets, right, Sasuke." Naruto sighed, resting his head in his hands as he smiled feebly up at the Uchiha. Sasuke nodded his head, his brows raised before looking ahead of him again over the park. It was peaceful there…very peaceful and soothing.
"I don't really think they're secrets," Sasuke finally voiced. "I just think that they're things that are yet to be said. We both know that there's something there, but we keep silent…we don't know what it is that we want to hear…neither of us want to be hurt in that way again. So sometimes its better just to keep silent…but sometimes it's the silence that speaks more than the spoken word. Not knowing can lead us towards thinking the worst…and I'm a very negative person, so you can imagine how bad that can get with me."
Naruto listened carefully to Sasuke's words…he could understand what Sasuke was hinting at, but he was so frightened of knowing the truth…was it because he thought that Orochimaru was right about Sasuke? Or was it that he just didn't want to remember it…? That he didn't want to remember the pain that he felt that night…how he'd felt so abandoned and betrayed.
He sat back and rested against Sasuke who promptly clutched onto his hand and gently squeezed it in a reassuring manner. Naruto squeezed back, his eyes were somewhere far away, gazing beyond them and up at the skies and the sun and felt the strangely warm breeze against his face and throat. He noticed that Sasuke had his eyes shut and was sat almost in the same way, his bangs blown away from his face, just how Naruto liked it…he found it strange how Sasuke tried to hide his face behind those heavy bangs…Naruto couldn't think as to what he would want to hide…maybe he's afraid that someone will read his heart through his eyes… Naruto mused quietly, rubbing the back of Sasuke's palm with his thumb.
After allowing the silence to flow for what seemed like a long while, Sasuke finally opened his eyes, only to find that there were several pairs of eyes grinning down at him and Naruto.
Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin causing Naruto to jump and bring him out of his day dream to find three of their classmates stood ahead of them - no, there were four, including Hinata, hidden slightly behind Kiba.
"About time, you two are lookin' awful cosy." Kiba smirked, earning a swift glare from Sasuke as Naruto swallowed hard, taking the bottle of water and a deep breath. Sasuke rolled his eyes and rested back against the bench looking up at them carelessly.
"Can we help you?" Sasuke stated, matching eyes with the others, Shino and Chouji as they stood either side of Kiba and Hinata who still somewhat cowered behind them.
"Actually, its more like can we help you." Kiba sniggered.
"That's what I said." Sasuke raised an eyebrow and stopped Kiba's chortling almost at once.
"What Kiba means is that we have something to give to you that may bode well come school Monday." Shino voiced as Hinata appeared once again from behind Kiba, avoiding eyes - especially Naruto's - and handed over a small paper bag that Sasuke took from her and looked inside to find a small memory card.
"I don't follow."
"You are aware - are you not - that Tenten took it upon herself to catch you two in action at the gig last night." Shino voiced again. Naruto's face twisted in embarrassment. He'd not even thought about that!
"Oh yeah, so she did. The memory card is from her camera? How'd you get it?" Sasuke seemed amused as he slipped the small package into his pants pocket and glanced at the blushing Naruto before his eyes moved towards the four, as Kiba offered him the story.
"Truth is - as Hinata put it - Neji's pissed off with Tenten and doesn't want to have to see that kind of thing all over the school for weeks on end. Also he said - Naruto is a new student here and we don't want to draw too much attention to him it may make him uncomfortable. So he swiped it from Tenten's camera while she was sleeping and passed it onto Hinata this morning so that we could give it to you." Kiba seemed pleased with himself having said it. "We were going to drop it off on our way to Shikamaru's. But you're here, so job done."
Sasuke laughed softly, his lips curled into a smirk and he nodded his head. "Doesn't sound like Neji…but there's a reason why he's the head of the student council…he's probably just thinking about how this will affect his position." Sasuke reached for the bottle of water and took down a swig as Naruto glanced up at them. "Thanks,"
"No worries," Kiba smirked, only then did Sasuke notice that Akamaru was with them too - his sheer size impeccable - and was running towards them down the path after noticing that they were about to leave. "See you, Sasuke, Naruto."
"Bye," Naruto managed to voice, his eyes wide as he watched the large dog suddenly run passed and Sasuke got onto his feet.
"Come on, let's go back to my house and check out the photos." Sasuke's smirk was devious as he looked down at Naruto with a wink. Naruto felt his stomach churn but stood up none the less and picking up the plastic bag with the water and other various things in, followed Sasuke towards the train station.
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Sasuke's laugh was dark as he flicked through the pictures on the laptop, Naruto busying himself with hiding his beet red face in the pillows as he sat behind Sasuke on the bed. Sasuke's amused eyes caused Naruto some caution, yet he didn't say anything, but began to retort as he realised that Sasuke was starting to print out a few of the photographs.
"Hey! No! What are you doing?!" Naruto launched for the print out in Sasuke's hand and fell promptly to the ground in a heap as Sasuke lifted it out of arms reach. Naruto's embarrassed face looked up, red as anything as Sasuke glanced downwards at him, yet his face was almost unreadable. "Sasuke..." Naruto drawled.
"Oh come on," Sasuke replied as Naruto heaved himself back onto his feet. "Look how hot we are together." Sasuke chuckled darkly as he knelt down ahead of Naruto and flashed the picture ahead of his face. Naruto sunk back into himself again.
"Can't you just delete them?" Naruto whined.
Sasuke sighed and put the photograph up on the wall next to his bed with evil still glimmering in his eyes. "I will." He said. "Eventually. Besides, not all of them on that memory card are of us." Sasuke dropped down onto the bed and pulled Naruto up to sit between his legs, placing his lips to his ear. "But there are lots of nice ones from us at the back of the car..." Sasuke whispered, Naruto's eyes were wide as he pulled himself away and looked down at Sasuke unable to say anything.
"Yes, I'll delete them." Sasuke sighed at Naruto's eyes and reached down for his laptop. "There, gone!" he said as he'd pressed the delete button.
"You sure?"
"Well yeah aside from that one," he indicated to the one that he had on the wall behind him. "But I'm keeping that."
"Fine, but that's the only one." Naruto retorted, and glanced back at it feeling slightly uneasy, his face was still red as Sasuke leant into him once again, and placed his hands either side of his face as if to stare deeply into his eyes. "What...are you doing?"
"Looking at you." Sasuke replied. He'd never felt so happy before, he was sure of it. "I'm still finding it hard to believe that it's really you."
Naruto lowered his eyes to look away, but Sasuke did not take his hands away, but instead moved their faces closer. Naruto shut his eyes gently as Sasuke's lips pressed against his own. It was gentle but passionate, Naruto felt his heart pounding in his chest regardless...Sasuke was the only person that he'd ever loved and he hoped that this would remain at such at least...it had been so hard to hate him...Naruto held onto Sasuke weakly, clutching the front of his shirt in his hand as they both moved closer together, Sasuke pressing the kiss further. Naruto was far from protesting.
Sasuke pressed Naruto against the side of the bed, owning the kiss as he'd deepened it, Naruto shuffling his weight back slightly until there was nowhere else for him to go. Sasuke's hand moved from the side of Naruto's face, moving down to Naruto's throat and his kisses followed, pressing gently against the skin, over taken by a sudden bout of déjà-vu. Naruto knew these kisses...these were Sasuke's kisses, the ones that he'd give him whenever he wasn't feeling well. Butterfly kisses. They made Naruto's stomach clench and his heart throb.
The kiss Sasuke graced his lips with again drove Naruto into passion as he went ahead and deepened it, causing Sasuke to lurch back slightly as arms took hold of him with more confidence, and he felt Naruto's body move into his almost suggestively. Sasuke opened his eyes for a moment, but shut them again, moving his fingers beneath Naruto's shirt, able to feel the heat of his body beneath his fingertips, the rise and the fall of his heavy chest and the thundering of his heart, Sasuke felt some kind of deep anticipation within him, managing to gain control once again from Naruto – who didn't seem to know what he was doing – and pressed against him as he lay him down on the ground next to the bed.
Sasuke reached out and shoved the laptop out of the way; Naruto's hands gripped the back of his neck and held him tight, moaning quietly into Sasuke's mouth at the feel of his wondering fingertips along his body. Naruto felt those fingers move further down until they reached the brim of his pants, fumbling with the belt as they drove their kisses deeper, Sasuke's tongue ran in circles down his throat, kissing him softly from throat to his collar bone before moving back up to Naruto's mouth again, feeling relief and need as the buckle finally came undone and Sasuke's hand slipped lower. Another moan broke from Naruto's mouth, his arms wrapped tightly around Sasuke's neck, pulling him closer as his heart beat like a drum in his head...this was all that he wanted. He wanted Sasuke, every single inch of him...and to be wanted back.
Sasuke was at least glad that the both of them were sober this time. They knew what they were doing, they weren't playing around. Sasuke wasn't sure if he even knew how to play around...Sasuke allowed his hand to snake lower, hearing no rejection from Naruto, falling in love with the small sounds that he made, both of their faces already red. Yet at Sasuke's hand finally found the brim of Naruto's boxers, a shrill ring suddenly tore through the room, blinking Sasuke found Naruto's lips tear away from his and a hand shoved him away causing him to fall backwards onto his backside.
Naruto's eyes were broad as he listened to the shrill ringing of the cell phone that was hidden somewhere in one of the pockets of the jacket he'd brought. He took a deep breath as he pulled it out of the pocket, trying to calm his heavy breathing and the flush of heat as it passed like a shudder throughout his body, and he opened the phone to answer the call.
"Hello?"
Sasuke sat himself up, rubbing his sore face after Naruto had shoved him and watched Naruto as he sat on his knees with the phone to his ear, his face void of anything other than fear. It was as though nothing had happened between them.
Naruto listened to the amused voice on the other side of the phone, the small chuckle and his heart lurched in his chest, of course he knew who it was...no one else would call him. "How are things, Naruto-kun? Have you been taking your medicine like a good boy?"
"I have," Naruto replied simply with a nod of the head. Sasuke watched him with empty eyes, the fear in Naruto's eyes flickered briefly like cat's eyes in the dark...it was there one second then everything was void again. As if there was nothing in there at all.
"Good boy, Naruto-kun. Is everything else okay? Have you had a chance to see the town?"
"I...I went out for a walk after school yesterday." Naruto replied, he couldn't lie straight up, Orochimaru would know.
"That's good to know, Naruto-kun. I just called to check up on you, nothing is wrong, I take it?"
"No...everything is fine."
"Good, that's what I like to hear. I'll call you again soon, Naruto-kun."
Naruto heard the phone go dead on the other end, but he held the phone to his ear still. Sasuke remained sat to his right, unspeaking, unmoving, just staring. It was like being torn out of a dream. Eventually Naruto shut the cell and lowered it to his side. Sasuke moved into him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his embrace that Naruto greeted almost eagerly.
The knock on his bedroom door brought their attention to the voice that passed through the wood. Sasuke grimaced at the sound of Itachi's voice but they were both attentive to his words. "Hazuki has left some food for you two in the oven. We're going out."
Although they weren't hungry, they felt that the change of scenery did them some good, and sitting in the kitchen looking at the food that Hazuki had left for them made them feel slightly more at ease. Naruto shuffled uneasily in his seat as Sasuke waited by the microwave for the spring rolls to warm up, he fancied them just then and went for the soy sauce in one of the cupboards as Naruto just slurped at some green tea.
"So, that certainly killed the mood," Sasuke remarked, though he'd meant it to lighten the atmosphere he found that it had only weighed it down further, the echo of the radio that had been left on in a distant room found its way into the kitchen, and Sasuke lifted his head slightly at the reminder of the music. It was an old song, Itachi sometimes listened to some strange radio stations that played music from the seventies and eighties, but it was still a song that Sasuke remembered. The sense of nostalgia washed over him, and he felt powerless to it as the words began to form upon his lips.
Naruto looked up at Sasuke as he rested with his arms crossed against one of the counters, swaying slightly as his lips moved, mimicking the words of the song that passed through the rooms...a song that Naruto didn't know. He watched Sasuke a little longer, he didn't seem to realise that he was doing it, but Naruto felt a little glad of it, and smiled. It was nice to see Sasuke relaxed like that.
Naruto lifted the chopsticks that Sasuke had placed out ahead of him and began to pick at the miso soup and rice that had been set out before him. He smiled softly to himself at the way that the food set comfortably in his stomach for once. He looked at Sasuke briefly who had moved to get the spring rolls from the microwave and approached him again with a slightly excited grin to his face. He shrugged as he looked at Naruto.
"What can I say? I love them." He replied honestly. And with the soy at hand he began to pick at the food with his fingers.
Conversation built itself up from there, some more talk rose of the photographs and Naruto's cheeks reddened a little bit more as he began to recall what they'd been interrupted during. He sighed and bit his inner lip as Sasuke introduced him to the radio and shut it off, that was when Sasuke explained to Naruto that he remembered the song because his mother used to sing it.
"I remember when I was small, mum would stand in the kitchen, washing the dishes and she'd sing with the radio turned up on the table behind her. Her hips would swing from side to side, it was always like there was no one else there to watch her...but you know there usually was. Itachi and I...we thought it was amusing, until she tried to make us join in." Sasuke laughed and dropped his head back onto the back of the couch as he'd dropped down. Naruto looked down at him with a smile on his lips, looking with clear blue eyes, his hands resting in his pockets. "Mum was eccentric, and I remember my dad being a pretty stubborn ass, you know, like me. But she always managed to get him to dance with her. You know...I totally forgot about that until just now."
"That's really cute," Naruto laughed and dropped down next to Sasuke with more boldness than usual and nodded his head. "Do you remember much else about your parents?"
"Little bits really." Sasuke replied. "I know I was like eight when they died...so I should remember some...but most of it was just small things like the places we used to go...the school...the park...mum's dancing. The way that dad would read the news paper first thing in the morning, like before he did anything else. He had to read his articles before he would take us to school. We never really had any family vacations, dad was really busy all of the time, mum worked too, but from home so she was around a lot of the time."
"Your mum sounds great." Naruto sighed and rested against the back of the couch with Sasuke's arm behind his neck. Sasuke nodded.
"She was. She was really great. I remember being angry with my dad a lot though. Even at that age. I remember that he was...never really satisfied with me. I always felt like I wasn't good enough, that he compared me with my aniki all the time, which he did you know – and he wasn't shy about it either." Sasuke laughed softly, but he didn't really feel as though he wanted too, so he took a deep breath and turned his body to face Naruto's, he caught Naruto off guard. "Isn't it depressing?" he asked.
"Isn't what depressing?" Naruto asked.
"The way that I talk." Sasuke sighed again and turned aside until he could look directly into Naruto's eyes, feeling his fingers through his hair. "Forget I said anything..." Sasuke lowered his eyes and realised that he didn't know what he was talking about, but that for one reason or another he felt depression creep over him.
"Are you alright?" Naruto followed Sasuke's eyes and matched his eyes again. Sasuke felt awful, he looked at Naruto had he wanted to be strong for him but he found that he couldn't just then, what had happened only an hour or so ago...and the fact that Orochimaru was so close really only just hit him just then, and the memories of his parents brought it all tumbling down.
His shoulder began to ache.
"I'm fine. I've been better," he confessed. "But I'm fine."
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Although against Naruto's best interests – and of course Sasuke's too – Naruto returned to the mansion that night, Sasuke dropped him off and promised that he would see him soon, and reminded him that he always had his number if he needed to call him. Naruto stood in the doorway and watched as Sasuke walked away back down the street and felt a part of himself seep deeply, dropping into a lower part of himself, he was able to feel his hands go cold.
Sasuke's form was soon gone and Naruto let himself into the cold mansion and spared no time in locking the door and went straight to take a shower, he found that the scars on his wrists that night were so much worse than before. Everything that Sasuke had said to him that day...he'd enjoyed himself so much, so much more than he ever could have thought possible, and yet as he remembered all of the things that Sasuke had told him about his parents. Naruto felt guilty...guilty that he was angry...that he was jealous.
He wished...he wished that he could remember anything...something about his childhood, but there was just nothing, even the years of his time at the children's home he barely remembered. He sat down in the shower and tried to calm himself, he felt swallowed, cold although the heat of the water made his skin pink. His brows furrowed and he felt so angry, he couldn't believe that he could behave like that...so angry at himself for being this way.
Naruto took a deep breath and put his back against the shower wall, and thought momentarily about Sasuke...about everything...about things that caused him great pain whenever he thought about Sasuke, and about the past. He looked at the scars again and his brows furrowed, Orochimaru's words were just like venom.
Why don't you just ask him?
"I can't." Naruto felt his throat tighten.
Are you scared that Sasuke will tell you what you don't want to hear?
Naruto brought his hands to his ears and brought his knees to his chest, his eyes clenched shut. "I can't...I can't..."
So you're happy thinking that Orochimaru is right? You're happy thinking that Sasuke abandoned you? Why? Why are you so scared?
"Stop it..."
He's just going to carry on wearing you down. You're lucky he's gone this week, Naru, make the most of it! Ask Sasuke! Ask him to tell you the truth, to tell you what happened.
"I don't want to remember...! Stop! Stop it!"
The pain won't go away!
"Stop it!" Naruto cried, the shower around him trembled, and with a fist he slammed it into the white tiles behind him, and they cracked against the pressure. The voice of the Kyuubi fell silent. Naruto's body trembled and he pulled his arms around him again although it was bleeding from the collision with the wall. His head was throbbing...and he felt as though his throat was going to close up.
Memories of that night were some of the most painful. He wanted to forget the past, forget what had happened and know only the future, the sense of looking forwards to life rather than drowning in the horrors of the past that all too often caused him to withdraw, his body becoming almost paralysed. But could he honestly live out the rest of his life thinking that Sasuke had abandoned him all those years ago just like Orochimaru had told him?
Did he want to think that? He knew only that he was so frightened...so fearful of that night, terrified to think back upon it, only to remember such pain and fear and the realisation of such hell and loneliness, unable to think of anything else other than the cold metal of a table and a needle and the pain that he thought would continue forever.
Naruto lifted his head and rested it against the tiled wall. Was he really so very afraid to know? Was he so uncertain...that he actually believed Orochimaru? He didn't want to believe it, but all the years that had plagued him he could only believe that Sasuke had abandoned him there, had left him and gone although he'd promised countless times that he would never leave him alone to suffer. There were plenty of nights when Naruto remembered hating Sasuke...hating him so much because had been so stupid, stupid enough to believe that he wouldn't leave him behind. He scolded himself, he never thought that he would be able to live without him and he continued to exist, as a body and a broken mind. Sasuke to Naruto was the idea of freedom...and the one thing that Naruto had ever really loved.
The one thing that had held Naruto together. He hated Sasuke for leaving...and maybe he just wanted to carry on hating Sasuke for leaving because hating him had given Naruto a kind of strength...and maybe Naruto would hate the truth just as much.
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Sasuke found it difficult to sleep that night. He lay on his back, the sheets were cool on his naked skin and as he starred up at the ceiling the only thing he felt was misery and guilt. He felt trapped. He wondered...wondered if he and Naruto could just run away...but he realised that if they ran away then they would be running away forever. There would be no end to it, and there would never be a release for them.
He remembered the broken promise that he'd made to Naruto all those years ago, and he remembered what Naruto's alter-ego had said to him...that Naruto needed to know the truth, probably to be able to let go of the past. Sasuke wanted to tell him, but he felt awful enough about it...and although he knew that what Orochimaru had told Naruto was wrong, he would never have abandoned Naruto, he felt a little betrayed himself, that Naruto for even a second would ever believe Orochimaru over him. But then he realised...that all things considered...he probably would have done the same thing if it had been Naruto that had left him there.
"Left him there..." Sasuke sighed and with his right hand he reached over and felt the marking on his left shoulder and squeezed, it was beginning to ache again like it had those few days before. He felt angry and depressed and guilty. He was torn and hot and cold all at once and there seemed to him as though maybe there really wouldn't be any way out of it. He didn't know if Naruto would be okay...he didn't know if they would be able to get away from Orochimaru...Sasuke was confused about he had managed it, but he reasoned on that for a while and figured that Orochimaru had probably been searching for a way to get rid of him for a while.
Sasuke furrowed his brows and sat up, looking down at his hands. He was a failed experiment, wasn't he? Orochimaru had said that to him before...and Kyuubi had told him that he was dangerous. Sasuke balled his hands and thought a little more on that...and the mark on his shoulder...and tried to remember. He hadn't really tried to remember the things that had been done to him by Orochimaru...although there had been plenty of times when he had been asked to tell people about it, that it would help, most of the time even thinking about it had caused him to become violent, depressed, and in many cases violent.
His stomach sank as he tried again for the first time in so long to remember some of the past, able to feel a pressure behind his eyes and in his temple. He put his hands down at his sides and had to shut his eyes, having swallowed thickly. He brought his knees to his chest, his hands to his face as his toes fisted and he felt a wave of nausea wash over him.
Remembering the feel of the Snake's fingers, his tongue against his flesh, nails and needles, blindfolds and stabbing pains, blood and sweat and tears. Hot and cold. Sasuke's fingers dug into his arms, and his breath was caught in his throat, he felt as though his head was about to explode and the scars on his arms began to thud as though calling for him to null the tension and pain that was building up inside of him. Sasuke shook his head, held onto himself harder, tighter and tried to block out the memories, and found himself on the floor.
He took a deep breath and released his arms from his tight hold and tried to pull himself out of the hole that he'd begun to bury himself in. He took slow breathes, calming himself and fell onto his knees weakly, dropping himself against the ground as though in a bow, his forehead against the floor.
Sasuke's eyes only lifted from the ground at the sound of his cell phone ringing. It was nearly one o'clock in the morning. He looked at it; it was on the floor, only a few feet away beneath a few items of clothing...and on the screen was Naruto's name. Sasuke did not hesitate to pick it up and at once brought it to his ear.
"Naruto?"
There was silence from the other end...but it was not entirely silence, Sasuke would have said Naruto's name again only that he felt a pang of guilt at the tight sound of Naruto's almost invisible sobs.
"What's wrong, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, his voice soft as he rested back against his bed, his momentary lapse into his painful memories forgotten.
"I...I want to believe Sasuke...I want to know...Sasuke...you didn't leave me..."
Sasuke was frozen only for a moment, his body tensed and his brows furrowed as fear coiled in his stomach at the words that he'd heard between the sobs.
"Are you still at the manor? I'm coming to you – stay where you are."
"I'm...I'm outside."
Sasuke's eyes went wide as he jumped onto his feet and leapt over his bed to pull the blinds apart and look down at the front of the house. His eyes soon focused on Naruto squat against one of the walls, shrugged into the rise of his coat.
"I'm coming out."
Naruto pull the cell phone back into his pocket, his whole body was trembling, aching as he pulled onto the front of his jacket nervously, his eyes were tired, he couldn't think straight and still argued about whether he should be there or not...but he needed it...he needed to know what had happened...only minutes past, they were short but they seemed too long, and Naruto's eyes glanced up at Sasuke as he appeared in the doorway, pulling on a hoody over a naked torso and slipping into his unlaced shoes.
Sasuke looked at Naruto with worried eyes, he was nervous, his throat dry. He remained still as he looked him in the eyes, Naruto's face was red, he looked as though he had been crying. Sasuke placed his hands in his pockets and lowered his eyes, awkwardness hung in the air like an unwelcome stench.
"Let's go for a walk."
Naruto nodded in agreement and Sasuke came to stand next to him, but ended up walking slightly ahead of Naruto as they headed out into the street.
Naruto watched Sasuke's back ahead of him for what felt like ages, all of his worst memories of Sasuke were of watching him walk away, the shape of his back, the broadness of his shoulders the way his hair was slightly spiked and created an odd shape to his befitting silhouette...all things that had haunted him in those years of desolation.
Naruto took a deep breath, and swallowed...his hand – unbeknownst to him – reached out and clung onto the back of Sasuke's hoody, and made him feel slightly at ease, in any of his worst nightmares his hand usually went through Sasuke and he's carry on walking, always at the same speed, but would continue to get further and further away, no matter how hard Naruto ran to catch up with him or called his name.
Sasuke stopped and glanced over his shoulder and realised that Naruto was staring down at the ground, his body was trembling. Sasuke reached for him and took him into his embrace that at first Naruto hesitant to accept.
"I'll tell you everything." Sasuke whispered...to him the events of that day were clear enough, though they were not complicated, but they had shaped so much of their life that there seemed that there would be no escape for them because of it. Naruto had felt abandoned, Naruto had probably hated him for leaving, and he couldn't blame him...but he needed Naruto to know that, he needed Naruto to know the truth behind it, even though there was a possibility that it wouldn't make anything any better.
Naruto placed his face against Sasuke's torso and nodded. He looked through eyes filled with tears, his chest was tight but he knew, he knew that he wanted to believe Sasuke, but it was so difficult to believe that he had brought himself to survive by hating Sasuke after having loved him so much.
"Come on, we'll go and sit down somewhere."
The walk back to the park was a refreshing one, they walked side by side, and found the bench that they had been sitting on earlier that day and Sasuke took a seat; Naruto did too eventually, and sat next to him with a weak demeanour, almost pulled back into himself. The dark park around them was calm, only a few of the lights were working, but there was enough around them to allow Naruto's hair to gleam.
Sasuke looked at Naruto and brought his hands out from his pockets and flexed his fingers, he hadn't realised that he'd been clenching them so tight until just then.
"Somehow..." Naruto began, his voice trembling. "Somehow...Orochimaru knew...that you wouldn't be coming back. I didn't understand it...and I hoped...I hoped that he was lying...but there was a feeling...deep in my gut that was telling me that this time...he wasn't lying." Naruto paused for a moment and lowered his head further, saying these things pained him, he didn't want to remember that night. "How did he know?"
Sasuke's brows were furrowed. He stared out at the open ground of the park and shook his head. He had no idea...he shook his head and sought the answers in his mind...and all he could think about was Itachi.
"Aniki...never told me everything." Sasuke replied. "But somehow I knew...I knew that he was up to no good. He never explained anything clear enough to me, told me that he couldn't explain, that I wouldn't understand, but somehow he knew about Orochimaru's plans...that he was going to move us again."
Naruto looked at Sasuke with surprise, his blue eyes wide. "Itachi," Naruto said the name quietly. So he had something to do with it...Naruto already knew that he had, but at the same time he hadn't realised anything more...Itachi had secrets that he still hadn't shared with Naruto...he wasn't the only one that had been left in the dark.
"That night...those few days, you were sick. You were feeling sick, in school...Kabuto came and took you back to the house...on the walk back, I was confronted by Itachi although I'd thought he was dead. He wanted to take me with him." Sasuke placed his hands together; remembering the confrontation like it happened only a few hours ago, he remembered the strange man stood in the distance and the way that Itachi had been so cold. "He gave me until the end of the week...because I told him. I won't leave without you."
Naruto looked ahead of him again...and he remembered nothing of this...Sasuke hadn't told him. He looked at Sasuke with his brows furrowed and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
"I wanted to tell you, Naruto, that I had seen my brother that he wanted to get us out of there...but you were so unwell that it didn't look like you'd be going anywhere anytime soon. So I didn't tell you, because unless you were going to come with me, then I wasn't going to go anywhere, I didn't want you to feel pressured, because I thought that no matter what, we would get out of there somehow...someday." Sasuke's fists were balled, and the flare of hatred that he usually felt for his brother was suddenly that extra bit powerful. He heaved a deep breath, his brows were furrowed and he tilted his head back as he tried to calm himself, his shoulder began to ache.
Naruto's face remained horrified...his stomach was tight and he couldn't speak. Had he really been so close to getting out of that place. Had Itachi really been there and known where they were? Naruto's brows furrowed and he could barely believe it, his hands trembled and he thought only for a few minutes about how close he'd been to getting out of that place before he couldn't comprehend it anymore.
"I went to school that day knowing that I would have to tell Itachi that I wasn't going with him, I remember feeling that I had let you down but somehow I would make it right again...that as long as you didn't know about Itachi having been there, then you wouldn't feel like you'd lost that chance...I never wanted to leave without you."
Naruto looked at Sasuke with tears rimming his eyes, he saw Sasuke's hands were trembling with anger and he thought only for a few more minutes about what he was saying entitled...what it all meant. He had so many questions about Itachi, but he supposed that Sasuke probably did to.
"He took you anyway..." Naruto said, he didn't need Sasuke to explain it any further, it was obvious enough from then on that Itachi had taken Sasuke anyway. Somehow he felt relieved, but also hew felt that he meant absolutely nothing. He looked at Sasuke with careful eyes and thought a little longer, was this why Sasuke hated his brother so much?
"I promise, Naruto, I never wanted to leave without you. And I never would have. I can't forgive my brother for what he did...after I woke up, I just knew it. I knew what he'd done and I hated him, I hated him from the very moment that I saw his face...and I haven't been able to rest easy...because no matter how hard I tried, and no matter how many people tried to convince me otherwise, I felt that I had left you to suffer, and felt that it would never be right if I didn't suffer too." Sasuke allowed his trembling hands to un-ball and looked down at the crescent marks in his palms. "It wasn't fair...it wouldn't be fair if you had to carry on living like that, and I couldn't forget about you, night after night, day after day...I wouldn't let myself forget about you, because remembering your pain was part of the punishment." Sasuke's dark eyes remained sincere, his brow was smooth again, but the anguish had not left his stare, he looked down at his hands with half-lidded eyes and the guilt that had smothered him for so long still did so, but actually speaking it aloud for a change...it made him feel as though he'd done something he never thought he would.
Naruto didn't know what to say...but he believed Sasuke. He believed every word that he said because he knew that Sasuke had suffered too, that was clear enough. Maybe all along he'd thought that he'd been angry at Sasuke, but he probably should have been angry with Itachi...but at the same time he couldn't help but feel thankful, Sasuke had been taken from him and hadn't run away...but Naruto found that he was guilty and angry too.
Naruto felt a little better, and Kyuubi was at ease...Naruto felt that now he knew, he could move on. He reached over and he took hold of Sasuke, wrapping his arms around his neck, holding onto him, Sasuke turned at him and was surprised, but he accepted the embrace, and reached for him too. "I'm sorry Naruto."
"No...it's okay," Naruto smiled. "It's okay." He didn't know why he said it or even what it was supposed to mean, but he felt better although at the same time he felt worse. He held onto Sasuke with less restraint than before and made certain not to let him go, it wasn't long before Sasuke became submissive and wrapped his arms tighter around Naruto's back. "Thank-you for telling me..." Naruto whispered. "I'm sorry that I could have ever doubted you."
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Sasuke looked out at the world below, the windows were barred. His stomach was weak as were his knees, it had taken great courage for him to walk into that place and up the stairs, but with Naruto at his side he remained resolute, he would not allow a building to defeat him after all these years. Naruto appeared behind him and Sasuke saw his reflection in the blackened window. He turned around as Naruto put the tray down on the desk and offered him one of the drinks of hot tea.
"Thanks," Sasuke took the warm cup from Naruto's hands and looked him in the eyes as he sat himself down at the foot of Naruto's bed. Naruto nodded and sat down next to him at the foot of the bed, Naruto felt somewhat relaxed to have Sasuke sitting next to him, it felt a little like he had never even left, that they'd been there together always. Naruto watched Sasuke as he brought the cup to his lips and drank down some of it, Naruto felt a small warmth in him, and he smiled again.
Naruto reached up and his fingers ran through his hair and down the back of his neck. Sasuke glanced back slightly and brought the cup away from his lips and watched with fascination and anticipation as Naruto reached over and took it from him, placing it aside once more. Once it was settled again on the tray he smiled and reached for Sasuke's hooded sweater and pulled it from over his head to expose the alabaster skin of a slim torso and abdomen that in its owners haste hadn't been covered. Sasuke smirked as he realised what it was that was Naruto's aim, and pulled his legs up onto the bed, allowing his body to act as it willed as he knew that Naruto wanted to continue what they'd started earlier.
Sasuke didn't argue, and Naruto he allowed to take charge this time, falling onto his back and putting out his arms to accept Naruto, pressing their lips together, kissing him attentively, sucking at his throat with his fingers running through his hair and pressing his body against his. Naruto wrapped his legs around Sasuke's pelvis, pulled off his own shirt and wanted to get closer and closer to him, his kisses deepened and he rocked his body against his, tasting him more and more, gasping and groaning.
Sasuke's fingers pulled on Naruto's pants, feeling eager and hot as his sweatpants and boxers slid down over his hips and Naruto reached down to help him with the belt buckle. Sasuke opened his eyes to pull down his own pants the rest of the way, he met Naruto's glazed blue eyes, and reached up to his face and took it in his hands and pressed their lips together hungrily, longing for the pain to go away.
Sasuke rolled them around, he forced Naruto onto his back and his lips pressed against Naruto's throat, kissing, licking and sucking at his adam's apple, leaning into him, and reaching down into the opening of Naruto's pants, only to feel the hot living organ between his legs harden. Naruto groaned harder, his fingers fisted Sasuke's hair and he arched into him, grinding their hips together attentively.
Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck, groaned at the fell of Sasuke's fingers touching him in all the right places and longed for it not to end...Sasuke felt heat run down his back, and as he tasted Naruto he thought that the blood that pumped through him would cause him to explode, though he hoped it would be in ecstasy, rather than in pain.
He gasped at first; Sasuke jolted backwards and upright, Naruto dazed and shocked beneath him, looking up at him, gasping and panting, only to have Sasuke's face become riddled with pain as he cried out, falling backwards off the bed, rolling into a ball with fingernails gripping onto the marking on his left shoulder in total agony. Naruto jumped up onto his knees, his face filled with terror as he rushed down to Sasuke's side, watching in horror as he scraped at his shoulder, he cried out in pain, his eyes shut tight.
"Sasuke!" Naruto cried, but no matter how he reached for Sasuke, tried to calm him down, he only continued to writhe in agony on the ground, it was as though Sasuke couldn't hear a thing that he was saying, just looked out at the inside of his eyelids, his head spinning and dazed and he felt stabbing and aching run through his shoulder and spine and all the way down his back and shooting into his skull. "Sasuke..." Naruto reached out for him again, reached out to steady him, as tears ran down his face, Sasuke only seemed to be getting worse. "Sasuke...please..." he wrapped his arms around him as tightly as he could, tried to hold onto him, but Sasuke cried out again and his body rocked too and froe and there seemed no stopping it.
Naruto's heart plummeted into the unknown regions of his body and his mind was ablaze with total unbridled fear as he heard the door open behind him and a voice laughed, a voice that he only ever really heard at the worst of times, beneath Sasuke's groaning and wailing.
"Well then, I wondered when I would see you again."
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Can't promise when I'll update next, but I might get in with the flow and update in the next few weeks. Sorry for any typos.
R&R for old time's sake, and who knows I might update faster!