E
That hadn't gone the way I had planned at all. Even with the roses in the room, I found it difficult to keep my focus off of her scent. When I had entered through the window it was bearable, she is intoxicating even from a distance. But I was able to restrain myself by focusing on the scent of the roses. As I carefully inched towards her sleeping body I felt my control slipping, not quickly but enough that I took pause and regained control. I had to beat this, if I was going to have her in my life in any way, I had to be able to maintain control. At the edge of her bed the beast was close, but my willpower held. Even as I touched her I thought I had the beast subdued, but as I dove into her dream, something changed.
The beast took control then, but it was not the vicious animal that it usually was. It became a calculating predator, stalking her and lulling her into a feeling of wellbeing. I watched as it quietly seduced her, puling her close and making her feel safe. All the while I tried to escape, fearing for her life, refusing to let the beast take her. As the beast lunged for her I pulled myself out of her dream and seeing I had my teeth just barely touching the skin on her throat. In the blink of an eye I was out of her room and clinging to the ledge of her window, hanging where she would not see me. So I dangle here, listening to her scream of terror that I had induced, and hate my self.
I need to feed, to sate the beast so that I can think clearly. I climb to the top of her building, taking in the night air I smell fresh blood on the wind and track it. The source is a thirty-something boy in his apartment. He had tried to shoot himself, but lost his nerve and the bullet tore out one side of his throat. He is still alive but losing blood fast. I lean into the tub where he is laying and close my mouth over the wound. Males never taste as good as a woman, but I must make due. I make my escape as I hear sirens approaching the building, probably responding to the sound of the gunshot.
Backtracking, I find my way to her apartment. From the roof I can hear her thoughts and she is terrified. Turning the dream over in her head she is unsure whom the man was that she had seen and that is good. However, her memory of him is very vivid and that is a problem. She cannot know what I am. This means I have to go back in there and wipe her memory again.
Not tonight, even with the beast satisfied I would prefer not to tempt it again. I will just have to chance that when she goes back to sleep she will remember less when she awakes. As I make my way home I mull the past few days over in my mind. Arriving at my roof I sit on an air conditioning unit and think. The way I have been behaving is completely out of my character and I have no real way to explain it. All I can say for certain is that everything had been fine until this girl appeared and turned me into a thrice-cursed fool with her wonderful voice and enthralling scent.
What to do about it though? If I turn my back on hiring her, she will never want to see me again. Why does that bother me? She is, after all, merely a human, my prey. I should only want to be near her to feed on her, but I still find myself repulsed by that thought. Yet I could feed from that suicide not moments after seeing her. What is wrong with me? Do I…love her? How could I? Love is a human emotion and I am far from human any more. It has been so long since I have had any sort of meaningful contact with another human. I think I was in love once when I was human but it was so long ago that the memory is little more than a haze.
I look out over the city, still a few hours left until sunrise. I think I will watch it this time. I ponder this possibility, could I be in love? After a century of being completely alone I suppose at some point I would have a need for a companion, some kind of meaningful connection with another. So perhaps it is love, but what of the beast. I can barely be in her presence without the beast wanting to tear her throat out. I have to subdue the beast for her sake. I need to be near her, to have her in my life. I will go back the next night and try again.
I wait the rest of the night on the roof. Only as the first light of the sun peeks over the horizon do I turn and head for the roof access. Watching the sun from the shadows I have another thought: how can I share my life with her? I am immortal, she will age and die. I could turn her I suppose, but is that what the beast wants? Is it waiting for me to dispel my aversion to feeding on her only to kill her when I try and change her? I turn into the building as the sun fills the sky and close the door behind me. I cannot tempt the beast and I know it wants to kill her. What can I do?
I go to my apartment and over to my desk. I open the bottom drawer and pull out my cell phone and turn it on. I need a day to my self to figure things out. I call James and tell him I will be out of the office today with a family emergency. My thumb settles over the power button after I hang up but my eyes settle on my contacts list. I close my eyes, my thumb flies over the keypad, and I bring the phone to my ear. The other side picks up almost immediately. "Hello Edward, it's been a long time. I didn't actually think you would call."
"You should know better than to bet against Alice, hello Carlisle."
"Alice says you're having some troubles." I laugh to myself a little, leave it to Alice to fill everyone in beforehand.
"Nothing serious, I promise. I just need some advice."
"Certainly Edward, what's on your mind?"
"Well, I met this girl…"