A/N: A little bit of Sam/Freddie sneaked in here, but just a tiny, vague reference. Remember, this is just an outtake of a larger story that will only ever exist in my head. Set around 10 years in the future after graduation. Revolves around the chip in Freddie's head, which I think is a plot point that gets no mention in fanfiction. It's canon! And the main villain is supposed to be an uber-cliche. Think of him as a typical villain in a typical spy movie and his corny dialogue and plan makes much more sense.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

"An Outtake from an Unwritten Story"

by: the archduke

Sam just let him talk. She probably couldn't have made him shut up if she tried.

"You've been a thorn in my side for a long time now, Sam Puckett. Disrupting my shipping routes, maiming my best men, raiding my safehouses. You thought you could bring my organization to its knees. Well you're wrong! You're the one who'll be on her knees - begging me for mercy!" He pointed a finger towards her, his face mottled red and white with rage.

Sam smirked. A flippant attitude always riled people up. "Don't forget when I tackled you when you tried to pull that car scam on us back in the day. Good times."

Nevel let out an inarticulate yell of frustration. Yup, he was definitely riled up. Sometimes her job was more psychological than physical. It had taken her awhile to figure that out. Sam kept on the pressure.

"No, seriously. I much prefer trying save iCarly than trying to save the world. Not that iCarly wasn't super important to me, but, you know, it's the world. Lots of pressure to make sure it isn't destroyed. Though you as my big nemesis after all these years is a bit ironic."

Nevel glowered at her. "I'm not trying to destroy the world, I'm trying to save it from itself by becoming its supreme ruler. Try to grasp that distinction. And that's not how you use 'ironic.' You are such a simpleton."

Sam gave an unconcerned shrug. "Then you've been beaten over and over again by a simpleton."

"Enough!" Nevel yelled, trying to regain control of the situation. "I tire of this foolishness. It's time for my revenge." Nevel glanced to his left and right, where locked in steel cages stood Carly and Freddie. Neither looked particularly happy about their situation.

Sam stood facing the other three, the gun held at her back by one of Nevel's goons preventing her from taking any action. She'd never let her nervousness show.

Nevel glared at her with malice. "In front of you, there are two buttons. One button controls the fate of your best friend. The other the fate of your government's most prized possession. Who I still can't believe is this guy," Nevel said while pointing a thumb at Freddie.

Freddie just shook his head in bewilderment. He couldn't believe it either.

Carly then interrupted, seemingly not able to keep quiet any longer. "She is not my best friend!," she cried out, pointing a finger at Sam. "Best friends don't sleep with their best friend's fathers!"

Freddie felt the need to join in the conversation at this point. "She's not sleeping with your dad. She's sleeping with Spencer." He gave Sam a look mixed with accusation and anger.

Nevel added in his two cents. "Wait, you mean you three aren't in a thing? Because you guys definitely give off that vibe."

Sam slapped her hand over her eyes in frustration. Did other spies have to put up with this sort of shit?

First, she pointed at Nevel. "You're a perv. Shut up." Then she moved to Carly. "I'm not sleeping with your dad. That's just gross." Finally, she settled on Freddie. "Spencer's married with kids. And you of all people should know who I'm sleeping with."

Carly and Nevel turned to look at Freddie while Freddie kept his eyes on Sam.

"You and Freddie? Really? Not my dad? Because that would be just too weird and I can't handle it. And while you and Freddie would be weird, like 'my brother and sister getting together' weird, it is so much less weirder than you and my dad. I was afraid I'd end up calling you mom." Carly shuddered, partly is disgust, partly in relief.

Nevel clapped his hands in glee. "This just makes everything so much more delicious!" He wiggled in his seat, unable to suppress his excitement. "Now, as I was saying before this situation devolved into a discussion of your love life, the fates of Carly and, now it seems, your lover, rest in your hands."

Sam had to interrupt. "Please never, ever say the word 'lover' in front of me again. I almost puked." The goon behind her poked her hard in the back with his gun, wordlessly telling her to be quiet.

Nevel ignored her, too excited with his plans to let her needle him. There went her psychological advantage. "You will determine which one lives and which one dies. If you press the button in front of Carly, your oldest friend, a specialized electric current will liquefy her brains. If you press the button in front of Freddie, the government will lose an irreplaceable resource when his brain turns to mush. And you will lose whatever he is to you personally. If you do nothing, they both die. You will have fifteen seconds to make your dec-"

Sam didn't wait for Nevel to finish. "I'm saving Carly. Sorry Freddie." She then pushed the button in front of Freddie while Freddie let out a girlish scream. After a moment, when he realized his brain seemed to still be in its solid form, Freddie stopped his screaming.

"Sam, what did you do!" Freddie was breathing very hard, his eyes wide with panic.

"Your killing machine doesn't seem to be working," Sam said to Nevel while she continued pressing the button that was supposed to have led to Freddie's death.

"Sam, stop trying to kill Freddie!" Carly yelled. "And this time I mean it literally."

Nevel looked very disappointed. "The button activates when I start the countdown. I didn't think you'd be so quick with your decision. It was supposed to be a moral quagmire. Now all the funs been taken out of it." He sulked in his seat while he flipped a switch on the armrest. "There, countdown started. Go ahead and liquefy Freddie's brain."

Sam gave Freddie an apologetic look. "I'll tell everyone that you died a hero."

Freddie frantically shook his head. "No, no, I don't want to die a hero. I want to live as a coward. Sam, liquefy Carly's brain!"

"Freddie!" Carly shouted, indignant.

"Sorry," Sam said. Then she pressed the button. This time the cage around Freddie crackled with electricity. A bolt shot out from the steel to Freddie's head, causing him to let out a blood curdling wail.

Sam's heart beat hard in her chest. She ignored Carly's screams and Nevel's laughter. She concentrated only on Freddie. This had to work.

A few seconds passed while Freddie's wails became more high pitched. Sam was afraid she'd made a terrible, terrible mistake when it happened. Freddie became silent and a contemplative look came over his face. He gave Sam a questioning frown and she only smiled in encouragement. He had finally figured it out.

Freddie turned to look at Nevel, who was worried because Freddie should have been a brainless lump on the ground by now. All of a sudden, the doors to the cages Freddie and Carly were in flew open. Sam used the distraction to disarm and knock out the goon behind her.

Carly scrambled to Sam's side as Freddie advanced towards Nevel. "What's going on?" she asked Sam, who now held the goon's gun in her own hand. "Why isn't Freddie dead? Did you know this was going to happen?"

Sam gave Carly a cocky smile. "Of course. I am a professional."

A/N 2: The End!