1. throw kitchen knifes at carlsile.
2. or a stainless steel pan.
3. in fact, esme is not allowed to throw any kitchen appliances at anyone, period. (especially bella)
4. attempt to teach emmett how to cook.
5. or edward.
6. or jasper.
7. or carlsile, no teaching people to cook
8. force bella to play dress up.
9. and then run from the room screaming "ahhhh, someone help me, he's trying to murder me!!!!!!" when edward comes to rescue her
10. proclaim carsile to be gay.
11. and that he has a crush on jasper.
12. or edward.
13. or emmett.
14. and no saying the boys are gay!
15. chuck onions and garlice cloves at people that don't like her food.
16. no throwing, period.
17. say that she's preganant.
18. and that the baby's father is jasper as alice will kill her.
19. or edward as bella will kill her.
20. or emmett as rosalie will violentely kill her.
21. turn any boy's ringtone on her phone to gay boyfriend
22. put a kilogram of chillipowder into curry.
23. and then deny all knowledge of it, saying that it wasn't her
24. give rosalie and emmett the talk.
25. or edward and bella.
26. or alice and jasper
27. proclaim yourself to be hermione granger.
28. or emmett to be harry potter.
29. or carlsile to be draco malfoy.
30. and jasper to be ron weasley
31. state that she had hot sex with jasper.
32. or edward.
33. or any man or woman!
34. dress up in baggy trousers and lots of bling.
35. then say that she's a 'gangster from the hood.
36. and attempt to do hip hop dancing / jazz / rock n' roll
37. sing to any pop songs, especially beyonce and shakira
38. paint edwards volvo pink and stick sequins and feathers to it.
39. or alice's porsche.
40. or any of the cullen cars
41. smack carlsile over the head with a meat tenderiezer.
42. and then say to the doctors at the hospital that he fell on it.
43. or swat flies with a meat tendereizer.
44. actually, no going near a hammer or meat tendereizer
45. buy more than 2 houses, and make the faily bankrupt
46. dance to any lady gaga
47. dress like kate perry or lady gaga
48. kidnap jane volturi and force her to decorate a house with you
49. run around the house naked with a banner saying 'miss. sexy' on
50. start a nudist colony were you are covered as a desserts
"do you think esme will stick to the rules?" alice cullen wondered
*loud bang! carlsile comes rushing through the door, followed by esme with a kitchen knife in her hand*
"come back her carlsile cullen!!!!!!!!"
"dear god..." bella swan whispered
*bella tears the pen out of alices hand and scribbles something down*
51. esme is not allowed to go within a 10 foot radius of all kitchen appliances and the kitchen