This narrative was molded around the short story I recently posted in my other fanfic 'Elegant, Graceful, and Clumsy'. Because of a recent fic posting by fellow author Merk (you may know her as Mrs. Mercury Megatron, now calling herself BuddhaBooty), I was compelled to draft a similar set of quickie-shorts based on ten randomly shuffled songs. More details on how it works can be found on her set of shorts in '10 Typos for Awerewolf'.
The inspiration for this one story in particular was a song performed by Chicago by the name 'Hard Habit To Break'
Important Note to Readers: Su tries to understand the meaning behind Po's unrealistic response to her question.. Why would he say no? We also delve a bit deeper into Tigress' situation back at the Jade Palace. And of course, I'm terribly sorry for the two month hiatus guys, but life has been nipping me in the ass, especially with the Holiday Season being as hectic as it is... Oh well, better late then never, right!?
Part Seven (and might I add the final part) will be posted soon, as spring semester starts at the beginning of next week! OH SWEET JESUS!!
Read, Review, and Enjoy!
Hard Habit To Break
Part Six – Winds of Change
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"I'm a bit surprised in you, to be honest." Su groused.
Po watched her as she slowly poured herself another cup of tea. But what else could he say? That if he went back to face her, she would embrace him with open arms.. say 'I love you, and all is forgiven'? That was nothing more than a fantasy just begging to be reality. Not that he didn't wish for it to be that easy…
Su took a sip of tea, and then looked at him. "Now enlighten me Po.. You love her, yet you don't want her back?"
"That's right." He began, "When I left, she was already with someone else. I had already lost her.. what's the point of going home?"
"Well that's rather pessimistic, don't you think?"
"What should I do then!?" He roared in his defense, "Go back and beg her to take me back? Look, I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I don't think I need that kind of advice! If I wanted to kiss her feet, I never would have left!"
"Stop being so damn stubborn.." She muttered under her breath, "That's so typical of you men. Taking everything for granted—"
The panda pounded his fists on the table, "I never took her for granted! She was the only woman I ever loved, Su.. She meant everything to me… To me, she was absolute perfection. Everything about her—I loved the way she would play hard to get, her tough as nails attitude, her violent allergy to tiger lilies, or that she wouldn't eat tofu without at least two drops of honey; I loved how she would purr every time I told her how beautiful her eyes were, or when she would laugh every time I tripped down the stairs.. Or every time she would wake up each morning, the first thing she'd do was smile and look me in the eyes, nuzzle my cheek and say that she loved me…" He trailed off.
All Su could do was smile. She took his paw and rubbed it in a comforting way, quietly offering her sympathy as his last tears fell from his face. From her vantage point, she noticed the couple behind the large panda.. they were watching the entire spectacle, but when she saw that they shared her look of understanding—
"Now Po, I know it's hard, but you—"
"No.." His paws started to shake as he shook his head in denial, "She doesn't want me—she hates me…she told me she never wanted to see me again…But I, I can't keep running away Su; because everywhere I go, she's always there.. haunting my thoughts, my dreams…"
She patted his paw, "And why do you think that is Po? Your conscience tells you that she still hates you, but your heart tells you something completely different."
"It wasn't supposed to be this way Su.. I can't go on living like this. I never wanted any of this to happen…"
Su merely nodded in agreement.
Although she would never know just how much he had been through—especially with the staying isolation he had endured—she could fully understand where he was coming from, and that was precisely the reason why she wasn't surprised in the least that he had willed himself to keep running.. But one thing still bothered her. While he acknowledged the full extent of the predicament that he was in, and even whole-heartedly admitted that he was still in love with her, there was still the trying question of why he wasn't willing to fight back.
Certainly with a desire this strong, he would jump at the chance to prove just how much he cared.. and that was something that they both needed the answer to. There was no clearer answer to her now of what Po needed…and what Po needed, was what he had been running away from, or at least, tried to run away from.
In a bold gesture, she grabbed both of the panda's paws, and squeezed them tightly.. just enough to get his full attention.
"Of course you didn't wish for it to happen. And I know in my mind that she wouldn't have wanted it to end that way either. You both let your pride get in the way of what was truly important…"
He sniffed, desperately trying to avoid her eyes. "What?"
The female rabbit smiled, "Each other. Now look at those two over there, for example," she gestured an arm towards the pair behind the panda. "They seem to be the perfect couple, don't they?" Po nodded. "Do you think that they won't have their own trifle arguments, or have doubts of what they're doing isn't right? You can't let petty nonsense like that take away from what you have in here." She took her paw and placed it over her heart, silently hoping that Po would understand.
His imploring jade green eyes at last connected with hers, still clouded up with the unrest and pain that she had seen more than enough of. Taking a deep breath, she gave him what she hoped was her most sincere expression.
"Po.." She said in a soft voice, "You've been gone for two years, and although you may not think that she cares for you any longer, imagine if she had run away instead. What would that have done to you?"
As much as he wanted to answer her question, his mind—and his world—came to a screeching halt. However long he could have mused over it, Po hadn't even considered how she could have been affected. What would he have done if he was in her position? His mind rewound to the day of their argument, which was to his surprise still as clear to him now as it was the day it happened. He could remember what she said, that they 'were finished'…But the look in her eyes—it wasn't anything like he would imagine. In his mind at least, she was crying.
His eyes widened; how could he have been so close-minded? If it were him, and there was no doubt in Po's mind, that he would chase after her.. Carry her home in his arms, hold her tight and never let go…
And now he finally realized.. after two long years, that maybe, just maybe, Tigress still did care. Even if she no longer cared for him as a lover, maybe they could rebuild the one thing that Po knew they had—a strong and honest friendship, that on a lark had blossomed into love. He smiled inwardly; Love…such a simple word; and yet, so complex and wonderful at the same time. Tigress was the most precious thing in his life, something that no words could describe. To Po, Tigress wasn't just a woman.
She was a gift, an angel.. or the words to the perfect love song. She was the Moon in his sky, the most colorful flower in the garden…
A lover, a comrade, a training-mate.. but above all else—his closest friend. Someone who he could share his troubles and doubts with, and whenever he needed a shoulder to lean on, she would be there. He knew that all along. He had the world on a string, and he was a fool to let it slip through his fingers. A smile, however small, slowly grew on his face; not a smirk, or a grin.. but a smile. It was honest and genuine.
For the first time in what seemed to him like a lifetime..
He was happy...
Master Shifu silently traversed the corridor of the student barracks, with nothing more than a candle and a heavy heart.
Not too long after supper, it had started to rain rather harshly.. It was rather fitting weather to compliment his disheartened frame of mind, he had admitted silently to himself. Shifu hadn't felt so torn apart since he had faced Tai Lung for the last time.
Lightning streaked though the skies outside, casting his shadow onto the floor in front of him. Sure enough, thunder, though far away, followed soon afterwards, rumbling passively through the midnight air.
The red panda's pale blue eyes scanned the rice-paper walls as he walked, finally coming to a complete stop.. The candle's iridescent flame danced in the air with Shifu's movements as he slowly placed his hand on the door he had paused in front of, and with a heavy sigh, he pushed the thin divider open.
He peered into the space, eyes flickering in distress at the sight in front of him.
Finding herself unable to sleep, Tigress sat awake in one corner of the room curled up in a ball, softly whimpering in the enveloping darkness of her bedroom. Taking a few steps forward, Shifu set the candle on her nightstand.
"Tigress..?"
She slowly turned to face him without a speaking one word.
The red panda winced at the sight of her physical state... Her beautiful face was completely disheveled; the once soft, downy-like fur that once flawlessly appointed her features was now matted down and plastered to her skin, coming from an endless stream of tears that seemed to flow like rivers from her clouded amber eyes. His gaze fell towards the ground, and noticed that she was holding Po's mannequin in her arms, cradling the lifeless object close to her chest like a mother to her infant child.
Shifu pulled a small white rag from his robe, and with a steady hand, gently wiped her tear drenched eyes. Drawing a heavy breath, he took a seat on the cold hardwood floor next to her, and placing a small hand on her left arm, looked up at her with a sympathetic gaze…
Moments passed without one word exchanged between them; there were many times in Shifu's life where he found himself lost for words, this night being one of them. He wanted to.. no, he needed to say something, anything to console her, but, nothing came.
There were no words that could be spoken…
How could there be?
He could only offer his silent condolences, hoping that maybe his presence would comfort her in some way or another.
This wasn't the Tigress he remembered. The strong and confident, yet kind and compassionate young woman she used to be no longer existed; in its place was nothing more than a hollowed-out shell of her former self. Where was the energetic little tiger cub he had raised from childhood, or, the little girl who would stop at nothing to make him proud... his best student. His daughter?
He looked up at her again, only to find that she had been gazing down on him the entire time.. The red panda smiled weakly, reaching up to touch her face, but he was stopped as she bent down to take him into a tight embrace. She buried her head into his chest and cried out—
"Baba…"
Shifu's eyes widened; Baba… She hadn't called him by that name in years. He felt moisture come to his eyes, but made no attempt to hold his tears back like he had done so many times in the past.. After all these years, after they had grown emotionally distant following Tai Lung's incarceration, after he believed that Mr. Ping had become more of a father to her than he was..
She was finally reconnecting with him again. Finally.
He pulled her closer, his maroon tunic becoming soaked with the feline's tears. "It's alright Tigress, I'm here. You don't need to cry anymore."
"It's not alright! I didn't apologize to him, I pushed him away… It's my fault he's gone. It was all my fault."
Shifu gently rubbed the back of her head, "No, you mustn't think that way. Po—" The sound of the panda's name made her cry more fervently. Master Shifu's ears fell flat against his skull.. The pain of hearing her weep was almost too much for him to bear. His precious little girl was in emotional agony, and the worst part was, it seemed that there was nothing he could do to comfort her.
He took her paw and squeezed it lightly, "Tigress, listen to me. I can only imagine how you feel, but you must understand that there are people here who care about you, who are genuinely afraid for your safety and well-being."
"Afraid?"
He nodded, his eyes solid and sincere, "We all are.. I observed the strong bond that you and P—" he corrected himself, "…he shared, but there needs to be a point where you lay out your options and realize that he may never come back. It has been almost two years now; you need to let go."
"…But I loved him Shifu.. He was the only one who made me happy." Her eyes crinkled as more tears flowed. "He said that he loved me more than anything, but, I acted like a fool. I didn't deserve his love—I never did."
The red panda's facial expression held a mixture of both shock and pity. Never before had he heard Tigress speak this way about herself. But, was what she said true? 'He was the only one who made me happy.' Did that mean that—No. Tigress wasn't that kind of individual..
He of all people knew this…
But for almost two years he watched passively as she tore herself apart, slipping further and further into depression from losing the only person she ever shared her love with. Shifu understood from the very moment Po left that it wouldn't be easy to get her back to her original nature, and that was what he couldn't figure out..
Even from her childhood Tigress, at least from what he experienced raising her, had always put an emotional barrier between her and others, principally after Tai Lung had laid waste to the Valley. The red panda had put himself to blame for this; he intentionally distanced himself from her, employed harsher training regimens and gave less freedoms.. all to ensure she didn't follow in the snow leopard's footsteps and repeat his fatal mistake…
It worked, but at what cost?
He even noticed this distancing after Master Oogway began accepting new students into the Jade Palace, primarily towards Monkey, Mantis, and Crane.. Before their arrival, Shifu silently held doubts about letting male students train there; perhaps passively he was trying to protect her, but she was able to handle herself marvelously. In all honesty, she considered most—if not all—men to be 'out of her league,' and thus held no interest in having intimate relationships.
She was too intently focused on becoming everything that she believed Shifu wanted her to be. This was precisely the reason why he was shocked when she and Po had broke the news of their relationship to him.
But as much as he found it difficult to accept, he had never seen her so blissfully happy.. maybe even as far back as the day he adopted her as his daughter. She tried to hide it from him at first, but like most fathers, Shifu already knew everything.
The red panda certainly wasn't as naïve as Tigress had hoped. Besides, he had caught them both sharing a bedroom one too many times not to catch on.
He had often feared the day she would fall in love. Before Po, she had never been in love, and it was this that made her especially vulnerable. And now, it was Shifu's turn to be angry at the panda…
Tigress' life was falling apart; she had no drive, nor motivation, to train any longer. Her once graceful and fluid form was slipping. He was sure that even Mr. Ping had contemplated committing suicide at least once. The others did continue to train themselves, albeit much more sloppily and without focus. He had seen his entire world go to hell…
They were miserable without him, she was miserable without him.. He was miserable without him.
This was Po's own doing, not hers.. It was all the damned panda's fault.
He pulled himself from his thoughts, and realized that Tigress had stopped whimpering, leaving only the sounds of the storm outside to keep the red panda company… She looked to be asleep.
Standing up, he went to blow out her candle, when something on the nightstand captured his attention—the scroll. Shifu bit his lower lip. Did he dare invade her privacy by opening it? But, it must have been important.. He recalled her clutching it tightly after he had to tell her that Po had left. He sighed and picked it up, and hesitatingly unwound the parchment. This was wrong, and he knew it.
Glancing over it several times, his heart nearly stopped, "Oh.. oh my."
"Master?"
Oh no. Tigress had been watching him the entire time. He was caught red-handed. Damn.
The red panda turned around, a pang of guilt pricking him in the gut as he looked up at her, "Tigress, I'm sorry, I-I didn't know that he.."
The feline cut him off, "And that's why you need to understand, Master," she gazed over the open scroll, and smiled, "Even if I never see Po again, I will never stop loving him."
His anger resurfaced, "But how can you? I could never forgive him for what he has done to you. He should have talked to me first.. We could've figured this out like reasonable adults. He ran away, Tigress! I taught him to never run away from his problems, and this is how he takes that lesson to heart!? By contradicting my word and leaving anyway!"
"Shifu.."
"No Tigress, he said it himself: A real warrior never quits—"
That was more than she could take. "This has nothing to do with Kung Fu!" She snapped, "Shifu, listen to yourself.. you don't understand. I hurt him by turning him away the first time. If I could have just apologized, he would still be here now… I did this to myself, so I'll deal with it by myself! Why do you care anyway? You never cared in the past, so why start now!?" Tears now came unbidden to her eyes.
He clenched his teeth, "I ALWAYS CARED! I…I have always cared about you…" Shifu bit back a sob and took a seat next to her, "I almost lost you and the others when you defied me to fight Tai Lung, and now I fear I'm losing you again."
The feline's eyes widened in awe. After all of these years she had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing more than to make him proud, to just hear him say just once that he loved her.. He finally said it—in plain words he had finally admitted that he cared about her. She felt a lump form in her throat as she pulled the red panda into a tight hug.
"Tigress." He began, and looked up at her with kind parental eyes, "You are my star pupil, and I love you more than anything. Being your Master is one thing, but what kind of father would I be if I cared nothing for my precious daughter?"
"But y-you never said that you… loved me."
He smiled at her, "Believe me, I do."
And although he could have just put her to bed and retired for the night, he gladly stayed and held her close.. humming melodies that he remembered singing to her when she was just a child…
Now he could finally understand how much those three words really meant. But as much of a relief as it were to reconnect with Tigress, Shifu knew that it wasn't going to be enough. The only thing that had brought her from the lows of resentment and hostility to the highs of love and happiness—was now well out of his reach.
They had searched for him.. for days that quickly turned into weeks, and then months… but he was gone. If the gods above had any mercy for the living, they would surely send him home. He could say that there was hope he would return, or in the words of a poet, bring him back on the winds of change..
To be concluded…