Chapter Six – Mistake

For a week, I was able to resist the temptation of human blood. It was all I thought about. My family was very patient with me, helping me in any way they could to avoid it. Carlisle was able to get more blood from the hospital, and they would smear some in various places around the woods at night. So when I hunt, I could smell it, but I could also avoid it. I felt proud of myself. A new form of confidence grew within me, and for once, I was starting to feel like a Cullen. I'd always kind of been the odd one out, being the only half breed in the family.. and now, I fit in. Jacob and I had been getting along a lot better in terms that I hadn't attempted to kill him once in the past seven days. That meant I was learning how to better control my aggression and sudden outbursts of rage. Things were finally looking up.

"Mom, what do you think.." I said, holding up the eighth wedding dress Alice had brought home for me to try on. They were loaners of course, but Alice had convinced the sales associates I was allergic to the sunlight, and any exposure could kill me. It was kind of true.. The rep waited outside while I tried on the dresses.

"It looks great" my mother said, smiling like she had at the other seven dresses. I sighed, this was not her thing.

"Mom, can you at least fake enthusiasm.. I am your only daughter and I am getting married. I'd like to look perfect"

"I'm sorry Renesmee. I've never been much into fashion, anyway, you already look perfect" she doted. Of course she would say that. I was the light of my mothers eye. I could be wearing oversized sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt and she would still say I was gorgeous. Although, if I did do that, Alice would kill me.

"I think if we had the same embroidery that was on the first dress, but put it on the waist line of this dress… it would be perfect. It could run down the back and onto the train" Rosalie said, eyeing the dress closely.

"I don't know Rose, I think the train on the other dress was prettier. The longer the better.." Alice said. None of them were paying attention to what I wanted.

"Dad, what do you think?" I asked reluctantly.

"I think Jacob should quit peering down the stairs and imagining you out of the dress.." My father said, not bothering to look up from his book. I heard Jacob cuss and fumble back up the stairs. If I could have turned red, I would have. Instead, I laughed.

"Really, dad, do you like it?"

He looked up slowly, eyeing the dress very carefully as if he was looking for one flaw in it. "I agree with Rose, the beading on the first dress would be more fitting for this dress. Alice, the long train on the other dress was unsuitable. It was too long."

Alice stared at him in disbelief. "I knew you were going to say that"

"Of course you did." My father laughed. It was nice to see him laugh for once. He'd been uptight since my engagement.

"Well, let's see.. what if we had this dress, the other dresses beading put on it.. then I get to pick out the bouquet. I'm thinking the colors to go with are a pale pink and a deep purple. They will set each other off nicely. In fact, we could use ---" Alice stopped abruptly. Everyone looked at her instantly. She was having a vision. The look on her face said her vision wasn't exactly a good one either.

"Renesmee, you should go for a walk. We have a group of hikers coming up from the East, one of them is hurt. They're looking for shelter. We'll find you when it's safe" Alice said. There was no time to waste, they would be here in a matter of minutes. I was out the door with Jacob (in wolf form) close behind me.

"Ya know Jake, it's a lot easier to talk to you in human form" I complained.

He nuzzled my arm with his nose.

"Yea, I know, you can't keep up with me as a human.. but still, I feel foolish talking to myself"

We walked in silence for close to an hour before anything happened. We remained silent, enjoying the others company. Around each other was the only time we could truly be ourselves. I, the only girl I know to grow into her vampire form, and the boy who cried wolf. One hell of a fairy tale. About fifteen miles from home was when I caught the scent. The scent of fresh, human blood. The scent was so potent even Jacob picked up on it. Usually he was able to ignore the smell of blood, he was so used to it. It smelled so good, my mouth was watering. I didn't have time to think, my body had already reacted. I don't know how long it took before the human was in my hands. A man, probably in his early thirties. It didn't take long for me to suck him dry. He'd been fascinated by my presence. Everything about me welcomed him in. It took seconds for me to get close enough to take one bite. One bite and I wasn't able to stop. My throat burned in anticipation for that first, delicious bite. I savored the taste but drank quickly, unable to stop myself. I'm not sure how long Jacob watched in horror as I ended this mans life. It was only after I'd sucked every ounce of life out of him that I looked up. I saw hurt in Jacob's furry face as he let out a long wounded howl. Loud enough for my family to hear. Long enough for me to realize the monstrous thing I'd just done. I'd killed a man. He could have had a family, a life, and I ended it in the blink of an eye. I was a freak. I brought myself to the ground by the mans body, mourning him. If I had more self control.. if I'd paid more attention.. this wouldn't have happened. I killed him. I did the one thing I swore I'd never do. I ended a mans life to satisfy my unending thirst.

I sat there grieving for an unknown amount of time. I know it wasn't long before my family arrived and looked on in horror at me. I deserved it. I don't remember them taking the mans body from below me and disposing of the body. I don't remember the walk back to the house. I just remember the pain this strangers death had on me, and the guilt I felt for being the one to take it.

"Renesmee.. it happens to us all. We expected this sweetheart" My mother told me at some point.

"Fork it over" Emmett whispered to Jasper. I briefly saw Jasper pass Emmett a fifty dollar bill.

"Don't worry about it Ness.. he was just a human" Rosalie said. Her words were far less comforting.

Only my father did not offer any words of advice. He remained quiet, looking at me from time to time, apologetically. As if this was his fault.

"Quit being a martyr dad.." I said awhile later.

"That's not my intention Nessie. I just, I feel bad that you're hurting and I cannot help you. Especially since this delays our visit to Forks, which you've been thinking about a lot lately."

"I know dad, poor Charlie. I bet he misses us terribly"

"Everything is going to be fine" Alice promised. But this time, I wasn't sure I believed her.