^.^ kay, got this up as soon as I could... and btw this chapter is much longer to make up for last chapter.

Thankyou soooooooo much to all my reviewers/subscribers ^.^

and ...

Disclaimer: I don't own Deathnote. (haha, too tired to think of anything clever ^.^)

Alone Together

There were shadows, and splashes of muted light. Then there was darkness and the feeling of drowning. Everything swirled and twisted just beyond consciousness. Nothing made sense but then there was nothing to make sense of.

Anything was better than this.

Still there was an echoing in the void, sound? Light wasn't sure, but his mind reached out and sought the only escape from a world bathed in shadows. From a world with no direction.

His eyes opened.

He was blinded by the intensity and it took quite awhile to adjust to the glaring brightness of the new images.

There was a round glowing orb above him, and around that a flat expanse of white. His head throbbed and he wished for the darkness of the shadowy world, hating how this new one pierced into him. This was worse. Maybe nothing was better.

He turned his head, and his eyes took in a crumpled form, almost folded in on itself. He saw colors but couldn't place them. All his mind could grasp was the sound emitting from it. It sounded painful, he wanted to reach out to it, comfort it, but he didn't know how to.

Instead he shut his eyes and willed this new bright world away, willed his consciousness to slip back into that shadowy haven. But nothing had gone his way and it still wasn't going to, for when he closed his eyes, images flooded them. Images upon images sprang forth and he felt himself overwhelmed with the colors and painful stimulation. But then, finally, the last image clicked into place, and he saw them all for what they were;

Memories.

His eyes opened again and he turned back to the form curled up in the chair. Ebony and Ivory.

He stifled a gasp when the picture of what he was seeing fit with a picture in his memories.

L

The named form's shoulders shook as if he were laughing and there that sound was again, but this time Light recognized it, and couldn't believe his ears when he did;

L was crying.

He couldn't believe it, yet even when he shut his eyes and opened them again the image stayed the same.

The detectives' knees pulled up to his chest, his head buried in his hands, black hair falling to shield his face, and sobs wracking his body.

Light didn't know what to do, he had never seen the detective so defenceless, had never seen him so human.

His heart gave a painful squeeze and he wished he could take L in his arms and hold him, tell him everything would be alright, make everything alright, because the pain that was radiating from that body he knew too well.

He felt so comfortable around L, and felt kind of safe under his constant security. And while sometimes the detective and his idiosyncrasies were annoying, they were quickly getting familiar. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew he would miss L if he ever left.

His breath caught in his throat. No, he definitely wanted to keep him around.

And that was why seeing such a strong man so broken was causing unwelcome feelings to register inside of Light. But this time, instead of over reacting, he muted his emotional response and looked at the situation rationally.

There were so many implications to consider. He slowly let out a silent breath and went over them in his mind.

First, there was a chance he might be Kira, while a very small chance in his mind, it was still there, and still vastly important. However, he supposed it didn't make any difference, he had come to the conclusion long ago that if he really was Kira it would ruin everything regardless of any existing relationships.

Then there was his father. He owed everything to the man, as he had taught Light everything he knew and perhaps was the mould of his perfect image. He had forced Light to study, forced Light to be the best at everything, and showed Light the importance of real success, not just the attempt. The idea of being 'forced' didn't sit too well with Light for many years, until he began to see his own impossible results.

Yet, ever since Light had reached high school he knew there was something about himself that was fake, but no matter what he did he couldn't figure it out. He never cheated, his grades were real. He didn't dye his hair or do anything absurd, like plastic surgery, to alter his appearance. He was physically fit and had won many awards because of his athletic ability.

But then when it came to girls and dating, he sometimes did feel like he was putting on an act, (which he also excelled at) going through the motions just to satisfy anyone watching. Not the specific girl however, he had never cared too much about the individuals. However, he had long ago brushed that away as something that would come with age. Not everyone was into dating, in fact, the idea of a relationship would scare almost all high school boys.

So given the facts, he could easily classify his actions as normal, however, he was tired of lying to himself. And with that decision, finally admitted to himself that he did pay undue attention in literature, where his professor just happened to be an undeniably attractive man.

Then what did this mean? That maybe L hadn't "turned" him, just caused him to accept... Or remember - he suppose would be a better term - his true sexuality?

He felt a hundreds of conflicting thoughts wash through him. He wished he had more time to think things through, but L wouldn't wait forever. Would L leave him now?

The thought caused his pulse to rapidly rise into his throat and his breath hitched. Okay, that proves it. He thought begrudgingly, if I can't even think about him leaving me... then... that must mean...

At that moment he forgot how wrong their situation was, forgot how frowned upon the societies eye would take to it. Forgot about reputation, and pride and the world. He forgot, not because he couldn't remember, but because he didn't care.

In his mind, a barrier that was blocking something important fell away, and left the truth there for Light to read, the truth that he had denied, made himself forget, hurt himself to forget. But here it was, and Light had the choice to turn from it and deny it, shut it away and lock it up. But did he want to be alone again?

I...

I love him.

He thought he would feel guilt and humiliation with the silent confession, but he didn't, instead he was flooded with relief. It felt so good to be loved by someone who was such a perfect match; physically and intellectually. But he had no idea how good it would feel to love someone back for once.

And for the world? Well it could go fuck itself.

Light sat up, and noticed the IV lines attached to himself. His stomach hurt and he noticed he was clothed in a hospital gown. Steady beeps went off every second or so and he noticed the cardiogram to his left. Solid proof that he was alive, when he in no right should have been. After what he had done, L would've had to get him help within minutes, he couldn't imagine how the paramedic team had gotten to him so fast.

He looked down to his bandaged wrist, he fought the urge to take it off and check the damage, instead focusing his attention on L, whose body still shook even though his cries had fallen silent.

He was sitting mere feet from Light, close, but far enough that Light had to sit up. Upon doing so, his right hand gently pushed some of the black ebony locks from L's face. This caused the other to look up in shock.

Their eyes locked.

Light felt a painful twist in his already sore stomach at the emotion in those eyes. They shone with such pain that Light had to tear his eyes away.

"I... I'm sorry." Light stuttered, his voice coming out in a whisper from unuse.

L didn't say anything.

Light fell silent too, words couldn't fix this situation.

The sound of a door opened and a doctor came in, his eyes on a clipboard. "Ah! good to see you awake, however, now..." The doctor looked to L, "...we have something we have to discuss."

L nodded and went to stand, but Light held out his hand, forcing the other to pause. "No, he can stay." The doctor nodded, not too concerned and sat on the edge of Light's bed, next to him.

"Okay," The doctor took one last glance at his notes then set them aside.

"This is a tough situation, as I'm sure you're aware." Light stared at him, and he continued, "Now, there are not very many options at this point I'm afraid..." he trailed off, checking to see that Light was listening.

"Options?"

"Well, yes," he gestured to his clipboard beside him. "You were brought in here on emergency from self afflicted injury." He said, "While we were able to bring you back, there is the fact that you may try it again."

"You want to put me in a mental institution." Light stated blandly.

"We like to call it a hospital" The doctor replied.

"Absolutely not!" L whispered harshly, jumping to his feet in the process. Light subconsciously bit his lip noticing they were bandaged.

The doctor didn't give any indication that he had heard L, or didn't care, for he continued to talk to Light as if he were uninterrupted.

"We know you are eighteen and as such have no right to force you, however, what you did is an offense in this country, and could warrant a jail term."

"He's already on a jail term!" L interrupted again, this time the doctor did at least look at him.

"I'm afraid I don't understand." The doctor said, looking back to his notes and flipping through them.

Without a word L walked out of the room, leaving two very shocked men.

It was only moments later before L came back in the room, with a very angry Soichiro Yagami, following him.

The doctor rose at the Chief of Police's entrance. "May I talk to you in private please?" The officer commanded, gesturing to the door. The doctor nodded politely and followed him out, leaving L and Light alone in the room.

L didn't say anything, he couldn't even bring himself to look Light in the eyes again. It wasn't supposed to be like this, and while he didn't know exactly what it was supposed to be like, he knew it wasn't this.

Light had been unconscious for three days and L had sat stoically the whole time, hardly moving, but definitely not crying. Why did Light have to wake up the moment he broke!? He was angry with himself for breaking, this was the second time Light did that to him. Of course, L reminded himself, they were both because of the same incident.

It felt weird to feel human, it felt weird to feel anything. He curled into himself more, and wished Light would stop looking at him with those; 'I'm-sorry-your-love-made-me-want-to-kill-myself' eyes. It hurt more than an outright 'I hate you.' He could've handled that, he was used to it.

But he couldn't handle this, so he didn't. He got up, and without saying a word, left the room.

The halls were full of nurses and doctors, which made sense as they were in a hospital, but they looked out of place, like they should be working in laboratories. L had never been to a hospital before.

He had never really been anywhere, not after his parents had died. He supposed that was mainly his fault, locking himself in Wammy's house and refusing to have any kind of social life. He guessed things just changed after his parents' death all those years ago. He knew there were many blanks in his memories of that time, but Watari had said that was normal after being through something so traumatic.

But there was one thing he would never forget… even if he had figured out how to depress it.

He put his hands in his pocket, and stared at his bandaged feet as he walked through the halls, but then heard angry voices and stopped.

"LOOK! This is out of the question!!!" an angry male voice objected.

"We, realize your views but it's just that—"

"No! these are not just my views, this is an investigation and Light is a key suspect."

"Yes, we understand but, he is also your son, we're sure there is a bias –"

"Absolutely not! Don't you think, that if this was just about my views I would want him to get help? Because believe me, I do. There's something very wrong with him."

"Yes, I understand that, but the thing is... we did a run on the badge you presented us with and... well... it didn't check out..."

"I am under obligation to not display my identity for reasons you are surely well aware."

"Okay, I think I'll need to call security."

Yagami sighed, and L was certain he was contemplating his options.

"Show him." L commanded.

Soichiro regarded L for a moment before resigning. "As you wish Ryuuzaki." He then took out his real badge and presented it before the doctor.

The doctor nodded, "You understand that we will have to do a check on this one as well?"

The Chief nodded and handed over his badge to the Doctor who went over to the computer mainframe and began typing. A few minutes later he came back and handed the badge back to Soichiro. "Thankyou Chief Yagami, please follow me, I'll need you to sign some papers for his release."

The Chief nodded and walked past L, shooting the detective a glare in the process, "If I die, that is your fault."

L nodded, "Yes, most things are."

Light walked into the Kira investigation headquarters with his father. He was shocked that the man had gotten him out of having to go to a mental hospital. It wasn't that he didn't trust his father's capabilities, he just couldn't understand why. Surely he would want Light locked up, he seemed pretty upset.

He hadn't gotten any answers on the drive back, his father hadn't said a word to him the whole way and it didn't look like he was going to for awhile. He wondered what L had told him and was terribly worried the detective had said something that would confirm their secret.

They met with the others in the investigation room, and it seemed every eye turned to look upon their arrival. Except L's, who was sitting in his usual position eyes locked on the screen in front of him.

"Okay." Chief Yagami commanded of the small taskforce before him. "This is how it's going to work from now on." He stared at the back of L's chair. "Ryuuzaki, I would like it if you would join us."

L obeyed and came to stand before Soichiro, but made it obvious to not look at Light. "Good, now, some things have happened in the past week that I am not necessarily proud of." He shot L a look at that comment.

"However, our main objective here is to catch Kira, and as Chief of Police, that is exactly what we are going to do." He paused for effect.

"Therefore, things will continue as usual, and I don't want to hear about any of this again. Understood?"

There were agreements heard from the taskforce around him, except from Light and L, who had remained still.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing! How could his own father be so emotionless when his son had almost committed suicide? How could he ask that things return to normal? When normal was obviously not working before!

"Tell me!" Light's voice rose with sudden anger. "Why you had me released!" his lips pressed into a thin line, "I'm sure you must have had a good reason! Well? Let's hear it!"

His father gave him the coldest look he had ever seen, "Why?" he asked, his eyebrows raised in mock amusement. "Because Light Yagami, you are a suspect!"

Light's eyes widened and he was sure he saw L tense noticeably out of the corner of his eye. He didn't give Light a chance to respond, turning to L.

"And you. You are not to let him out of your sight again! Is that clear?!?" Light saw L nod, his face revealed nothing.

L and Light turned to leave but The Chief's voice sounded again. "Also," he lowered his voice. "There will be cameras installed in your quarters."

L looked like he was going to object, but a glare from The Chief quieted him, and instead he turned and walked in the direction of their quarters.

L opened the door, going for the hand cuffs that were lying on the bed. He methodically snapped one to his wrist, then, without looking at Light, snapped one on his too.

He then sat on the bed and turned on his laptop, the processor was fast and he was asked to type in his password in seconds. He did so, and upon loading, brought up his work on the Kira case and began reading through it.

He knew Light was standing where he had left him, as there was a slight tension to the chain. This new human emotion he felt was the worst, he was so utterly heartbroken. It sounded so cliché when he thought about it, but it fit; his heart literally felt broken.

"Light-kun." He said suddenly, upon realizing why the boy must be standing there. "I won't... I won't... do anything." He said. He risked a glance up from his computer.

Mistake.

His eyes met Lights' and he was rushed back to the memory of the younger man bleeding on the floor, dying, because... because... of him.

L thought he had collected the pieces of himself and put them back together, but he was wrong, because a tight knot situated itself in the core of his being, and he felt tears well up. He fought the urge to bite his lip, and clench his hands. It was so painful, so knife stabbingly painful, but he thought he might prefer the knife.

"L..." Light started, approaching the bed. "I... I'm... sorry..." He sat on the edge. "I really am, it was... immature and I realized that –"

L had looked back at the laptop screen, but the words that ran across it weren't helping.

"Light-kun," he said, in the most emotionless voice he could come up with at that moment, "We have work to do, I would appreciate it if you would start."

"What? You too? You just want to pretend that none of this happened?"

L cocked his head to the side, "Yes. Now please start working."

"L, Look at me."

"Please call me 'Ryuuzaki'"

His laptop was suddenly nonexistent as Light took it and set it on the ground beside the bed. He situated himself in front of L, and using a fore finger and a thumb, tilted L's head up to his.

L knew that if he didn't get a handle on the situation and fast he would lose it, he wouldn't let himself fall apart again.

"Look!" Light's eyes blazed. "It did happen, and I'll prove it!" he tore off the bandage, revealing his stitched wrist. He paused for a second himself at the image as if it was the first time he had seen it, a horrified look crossed his face.

L was vividly taken back to the bathroom with shattered mirrors and blood and Light...

"Light-kun..." he choked out.

"What?" his attention straying from his wrist to focus on the detective.

"I... I... wasn't talking about that." He stammered.

"You...? Oh." Light looked down, "You meant what happened with us then..."

L was silent, and went to move off the bed. Light grabbed his wrist. "What happened to your hand?" L looked at it, it was cut pretty bad in several places, but didn't need stitching or anything close. Although he was supposed to keep bandages on them, but it was way too inconvenient. "It's nothing, Light-kun, but thankyou for your concern."

Light looked at him with his amber eyes and L had to turn away again, because they showed so much emotion. He didn't even try to read them.

"You're feet are cut too... aren't they?" Light whispered.

L nodded, and tried to pick up his laptop from off the ground. Light however, stopped him.

"...I...need to know something..."

L regarded him passively, or what he thought was passive. "What is it, Light-kun?"

Light looked at him, eyes still displaying that fierce emotion. "Do you... do you love me, L?"

Yes. I love you Light Yagami.

"No." he said, and tried unsuccessfully to pull from Light's grasp.

"Then why are your hands and feet all cut up like you were walking on a floor of glass?!... why were you crying when I was in the hospital?!..." He trailed off, his eyes got sharper. "Why did you never leave my side?!"

"H...how do you know about that?"

Light smirked. "I didn't"

L wasn't prepared for such a confrontation, and as a result a shutter escaped him, and he found himself swallowing. He let out a breath, forcing himself to calm down. "Yagami-kun, it doesn't matter."

Light stared at him with ridiculously wide eyes.

"Of course it matters!"

L felt a vice grip around his heart squeeze. He shook his head, "Light." He said very seriously, dropping the honorary, "I did love you, and you tried to kill yourself."

"No. You fucked me; you never said anything about love."

"Would it have made a difference?" L asked stoically cringing briefly at his language. He tried again to get his damn laptop from off the ground, but Light was holding most of the chain in a vice grip, much like the one around his heart. He wondered briefly how much it would hurt if an actual chain was wrapped around it, and decided he wouldn't like to find out.

"I don't know…"

"It is very likely you would have reacted the same."

"Try me"

Caution masked L's face, "What?"

"Tell me you love me"

"Light-kun…"

"Say it!"

"No."

Lights hands clamped tight against the material of his shirt and L was pulled forward. His lips met Light's with unnecessary force. He struggled for a moment, his mind overwhelmed by the intensity. But Light didn't stop, his lips pressing more feverishly to the detectives and his tongue pushing passionately into L's mouth. Overcome by sudden desire L responded to the assault, his own tongue meeting Light's and pressing against it, hard, causing the other to gasp in surprise.

Light broke the kiss, panting, a bewildered smile present on his face. L blinked and felt that painful throbbing of his heart start again, his lips trembled, and tears blurred the edges of his vision.

The younger man smiled. "You do, I knew it."

Light leaned forward again, but L violently pushed him away.

"Don't!" he said, his voice inflicted with poison.

"What?" Light said taken aback. "But..."

"This isn't a game, Light-kun." His voice displayed danger.

"L..." he started, "I know things have... happened... between us, but the truth is..." he hesitated.

L stopped breathing.

"I..."

L's heart stopped.

"...don't want to lose your friendship."

Friendship

The word echoed around in L's mind for a long minute. Was that it? Was that all L meant to him?

Friendship

Mmm so that was it.

Friendship

Light was still talking, and L had to struggle to focus on it. Even so, he only caught bits... but they were enough.

"...I felt... so used... "

Used?

I used him? That wasn't true... it wasn't... how could he think...?

"...I'm not gay..."

Not gay?

But I didn't know I was gay, I never meant to force this on him...

"...I'm a just suspect..."

just?

Yes... you should be just a suspect... but... I... I...

"...it was so wrong..."

Wrong?

It is wrong... yes you are right Light-kun, I must apologize.

"...it ruined everything..."

Everything?

Everything...

L brought his thumb up to his mouth and chewed on it subconsciously.

"I understand." He said cutting Light off.

Yes. I understand. It was unprofessional. I'm done being unprofessional.

"Oh, good." Light seemed relieved.

Light felt his heart swell with such happiness he was sure it would explode. He had done it. He had confessed, and now... now, everything would be okay. He gently touched L's arm.

"Yagami-kun, please don't touch me again." The detective sent him a poisonous glare.

The smile faltered, heart exploding. "What?"

"You heard me."

"L! What the hell?" he went to grab L's shirt but his hand was pushed away.

"It's Ryuuzaki." He said emotionlessly.

"That's..." Light searched for the right words. "L..." he grabbed onto the raven haired man's shirt.

"Yagami-kun," His voice heated, "I'm only going to say this once." He gave Light a smouldering glare. "Let. Me. Go."

Light felt tears blur the edges of his vision, this wasn't happening! This wasn't how it was supposed to end!

"L..." he gasped. "Why are you doing this?" dread washed over him.

L cocked his head; it appeared his emotions had stabilized again. "Because, Yagami-kun, you were right you are just a suspect." He reached down and pulled up his laptop. "It was unprofessional and wrong to get involved with you. I apologize for misleading you, so from now on you will wake up at 6, and we will be downstairs ready for work at 8. Lunch break is at 12 and..."

The rest became meaningless background noise, for all Light could do was stare at him in horror.

"L, I know things have happened between us, but the truth is... I don't want to lose your friendship. I don't want to lose you, cause you matter more to me than I realized... L? Well anyway, I thought the main problem was that we went to fast... I felt it was rushed anyway, and I'm... so used to being in control that it took me off guard. Then, of course 'I'm not gay,' was the only thing that went through my mind after... well you know. But I was thinking that... I never was really attracted to girls, I dated a lot, sure... but there were never any feelings involved... on my side anyway. I guess I never realized it until you showed me what it was suppose to be like. I thought it was so wrong... at first. And I thought, you always thought, that I'm just a suspect. So obviously that shocked me too and... well, for my dad, it ruined everything cause he had worked so hard to raise the 'perfect son' but –"

T_T I know, sad, i'm sorry... kay, not really... its all part of the plot ^.^

but atleast Light's alive... heh, there wouldn't be much of a plot anymore if he were to die.

also, at this point, I know Soichiro isn't the "Chief" anymore... but it would have seriously murdered the plot if I hadn't changed that detail...