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I won't say much here except that this chapter took me forever to write... and that it was inspired by the song; "Never Wanted to Dance" by Mindless Self Indulgence.

Last Chapter

L leaned closer to the younger boy and brushed some stray hair off his face.

"I know. You hate me." The detective whispered in a pain choked voice, he knew Light wouldn't hear him.

The boy's face softened, as if he were peacefully sleeping again. His body relaxed with it, then he finished his sentence;

"I love you."

Beginning from the End

"..."

What?

"…"

What did he just say?

L stared at Light, his heart swelling with an alien emotion, and his breathing on pause. His eyes had become impossibly wide and his mind raced to get an explanation. In the mean time Light had opened his eyes and was staring blankly at the ceiling. L didn't know what to say, and since Light hadn't looked at him yet, he had the option of pretending to be asleep. However, he disregarded that idea, considering; one, he didn't sleep, and two, he was hovering over the boy like a child molester.

Light stared at the ceiling sullenly, no emotion whatsoever present on his deathly pale face. L slowly laid his hand against Light's cheek again, the boy instantly tensed, his eyes flying to meet the detectives'.

"Light-kun."

Light shut his eyes in reply.

L brought his other hand and rested it against Light's other cheek. "Light-kun, look at me."

Light opened his eyes, tears welled up and he bit his lip. His voice was a whisper when he spoke, "Am I allowed to speak?"

What?

"Of…of course, Light-kun." L hurried to answer.

Light adverted his eyes. "You didn't have to carry me to the bed, you know." This was a whisper too.

What is he talking about?

"Light-kun... I didn't..."

Light looked at him again, his eyes squinted in the darkness. "Your eyes are black again."

"Light-kun...my eyes are always black."

"No... red." He muttered.

Red?

Light felt intense pain upon coming out of unconsciousness. He dared not to move, and because of that it took much longer for him to figure out his surroundings.

He knew it was dark wherever he was, which he assumed to be a dungeon somewhere. But... if that were true, then why was he lying on something warm and soft? He let his eyes adjust to the darkness, staring at the ceiling and putting up his own mental blocks of his most recent memories. Light felt something warm touch his face and he tensed in response, his eyes flitted quickly to those of his captor. Upon realizing he was not alone, his eyes shut against his will. The lingering effects of the older man's slap caused Light to tremble. He couldn't go through it again. He couldn't.

The detective's voice called his name and something else touched the other side of his cheek, which he assumed to be L's other hand. "Light-kun, look at me."

The voice was gentle, but Light wasn't about to ignore the command. He opened his eyes and looked at the older man above him. He bit his lip subconsciously and felt tears breakthrough his weakened control and well in his eyes. The man above him was looking at him in mock concern. His eyes adjusted even more to the darkness and he was aware that the man's eyes were dilated once again. Light found his voice and asked if he was allowed to speak. He tensed in preparation for the detective to hit him.

He didn't.

"Of...of course, Light-kun."

Light adverted his eyes, "You didn't have to carry me to the bed, you know." He stated, upon noticing the canvas above them.

L's reply was too silent for Light to pick up, and instead of making the violent detective repeat himself, Light commented on his eyes. It was a stupid thing to say. Of course the man's eyes would dilate again when in the dark. But he was more focused on trying to keep his tears from overflowing, and his body from betraying him and shuddering in fear. Light was terrified out of his mind, his lungs were only taking in enough oxygen to keep him conscious.

"Light-kun." The detective's gentle voice caused the other's attention to focus on him again. Light swallowed, he was unsure of what to do. He preferred the detective's out right violence and rules to this fake concern.

Light looked at him, he tried but couldn't keep the fear out of his eyes. His body felt numb, he reasoned it was probably because of his shallow breathing. It was an uncomfortable feeling but it did keep the pain away. The detective hadn't said anything more, but just looking into the man's eyes was going to break him again.

L cocked his head to the side and his eyes betrayed an emotion that if Light didn't know better would boarder on hope. "You love me?"

Light's eyes widened, he hadn't realized the detective had heard him. He turned his head to the side, his weak hold on his emotions broke and Light found hot tears sliding down both cheeks, his body tensed in reply. He couldn't look at the detective. The thought that the man would use his emotions against him for the third time seemed high, and he doubted whether he would survive this time.

L's arms wrapped around him and he felt himself being pulled against the other's body. L nuzzled his face in the other boy's neck and breathed deeply.

A sob rushed from Light's mouth at the contact. He didn't know what was happening, but luring someone into a false sense of security seemed something the man was capable of.

L's next words were a soft whisper. "If that is true, Light-kun, why were you dreaming something so obviously painful?" At the last word the detective brought his head up and gazed into Light's wide eyes.

Dreamed?

As far as Light knew he didn't dream of anything in the length of time he had been unconscious after L had... Light shut his thoughts off.

"Light-kun was talking in his sleep." The raven haired man informed.

Light sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

L seemed to mull something over for a minute before speaking again.

"You seem afraid of me." L's eyes narrowed on the younger man beneath him.

Light couldn't hold L's accusation and looked away. "Isn't that what you want?"

There was a long moment of deafening silence, L shifted his weight and Light glanced at him to see him sitting up. The detective studied him briefly before a smirk appeared on his face.

Light felt the little air he held leave him in a gush of air at seeing the smirk. His heart beat painfully against his ribs and he was sure he was going to pass out again.

"Why would I want that?" The detective's words came as a whisper that Light had to strain to hear them.

Light felt fear coil through his body as his mind unleashed its hidden thoughts on the agony L had put him through.

Light shut his eyes against the images, which was a mistake as it only increased them. He didn't realize he had spoken until it was too late. "You bastard! You fucking bastard!"

He heard the words and he knew immediately that it was over for him, everything was over. Which was why he was so confused when the detective spoke his next words.

"Light! Tell me now what the hell you dreamed about!" his words were packed with seething furry, and Light knew he would have willingly answered him if he knew what he had dreamed about.

Light shook and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I don't know." Light risked a quick glance into L's eyes but was caught like a deer in headlights with the look of realization that had crossed over the detective's face.

"You don't know it was a dream." L brought his thumb to his lips and stared at Light with wide haunting eyes.

Light tried to steady his breathing, he hated his weak position lying on his back with L kneeling before him, but he wasn't about to risk the pain that would come with sitting up.

"Okay, Light-kun. Never mind the dream. Tell me your last memory."

Light sat up suddenly, ignoring the pain that he was sure would come. "Don't even...!" Light breathed he was seething with anger suddenly, he didn't know what he wanted to say, but he knew that this was a new form of punishment. He didn't care if L beat him to death for defying him, he wasn't about to describe what had happened, when L knew very well.

L frowned at the sudden burst of anger, "Don't even... What?"

Light grit his teeth, his eyes flashed dangerously, "Don't even try to convince me it was a dream!" Light shuddered in spite of himself, "You are sick! You know that?" Light swallowed, trying to fight back his intense nervousness at being so outright with the detective. "If it was a dream then tell me why I am in—" Light had taken the opportunity that his speech presented to sit up straighter and gain leverage over the detective, but upon doing so, he noticed that something was noticeably absent.

Pain

Light swallowed again, but this time out of a different nervousness, the kind where you realize you were hallucinating.

"Light-kun?" L asked tentatively.

Light turned his wrists over, and noticed that other than his own self inflicted scar, there were no other marks. He blinked, a sense of depression hung over him like a storm. This was impossible! There was no way he could have dreamed something like that. No way. Light bit his lip, blinking back tears. He couldn't meet the detective's gaze when he called his name again softly. Light felt a light weight on his back, and realized that L was trying to comfort him. The detective's hand rubbing small circles on his back, which felt good rather than the grating pain that should have been there.

Light lifted his head slowly to look at a distraught L. A truly worried L. Something tugged at Light's heart but he ignored it, and instead looked into the detective's eyes who were studying him with great intensity. Light felt his heart rate speed up, the cause a mix between fear and something else.

"Light-kun," L made sure Light was paying attention before he continued, "I'm..." L looked down suddenly as if he lost his nerve. The next part came out much quieter, "I'm sorry"

Light didn't say anything only stared at him waiting for him to continue.

L was momentarily silent, breathing in gently before continuing. "When you..." His eyes flicked down quickly to Light's wrist, and he noticeably changed his thought process. "A long time ago, I lived at an Orphanage." He paused as if to carefully choose his words. "There was this boy there, well there were many boys there, but this one in particular... was different."

Light frowned, he was already having problems adjusting to this new turn of events. And now, to have L digress into the past at such a strange moment, had sent a jolt of fear through him when he thought that maybe this was the dream.

"His name was Beyond."

"Why are you telling me this?" Light whispered in a choked breath.

"I'm explaining your night terrors." L stated quietly, his face contorted in seeming agony.

Light swallowed and nodded briefly, enticing the other to continue.

"Well... he..." L glanced at the ceiling, "...idolized me." He finished, bringing his eyes back to Lights'.

"I suppose I let his... obsession...with me go too far..." L noticeably winched. "But then, he ran away one day... and I never saw him again."

Light broke away from L's pained eyes and let his hand wander to gently grasp the hand cradled in L's lap. L tensed briefly, and Light suddenly felt the detective watching him.

"But while he was at the orphanage, Beyond used to experiment with chemicals and create his own drugs. I knew this, but..." L trailed off and switched his thought process again. "Anyway, one day he... insisted... I try one of them."

"Oh god..." Light breathed, and it was at that moment that Light noticed he had been subconsciously moving closer to the detective.

"Well... it worked... by Beyond's standards anyway. His attempt was to try and make me like himself. Psychopathic. I felt... cold all the time, couldn't sleep, and soon after began to have an intense craving for... blood."

Light tensed. "So what are you then? A vampire?"

L chuckled low in his throat, the sound seemed very out of place.

"No. I'm not immortal, Light-kun."

"But... what did you do? You didn't... you didn't drink..." Light's eyebrows furrowed.

"Of course not."

"But then..."

L brought his hand up to stroke Light's hair. "It's simple, Light-kun, I ate sugar."

"Sugar?" Light repeated incredulous.

"Yes. As you know, blood is made up of mostly water and glucose."

The realization hit Light hard. It made so much sense, it almost explained everything.

"But that was many years ago. How? How can the... poison... still be in your blood now?"

L sighed, "It multiplies, carries memories..."

Memories?

"...he injected it straight into my bone marrow."

Light winched at the painful thought. "L..." He tightened his grip on the detective's hand and pulled him closer to his body.

L was silent for a moment. "Anyway, I want to apologize because... well..." He looked Light in the eyes. "You needed a blood transfusion."

Silence settled over them as Light digested this new information.

"It was... that serious?"

"Light-kun... it was more than serious." He quietly replied, but said nothing else to prove it.

Light fell silent again.

"Please don't worry though, it... it isn't permanent for you."

Light ignored the comment. "I don't understand! Why you? Why did he do this to you?"

"I'm... not sure. After he killed our parents- "

"What!? He killed... Wait, our!?"

L froze and seemed to go back over what he had just said. He suddenly sighed in defeat, "Yes. Beyond and I were... twins."

A look of horror crossed over Light's face. He couldn't believe someone could do that, someone could be so sick as to kill their own parents. That someone could inject something so lethal into their own brother. Light brought his other arm around L and began tracing idle fingers down his back. "I'm so sorry, L. I never thought that--" He froze, and brought his fingers to glide over L's back again. There was something there... a long ridge, like a... No!

Suddenly L pushed away from Light a look of fear etched deeply in his features.

"L! What happened? Let me see."

L shook his head slowly, "No. It's nothing, Light-kun."

Light ignored him and instead grabbed L's wrist pulling him closer to him again. "Light-kun..."

"Hush, it's okay." He coaxed, and slowly turned L so his back was facing him.

L tensed when Light trailed his fingers down the white fabric again. This time slowly slipping his hand underneath and easing the shirt up. L shuddered, a small weak sound slipping from his lips. Light felt his heart rise in his throat at the pained sound L made. Then without thinking leaned in and gently pressed his lips against the fluttering pulse on L's neck. "It's okay, please let me see?"

He felt L nod against his mouth, the detective briefly pulled away from him to slip the material off himself.

Light's breath caught in his throat.

Uncountable scars trailed haphazardly across L's pale back, some more noticeable, others just a faint line. The ones he had felt stood out beyond all of them though, they were raised, the most noticeable. There were three in total with one crossing the other.

Light felt dizzying apprehension wash over him, and he was suddenly very aware of L's blood in his veins.

Memories recorded in blood? Is... is that possible?

But here it was, the evidence of severe abuse, the same as his agonizing realistic dream. Light had never seen L's back before, even during changing he had managed to keep himself hidden. He had no idea L had been subjected to such cruel punishment.

He idly began tracing the most severe marks. However feeling L tense even more underneath his fingers, he stopped and clasped the other's shoulders pulling the detective against his own chest, his arms wrapping around him instinctively. Light rested his head on L's shoulder and whispered calmly into the other's ear, "You asked what I dreamt about."

The silence after he spoke was so drawn out, Light thought L may not have heard him, but then he suddenly broke the silence. "This?"

Light nodded. "I thought... I thought he was you." He could feel L trembling underneath him, so Light turned him around so L's body was facing his. Light tilted L's chin up gently and noticed hot tears were sliding down L's cheeks, Light wiped them away but more reappeared right after. "Light-kun... I couldn't... I couldn't... ever ... not to you..." he whispered in a shaky, tear filled voice.

He offered L a weak smile. "I didn't think so."

Its intended effects bypassed L as the detective looked down and traced the hand that held his. "Then... after..." L's voice lowered to a whisper. "After... did he... did I...?"

Light's smile fell off his face, and he pulled L against him again. He brought the hand he had laced with L's, to the detective's raven hair, and then buried his face in L's neck before nodding his affirmation.

"Light-kun?"

He replied into the detective's hair. "Yes, L?"

"How can you hold me like this? After what I did to you?"

Light sighed. "It wasn't you."

"It might as well have been." L mumbled.

Light ignored him, instead pushing L down onto the bed, laying him against the pillow. Then he laid down himself and wrapped his arms around the older man's body and pulled it against his own.

"I'm okay." Light whispered, trying to sooth the trembles that ran through L.

A lie. He felt like he had just returned from a slaughter house. But the man before him had been there not just felt like it.

"And you will be too, I won't ever let anyone hurt you like that again. I promise." Light grit his teeth in sudden anger, "In fact I'm going to personally kill him."

A shuddered cry came from L. "Do you think seeing you in prison would make me happy?"

Light chuckled. "Says the man who has his heart set on just that." His tone was laced with humor, but L took it the wrong way again.

L sighed, "I know that's... well... my job. But..." He hesitated and buried himself more fully in Light's chest. "... if it ever actually comes down to it... I just don't think I could."

L gently grasped Light's injured wrist and stroked it thoughtfully. "No. I know I couldn't."

Light was shocked, he couldn't believe how serious L was on this... surely if he was Kira, L would have to do his job... right?

"But what if..."

"What if you are Kira?"

Light nodded.

"I... I don't know... I guess we'll just have to try and make it work." L let a low humourless laugh flow from his lips. "...or die trying."

Light didn't reply, he felt sick with the thought that if he were Kira maybe he already had some ulterior motives planned and waiting. He wouldn't have been so sure with that if he didn't sometimes feel as if his own mind were keeping things from him. He couldn't think like that though, he couldn't imagine betraying L. The man had been through so much already, he didn't need the only person he had (possibly) ever confided in, betraying him as well.

"L..." He languidly brushed a hand over L's tear stained cheek. "I can't promise... but maybe... maybe if you're right and I do regain memories of being Kira. Maybe you've changed me so much that the sick criminal profile we have of Kira won't fit with who I am now."

L laughed again. "Ahh. A bipolar schizophrenic."

Light frowned. "That isn't what I meant."

The man against him suddenly sighed and turned serious, "No. I know, maybe you're right, maybe you can change."

Light nodded. It was comforting, in an odd way, to talk about him being Kira now. First, it was distracting from the truth he had just recently learned. And second, he didn't feel anger anymore at the accusation. He finally saw that L wasn't accusing him on the grounds of defeating him, but rather being practical, and Light could accept that.

He hugged the detective closer. L sighed in contentment and began tracing Light's collarbone. "What now?" Light whispered.

"I don't know... but I'm tired." L confided.

"I thought you couldn't sleep."

"I trust you'll wake me if I have a nightmare, Light-kun."

"Oh... that's why?"

He felt L nod against his chest. "Yes. But, instead of my own memories... I see Beyond's..."

"Oh god." Light gasped.

L nodded again. "You know how real they can feel. I couldn't handle Beyond's point of view of..." He trailed off glancing at Light. "To be trapped in a mind like that... it's terrifying."

Light shuddered, and wanted to ask how Beyond had made something so unbelievable, but decided to wait on the question. L had revealed so much to him already. But still, there was one more thing he wanted to know.

"Beyond. Where is he now?"

L sighed. "Dead, he was killed by Kira long ago."

Light felt almost elated with the news, and at that moment actually wished that he was Kira. He liked the thought that Kira had condemned this man to his death. That Kira had ensured L's protection against any more of his sick attacks.

"But... then, if he was a known criminal... did you tell someone?"

"No. That was a different case, I had nothing to do with it." L shook his head against Light's chest. "I've never told anyone."

Light nodded in understanding, the hand stroking L's hair never faltering. They lay in silence for a long time, until Light felt L relax against him and his breathing even out.

Light smiled to himself, maybe things would be okay. Maybe they had a chance.

Okay, a few things, if you wanted to go back and read over the "dream" scene last chapter, I left a hint in the shape of a squiggly ( ~ ) this is where Light is actually L and L is actually Beyond. Just to clear things up ^.^

Also, I know I took the liberty of making Beyond L's twin brother, but it just really bothered me how two unrelated people can look identical. For a loooooooong time (until I read The LABB case) I was so confused with that concept. So I fixed it .

Please help me reach 50 reviews!!! O.O