Hey, sorry for the long delay, I had midterms T_T (but to make up for it, this is by far the LONGEST chapter yet!!! nearly 8000 words!!!)

Also, I have reached 50 reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^.^ Thank you everyone!!!! I had no idea I would get so much feedback on this story!!!

Oh and I got some reviews questioning how I will handle Light becoming Kira... heh, well I won't be. I have another story planned though that is deeply involved in that, which is why I briefly clarified last chapter that things would probably be ok.

and by now I'm sure you are aware of the content that might present itself in my stories XD so I won't hold you any longer ^.^

Now or Never

"What? You said all that?"

Light smirked still holding the detective underneath him, his lips tracing the outline of his collar bone.

"I did. Want to watch the tapes?"

L had just spent a good part of the early morning, listening to Light explain to him that he hadn't actually said all the things he was sure he had heard. It had been one of their most confusing conversations at first, because Light seemed to have had no idea what L was talking about. But being two geniuses, they were soon able to sort it out. Which brought them to where they were now.

L sighed against Light's mouth. "No, there aren't any tapes, Watari listens to me not Yagami-san. However it doesn't matter, I believe you Light-kun. I only heard what I didn't want to hear, what I feared. Is that the same as selective hearing?"

The younger man chuckled and pulled away from him, glancing at his watch in the process. "Ready for work?"

L sat up wordlessly and looked down at the bed sheets, his hair casting a dark shadow across his face.

He didn't know what the point of work was anymore. He knew he would just be putting on a charade, clearing Light of suspicion on false pretences. Then leading the task force more fully in the direction they were currently in with Yotsoba.

But right now that wasn't the problem. He felt such an overwhelming sense of guilt over what he had put Light through, that he didn't know how he would be able to live with himself anymore. He had gone to such extreme measures he knew where not only unnecessary, but cruel. Like when he had locked Light up for fifty days. He had not only extended the time that Light had agreed to, although he reasoned that it was unreasonable to listen to the advice of a suspect, but he had handcuffed him in his cell as well. Not because he thought he would be able to escape, but because he knew it would make things unbearably uncomfortable for him.

And there was so much more, but the guilt was becoming so unbearable, he had to stop thinking about it.

"Ryuzaki? What's wrong?" He felt Light gently grasp his chin and tilt it up so he was looking into Light's eyes. He adverted his gaze, casting his eyes to the side.

"I'm sorry, Light-kun." L sighed again and pulled away from Light's grasp.

The silence was enough of a question for the detective to continue.

"For what I put you through," He explained, "regardless of whether you are Kira or not, I treated you unfairly."

"Ryuzaki..."

"No, please let me finish." L's troubled eyes met Lights'.

Light nodded, gently brushing L's hair to the side.

"During my career as a detective, I have done things I am not proud of in order to solve cases. I treated criminals like they were nothing. Certainly not human. I must admit, sometimes I even forgot that I was human." L paused and his eyes went out of focus. "But... you changed that. I don't know how... but I feel...." L trailed off, his eyes suddenly refocused on Light.

And it was true. Every word he had just said, which was very rare for him. He wasn't used to voicing his feelings, not even in his own head, because it was rare that he had any.

Light smiled and leaned forward to gently press his lips against his own, he tilted his chin up to allow better access. Light pulled away after the brief contact, his eyes gleaming with concern.

The guilt twisted deeper into him, causing him to tense his body at the sudden jolt of pain that stabbed at his heart. After everything he had done to this man before him, how could he not be hated? How was it that Light could show such concern for someone like him? Someone who had never shown any mercy to anyone in the past.

Lost in his own thoughts, he hardly noticed Light pulling him off the bed, and leading him into the kitchen. Nor did he really register anything as they changed into their clothes, and then made their way down to meet the taskforce. So this was what depression felt like.

Even though Light didn't have anything to hide, and could have easily continued with his current research, he hadn't done much all day. This was mainly due to intense introspection, but also because of his frequent glances at L, who also, had obviously not done anything either. Even now he was just staring at his screen, and idly stacking panda bear crackers.

What bothered him even more was that the day was nearly over, yet Light hadn't heard L say one word all day. It unnerved him that he had suddenly become so sullen and depressed. He understood what L had been saying earlier, but with this new reality it seemed like so long ago when those horrible things of the past had happened. He was also nervously aware that L had not once voiced his emotions so freely to him. Even more shocking was what he revealed of his past.

Light was so scared of what more L might have told him, which was why he hadn't questioned him further. He didn't want L to reveal anything of his past that might lead to his identity. He had thought about L's slip up during the time they had sex, when the detective had claimed that "L" was not an alias. He had gone over the reasons why L would have said such a thing, but finally came to the conclusion that it was just a test. Maybe L was expecting to catch him researching someone named "L" after that.

But that was just ridiculous, did L think he was really that stupid? No one was named "L".

"Light could I talk to you for a moment please?"

Light tensed at hearing his father's voice behind him suddenly, he had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't heard him approach. Out of habit he glanced over to see L's expression. He saw him staring at his father with guarded eyes, causing Light to mentally sigh.

He swivelled his chair and stood up, "Of course." He replied in a false cheery tone, and then held out his chained wrist expectantly to L.

There was a long pause where nothing happened, causing Light to glance at the detective again. Upon doing so he noticed that L had not moved, and didn't seem to have any plans on doing so any time soon. Light sighed again, but this time out loud, "Ryuzaki?"

L looked at Light his eyes catching a faint glint of possessiveness behind his mask. He broke eye contact suddenly and sighed himself, slowly standing up to fish the key from his back pocket. He then deliberately slowed as he crossed the few feet of distance between them, before placing the key in the lock and turning it slowly until it made an audible click.

Light smiled his thanks, before turning nervous eyes back to his father and following Soichiro's lead out of the room.

Damn it! What now? What the hell could he possibly want to say? He made his view pretty clear the first time.

They took the elevator in silence, going up floor after floor, until Light couldn't take the tense energy in the small cubed room any longer. "Dad... what is this about?"

The Chief sighed, running his hand through his hair in distress before turning troubled eyes on Light. "I'm sure you know."

Light nodded to himself, of course.

They didn't speak again until they came to L and Light's shared quarters. "Why are we....?"

"Here?"

Light nodded and took the opportunity to open the door, letting his father walk in first. Soichiro sat on the bed nodding to a spot beside him for Light to sit as well. Light did and waited with false patience for his father to speak.

Soichiro closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair again, before clasping it with his other hand in his lap. "First of all, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted when you were taken to the hospital." He bluntly stated.

What? Apologize?

Light was silent and brought his gaze to focus, with unneeded attention, at the carpet by his feet.

His father continued. "I wasn't actually angry at you. I was angry with myself for giving Ryuzaki so much leeway with you. First the confinement, then this chained to him nonsense. He put way too much pressure on you. So much in fact, that I wouldn't have been surprised if you had actually admitted you were Kira just to discontinue his unorthodox methods. You're young, and what you... did... is understandable with what that man put you through." His father went silent and Light thought he was finished.

"Dad... that means – "

"But." His father interrupted him. "What I was upset about was this relationship you two have seemed to foster."

Light didn't speak. After a few moments he felt the bed shift and could feel his father's gaze on him.

"Are you really that serious about him?"

Light looked up and spoke, keeping his emotions in tight control, "Yes, and I know he's a guy but – "

He was cut short when he heard his father sigh, and saw him bring his hand up to rub his temples. "Light, Light..." He muttered absently, then took his hand away and looked at Light once again. "I hardly care about that."

"Yes but... Wait. What?" Light reprocessed what his father had said, staring at him with incredulous eyes.

Soichiro frowned slightly. "Do you really think me that shallow?"

"I..." Light faltered.

The Chief looked away towards the ceiling. "Light, had L been a girl, I would have reacted the same. Gender isn't the issue here." He paused and looked to Light again. "You are, and I care about you. Can you imagine how hard it is for me to see you infatuated with the same person who's committed his life to see your execution?"

Light cringed.

Soichiro stood up and turned to Light. "Can you see where I'm coming from?"

He did, and it hurt. He didn't want to think about how L wanted him dead. But that was in the past, he had said so himself last night. He had said that even if he was Kira he wouldn't be able to go through with it. And he believed him.

Light nodded and stood up as well. "But... he's different, can't you see that?" He defended in a weak voice. "I think... well, I think that he cares about me too."A light blush formed on his cheeks.

"I suppose there is nothing I can say that will change your mind about this relationship choice then?" Soichiro raised his eyebrows in question.

Light smiled vaguely and shook his head slowly, "No dad, I'm afraid not."

His father nodded. "Yes, I was afraid you would say that." His worry made his face look aged and tired.

Light looked at his father with questioning eyes when he started pulling something out of his pocket. It was a small box, he handed it to Light.

Then his father patted him reassuringly on the shoulder before he left the room. Light watched him retreat and only looked at the box once his footsteps were faded to nothing. His face faltered. "Dear god..." He muttered, and unceremoniously tossed the box on the bed before nearly running from the room.

Concerned eyes greeted Light as he sat back down at his chair. "Light-kun? Are you okay?" L whispered so only he would hear.

Light swivelled his chair to face the detective and gave him a weak smile. "More or less." He admitted, before taking the cuff lying on the floor and snapping it to his wrist again.

The detective's inky orbs narrowed, "You look pale."

Light brushed him off with a wave of his hand. "I'm fine, I promise."

His statement didn't seem to sway the detective but he nodded anyway. However throughout the remaining work day Light could feel his worried gaze on him.

Light was just compiling more information for a PowerPoint he was working on, when he heard the chain jingle. He glanced at L who had stood up and was waiting expectantly for him.

"What is it Ryuzaki?"

"It's bedtime Light-kun." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Light frowned and glanced at his watch. "But it's only ten."

L nodded. "I know, but like I was trying to tell you this morning I..." he paused and seemed to go deep in thought. "I've been over working you... lately, and I want to stop. I don't want you to hate me Light-kun."

Hate him?

"Ryuzaki..." He said standing up. "... I don't hate you."

L met his gaze. "No. But you did."

Yeah... but you hated me too.

Light went silent, breaking eye contact. He changed the subject.

"Well, okay, let's go to bed. I could use a good night's sleep."

His only answer was the chain pulled taunt as the detective lead him out of the room.

He's so depressed. I don't like this.

Light groaned as the detective pulled him into the kitchen.

"Please don't worry, I'll be quick." L replied in a monotone voice, and made his way to the fridge.

Light nodded, and sat down at the table putting his head in his hands.

He pulled out a slice of strawberry cake set in a plastic container, and sat down at the table across from Light. He looked at the plastic encasing and frowned upon noticing something usually nonexistent, "Light-kun, since when were there labels on –" Sweetened with raw cane sugar.

"Light-kun." He said, the inflection in his voice suddenly darkening.

Light looked up and followed L's gaze to land on the boxed cake. He saw Light squint at the label, then his eyes suddenly widened, and he took on a flustered expression. "I can explain." He said hastily. "You see Misa was here and well she was... um ..."

"Light-kun, it's obvious you were trying to give me a sugar crash." L's tone took on a dangerous edge, "Make me go through withdrawals and fall asleep, right?"

Light sighed. "I'm sorry, that was when I really didn't know..."

His anger suddenly evaporated like water on a frying pan, when he saw the pained look that consumed his lover's face. Since when did that happen? When did any little facial expression that Light made make L's emotions twist in turmoil? Since when was he unable to keep his anger in check? Or for that matter any emotion?

It didn't make sense that over the course of a mere few weeks his emotional balance could become so involved. So much in fact, that he knew he would eventually have to quit the Kira investigation. There had to be an explanation, he had spent the last twenty four years of his life in detached emotion. He didn't like it, but it was necessary for his line of work. It made him safe.

It was... inconvenient to fall in love with a suspect.

Then was it Light? Was Light just so damn extraordinary that he had managed to bring something that wasn't just dormant, but that never actually existed in the detective in the first place? No, that wasn't right, L knew that he had felt pain, fear, and confusion, even some misplaced love in his early childhood. Even if he didn't remember it. Maybe Beyond had broken him? No... that still didn't seem right, Beyond had begun abusing him because he stopped showing emotion.

So it had to be Light... something Light did...

He looked down again and the sugar free label caught his eye.

Neurons fired, as his mind raced.

"How... how long?"

"Um..." Light rubbed his temples, "about three weeks."

Three weeks.

L began tapping his index finger in agitation. The correlation between the time when he started feeling different, and the supposed time Light switched everything certainly fit. But was it possible? He brushed that thought aside, reminding himself that he had been too close minded in the past. If shinigami existed then a chemical imbalance brought on by withheld sugar was nothing to freak out over. But still, there was something tugging at his mind. Something about this seemed wrong, but he ignored it, and addressed Light again.

"I must admit, Light-kun, you had me worried. I thought my replacement wasn't working anymore."

Light frowned but it went unnoticed by L, "How? It isn't like your habits changed at all. You still rarely sleep!"

L's lips tightened into a thin line, "Light-kun, I had intercourse with my suspect. I don't recall that being part of my habits."

Light noticeably chose to ignore his comment, "I was talking about sleep. That's what this whole thing was about anyway." He replied tartly, vaguely gesturing with his hand to the labeled box that L had not touched.

L sighed, "What is it you want to know?"

Light leaned forward slightly, "Well, I suppose, I just don't understand. How can you stay awake? Are you taking something?"

L looked up, "You know I'm not."

"Yeah, I know. It just doesn't make sense." He clasped his hands on the table then placed his chin on them.

No it didn't make sense, L knew that. He knew he wasn't normal, and he accepted that. He also knew his answer wouldn't be understandable by most, but this was Light. So he told him.

"It's fear, Light-kun." L stated quietly.

Light sighed, "I know." He paused for a moment and glanced down at the table. "But still... it's hard to believe that you can stay awake, even with that."

L's eyes hardened. Hmm, maybe not even Light could understand this.

Seeing as the teen was not about to let his go, he tried a different approach.

"What if I told you that every night you would claim the persona of a psychopath and kill your own parents?"

Light shuddered and bit his lip, "God..."

L broke eye contact, "That dream you had, Light-kun, what if you had to relive it every night?"

Light was silent which caused L to look up again and study the younger detective across the short distance of the table.

"What if you had to abuse your own body?"

"Okay!" Light choked out. "I get it." He stood up, "I'll go tell Watari to replace everything right now."

L stood up too and grabbed Light's wrist, stopping him. Depressed eyes flickered to his and he found it hard to imagine that this man, the same one he wanted to execute, could feel such sadness for him.

He brought up a pale hand and pressed it lightly against Light's cheek, "Later." He whispered before softly pressing his lips against his lover's. He felt Light stiffen when he let his hand trail down to rest just above the other's belt. He then pressed himself deeper against Light adding more pressure to their lips, before coaxing the other to open his mouth by running a soft pink tongue over the younger man's lips. Light allowed access, and L took the opportunity to slide his tongue in and intertwine it with Lights'.

"Mmm..." L moaned upon feeling Light's fingers dig into his hair.

Lights turned off, and suddenly L felt himself being pushed backwards and found himself taking necessary steps to keep from falling. Soon he felt the edge of the bed against his calves and allowed his passion inflamed lover to push him onto the bed.

Light suddenly found himself with the detective known as L pinned underneath him, in his complete control. A sharp spike of guilt made his stomach clench briefly, when he remembered doing this before. It was hard to convince himself that it wasn't real. But it wasn't real, he would never rape L.

Light swallowed and brought quivering hands to lightly grasp the edge of the detective's white shirt, trying to let his instincts take over, as the material was pulled slowly upward.

"You're shaking." L commented with a tinge of humor in his voice.

Light clenched his teeth, eyes trained intently on the folds of L's shirt.

"Shut-up, I can do this."

L's stomach quivered with silent laughs, "Your concentrating to hard, Light-kun."

Light sighed and moved off the detective, but L grabbed his wrist.

"No. You can do this. Just don't think about it."

Light met his lover's eyes for the first time in awhile, and nodded in abject silence. He went to grasp L's shirt again, but something familiar caught his eye. He felt his cheeks heat up rapidly, it did not go unnoticed by L.

"Light-kun, what are you..." The detective's eyes rested on the small box beside them on the bed. He frowned and reached over to pick it up, holding it up in front of his face.

He frowned again. "Trojan? A computer virus?"

Light chuckled at the detective's nativity, his blush increasing, "No, it's a brand name." he admitted.

"A brand name for what?"

Light gave L a weary look, causing the detective to frown and look at the box again. His eyes widened. "Oh."

Light chuckled again, taking the box from his lover before tossing it to the floor. "Please, just forget about it."

L nodded, still looking slightly confused, but didn't press the matter further. There must have been something in Light's tone that warned him.

Light continued pushing the fabric of L's shirt higher up, out of the way. Until L sat up, pulling his shirt off tearing it at the sleeve like before, then falling softly back onto the bed.

I don't know if I can do this. Light thought, staring in wonder, his eyes taking on a glint of the starlight that filtered weakly into the room. L was acting so submissive. It made Light somehow feel superior, which honestly scared him. He didn't like how intense heat was gathering in his loins at just the thought. He didn't like it. Yet, at the same time, he loved it. There was something so right about this, there was something in his mind that screamed he won, but he suppressed it. He didn't know where that came from.

This wasn't a game.

He grasped L's chin and pressed his mouth against his lips. A quiet moan was brought forth from the detective, and Light found himself hardening even more. Keeping one hand supporting himself, he experimentally grasped L's wrists in one hand and pinned them above his head. The sensation of control fluttered down his spine.

Next his lips found the detective's neck, which he started nipping at, relishing in the sharp intakes of breath that escaped the man beneath him. It was exhilarating.

His lips trailed down L's bare chest until he found a pert nipple. He gently grasped it between his teeth, and lightly bit, L's body tensed in response. Light's supporting hand found L's other nipple on its own and began rubbing it, and pinching the hard bud that was formed. He darted his tongue and flicked the one in his mouth. L groaned, his body arching to more firmly press against Light's mouth.

A chuckle flowed from between Light's lips at the response. He pulled away, earning a small whine from underneath him. Light released L's wrists briefly to get rid of his shirt, tearing yet another one, then resuming his position but this time capturing L's lips in a kiss.

Light slid his tongue into L's mouth and fondly stroked at the other's tongue, earning more moans. He brought the hand that was playing with L's nipple and lowered it to gently massage the bulge that was fast at forming in L's jeans. L released a light gasp as Light's fingers kneaded him more roughly. Soft moans poured from the detective in rapid succession, and Light found himself moaning as well when the detective began thrusting his hips needily against Light's hand.

He felt L begin to struggle against the assault, so tightened his grip against the detective's wrists. Light moved his hand from L's groin and instead began slowly undoing buttons, then the zipper. L began panting against Light's mouth, the kiss becoming sloppy and uncontrolled.

Light pulled away, to stare into L's eyes, when his hand reached the hem of L's boxers. A muted cry slipped from between clenched teeth, when Light began a steady descent downwards only to stop suddenly.

"Light..." L whimpered, thrusting his hips, trying to get some form of contact against his heated arousal.

Light chuckled. "Beg for it."

L gasped sharply, "Absolutely not."

"Hmm, okay." Light said, his hand slowly trailing upward away from the detective's hard length.

He felt L's body tense, "Okay, okay." He whimpered, before subjecting himself to an uncharacteristic trait.

"Please, Light-kun, please touch me."

Light chuckled again, letting his hand continue its lazy travel downward on top of the fabric. Pressing his lips against L's heated skin, and sharply biting at his neck again.

"Ahhh!" L arched into his hand, when Light grasped his rigid member loosely through his boxers. He could feel how turned on the detective was. He could feel the scorching heat through the thin material.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He briefly stopped his assault on L's neck and pushed his hand down L's boxers, then grasped this length firmly in a fist.

"Nygh! Ahhh!" L panted, and began struggling unsuccessfully against Light's restraining hand. His hips thrusting upward as Light began to slowly pump him.

Light's breath caught in his throat when the detective moaned his name in between pants. Light's hand worked faster, every few strokes, swiveling to brush across the head and collect precum that was collecting there.

A predatory growl, that Light didn't know he was capable of, escaped him. He moaned in frustration when he felt his own hard on throbbing painfully in his tight pants. He released the detective's length and pressed his now free hand against his shoulder.

He thrust against him, rubbing their members together on contact. Momentarily paralyzed by the rush of pleasure, he didn't notice that he had loosened his grip on L's wrists until he could feel nails digging into his back. He thrust against him again.

"Pants..." L gasped.

"What?"

"Pants... take them off." He moaned.

Light used what was left of his slowly dwindling supply of self control to separate himself from the detective and undo his pants, tugging them off and letting them fall in a heap to the floor. Next he pulled down the detective's pants and let them join the pile. Clad now only in boxers, Light thrust himself against his lover again.

His self control snapped. "L... I need... I need to..." He tugged gently at L's boxers.

He felt L quiver beneath him, his hips still rising to meet Light's.

That was all the permission he needed to remove the detective's boxers in one swift motion. Then he shed his own just as quickly. He gently sucked on a couple of fingers before placing them before L's entrance. He didn't really understand what he was doing, but he knew it had to be done. He pushed one finger into the tight entrance. God there was no way he would be able to fit inside him.

A pained moan slipped through L's parted lips alerting Light to his discomfort. Light grimaced as he slowly inserted a second finger, "Sorry."

L bit his lip, pain lacing his features. Light lowered himself again, and traced the outline of L's jaw with his lips as a distraction. L moaned appreciatively.

Light began to move his fingers, gently scissoring them in the process. He could feel L's toned body tense. "You... you have to relax." He moaned into his lover's ear.

Shuddered breaths escaped the detective as he fought to slow his breathing. It didn't work, but Light still felt his body relax slightly letting him push deeper inside.

"Nygh!" Light gasped incoherently when he felt L's fingers around his exposed length, pump him desperately.

Light removed his fingers, biting his lip when he heard the pained cry L let out, but he couldn't wait any longer. He needed the man beneath him. He needed to feel what it was like to thrust into him. He wanted to know what he felt like inside.

He poised himself in front of L's entrance, the condoms that would have made the entrance easier, long forgotten on the floor. He placed his hands on the bed beside L's shoulders, lowering his head slightly to look into the detective's pained eyes, his hair falling in silky strands around his face in the process.

"Are you ok?" he whispered to his lover.

L stared back at him, his usual glass mask shattered at the moment. He nodded submissively and tilted his hips up slightly to allow Light better access.

Light ran his hands down L's body until he was grasping his hips.

He pushed.

L cried out when the head of his length sunk into the detective's entrance. Light held his breath, watching L's facial expression as he pushed in farther.

He paused suddenly.

L's nails raked down his arms, "Don't... stop." He gasped.

Light swallowed. "But I'm hurting you." He whispered in a pain stricken voice.

"Light-kun, it will only hurt more later if you stop now." L's eyes captured his, the pained emotion in his lover's eyes keeping him frozen in place.

"Please..." L panted.

Light obeyed, lowering his head to rest his lips against L's racing pulse. He thrust in deeper.

"Nyhg!" L's pained voice filled his ears. He pulled out slightly before thrusting himself in again.

It was tight, but not unbearablely uncomfortable. He was glad he had prepared the detective. Light thrust in a few more times, relief washing over him when his lover's cries reduced. He continued the slow speed, until his throbbing length couldn't handle the deprivation any longer.

He increased his speed, moans and cries flowing from him continuously. He brought his hand between them and stroked L's length until it was fully hard again.

"Light..." L moaned.

Light took in the detective, and saw a haze of passion slowly replacing the pain that was there only moments before. He had just done something... what was it? He stroked the detective again and thrust into him, L moaned in pleasure, his hold on Light's shoulders tightening.

Light lost himself for a few moments, as panting and incoherent words filled the room. As he kept thrusting into the man beneath him, he couldn't believe that this was the same man who he had met all those months ago. This was the same emotionless, hypothetically asexual man he had hated once. This was the world's greatest detective, and here L was, submitting himself to Light; the same man L had once held in prison. It was fascinating to reflect on. The turn of events that had happened to cause Light Yagami to fall for this man so surely was astounding.

He suddenly felt L tighten around him as his release imminently approached.

"I'm... ahhhhh." L screamed, smashing their bodies so fully together that Light could feel the pulse of L's member as he spilled his seed. However, the tightness around him proved to be too much for him to handle, and he soon felt himself topple over the edge right behind the detective. His cries joined his lover's as he felt blinding pleasure take over his vision, and his mind totter on the edge of insanity.

Their small world, consisting of just each other, slowly regained focus and Light was aware that he had fully collapsed his weight on L. He moved quickly to rectify the situation, rolling off on to his side, and bringing the detective with him to lie against his chest.

Light listened as L's rapid breathing eventually slowed, and evened out. He hugged the detective closer to him, and Light found himself not wanting to sleep. He didn't want unconsciousness to take him where he couldn't feel or hear his lover.

"Light-kun..."

Light tensed in shock against the noise. He was sure L had fallen asleep.

"Shh...sleep." He commanded

L pulled away, much to Light's distaste, and looked into his eyes. "First I need to do something." He said, and reached over to the bedside table and begun shuffling through it, before coming up with the item he needed.

Light couldn't see it clearly enough, in the dim light, to make it out. "What is that? A promise ring?" he chuckled.

"No. Sit up please."

Curious, Light did as he was told. L grasped his cuffed wrist and pressed the object against it. The handcuffed clicked unlocked and fell from Light's wrist with an audible clink. Next L unlocked his own cuff. Light looked at L, confusion clearly expressed in his features.

"You're free." L explained.

Light couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of rejection at the detective's proposal. It was stupid to fear freedom, but somewhere along the line he had come to accept that they would always be chained together. Until one of them died that is. But then this also meant...

"You... you don't think I'm Kira?" Light asked, his honey brown eyes straying to the handcuffs piled on the bed.

L sighed, "We've been through this. I'm afraid I'd be biased now, we can't be detective, suspect and lovers. We have to pick one or the other."

Light gave a slight laugh, relief erasing his brief feeling of rejection. "You really think we have a choice?"

L smiled back, "No. It was rhetorical, actually."

Light advanced on L, lying down again and pulling the other back into an embrace. He pressed his lips against L's neck, the detective gave a slight shudder against him.

It was now or never.

"L?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." Light admitted, voicing his true feelings, consciously, for the first time.

He felt L's hold on him tighten briefly, and then heard him sigh satisfactorily.

L felt his cheeks heat up, and he quickly looked away from Light's gaze. "I... I... love you too." He replied quietly.

He heard Light sigh in content, but suddenly L realized what had been bothering him.

"Light-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"Once I... start eating sugar again..." L trailed off, and briefly closed his eyes. "You don't... you don't think that will change do you?"

He felt Light laugh against him, before rising above him and catching his lips in a quick kiss. He pulled away and stared into the detective's worried eyes.

"Face it L, you're in love with me."

L felt himself smiling. The words were reassuring, and he knew that if Light could finally accept this situation, then he shouldn't have a problem. And he didn't, he wasn't sure what would happen from now on, but he did know a few things,

He knew for a fact that he had spent his whole life, up to this point, for the world. Had given up any hope at a normal life for everyone else to have a normal life. Had sold his intelligence to the police and never vested any interest in his own person. He had never gone to a real high school, never had any friends, and never been to the movies or the fair. And he was only vaguely aware of what happened at a circus.

His only vacations had been work related, crime didn't take a break, so neither did he. The world expected too much out of him, they expected him to be their last resort when it started falling apart, they expected him to give up his humanity and life in order to live up to their expectations. And he did just that.

He knew he was still rather selfish, but that was his only way of trying to have some control in his own life. The world controlled him, and he hated that. It didn't matter how many billions of dollars he had in the bank, because other than buildings, or funds aiding investigations, he had no time to spend it on anything else. He didn't even have time to sleep, not if he wanted to stay equivalent to a taskforce of FBI agents. So when it really came down to it, he was working for free.

And how long would this go on? How long could he continue this life style? He had accepted long ago that he would die young, but thinking about it now, was that really his only reward for everything he had accomplished? He had set a precedence that the world had come to accept. When everything was going right, the world didn't notice. However, as soon as something terrible started happening it was all put on him, as if it was his fault.

It didn't matter how many people would follow his orders without question. Or how many people respected him, because he knew that no matter how many thousands of impossible cases he solved. If he let just one go, his title as L would be stripped from him, and he would be marked as obsolete.

It was unfair the world wouldn't accept him as human. He supposed that was his own fault for giving them that illusion in the first place, but it still wasn't fair. He had been told once that he didn't know what he was missing. At the time he hadn't given it a second thought, but now he understood just how much he had actually sacrificed, and how much more he would continue to sacrifice. Did he want to continue, just because of everything he had achieved in the past? Or, economically speaking, was he supposed to consider that a sunk cost, and consider it not relevant anymore?

He had never considered a future, his only thought of an end, being his early death. But what if it didn't have to be like that? What if he lived life for himself for once? What if he could live for the only person that mattered to him in the world?

He pressed himself tighter against Light.

What if he could experience something more than a dark room illuminated with a square of fluorescent light? What if he could experience something that he had never considered?

Happiness.

And for the world? Well it could go fuck itself.

The end!

Author rant

I have now officially watched Death Note in Japanese and English. I am actually quite impressed with their English voices... save for when they try to pronounce Japanese names... makes me laugh every time.

And to readers who watch DragonballZ... and in English. (if you don't feel free to ignore this)

First off Light is voiced by Brad Swaile who voices teen Gohan. Yeah! No joke.

When Light's speaking and talking about eliminating bad guys... I just can't help but think of when Gohan becomes sayaman *cringe* actually the whole "Light-studies-his-ass-off-and-gets-the-highest-scores-and-appears-to-be-the-perfect-innocent-attractive-student-on-the-outside-but-actually-has-this-other-persona"... is quite ironic.

After the voice actor said: "The same thing every day, if only there were a way to stop it." (said at the very beginning of DN when he notices all of the crime that is reported every day.)

It makes me wonder if he ever played around while... um... voice acting, and said something like: "Well, I could just go super saiyan on their ass. Oh... wait, wrong character." XD

Ugh... I really have a problem linking a voice actor to the first character I see them voice, so there are so many lines in DN that just make me cringe: me watching an episode -- "Oh come on! Gohan would never say that!!!"

but it is amusing hearing "Gohan" so cold hearted.

*End DragonballZ rant*

If you enjoyed this story, watch out for my other ones. I can assure you they will be equally as graphic, emotional... and usually make me think; 'should I be really writing and posting this stuff?'

Also, I will soon have a DN AMV up soon with the song "Never Wanted to Dance." (as mentioned last chapter) I'll add a link on my profile when it's finished.

*End Author rant*