Previously…

Edward leaned down, "I am going to do a few things. You relax and we'll talk later."

"Ok." I looked into his warm eyes and melted. When he looked at me like that it was like the world around us disappeared. I found myself unconsciously leaning towards him. He stopped me with a finger to my lips and the most sensuous look I have ever seen. He then stood and disappeared.

I turned back to my food and fortunately his family didn't seem to notice the exchange. I had no knowledge at that time that they were anything but human or that they always saw everything. I had a lot to learn about the Cullen's.

I spent the afternoon visiting and getting to know my new family. It was amazing how smart and knowledgeable the all were. I didn't see Edward for a while. He and Emmett went out for something, although I am not quite sure what. I found myself getting closer to Rosalie and Alice. They spoke to me like I had been a part of the family forever.

I decided I needed some alone time and went to Edward's room. I hadn't really thought about why I was here, but I was. It felt warm and welcoming like home. The sun was fading and I could barely make out the town lights from his large window. I found myself looking over his room, even lingering in his closet. I hoped he didn't mind that I borrowed one of his button-up shirts, because it smelled like him and slipped it over my head.

It calmed me as weird as that sounds. He smells good, what can I say?

I sighed walking out of the closet and inhaling deeply. Feeling like I was being watched I turned to see him smirking, he was leaning on the wall beside the window looking like a beautiful piece of artwork. You know the paintings that are so beautiful they make you cry? Yeah that's Edward.

"You should be glad I heard you, otherwise we would have a repeat of this morning." He teased. I knew what he meant. I had been facing the door and he would have surely gotten an eyeful. I felt my cheeks get warmer at the thought.

His crossed arms fell as he approached me, reaching to grip the collar of my…well his shirt that I was wearing. He rolled it down a little brushing my long hair back.

"I think you wear it better than me." He breathed, and I felt his cool breath envelope me. I swayed slightly closing my eyes, as sensations I cannot even begin to name soared through my blood stream. I felt his hands slide to my hips and opened my eyes returning to the land of the living.

He was so close to me. So many thoughts were racing, and finally I broke the silence. "Your eyes, they are lighter." And still oh so stunning.

He looked surprised for a moment and then passive. "Really? I hadn't noticed." I noticed he had not pulled away, and I wasn't going to ask. His hands remained on my hips and even though they were cool, I could feel the heat from them burning into my skin.

"I did, you have beautiful eyes they seem to change with your mood." His lips curled into a lopsided grin. Can I tell you again how beautiful he is? Every feature is so well defined and perfect.

"Yours change too." He replied back reaching up to run his thumb under my right eye. "They get darker when I do this." He ran his hand down my arm and I trembled. He shot me a small smile and pulled me impossibly closer, moving his hand to my back and running a finger down my spine. "Or this."

"I can't imagine why." I mumbled feeling my breathing get heavier. I wondered how it was we could be in the same room overnight. I mean didn't his family get suspicious about that sort of thing? I know Charlie would have never let that happen. Perhaps they trust us. That's good because I certainly don't trust myself.

I bit my lip moving a hesitant hand to rest on his perfect abs, the other I moved to his waist. It didn't seem to bother him in the least. I don't know if he noticed considering the intense way he was staring into my eyes.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me suddenly. I rested my head on his chest, "I don't know. There are so many things right now. I can't really decide on one in particular." I felt him stroking my hair. I like him doing this I think, it's relaxing. I heard the door and figured he would jump back, but he never let me go. He is so sweet. In fact I felt him pull me closer.

"Edward? We are playing some board games, would you two like to play?" I recognized Alice's voice. I don't know what he did, I assume shake his head because I head the door shut and his face buried in my neck as he gently rocked me.

"No board games?" I asked slipping my left arm around his neck. I couldn't feel it as first, it was so soft and then it hit me. I felt soft whispers of cool lips gliding across the delicate skin of my neck. I guess this means no. I stopped breathing, this couldn't be real. I felt his breath cascading against my ear.

"Breathe Bella."

I inhaled softly following his command as his lips started the same familiar path. This can't be real, an angel in my mist wanting to be with me Bella Swan? My thought process was interrupted by his deep moan. I heard him take a deep breath, "You smell so good beautiful."

He was stiff suddenly and stepped back never meeting my gaze.

"I am afraid again I must apologize for my rude behavior. It would seem when I am with you my control lapses." Who cares I say. Let it lapse.

He ran his fingers back and forth through his always perfect hair and sat on his bed. "Would you like to play games with them?"

"No, I'd rather be with you." Smooth Bella.

"I mean…I didn't mean it like that."

"Too bad I was hoping you meant it just…like…that." Did he really just say that to me? In that seductive purr he has. He grinned, "What would you like to do?"

"That's a loaded question." I said back as he leaned back on his elbows.

"Oh, it could be I assure you." He replied with a wink. I swear if my heart beat any louder the neighbors could hear it. It's not fair that he can radiate so much sexuality, and just be sitting there looking so innocent and naughty all at the same time.

"Come here Bella." He didn't bother to move, simply watched me. I moved closer and stood close to his knees. He looked me over slowly. Can I spontaneously combust now? I know I am blushing, or flushed, or something, because it is hot in here.

"Sit with me." Oh god he's purring again.

"Where?" I asked like feeling like a complete idiot after I said it. He chuckled, "Anywhere you want to." I think I surprised him, because I know I surprised myself when I straddled his lap like I knew what I was doing. I need to keep in mind I am clueless when it comes to boys. I don't know why this is happening, it's way too fast. I'm not thinking rationally right now and I should just back off, but I can't.

He didn't move from his elbows, a slow smile covered his lips. I had no idea what he was thinking as his eyes bored into mine. I moved to position myself above his waist and smiled at him. Please don't tell me I am trying to be sexy, ok tell me but I won't admit it.

"Tell me beautiful, have you ever been with a man?" Ok now I'm nervous, I certainly didn't expect that line of questioning. I think my brain melted, and my mouth flew open own its own accord before I could stop it.

"I want to be." Ok, I have thoroughly embarrassed myself and need to toss myself out of the window now!

He sat up grabbing my back, so I didn't fall when his weight shifted. His eyes roamed my face before he spoke, "Do you now, with any man or a certain man?" He was close again, I could hear him breathing. I focused on his neck. Could I possibly say what I was thinking?

"A certain man." I responded still not looking up. He lifted my chin to look into my eyes.

"Don't be afraid of me Bella, what we say to each other is between us. It's nice to know what you are thinking, and no one else will know."

"You're still male."

"And? So since I'm male I what? I'll run and tell my buddies? In case you haven't caught on yet I am not very fond of the jerks in school."

"I know."

"You are pure and unjaded. It's one of the things I find so fascinating about you. You run on instinct and basic need. It's primal and beyond sexy. You have no idea the effect you have on men. That makes you even more beautiful. I feel what you want, what you need. I see it in your eyes even if you won't say it."

I hesitated. He smiled that beautiful, I want to toss you into the bed smile at me. "I love your innocence. It's so rare in this day and age." He talks like he's eighty or something.

I grew bold after all he said he wanted it right? Who knew if he was talking a good game or not, but for some reason I believed him. "I want you." I blurted out. I was not embarrassed this time, merely curious to how he would respond.

He closed his eyes a moment groaning then opened them again to meet mine. I noticed they were several shades darker, I also noticed his breathing was now labored. He reached up to stroke my cheek. "I want you too, I've never wanted anyone, but I want you. It's almost uncontrollable."

I gasped when his lips were on my neck again, this time much harder. He had me pressed against him in every possible place we could touch. Surprisingly I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried he would tell. I could only think of one thing, I wanted him more than I have ever wanted anything in my short, young life.

My skin burned, my stomach knotted and I somehow got on my knees and pushed him back. He didn't release his hold and soon I found myself on my back trying to get enough oxygen to breathe. His hands gripped my arms tightly. I was surprised he wasn't touching me, but he didn't.

He was stiff but I couldn't tell why, I couldn't see his face. It was then I felt teeth grazing my neck and stopping. I knew he was going to bite me, I could feel the pressure increasing. He stopped again, unmoving and tense.

"It's ok." I said softly reaching up to caress his hair, "If you want to you can." I didn't realize what I was saying, how could I know what he truly was? I just thought he wanted to bite me a little not drink my body dry. I thought he hesitated because he was unsure of my reaction, not because he was fighting internally with himself not to kill me.

He released his hold and was across the room before I could blink. The darkness in the room made his movement almost appear like a special effect. I couldn't see his face in the shadows, but I could see he was sitting in the corner against the wall like a scorned child. I slid off of the bed, "I'm sorry are you ok?" I didn't know what I did, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

He didn't respond, and I moved closer kneeling at his side. I could see him freeze in an instant. I sighed leaning on the wall beside him. I thought maybe it was possible that he was new at this too. Could someone so good looking really be innocent? I mean he is a guy and girls are always throwing themselves shamelessly at him, I should know I watch and laugh.

His well composed performance earlier was certainly nothing like this. Where was the self assured man from a few moments ago, that I was sure was going to make love to me? The door opened after a short knock and from the outside light I could see his face, he looked paler than normal, and his eyes looked scared. Like a caged animal.

Jasper walked in rather quickly with Alice at his side. He knelt in front of Edward resting his hand on his knee. I have no idea why, how did they even know he was upset? Alice smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, she was nervous for some reason.

"Bella, why don't you come with me for a while, we'll let the boys talk." I wanted to stay, he looked so lost. Alice grabbed my arm, "He'll be fine come with me." I was worried, had I done something I didn't know about? I pulled away and headed to my room. Maybe he just got into it and realized it wasn't me he wanted. Who knows, but I didn't feel like a pity party from his family. I had a big day tomorrow and I just wanted to forget for a while.

Alice tried to follow me, but I closed the door. I tossed his shirt aside and took a shower trying to scrub away the remnants of our moment. I didn't cry. I refused, it wasn't worth it.

I crawled into my bed and curled up trying to sleep, but it wouldn't come. I needed him. I needed his arms around me as much as I hated to admit it. He was so much comfort to me right now.

I never heard the door, but I felt the bed move, and I knew it was him. He brushed the hair back from my shoulder and moved close to me. Hesitantly he slipped his arms around my waist. I sighed, I missed him. I am so pathetic. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. I just wanted him near, and he seemed to understand that need.

I finally closed my eyes and allowed myself to sleep. I awoke to the sun drifting across the room. It was a little disorienting, until I felt his hand gently run down my arm. He must have known I was awake.

"Bella?" He whispered, his voice was so velvety. I can't stand how disgustingly attracted I am to this man. You would think I would figure it out by now…Bella equals fool. I didn't have much experience with boys, but this one was way out of my league.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, I didn't want to turn and see his face. I felt him rub the side of his face against mine.

"Please Bella, look at me."

I let out a deep breath and turned, did I mention he still looks perfect in the morning? It is so unfair. I am sure I look like death warmed over. He ran his hands across my face, "I'm sorry you didn't sleep well." Ok, I get what he is saying, translation I look like shit.

I didn't respond and he kissed my head. "Sweet Bella, I am sorry about last night. It was not anything you did. I wanted to make love to you."

"Why didn't you?"

His face looked distraught. "Bella…there are things, things in my life that affect what I can do and can't do. It was too much for me, these feeling I have for you. When you said… Bella, I almost lost it."

He looked so upset and tortured. "Bella, I could never forgive myself if something happened to you, if I hurt you."

"I wasn't asking you to hurt me." Geesh, does he take that little nip so seriously. He shook his beautiful head.

"You don't have to ask me, it is what I am. I am fighting my very nature to be close to you."

Ok so I have no idea what he is talking about and I am seriously wondering if he needs a psychological evaluation, because I believe he's a little delusional. I decided probably best to leave this issue alone for now. I sighed getting out of bed and stretching.

"Bella?"

"Yes." I asked as I walked to the bathroom. He blocked my way. How does he do that so fast?

"I do want you." I looked up to meet his eyes. He was serious, there was no deception hidden. "I want you so bad it hurts. I don't know how we can make this work. I'm not the best person for you. You could do so much better."

Me do better than the god of gorgeousness standing in front of me? I'll call the psyc department and make him an appointment somewhere.

"Why can't we try?" I asked curious. He let his arm down and leaned on the door frame. "I am trying. You just have to be patient. If I pull away it is not because I don't want you. If you ever doubt that ask me when we are otherwise entertained, and I'll show you just how much."

I gulped, did he mean what I think he meant? He smirked, "Not that you probably didn't feel it last night." My mouth fell open in shock, he did mean that. He did have a point though. I did know exactly how bad he wanted me last night. He tried not to push into me too much, but come on be realistic as soon as he was on top of me all his restraint was null and void.

"I want us to be ok beautiful, we'll work on the rest a little at a time. It really is too soon anyway, we need to pull back a little. It doesn't hurt to take it slow, and there are some things you should know first."

"We are ok. I'm a little confused." I said brushing a hand through his silky hair, I couldn't resist. Do you think he would get offended if I purr like a tiger right now?

He pulled me close kissing my cheek and then my lower jaw. "In time love, we'll discuss everything, but right now it not the time. You are not ready."

"So says the vampire." I teased. He jerked back, "What did you say?"

"I was teasing, you know you tried to bite me and…" He didn't look amused. "It's just that vampires bite and you…I mean I know you aren't a vampire. I was teasing you. Why are you looking at me like that?"

He cleared his throat, "I'll meet you down stairs. If you want I can get Alice to help you get ready.

"I'll be ok." He started to leave and I called his name.

He turned, "Yes?"

"I really do want this to work out, I mean you and I. I've never…" Ok here goes my stupid can't think right moment. Why does he have to have those dazzling eyes? "I don't…." I threw up my hands, "I can never say what I want to it all comes out sounding like I am an idiot."

"You are not an idiot, just make it simple."

"Simple?" I asked as he moved closer. He smiled lifting my legs around his waist and pushing me into the wall. Ok, this is so not simple.

"Say what you want." He said looking me dead on.

"I want you."

"How do you want me?" He questioned as his nose skimmed my jaw. It was almost as if he was inhaling my scent.

"How?" I asked looking at him oddly. He laughed, "I don't mean that way Bella. In what way? What capacity?"

"I would like to get to know you better."

"And."

"I want to date." I said feeling my breath hitch when he nuzzled my ear.

"What else?"

"I want you to be my first." At that he stopped leaning back to see my face.

"I want that too, all of it. I want it." He smiled kissing my head and setting me down, "I'll be downstairs."

"I'll be there soon."

"I'll be waiting." He winked and walked out closing the door. Do females need cold showers? I am guessing yes because I am headed to one. I am glad this happened, at least my thoughts were not on the inevitable. I am now all too aware of what day it is, the day I lay my father to rest. I climbed into the shower letting the cool water run down my face, and cried my heart out.