One-Shot # 12: Crap for Sale!
With a mega-phone in hand and a desire to get the day over with, Knuckles cried out in the loudest voice that he could, "ATTENTION ONE AND ALL! EVERYTHING MUST GO, NOTHING—"
A quick smack to the back of the head made him yelp. "Not so loud you idiot! You're going to scare away all the customers!"
The red echidna growled, rubbing the back of his head in the progress. "Me—scare the customers? If anyone scares them away, it's going to be you! You'd probably steal all the money they're carrying before—"
"Actually, I'm more of a jewel person, if you didn't already notice!" Rouge exclaimed, pointing a finger in his face.
"How could I not? You steal the Master Emerald every other weekend."
"It's not that often, I only—"
The soft sound of a child's polite, "Excuse me, Miss Rouge!" Made Rouge pause and turn. "How much is this?"
Rouge smiled down at the little girl, Cream, who was holding Rouge's old Treasure Scope. "Usually it's ten rings, but for you, I'll cut it down to five!"
The girl and her chao companion cried out in excitement at her words, and the two quickly rushed over to her mother. Rouge smiled for a moment at the view, but an angry, "WHAT?" Quickly snapped her out of it.
"You can't do that! We agreed not to lower the price for anyone!"
"She's just a kid, you idiot! I'm not going to charge her ten rings for something that cheep! Besides, you can raise the cost on one of your pieces of junk."
The echidna seemed to take offence to that, but he just growled instead. Shaking his head, he looked away. "I'm going to go continue advertising." And with that, he walked back up to his soap-box (who knew where he had found it) and continued to… "Advertise."
To any random on-looker, the sight before them would have been odd. What was the guardian of the Master Emerald and the biggest jewel thief on Mobius doing working together? And much less, why at a yard sale? The answer was simple: after collecting so much junk on their journeys, the easiest way to be rid of it was sell it together! Which in retrospect wasn't the brightest idea, but who really cares?
Throughout the sale, several "customers" continued to sort through the many, many, many items there. At one table, Sonic and Sally were taking turns wearing an odd pair of sunglasses.
"They're okay, I guess…" Sonic sighed as he pulled them over his eyes. "But they come off every time I jump, even if I hold them down." And just to prove it, he did a short jump. Sure enough, they were suddenly pulled up onto his forehead.
"What the heck?" Sally quickly grabbed them off his head and tried them on herself. She jumped, and the same thing happened to her as well. "What in the world? These glasses are a piece of—"
"Fine craftsmanship!" The sudden appearance of the red echidna made Sally yelp and Sonic jump. "For a regular customer they'd be only ten rings, but for a friend they're at the special cost of fifteen rings!"
"What?" Sonic exclaimed, "That doesn't even make sense! You're supposed to lower the cost for a friend!"
"But the value of friendship is significantly worth more than—" Sonic threw the glasses as hard as he could at his face without another word.
Else-where, Amy had dragged Shadow along to the shoe section of the sale. "Oh, I must have one of these!" She exclaimed as she pulled up one of the many pairs of boots. "I've always loved these!"
"But…" Shadow started, "You used to say that she had tacky ta—"
A glare that could have put the devil to shame kept Shadow from continuing. He swallowed quickly, and Amy smiled. "Now, let's go buy these!"
"You mean me, right?" She simply nodded, and he sighed, shaking his head in the process. "Fine…" And the girl cried out in glee as they headed off towards Rouge to ask for the price.
Tails, who was also there, had been examining one of Knuckles old Shovel Claw attachments when suddenly; the red devil appeared right next to him. The fox cried out in surprise, but the echidna only smiled. "I see that you were eying this great piece right here!"
The boy stared at his friend for a moment before shaking his head. "No, I was just—"
"Because for you, they're only fifteen rings!"
"But the price says ten—"
"And hey, you could attach them to your tails too!" He exclaimed, grabbing the two shovel claws. "Here, let me help you with that!"
"Wait, what?" Tails exclaimed, "But I don't—"
"YOU MUST!" And with that, Knuckles began to chase the fox boy around.
"Knuckles, what the heck is wrong with you? Why are you acting so Out of Character? This doesn't even make sense!"
The guardian growled, "Don't break the fourth wall without buying something!"
And meanwhile, back at the cash box, a very happy hedgehog had bought a new pair of boots and was showing them off to their friends. Then Amy walked up with Shadow holding the same pair of boots, and she stopped dead in her tracks. Both of them had an involuntary twitch at the sight.
Blaze, who had been with Silver for the entire ordeal, had her face in her hand and she was shaking her head. After a few seconds, she looked up at the two, then to the pair of boots Amy was holding. Then, she looked at the "very happy hedgehog." She simply sighed and shook her head again.
"He…" But she couldn't even finish, because at that moment, he walked over.
"Hey guys! Like the new boots?"
Amy quickly hid her pair behind her back and she smiled. "Of course! They, uh, look good on you!"
Shadow; however, was much more honest. "Silver, you're an idiot."
Silver gasped, "Hey!" and everyone else simply shook their heads as Knuckles continued to chase Tails in the background. Needless to say, their sale didn't go too well.
This... is the closest I've ever gotten to a crack-fic. :P I was... yeah.