Chapter 5: Siriusly
Remus Lupin
Remus awoke the next morning, groggy from his recent werewolf transformation, and trekked back to the castle in the cold morning air. He used the secret passage behind the portrait of Daphne Gilliod that led straight up to the seventh floor. He reached the Gryffindor common room moments later, the boys' dorm only seconds afterwards, then his bed a second past that. Peter Pettigrew stirred slightly as he threw himself on his bed, but other than that the room was still. Remus lay on his bed quietly, staring at the ceiling thoughtfully as he waited for the room to wake up.
A half hour after he had arrived back in Gryffindor, Sirius woke up, yawning loudly in his curtain-less bed. He reached for his wand, flicked it and muttered an incantation between great expulsions of breath, and a vase of water beside his bed rose into the air. It hovered over towards James' bed, tipped, and poured freezing cold water onto the Potter boy.
"SIRIUS BLACK I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!" James shouted as he woke. He put his glasses on and noticed Remus beside him immediately, a presence that wasn't normally in the dorm when he woke up. "Oh, hello Remus. Mind helping me?"
"Not a problem, mate," Remus said, standing up and drawing his wand in unison with James. Pettigrew woke up and joined the action.
"Oh, now Petey? Man… I had better run," Sirius muttered sarcastically, casting a mock-fearful glance at Peter, who frowned in response. Pettigrew flicked his wand and a jet of light shot out of it, knocking Sirius back onto the ground.
"Fear me. Please, do," said Peter, who was smiling proudly.
"Oh yeah? How would you like to be 'Peter Pettigrew, sans manhood?'" Sirius asked, pointing his wand at Peter's pajama bottoms.
"Oh come on, we're just messing around…" Remus said, waving his hands to interrupt the duel, "you'd've done the same thing."
"Oh, speaking of what I'd've done," Sirius began. Peter and James sighed, plugging their ears in annoyance, gaining a curious look from Remus.
"What?" Remus asked.
"Did you hear that I killed a werewolf last night?" Sirius asked excitedly. Remus smiled playfully.
"Oh did you?" he asked in return. Sirius recounted the whole tale, including his exaggerated bits, and like all of his stories, by the end, Sirius had somehow lost his shirt.
"Sirius, I doubt that you killed a werewolf… highly…" Remus said, pulling a pair of robes on as he spoke. Sirius frowned.
"How can you possibly think that?" Sirius asked angrily.
"Well, I'm still here, aren't I?" Remus thought
"You're right, I can't know. I'm sorry for doubting you and your incredible levitating skills," Remus replied sarcastically.
"Well, thank you. Ooh, let's go to breakfast… I want to see what the elves made today," Sirius grinned, chatting with James and Peter about the feast the night before. Remus frowned sadly. Would this curse he had, this… werewolf thing… would it make him miss all of the fun things his friends could do? Would he be left behind because of some event that was out of his hands?
Remus lurked in the common room for a while that morning, skipping breakfast entirely because his recent thoughts had displaced his appetite. Lily had apparently skipped breakfast too, as she came out of the girls' dorm rubbing her eyes exasperatedly. She looked happy once she saw him sitting there, though, and she ran down to sit on his lap.
"Good morning Remus!" she said, sitting down quite hard, causing Remus to bite his lip in pain (any guy worth his money would know what I'm talking about.)
"Morning… Lily…" he gasped. She stood up.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I just… I haven't seen you recently and… ooh! Where have you been?" she asked, moving her hands frantically. Remus waved off her apology and adjusted to get comfortable again, waiting for the pain to ride out.
"Sick…" he managed.
"Well, while you've been sick, I've been stuck with Severus Snape, who's been crying his eyes out because I talked to you instead of him, and he thinks I like you, but… oh, he's so frustrating!" Lily sat down in a beanbag chair beside Remus and buried her face in her hands, sighing deeply.
"Well, do you?" Remus asked, forgetting his obligations for a moment.
"Remus, please… this is not the time," Lily muttered, not taking her face from her hands. Remus shrugged, glad he didn't have to undergo an uncomfortable conversation.
"All right. Well, what do you want me to do for you?" he asked.
"Well, let me cry on your shoulder, for one," Lily said, getting up to sit on his lap again, but edging down carefully this time. Lupin felt his shoulder get considerably damper within the minute, and he stroked her hair. James and the other two blathering idiots walked in, quieting immediately. Remus motioned away and mouth 'Go away. She needs consoling' and James obliged, ordering the Marauders out silently.
"What's wrong, Lily?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much pressure right now… with all of the homework I've gotten stuck doing…" she began, but Remus stopped her.
"It shouldn't be too much… unless… Lily?" Remus looked at her knowingly.
"All right… I might have promised to do some friends' homework… like Patricia Headey's… and Severus'…" Lily began to count off the many people who she had agreed to cover for. Remus had to use a ladder to pick his jaw back up.
"Bloody hell, Lily! It's no wonder you're stressed!" Remus pulled her off of him and stared at her in bewilderment. "Look, I'll help you do some of it, but here's an idea: Severus Snape can do his own homework. He's smart. He makes his own spells… hey, could you do me a favor? Since I'm helping you with this, could you try and get those spells from him? I quite liked that one he used on James… you know, where he hung by his ankles?"
"Speaking of…" Lily pursed her lips, about to deliver a lecture, "why would you do those things to Severus? He hasn't… well, alright, granted he has done a few things to you all, why don't you just call it even by now?"
"Because he won't. Even if the four of us stop hexing him in passing, you really think little Snivellus -(Mental note, Remus thought, Snivellus is a good nickname)- is going to stop shooting his brand-name spells at us? Besides, someday he could make something really dangerous someday! It might end up hurting one of us badly," Remus delivered his speech powerfully, leaving Lily without a response.
"Well… um… alright, you're right, but… try not to be so cruel about them… Snivellus… oh, now you've got me saying it… Severus was crying his eyes out that day…" Lily said, lowering her head onto Lupin's chest exasperatedly.
"So, about the spell?" Remus asked.
"Alright, I'll get it if I can, but if he's not willing…" Lily trailed off.
"Flaunt your body!" Lupin said before he could stop himself.
"Excuse me?" Lily shouted, extremely taken aback.
"I mean, most boys with Sevvy's raging hormones would do anything if a girl bent over in front of him… pretend you dropped a quill… he'll tell you everything…" Remus decided that he'd dig himself deeper and explain it rather than try and save himself. Rather than be further offended, Lily began to think about it.
"You think he would? D'you think I'm that attractive?" Lily asked, half suspiciously, half curiously.
"Uh… I… of course you are! But, this is hardly the time to talk about that…" Remus blushed deep red, and stared around the common room distractedly. Lily smiled.
"Would you go nuts if I bent over?" Lily asked, standing up.
"No, of course not!" Remus said defensively, "I have morals!"
"Not even… like this?" Lily bent over in front of him and he leapt backward over the chair. Remus dashed to the boys' dormitory and slammed the door shut.
"We're ELEVEN!!!" he thought furiously as he went to sit on his bed and vent.
James PotterJames stepped away from the door clutching his ribs in pain. He hadn't laughed so hard in a week. Sirius was laughing so hard that he failed to notice the staircase, and subsequently took a little tumble down to the fifth floor after backing too far down the corridor. Peter wasn't laughing, but instead looked seriously at James.
"Do you realize what just happened?" Peter asked him, glancing over at the staircase now and then to see if Sirius had managed to climb back up.
"The funniest thing I've heard in ages, tha's what!" James was up against the wall opposite the painting of the Fat Lady, who was always having a fit of giggles.
"James, he just… you know what, I'll let you find out for yourself," Peter said, deciding not to complicate James' simple little mind. Sirius had climbed back to the top of the staircase, wiping tears of intense laughter from his eyes.
"How'd it go, Sirius?" James asked.
"Oh, not bad… passed a couple third year Hufflepuffs on the way up… thought I was mad or something…" Sirius stared back at the staircase blankly.
"But you are," James replied casually, as though this wasn't news. It wasn't, in fact.
"Well yeah, but they don't know that."
"They do now," Peter replied. The other two nodded in agreement.
"Hufflepuffs'll fear you now, Sirius. You should take advantage!" James said, seeing an excellent opportunity.
"Oh no, we are not becoming the Italian Mafia again… that last time… total disaster," Sirius shook his head warily and rejected James' idea.
"Well, yeah, but who'd've known that that Prewitt person had older brothers?" James asked in response.
"Anyone who would've bothered to check," Peter said. The other two hung their heads and decided to go back into the common room and catch up on current events.
Sirius BlackA few days had passed since the 'Remus/Lily' incident had occurred, and the Marauders were busy not paying any attention at all to Professor Binns in History of Magic. A slip of parchment was being passed between the four of them, providing an interesting conversation.
Peter, James, Sirius, Remus
So, Sirius, how's that mum of yours doing?
Who can say? If she's doing well, I'll be upset and think that my father's not trying.
Why don't you like your mother, Sirius?
Oh no reason… except that she's an old muggle-hating hag that birthed Regulus Black, the foulest git in the world.
She birthed you, too, Sirius.
And?
Never mind…
Yeah, Peter, we've been over this…Oh yeah… sorry…
She hates muggles? Why?
The Black family is Pureblood.
Ah. That explains everything.
Hey, Sirius, I think you should come stay with my family sometime this summer.
Seriously?
Siriusly.
Shut up… you git… I'm not a git, you're a git. If you don't calm down I'll have to start taking notes! YOU WOULDN'T!I might.
What's so bad about taking notes?
I'll let you think about that one. Let us know when you figure it out.
Yeah, you think someone knows you… Yeah… Siriusly… Shut the hell up!Can't.
Why not?Because we aren't talking.
Who asked you, Pete? I ought to hex you, too!I'm SO scared…
Hey, does anyone know how the four of us are writing a note like this? It's nearly impossible to write responses between four people…
Well that's a damned good question, James.
Siriusly.
Dammit Pete…!Here's how we explain it to the angry mob of people… magical parchment.
Yeah, magical parchment. Suck it, fans.
Sirius, stop breaking the fourth wall.
Siriusly. It's not even funny anymore.
Yeah, James, you're going to be the first one of us to die!
Subtle…
Sirius isn't known for his brains.
Pete I swear on my mother's grave, which I hope there is one when I get home, I will kill you!
Not if I kill you first!
Knowing you Peter, you'd probably chicken out and pretend to be killed by Sirius, disappearing for a long period of time while Sirius gets sentenced in prison.
…Bloody hell, Remus…
Siriusly.